Читать книгу Essential Oils for Lovers: How to use aromatherapy to revitalize your sex life - Maggie Tisserand - Страница 7
Оглавление‘Sex puts a sparkle in the eye, a glow to the cheeks and makes the world seem like a better place.’
MANTAK CHIA, Taoist Secrets of Love
Few of us would argue with this sentiment, yet it’s easy to let the pressures and problems of modern living dampen our desire, making us ‘not in the mood’, preferring the television to a night of love-making.
We have become too used to obtaining objects of desire – cars, holidays, fitted kitchens – merely by signing an ‘easy credit’ contract. This habit of ‘instant gratification’ can influence the way we view our sexual needs. We may believe what we see in films and read in the press, magazines and books: that sex – any kind of sex – is the answer. One-night stands, extra-marital affairs, or simply choosing partners for their sexy image are all seen as ways of fulfilling our need for intimacy. But are they really?
HOLISTIC SEX
Many of us recognize holistic medicine as a safe and effective system that takes an overview of the whole person – his or her lifestyle, diet and mental outlook as well as medical and hereditary history and total symptom picture. In the same way, holistic sex brings together every aspect of sexual union: the physical, mental and emotional. The sex therapist and author Barbara de Angelis writes, ‘The sexual act is so powerful because it is the closest we ever come to uniting with another human being. If that physical union is not balanced and matched by emotional closeness, the same act that can be so full of joy becomes one that leaves [us] feeling isolated, lonely and unfulfilled.’ The psychologist Erich Fromm puts it this way:
‘Sex [without love] becomes a desperate attempt to escape the anxiety engendered by separateness, and it results in an ever-increasing sense of separateness, since the sexual act without love never bridges the gap between two human beings, except momentarily.’
Figure 1: Triangle of love.
Holistic sex is the mix of all three types of loving, so that we love and want our partners on a physical, mental and emotional level. Or, to put it another way, we lust after their body, thinking about them turns us on, and we bond with them emotionally. We love their mind, body and spirit with our mind, body and spirit:
‘When their bodies merge into each other, desire can turn into joy, and physical lust and its gratification can become an expression of unconditional devotion which pervades mind, body and spirit.’
ERICH FROMM, The Art of Loving
Physical, mental and emotional – this is the ideal sexual mix, and within the mix are all the ingredients for a lasting and happy relationship. Holistic sex is as valid to our emotional health and happiness as holistic medicine is to our physical and mental health. And aromatherapy has its part to play in this mix. Beautiful aromas act on all three aspects of our being, and can be used in obvious and more subtle ways.
INNER SEX
In the 1970s an American called Timothy Gallway wrote a fascinating book called The Inner Game of Tennis. His hypothesis was that to be centered and ‘in the now’ puts us in contact with a higher power that knows instinctively what to do. Although written for tennis players, the basic message can be adopted by lovers – something inside you knows how to love, and the love is always there, irrespective of whether you currently have a partner. When you fall in love with someone the feelings of love do not come from the other person but from within you.
Erich Fromm writes, ‘Respect for one’s own integrity and uniqueness, love for and understanding of one’s own self, cannot be separated from respect and love and understanding for another individual.’ He understood that we need first to love ourselves before we can truly love another, because in order to give we must feel we are rich enough in love to be generous with our love. If you are tired or depressed you cannot give. You need to take care of yourself first, utilizing the essential oils that will cleanse, uplift, heal and energize your body and emotions. Only when your cup is full can it overflow to others.
‘The inner smile is the recipe for living in simple harmony with yourself and others. The inner smile is the smile of total happiness. This is not the social smile. This smile rises from the cells and organs of the body’
MANTAK CHIA, Taoist Secrets of Love
WHAT IS AROMATHERAPY?
Aromatherapy uses the essential oils of plants to heal and beautify the body. Connected to herbal medicine but having its own separate identity, aromatherapy takes aromatic plant material such as basil or lavender and distils its essence, then uses this essence in numerous beneficial ways.
