Читать книгу Brokedown Cowboy - Maisey Yates - Страница 10

CHAPTER FOUR

IT WAS MOVING DAY. Connor had to be at Liss’s house by nine. Which meant he’d been out on his horse by six. The morning air had a mean bite, but he didn’t mind. The needle pokes of wind against his skin, combined with the pounding of his horse’s hooves on the soft ground, went a long way in wiping his mind clean.

Connor rode through the empty field, clumps of mud and grass flying up behind him, hitting the back of his shirt. The clearing was flanked by a grove of trees on the left, and a steep, evergreen-covered pitch of rock on the right. The sky above was filled with gray, misty clouds that seemed to be rolling down toward earth, swallowing the tops of the mountains that surrounded the ranch.

This was morning here in Copper Ridge. All shades of deep green, blue and gray. Until the sun came out and burned the cloud cover away, flooding the ranch with golden light, drawing the scent of dirt, moss, pine out, then washing it all with an ocean breeze. For Connor this was as close to spiritual as it got. Being in this place, this town, where vast stretches of water met vast open land. Where all the essential sources of life were ready and available. This place was in his blood, in his soul.

This land had been here before him, before his family had fenced it, cultivating it, but never taming it. To the best of his ability he would see it was here long after he was gone. In his mind, progress could never mean man-made development on land like this. Progress would be when people realized that everything they needed was already here.

He ignored the hollow ache in his stomach that was trying to remind him even here, even now, he felt a little bit empty.

That even now, with the golden sunlight poured over the evergreen trees, he felt cold down to his soul. That no matter how bright the light shone, it never seemed to touch him.

He ignored that, because there was nothing he could do with it.

He pulled back on the reins, bringing his horse to a stop, taking a moment to survey his surroundings. It was still here. It was early enough in the morning that even the wind was still. It was the kind of vast silence that would swallow up the sound of a man’s voice, consuming it as if he had never spoken.

One man wasn’t powerful enough to disturb beauty like this. It made him feel small, and consequently it made some of his problems feel a lot smaller.

He dismounted from his horse, dropping the reins and leaving her standing there. He walked forward, toward the middle of the clearing, and looked up. For the first time he saw a small patch of blue sky, a ray of sun bursting through.

He closed his eyes, keeping his face angled upward, letting the warmth seep through his skin, praying it would reach his bones.

It didn’t. But it hit him just then that this was the first morning he had woken up without a hangover in quite a while. He hadn’t had a drink last night. He’d been too focused on what it would mean to bring Liss into the house.

He opened his eyes and looked at the sun, and his head didn’t hurt.

All things considered, he figured it would be a pretty good moving day.

* * *

THEY’D ATTACKED THE PROJECT of moving Liss much like a barn raising. All hands on deck, finished by the end of the day. Ultimately, nothing was left undone except for a few empty boxes still in need of disposal, and paper plates with the remnants of pizza, along with a few empty beer bottles, stationed throughout Connor’s house. Of course, there hadn’t been much to move into the house itself.

A bedroom’s worth of furniture, and all her clothes, books and a few kitchen gadgets she hadn’t been willing to part with.

Everything else had gone into a vacant outbuilding on the Garrett property. Which was going to save her a lot in storage fees. Between letting her borrow space on the ranch, space in Connor’s house and the use of their muscles—including Jack’s—Liss was starting to feel as if she was taking an awful lot.

And that feeling, that feeling of being in debt to somebody else, always made her feel uncomfortable. She felt as though it forced her to keep a running tally on what she had contributed versus what someone else had contributed. Because she never wanted to be on the wrong side of that balance.

She took a deep breath and tried to banish the tightness in her chest. The moving crew, comprised of Eli, Sadie, Kate, Jeanette and Jack, had all gone home, leaving her there in her new space, with her new roommate.

She took a deep breath and walked over to the kitchen sink, looking out at the wall of trees that stood between the house and the mountains. It didn’t feel weird to be here. Of course, she didn’t know why she had thought it might. Well, she supposed it was because she was living here now, instead of visiting. But then, she was much more than a casual visitor. Always had been. Even more so in recent years. Because she was bringing him food, having dinner with him, trying to prevent him from drinking himself into a stupor every night, which she had managed with mixed success.

It didn’t feel weird at all to be standing here. No, it felt comfortable. This would be comfortable. Yes, comfortable. Like a broken-in pair of boots. Like a late-July afternoon on the hiking trails that wound through the mountains and beneath a canopy of trees.

That kind of comfy.

She heard footsteps behind her, and she turned.

Connor shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocked back on his heels. “You need anything?” he asked.

“No. Still full from the pizza.”

“I know there’s no bathroom right off your bedroom. But I figure you can have that one that’s nearby in the hall. I only use the one off my bedroom.”

