Читать книгу His Ring Is Not Enough - Maisey Yates - Страница 10

CHAPTER THREE

AJAX WOKE UP without a hangover. Because he hadn’t been able to bring himself to drink. As Leah had observed, he didn’t drink alcohol. He prized his control far too much. Vice was the downfall of man.

The need for a certain high, whether it be from alcohol, drugs or sex was responsible for much of the evil in the world. Something he’d lived at one point in time. Something he’d witnessed in horrific detail. And something he’d done his best to destroy, even if it was only one small piece of it.

He did not let vice own him. Not anymore. He didn’t even give it a foothold on his soul.

Rachel leaving wasn’t reason enough to give that up. But, Theos, it burned his pride. He hadn’t imagined pride had such a place in his life, but apparently it did.

He stalked down the stairs, wearing nothing but a pair of black pants, not bothering to get dressed. He was not in the mood to deal with much of anything or anyone.

He stalked through the house and into the dining room, where the one thing he couldn’t avoid dealing with was sitting, perched on the edge of a chair, a cup of coffee in her hands, her whiskey-colored eyes round. She looked very like a lost child. And he had no patience to deal with it. Any of it.

“I trust you slept well?” he asked, attempting civility because regardless of his feelings it was the appropriate way to treat one’s wife. Or so he imagined.

“Not in the least,” she returned, her voice crisp.

Her dark, curly hair was tied up, a little puffball on top of her head, and she was wearing a baggy sweater, the sort that made generous breasts blend into a woman’s waist, concealing any nice attributes her figure might possess.

Not that he cared. Her figure was the least of his concerns.

“If the mattress is a problem for you, a new one can be ordered.”

“I don’t think it was the mattress so much as the unexpected acquisition of a husband, but I could be wrong. Maybe the sleep surface was too firm.”

“You seem a bit off this morning.”

Her fingers flexed around the cup, giving the impression of claws. “Do I?”

He found he wanted to push her. He was spoiling for a fight and he couldn’t say why. He’d never tried to pick a fight for no reason in his life. He’d grown up in such a volatile environment, and he’d learned early on that the quickest way to an early death, or at the very least a world of pain, was to cause trouble.

Keeping his head down, doing as he was told, all while planning, planning and strategizing, finding a way out—that was the way to survive.

Today, he didn’t just want to survive. He wanted to fight. It seemed a perfect substitute for getting drunk.

“Hardly the blushing bride,” he said. “You look like hell, to be honest.”

“Are you always such an ass?”

Good. She was getting angry. That was what he wanted. What he craved right now.

“Perhaps you’ve never had the chance to really get to know me before now, though, in the interest of full disclosure, I am in a bloody bad mood this morning.”

“I’m glad to know this at least qualifies as a bad mood. Why are you taking it out on me?”

He didn’t know. He didn’t know why his control was fraying. Why he wasn’t being self-contained. Why he was suddenly incapable of maintaining an iron grip on emotion. “Because you’re here, agape mou. The lucky replacement bride.”

“Would my sister be on the receiving end of this treatment? If so, I can certainly see why she ran out on the wedding.”

“If your sister were here, I daresay we might still be in bed. And I would certainly be in a better mood.”

Something flashed in her amber eyes that he didn’t like. Pain? He had gone a step too far in venting his anger. Saying things he wasn’t even certain he felt just to simply let the anger continue. Indulging emotion for once rather than sublimating it.

He didn’t know how sleeping with Rachel would make him feel. The idea of it...it had made him tense. But that was to be expected, considering the nature of their relationship, and everything else.

But sex with his wife was half the appeal of marriage to him. Everything in life had a place. A fire burning in the fireplace was all well and good. But when the fire spread outside of it, that became a problem.

Yes, things had their place. And he had been looking forward to having everything where it was meant to be.

But now the plan was upended. And he wasn’t certain of his next move. For a man who liked to plan ahead, it was disconcerting at best.

“I am sorry,” he bit out. “That was crass of me. I’m frustrated, and it has very little to do with you personally.” Except, somehow, the frustration, or rather, his inability to manage it, did seem tied to her.

She blinked, and he could see some of the tension release from her body. “Of course not. Of course. None of this really has anything to do with me personally, does it?”

“I’m glad you have such a good grasp on the situation.”

“I don’t, Ajax, not even close. What, if you’ll excuse me, in hell do you want from me? Do you want me to just hang out for the next five years, living in your house, and then go on my merry way like none of this ever happened?”

“Clearly that cannot happen,” he said.

“Clearly?”

“I would not disrespect you that way.”

“Oh, honey, after all the crap you said to me last night, you’re saying you don’t want to disrespect me?”

“I was angry.”

“Great. So was I. So am I.”

“I apologized.”

“An apology isn’t a magic healing potion, it’s just a bandage. It covered up some of my pique nicely, but it’s hardly healed.”

“Well,” he said, shifting his weight to the balls of his feet, “perhaps we can set it aside in the interest of figuring out what it is we need to do?”

“All right,” she said.

