Читать книгу Postcards From… Collection - Maisey Yates - Страница 47

CHAPTER EIGHT

RIGO MOVED AWAY from the doorway after watching Nicole lay their daughter down. She had fallen asleep in her arms. The little girl was exhausted after a morning of paddling in the pool followed by an afternoon visiting the stables. The past week, since they’d landed in Tuscany, had passed for him in a comfortable routine of long days exploring the surrounding towns followed by long, hot nights with his wife.

Nicole followed him out to the veranda, plugging the monitor in nearby as Rigo grabbed two glasses of wine.

‘I don’t think I will ever settle for another wine again after tasting this.’ Nicole sighed deeply, leaning her head back as they sat down on one of the loungers, side by side.

‘All the wine from this vineyard is exceptional. But this particular one is from their vintage collection—my personal favourite.’

‘So are you going to explain your behaviour earlier?’ Nicole smirked, a knowing smile playing on her lips.

‘You mean when I saved Anna from having her fingers bitten off?’ Rigo shook off the sheer anxiety he’d felt at having the small child in the stables, surrounded by his huge stallions.

‘The horse was at least two feet away, Rigo. And I was holding her tightly.’

‘She was getting too excited—flapping her tiny fingers in front of it. It was only a matter of time before something happened.’

‘Oh, Mr Serious, you really do need to learn how to relax.’ Nicole tutted. ‘Anna was in no danger today. You seem to have bonded with her a little over the past week. Am I sensing some kind of overprotective-father syndrome?’

‘It’s hardly overprotective to want to make sure she doesn’t get hurt, is it? I mean, maybe I was a little over-cautious. But what was I supposed to do? Just let her have her hand bitten off?’

Nicole burst out with low laughter, her shoulders shaking from the force of it. ‘Welcome to parenthood, darling.’ She smiled at him. ‘One long endless road of worry and self-doubt.’

Rigo paused, absorbing her words. Was that what had been wrong with him today? The tension in his body at having his tiny daughter so close to the animals had almost driven him insane. In the end he had just herded them all back to the house so they could swim in the pool while he caught up on some emails.

Nicole had been pushing and pushing for him to spend more time with Anna, and he knew he was being unreasonable by keeping himself at a distance. So all week long he had tried to be more interactive—swimming and talking and trying to form some sort of bond. But he was beginning to think that maybe he just wasn’t built for fatherhood.

‘Rigo, can I ask you something?’ she asked, turning to him. ‘It’s just something that’s been playing on my mind after meeting your family and seeing you here with Anna.’

He nodded and took a sip of wine, waiting for the question he had known she would ask eventually.

‘Why did you decide not to have children at such a young age?’ She frowned. ‘You come from such a tightly knit family, it just doesn’t make sense.’

‘Nicole...’ he began, not quite knowing what to say. He didn’t want to talk about the past—that was for sure. But the look in her eyes told him that she was serious about this.

‘I just want to understand the man I’m married to. Is that so terrible?’

‘I had a vasectomy because I came to the decision that fatherhood was not for me. Is that so hard to believe?’

‘And now...?’

He paused. And now he could feel himself caring more and more for his wife and daughter every day. He’d spent this whole week with Nicole and Anna, doing various activities around the countryside. And each night he had lost himself in his wife’s passionate embrace, making love to her until they were both spent. He had never slept so well as he had since coming to his villa. The place rejuvenated him. That could be the only answer for his sudden heightened sense of well-being.

Nicole was looking at him expectantly. He took another sip of wine, eyeing her over the rim of his glass. ‘I don’t quite know what you want me to say.’

‘Do you still feel the same about fatherhood now that you have Anna?’

‘I didn’t really have a choice, to be fair,’ he said quickly, and then saw the hurt in her face. ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’

‘Never mind. I don’t know why I even bothered asking.’ She sat back, turning to look at the still bright evening sky.

‘I told you—I don’t like to live in the past.’

‘There’s a difference between living there and pretending it never happened.’ She looked at him. ‘The night of the rehearsal dinner you mentioned having a fiancée before me...’

‘If you insist on knowing ancient history, far be it from me to deny you.’

He put his glass down, clearing his throat. He felt his thumb begin to tap nervously on the side of his chair, and stilled the movement before it became too pronounced.

‘Her name was Lydia. We met when I was in my final year of college in the States. She was a year older than me...worked in a coffee shop on campus. I met her at a bar one Friday night and before I knew it we were living together.’

‘That fast?’ Nicole asked.

‘Too fast. But I couldn’t have known that at the time. I was too madly in love to see the warning signs all around me.’ He stood up, walking over to perch against the balustrade of the terrace. ‘We were barely together six months before she told me she was pregnant.’

Rigo took in a deep breath, hating the effect this was having on him. He hated thinking of that time in his life. When he had been so utterly young and naive.

‘I was a romantic fool. I proposed instantly and flew us both here to meet my family. I didn’t tell them about the baby, of course. That was to be our secret until after the wedding.’

He laughed—a cruel sound, deep in his chest.

‘She had me wrapped around her finger. If my mother hadn’t taken an instant dislike to her, who knows what way things might have gone? My mother arranged for some security checks—just a precaution before the wedding. I remained here while Lydia flew back to the States to continue the wedding plans. With my credit card, of course.’

Nicole looked up at him, her face tight with tension as he continued.

‘I remember I was sitting outside the chapel after booking our wedding date when she called me, crying. She had lost the baby.’ He shook his head. ‘I sat on the steps of that church and I cried with her, utterly heartbroken for the life we had lost. I got on the next available flight and rushed to her side. I cared for her, comforted her. I told her we would try again—that I would give her as many babies as she wanted.’