Imagine how, thousands of years ago, humans watched wild horses running free across the plains and marvelled at their beauty and awe-inspiring speed. If someone were lucky enough to catch one by surprise, he would experience the speed, power and majesty of riding, but as soon as he dismounted the horse would be gone. Then one day humans invented rope and made a lasso. They began to catch these wild, free animals, taming them and harnessing their power.
Imagine how, thousands of years ago, humans beheld the glory of the aromatic plant kingdom, rejoicing in the scent of the rose, for example. Yet people could not capture its exquisite fragrance. Then, one day, distillation was invented and the fragrance of the rose was captured forever more, to be enjoyed at any time of the day or night – any month of the year. Distillation is the rope that lassos the aromas of flowers and plants, so that their power is harnessed for our purposes.
However, aromatherapy is far more than just the experience of a pleasant aroma; it is not by chance that ‘therapy’ is part of the word. For here, in using essential oils from plants, we have at our disposal many choices: we have fragrances that can lift our emotions – transporting us from depression to happiness; healing essences that work with our bodies to combat illness and disease; and aromas that can provide us with untold sensual pleasures.
ESSENCES AND THE EMOTIONS
How we cope in times of stress can greatly influence our general health. Our ability to ‘weather the storm’ makes all the difference between drowning in a sea of overwhelming emotion or calmly sailing through the troughs and peaks of life. At times of trouble aromatherapy can help. Just a few drops of clary sage oil on a room fragrancer or added to the bath will soon restore mental clarity and bring a clear perspective.
Illness often causes depression as it interrupts the flow of what we normally expect to do – which is to be active and useful. Healing and recovery can be hindered by a depressed state, as mental depression also causes a depression of the immune system. Use any of the uplifting essences – rose, ylang ylang, lavender, bergamot, geranium, rosewood, rosemary, sandalwood, neroli or petigrain – to remove unnecessary burdens from the body and allow it to repair itself.
Our ‘will’ is a powerful tool that we can use for our own benefit and for the benefit of others, but only if we recognize that we own such a tool. Will power is linked to the solar plexus, and when we are under attack from negative emotions, whether our own or someone else’s, the solar plexus area becomes very tender. It is a vulnerable and highly sensitive area of the body, and is where ‘gut feelings’ are registered. Overloading this area can result in loss of will-power, a feeling of helplessness and the inability to effect positive change.
‘I feel as though I have been punched in the gut’ is a familiar cry from someone who has suffered an emotional shock, as is the expression, ‘I’m gutted.’ Diluted essential oils, when applied to the solar plexus, can help to heal and protect this susceptible region.
BEAUTY INSIDE AND OUT
Because of their beneficial action on the skin, essential oils make perfect skin care products. Valuable research into this area has been conducted by Dietrich Gumbel. He says that ‘Blood sugars, which have been stored in fat deposits, are released by the use of sandalwood [oil], so that the sugars can reach the skin and oxidize, thus vitalizing the skin. Skin water-retention is improved and the elasticity of fibres is maintained.’ In other words, sandalwood helps your skin stay moisturized and young-looking, from within.
Lavender, rose, bergamot, rosewood and ylang ylang are invaluable if you want to maintain a healthy, glowing complexion. Acne and even chronic skin problems such as eczema and psoriasis can be treated successfully with soothing essential oils.
Tea tree, lemon, lavender and geranium regulate the skin’s production of sebaceous oils, and so can help treat greasy hair. And a combination of tea tree oil and the ‘liquid wax’ of the jojoba plant makes for a very effective treatment for dandruff. More on aromatherapy for healthy and beautiful skin and hair can be found in Chapter 5.
STAYING IN TUNE
Aromatherapy self-help can strengthen our bodies and protect us from succumbing to colds, flu and other diseases. Oils that help to fight viral and bacterial infections include lavender, ravansara, niaouli, bergamot, tea tree, lemon and myrtle. Any one of these, diluted in a base oil, may be massaged into your back and chest to help you to feel better. With the possible exception of tea tree (which cannot be said to be pleasant smelling), any of the other, oils makes a wonderfully soothing and healthy bath. As only 4 - 6 drops are required for a therapeutic bath, using essential oils is also a very economic way of staying healthy.