“We’re married, and we really had no other choice, all things considered.”

“Yes.”

“And we have to stay married for at least five years.”

“Uh-huh,” she said.

“And I planned on marrying into your family. On keeping Holt in your family. I want to be married. I would like to have children. A real marriage suits me.”

“Oh, indeed?”

“Yes. I wanted a wife. A wife was always my end goal.”

“Except she was tall, blond, a size four and named Rachel?”

“Yes,” he said, teeth gritted. “But in the end, what difference does it make?”

“Is that really how you feel? Do I matter that little... Does she?”

“It isn’t you, Leah. I have had a plan for my life from the moment I left my father’s house. I planned to work my way up, and I did. To make a new start for myself with nothing but hard work, honesty. To never, ever set foot back on the path I was born to walk. And I have done that. I met your family, and your father and mother made me feel welcomed. Like a son. And then there was Rachel. Everything fit. It all seemed perfect. I knew the first time I saw her she was my end goal. That she would be my wife. She is the first part of my plan that has dared not to fall into place.”

“Yes, well, that’s because she’s a woman and not a business venture.”

“But we would have been perfect,” he said.

“No, Ajax, you wouldn’t have been. You would have been fine, but not perfect. Because she’s not perfect. You certainly aren’t.”

“But it made sense,” he said. “In my head...in my head she made everything fall into place.”

“She’s not a business venture, and she’s not an ideal, either.”

He rubbed his temples with his fingertips. “I know that.”

“Well, you don’t seem to. You talk like marriage to her was your end goal and then...and then what? It would just be perfect? Your life would suddenly be perfect?”

“I can’t... It’s hard to... I’ve been working, Leah, so hard, all of my life. I came to your family’s home, and your parents treated me more like a son than an employee. They took me in, gave me focus and purpose. Your father set me on this path. He taught me things, taught me how to be a man, to be strong. He gave me goals. He sent me to school. I have been walking that path he set me on, tirelessly, never looking away from the goal, from the end.”

“To where you would make Holt continue on for him. Where you would be part of our family.”

“I’ve been walking for a long time,” he said.

“And then you reach the end and you rest?”

“And then maybe I don’t have to work so hard to stay in control all the damn time because I’ll have arrived at a more stable point,” he bit out. “My...everything would be in place.”

Because things weren’t now. He’d made money, obtained power and connections. He’d used all of the resources at his disposal to bring down his father’s drug and human trafficking ring. And he still couldn’t rest. He still didn’t feel he could stop working. Stop trying to distance himself from his past.

From all he had done.

“Why do you need to hang on to control so tightly, Ajax?” she asked, her eyes filled with...sympathy. Pity. If she knew who she was talking to, if she knew the beast that lived inside him, she wouldn’t look at him like that.

He stood and started to pace the room. “It’s nothing. This is nothing. It can still be fixed.”

Leah studied him, noticed the tension in his jaw, in the lines of his body. He was uncomfortable, and thrown off. And she had to take into account that he could very well be heartbroken.

He said he loved Rachel. But for the first time she wondered. Wondered if he’d ever known her really, or if she’d just been symbolic for him.

“I have a plan, Leah,” he said.

She crossed her arms beneath her breasts. “Oh, good. Let’s hear it.”

He stopped moving, his hands locked behind his back. “First, we must show a united front. I am taking over a massive corporation here, changing the layout in some respects. We need to show solidarity—I will not appear weak.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” She couldn’t imagine him appearing weak anyway.

“And I will not be seen as a man forced into this situation.”

“Pride is a beautiful thing. At least I think it is. I don’t know that I have any left.”

“I find myself in short supply, as well.” His expression turned fierce. “And I will turn my focus to helping mass produce Leah’s Lollies products, as soon as time allows.”

She ignored the leap her heart took and looked down at her fingernails. “Payment for services rendered?”

He looked stricken for a moment, and his face paled. Then, as soon as the reaction occurred, he covered it again. “This is not that sort of arrangement. You are my wife. Not a woman I have purchased.”

“And how long will I be your wife?” That was the one bit left undiscussed. Undecided. Would she be his wife on paper, or in reality.

“I made vows,” he said. “I intend to honor them. Do you?”

“In what regard?”

“In all regards. What’s the sense in divorce when this union could serve us both?”

“We’re missing the love bit.”

“You don’t strike me as the kind of woman who’s overly romantic.”

He was right. Now. It hadn’t always been true. But over time...over time all that sunny optimism had bled from her, an open vein that had truly begun the hemorrhage the moment she’d first seen Rachel standing by Ajax. The perfect couple, so beautiful, so poised. The embodiment of her heartbreak.

“I’m not especially. But what do I get out of this, Ajax? Beyond a husband who is bitter toward me and will think of other women if we ever make love?”

He looked her over, slowly, and something changed in his eyes, heat sparking in their dark depths. Heat that lit an answering fire in her stomach. Heat that reminded her just how strong a pull Ajax had over body.

“What do I get?” she repeated, her voice a whisper.

“What do you want?”

