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THE TEXAS TATTLER

All the news that’s barely fit to print!

Baby Bryan Fortune Kidnapped!

Town of Red Rock, Texas, shaken to its bedrock.

The cooing heir to the Fortune empire was snatched from his nursery in the sprawling Double Crown Ranch mansion last evening during the infant’s christening celebration. Late breaking reports indicate that Matthew and Claudia Fortune, baby Bryan’s parents, are frantic and eager for leads. The Texas governor pledges his support to one of the Lone Star State’s richest families.

Red Rock’s and San Antonio’s finest are on the case, but inside sources reveal that their official “no comment” means “baffled and clueless.” Is this heinous crime a desperate ploy for money…or revenge? Police are investigating all persons suspected of having a vendetta against the Fortune clan. Now, that’s a long list….

And another enticing Fortune tidbit: sources in the know reveal that infamous bachelor Holden Fortune must wed a respectable lady as a condition of inheriting a dime of dear old daddy’s legacy. Is it a mere coincidence, then, that earlier this week the reputed playboy was spotted escorting Dr. Lucinda Brightwater—dressed in a stunning white suit—up the courthouse stairs? When questioned, Holden said he was “fixing a traffic ticket.” For what? Excessive speeding…to the altar?!