She’d kept all of her toiletries in her travel case. She just hadn’t felt comfortable unloading makeup and hair-care products all over a common area. There was moving in, and then there was invading. “Only if you’re sure. I don’t mind keeping that stuff in my room.”

“No way. That’s not practical at all. Just unload it all in there. As far as I’m concerned this is your place, too. I mean, it’s mainly my place, but we’re sharing. Seventy-thirty.”

She laughed. “Generous.”

“Yeah, I think so. Come on, though. This place is huge. I basically have a trail worn between my bedroom and the kitchen, and I hardly go anywhere else. I spend most of my day outside working. Of course, that means I barely clean any room in the house, so I’m sorry about that.”

“Well, I kept my house clean. I have no problem transferring that to here. Honestly, you have no idea how much I’ve been wanting to wipe down your cabinets.”

A lopsided smile curved his mouth. “That kind of sounds dirty.”

“Wiping down your cabinets?” she asked, barely suppressing a grin. “I don’t even want to know what that could be.”

“Do you know what I want?”

She narrowed her eyes. “What?”

“Pie.”

“That had better not be euphemistic pie.” The line of conversation was making her feel strange. A little bit light-headed.

“No, this is literal pie.” He walked to the fridge and opened the door, pulling out a white bakery box and setting it on the island in the center of the kitchen. “Remember Alison? She made those pies for the Fourth of July thing. You know, then my barn burned down and Eli ran her husband off the property.”

“Oh, yes, I vaguely remember that night,” she said drily.

“Anyway, she’s selling pies independently, not just baking for the diner. Because she left her husband right after the thing.”

“Did she?”

“Yep. So I hear from Sadie. It’s not the kind of gossip I would keep up on on my own.” He opened the box and shrugged a shoulder. “Still, I figure it’s nice to help support someone starting a new life.”

Connor being Connor, he was downplaying anything even remotely nice about what he had done. “That’s very thoughtful of you,” she said, moving closer to examine the dessert that was in the box.

“I got pie in exchange for my good deed. I think that nullifies the good deed. My reward is pie.”

“And what variety of pie are we talking?”

“Marionberry.”

“Excellent reward. Do you have ice cream?”

Connor looked up at her, handsome face contorted into an expression of horror. “And whipped cream. I know I might seem uncivilized, but even I have some boundaries.”

“You’re a god among men, Connor Garrett. You have saved me from homelessness—or at least living with my mother—and you’ve given me pie.”

“You can begin paying me back by getting out some plates,” he said.

“Will do.”

She made herself busy getting out plates, ice cream and the whipped cream, which was in the fridge as promised. Apparently, Connor could grocery shop when dessert was involved. Well, dessert or alcohol.

She brought the plates over, and Connor put one piece on each, a very generous-sized piece, because Connor knew she didn’t mess around with desserts.

He didn’t even ask if she wanted the pie warm, because he knew better than that. He put each piece in the microwave for about thirty seconds, and when they were done, she was waiting with a scoop of vanilla ice cream for each.

They both dove right into their pie, eating wordlessly, exchanging looks during bites. “This is good,” Liss said when she was halfway through with her piece.

“Understatement,” Connor said around a mouthful.

“I don’t even know why we bothered to put pieces on the plates. We should’ve just eaten straight out of the box.”

“Because it takes longer to heat up a whole pie?”

“Yeah, good point.” Liss’s thoughts turned to Alison. “So, is Alison still working at the diner?”

“Search me,” Connor said. “I just know she’s trying to make a business out of the baking. It’s hard to start over.”

“You would know.”

“It’s not really the same.”

“Sure it is,” she said, taking another bite as if she could stuff her statement right back into her mouth. She should not be pushing him on this topic, and she knew that.

“No, it’s not the same. She was married to an asshole. She very rightly chose to end that marriage, and because of that finds herself with increased options in life. I didn’t make any choices about changing my life. It just changed.”

But you could make some now. She did not say that out loud. “Fine. But you are still in a new chapter of your life.”

“I should have put that book down a few chapters ago, then. Called it good.”

Liss’s stomach pitched. “I really hope that wasn’t supposed to mean what I think it did.” Right now she was ready to hit him in the face with her pie plate.

“What do you think it meant?”

“I hope you don’t think you should’ve stopped living. Because I don’t want to think about that. Connor, Jessie was one of my best friends. I know it isn’t the same as being married to somebody. I do. But I can’t think about losing you, too. I just can’t. I can’t lose both of you.”

“That’s not what I meant, Liss. I didn’t really mean anything by it.”

“Don’t say things you don’t mean.”

“Sorry, honey. I guess you missed the memo about me being a gigantic bastard.”

Liss sighed. “You are not a bastard. You do a very good impression of one, but I know you aren’t one. Case in point, I am standing in your kitchen with you eating dessert. Your kitchen, that is now my kitchen, too. Because you gave me a place to stay when I needed one. Because you are actually kind of a kick-ass friend. And a good man who buys charitable pies. So enough with the bastard talk.”