As they’d both pointed out, their pride was all but destroyed. So why cling to it now? She wasn’t going to sit around, angry over not getting what she wanted because she hadn’t asked for it. She was going to make her own demands. If he wanted a marriage, she would give him a marriage.

She had her armor now—she didn’t need love. She didn’t want it. Didn’t want emotion. But a business partnership, cemented by marriage, that she could handle. And sex with Ajax? Well, she was attracted to him. And frankly, she was over being a virgin. This was a convenient way to deal with both her attraction to him and the virginity. A win-win situation, really.

And yeah, kissing him had knocked her defenses a bit, but it wouldn’t happen again. Not when she was the one making demands. Not when it was expected.

She would make this a marriage that would work for her, not just for him. To hell with his plans, she had plans of her own. If he said no, maybe he’d release her.

But if he said yes...

“If we’re going to stay married, then I want a marriage. I want you, in my bed, every night, and never with another woman. I want you to support me personally and professionally. I won’t live a half life forever because of a rash decision I made.”

“Naturally,” he said, “I want children, as I said already. It has always been a part of my plan. And you?”

She hadn’t given it a lot of thought, because marriage had seemed a far-off event. But part of her had always taken for granted that she would be a mother someday.

“I want them,” she said, trying not to think too deeply about it.

“And as you are my wife, sleeping with you seems only logical. What is the point of seeking physical release elsewhere?”

“I’m relieved you feel that way.” Though not overly flattered. “Better for our health, wellness and media image, I imagine.”

“However, I stand by my original statement. You and I may figure out the finer points of our relationship after this whole thing has been smoothed over in the public arena. While we’re attending events as blissful newlyweds, it would be best if our personal relationship was kept as simple as possible. I don’t want Christofides thinking there might be a weakness he can exploit. I don’t want him to get desperate and decide he should come and seduce you.”

“Me?”

“He may very well if he sees that Rachel is a dead end to destroying my goals.”

“Oh, seduced for revenge from my marriage that’s for business only. I am such a lucky girl.”

“It’s the reality, Leah. I don’t say it to insult.”

“Of course not.”

“Also in favor of waiting, you need time to adjust.”

“Time to adjust? What do you... What?”

“Yesterday you were to be my sister-in-law—today, you’re my wife, I doubt you’re prepared for the change. In spite of what I said about you not being a prisoner, and while I know you entered into the arrangement of your own free will, it was an emotionally heightened moment, and there were a lot of reasons why our marriage made sense in terms of business. But just because all of that made sense, does not mean you and I make sense as a couple. Naturally, you will need time before you’re ready to consummate.”

She blinked, unable to wrap her mind around what he’d just said. “Need...time?”

“Naturally.”

She felt raw. Her ego wounded and scrubbed with salt. And now he was telling her what she wanted. To hell with that. “You have no idea what I’m ready for, what I want. Don’t you dare think you can tell me. I’m quite okay with sex, the idea of us having sex sits very well with me. I didn’t agree to marry you thoughtlessly, I know what being married means.”

“You’re young, Leah, naive. I will not take advantage of that. A little time for everyone to adjust to the situation is necessary.”

She felt defiant now, her pride, that pride she’d decided only a moment ago she didn’t care much about. “I don’t need time, Ajax. You could have me on this table right now if you want. Think of my sister. Hell, think of England, I don’t care. I know what I want. I said exactly what I wanted. I want you.”

The words hung, heavy in the silence of the room. She’d admitted it. That she wanted him. That she wanted to sleep with him. Something about the admission made her feel stronger. Made her feel like her armor was back in place.

“The thing is,” he said, his voice a growl, “I don’t want you. You are a child to me. I look at you and I see a girl. I do not see a woman.”

His words didn’t hurt as badly as they might have, not with her armor on. Not when she could see, so easily, that he was lashing out because of pain in him. Not because of her. “I’m twenty-three. I am not a child.”

The anger in his eyes dissipated, and he just looked tired. “I...I have not had time to adjust to the new plan.”

Just then she found it hard to be mad at him, in spite of the cutting edge to his words. “And the plan is everything, right?” A new thing she’d learned about him in the past twenty-four hours.

“Yes, Leah, the plan is damn well everything,” he said, each syllable rough and hard. “How do you navigate life without one?”

“Follow your heart. Your passions...”

“Passion,” he spat, as though the word tasted terrible on his tongue, “is the single most destructive element in life I can think of.”

“You don’t feel passion?”

“I deny it.”

“Not even for Rachel?”

He shook his head, dark eyes blank. “For nothing. For no one.”

“I thought you loved her.”

“What does that have to do with passion?” he asked.

“Everything.”

He shook his head. “That’s where you’re wrong, Leah. Passion is all about self. All about pleasing yourself. And that path...that path can get very dark.”

And then Ajax turned and walked out of the room, and the last bit of fantasy and mist that had hung before her eyes evaporated.

There was nothing more than cold reality and the realization that the man she’d thought she’d known for most of her life was nothing more than a stranger.