Blends of these essences can be made following the instructions in Chapter 8. More detailed information on the use of essential oils for curing common ailments can be found in my book, Aromatherapy for Women.
THE GODDESS WITHIN
Over the centuries gender roles have shifted; what is expected of women has changed dramatically; more importantly, the way women view themselves and their position in society and in relationships has altered drastically. Today’s woman is multifaceted; often juggling a career, husband, children, politics, the pursuit of sports and much else besides.
In a remarkable book called The Goddess Within psychologists Jennifer and Roger Woolger attribute these different facets of a woman’s psyche to six major goddesses: Demeter, the nurturer; Hera, the power-seeker; Athena, the wise and confident career woman; Artemis, the lover of Nature and freedom; Persephone, the intuitive, psychic, sensitive aspect of a woman; and of course Aphrodite, goddess of love, ruler over sensuality, the arts and beauty in all things.
The balance between these different goddesses will vary from woman to woman and from time to time, even within one woman when her lifestyle forces her to embrace one goddess more fully. As the authors of this marvellous book say, ‘To know oneself more fully as a woman is to know which goddess one is primarily ruled by and to be aware of how different goddesses influence the various stages and turning points of one’s life.’
For aromatherapy it is Aphrodite particularly who interests us. She is the goddess governing perfumery, sensuality, massage, cosmetics and all things aesthetic and joyful. To be ashamed of your sexuality means that you are not sufficiently in touch with the Aphrodite part of yourself.
Aromatherapy can help you to get and stay in touch with this element of your psyche; oils such as rose or myrtle can help you to identify with this goddess within. You share with all women an innate sensuality, and should rejoice in it. You may be a partner, mother, co-worker, but you are also a vibrant, sexy, sensual being.
In Greek myth, myrtle was the plant chosen by Aphrodite to hide her nakedness and it has been associated with her ever since. To let go of your business stresses, domestic strains, mental worries or physical aches and pains and connect with the loving, sensual woman within, take a myrtle bath in a quiet, subtly lit room. Imagine that you are free from your current problems, allow yourself to be enveloped in this timeless fragrance while it cleanses, soothes and inspires you. Allow your imagination to make you feel that you are a goddess – after all, you are breathing the same aromas as the goddess did, all those millennia ago.
Rose oil is soothing to the heart and is comforting in time of sorrow; through its uplifting powers it removes psychological pain and opens up a channel to sensitivity, love and empathy. It balances a woman’s hormonal system and would be useful for anyone who feels ‘at a distance’ from her emotional centre.
Using geranium and clary sage oils will help to harmonize a body that has been neglected and is tense and lacking in sensitivity, whether male or female. When you become aggressive and full of stress a massage using clary sage, rose, myrtle or geranium will rebalance the male/female forces within you, resulting in a calmer, more lovable you.
When the pressures of holding down a job or the trauma of losing a job have temporarily ‘castrated’ you, and the joy of making love seems like a distant memory, then once again aromatherapy can be of assistance. Using those aromatics that contain phyto-hormones (plant hormones) can restore harmony to your body and mind, leading to a calmer way of being, and allowing you to accept help and healing from those around you. Being in harmony and being in touch with yourself brings about the ability to empathize with and reach out to others in their time of suffering.
The Greek god Apollo, representing life, immortality, harmonious balance, beauty and goodness, could be considered to be the male version of Aphrodite. The way to become the perfect lover is to be beautiful from the inside out – and allowing aromatic essences to make you feel beautiful is a step in the right direction.
‘Of all the ten thousand things created by heaven, man is the most precious.
Of all the things that make man prosper, none can be compared to sexual intercourse.’
LI TUNG HSUAN, Ars Amatoria (The Art of the Bedchamber)