“I think you’re the only one who still thinks I’m decent, but I’ll take it.”

Her eyes met his, dark, enticing, with a hint of bitterness, like a coffee bean. Her heart squeezed tight, and she looked down. She didn’t know why this happened sometimes. Why she could stand there and talk to him and feel perfectly appropriate, neutral friendship feelings that she would have while speaking to someone like Jeanette. And then suddenly she would look at him, and things would change. Her breath would catch in her throat, her heart doing tricks. And in those moments he was the furthest thing from just a friend. In those moments he wasn’t just anything. He was everything.

“You are more than decent. And don’t argue with me. Anyway, maybe we should talk about what I can help you with around here?”

“You’re very effectively helping me demolish this pie. That’s appreciated.”

“I will be sure to add pie demolition to my résumé. But beyond helping you reduce the snack foods in your house, I’d like to help. Cleaning for sure, because that benefits me, too. I already do your accounting. But if there’s any other paperwork that you have, I’d be happy to help. I know that Jessie used to handle a lot of the admin.” She had already invoked Jessie’s name once in the past few minutes so she might as well do it again.

“Yeah, I’m pretty behind on some things, I can’t lie about that.” Connor braced his hands on the island, and her gaze was drawn to them. He had nice hands. Strong, square, masculine. He had never worn a wedding ring all that often. The kind of work that he did made the little gold band a hazard. More than one rancher had lost a finger by getting a wedding ring caught on an animal or a tractor. But she was still surprised that he’d taken it off and never put it back on again. In so many other ways she could see he was holding on tightly to the past, but not in that way. Of course, that wasn’t something you asked about. He sighed heavily. “I would like to lie about that. I pretty much do lie about it to Eli.”

“But what’s the point of lying to him? He would just want to help.”

“Yeah, that’s the thing. He wouldn’t be able to help himself. He would jump right in. And then he would resent me for it. And it’s not the resentment I’d mind so much, it’s the fact that he should have his own life. And I shouldn’t be interfering in it with all of my shit.”

“He’s your brother, though. Your shit is his shit.”

“It’s been that way for too long, Liss. I’m not going to do that to him anymore. He has Sadie now, and I just know he’s going to marry her. He’s got to make a family with her. And he should be free to do that. He’s been dealing with other people’s messes for way too long. I don’t need him to do it with mine.”

“That’s what family does. We clean up each other’s messes, because it’s better to do that than to not have family at all.” At least that was what she often told herself, because Madeleine Foster was a mess and a half. And Liss had spent a very good portion of her life cleaning up those messes. She was all in trying to keep her mother happy. Trying to prove her worth. But over the past few years it had started to wear on her. It was an insatiable well she could continue to pour into forever and never satisfy. Never get the one thing she was actually after.

“That’s why you’re good family to have.”

She wondered for a second if he was going to hug her again, like he’d done the other day. Stupid, but that hug was burned into her consciousness. There had been something about it, something that differentiated it from the hugs they’d shared before. It had left her warm and a little bit breathless. Or, more to the point, it had left her a little bit turned on. She’d had a very restless night that night.

All things considered, she really shouldn’t want another hug from him. But she did. Base creature that she was.

It was sort of the story of her life. Stealing a few cheap thrills now and again from innocuous Connor contact. Oh, she didn’t mean to. She didn’t mean to let sparks fly through her veins when his fingers brushed against hers, didn’t mean to go weak-kneed when he smiled and caught her eyes. It was involuntary. And unnecessary. But it happened all the same.

“Well, I’m happy to be your family.” She took a step backward, just in case he did intend to hug her. She needed to curb that before it happened. Because sanity. Because even though her reactions to him were involuntary, and in some ways not entirely unpleasant, it did not mean she had to encourage them. Because, as he just said, he felt all familial toward her. And it was what he needed from her. He did not need her getting gooey over hugs. “If you could leave me a list of things you want to look at tomorrow, I’ll go over it when I get up in the morning and get started.”

“I don’t want you to spend your Sunday doing chores for me.”

“And I want to start as I mean to go on. These are chores. I want to help you. I think I’ve made that perfectly clear by showing up once every couple of weeks with groceries. And by bringing you food so you don’t starve and die.”

“You were sharing that responsibility with Eli.”

“Sure. But I called and reminded him most of the time. Anyway, just leave me a list, and tomorrow I’ll get started.”

“Okay, but I’m afraid you’re going to regret this a little bit.”

She laughed. “Maybe. But that’s future Liss’s problem. Present Liss is going to skip off to bed with a full stomach and not worry about it.”

He shook his head. “Fine, but when future Liss becomes present Liss she’s going to be cursing past Liss.”

“Maybe. But I’ll worry about that tomorrow.”

Yes, this was going to be comfortable. Comfortable, indeed. And as Liss settled into her new bedroom, she knew that she had made the right decision. She was going to be just fine.