He sighed.

‘My mother arrived at my apartment unexpectedly a few weeks later. Lydia was at a spa. I’ll never forget the look on her face as she told me about the security checks she’d had performed. I was furious. I almost ordered her out. But then she showed me a copy of a medical document from one month before. It had Lydia’s name on it. And there was a picture of her from security footage. In an abortion clinic.’

Nicole clapped her hand over her mouth in horror. ‘Rigo...’

‘I confronted her the moment she got home. Naturally she denied everything until I showed her the proof.’ He shook his head. ‘She told me she was scared of having the baby, that she was worried it would make me love her less. But by that point my mother had already shown me the massive bills she had run up on my accounts and I had lost the lovesick blinkers that had blinded me to who she truly was.’

Nicole sat silently, processing the revelation that Rigo had once been in love. He had said that he didn’t believe in love and romance, but clearly at that stage in his life he had. And this woman had stomped all over that.

He continued unprompted, his face a tight mask of hurt. ‘When I was having her things removed from my apartment I found a safety pin at the bottom of the same drawer I used for my condoms. She had often urged me not to use protection, claiming she was on the pill. But I was rigorously safe, even then.’

‘She got pregnant on purpose?’ Nicole breathed.

‘She admitted it all eventually—once she realised it was over. It was hard, seeing the pretence fall away and finding that she wasn’t the person she’d said she was. She had lied about almost everything in order to take me in.’

‘So you chose to get a vasectomy because of what happened?’ Nicole asked, still struggling to get her head around it all.

‘I got over the break-up soon enough—the anger helped. I graduated and moved back to Italy to start working for my father. I was so lost I just wanted to run wild, to party and sleep around to blow off some steam. But every time I looked at a woman I wondered if she was just like Lydia.’

He raised his brows, sitting down beside her heavily.

‘I couldn’t sleep with anyone for more than a year. It tortured me. Then I heard my uncle having a conversation with my father about his mistresses and laughing about how they often tried to get pregnant, not knowing he’d had a vasectomy.’

‘So you went and got one, too?’ Nicole said quietly.

Rigo shook his head. ‘It wasn’t so simple as that. I truly agonised over it. When Lydia first told me she was pregnant I was terrified, but fear soon paved the way for excitement. I had always wanted to be just like my father, you see.’

‘You still went through with it, though?’

‘Yes. I decided that I would never risk giving myself like that ever again anyway, so children wouldn’t be a possibility. I had the procedure, and only had attachments with women I knew were career driven and independent. Nothing close to a gold-digger.’

‘Until you met me.’ Nicole looked up at him, feeling the emotion of his revelation sitting heavy on her chest. ‘It’s very clear to me now why you reacted to me the way you did that morning. I reminded you of her, didn’t I?’ Nicole said sadly.

‘I was unnerved by my oversight, yes. But I know different now. I know the truth about your past.’

‘And yet still you’re determined never to let anyone in ever again?’

‘Nicole...I told you this to help you understand me...’

‘And now I do. Very clearly.’ She stood up, walking as far as the balustrade before turning to face him. ‘What happened to you was painful and scarring. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to trust a woman again.’ She shook her head. ‘But here we are, married a little over a week now, and I’m only just finding this out.’

‘I should have told you before. But we had agreed to keep our distance, I didn’t think you needed to know.’

‘I thought that you were distant with me because of our past. That you were still learning to trust me. I’ve been hoping that maybe with time... That some day we could have more.’

‘I do trust you, Nicole.’ He stood up, taking her hands.

She shook him off, turning away. ‘You trust me not to steal your money, perhaps. But you’ll never trust me with your heart, will you?’ She turned back, seeing his face twist in confusion.

‘My heart? What does that have to do with trusting one another?’ He raised his voice.

‘Everything!’ she said, emotion pouring out of her with every word. ‘How can you not tell that I’m head over heels in love with you?’ She refused to let the tears fall from her eyes. ‘I’ve been falling for you since the night I opened up and told you about my past. I spoke the truth for the first time and you listened. You’re the only person in this world who truly sees me for who I am. What we have together is real—can’t you see that?’

‘I know it’s real. We have a great thing here, Nicole.’

‘But you don’t love me.’ She let the words fall heavily between them. Creating a gap that she knew now would never be filled no matter how hard she tried.

Rigo ran a hand through his hair, his blue eyes darkening with frustration. ‘It’s not that I don’t—it’s that I can’t. You’re asking for something from me that doesn’t exist.’

Nicole shook her head. ‘Of course it exists. You’re not a robot just because you’ve been burned badly. You’re afraid to give yourself fully to anyone, and I understand that.’

‘Nicole, let’s just take a breather here...’ He took a few steps away from her, his body tense and unyielding.

‘This conversation was always going to happen,’ she went on. ‘And I’m glad it’s happening now. I won’t settle for half a relationship—not when I know now that I deserve more.’

‘So I don’t deserve you? Is that what this is? You’re trying to force me to say things when you don’t even understand what you’re asking of me.’

‘You don’t have to say anything. I won’t push you, or walk away in a storm of tears.’ She cleared her throat. ‘I’m giving you the option to go back to our previous arrangement.’

‘Nicole...’

‘That is all I’m prepared to give, Rigo. If we continue down this road someone will end up getting hurt. And we both know that someone will be me.’

Rigo remained silent, watching her with the coldest look she had ever seen him give. It was as though she could almost literally see shutters coming down in his eyes. Blocking him away from her words.

‘I will still be your wife. But in name only.’ Her voice was stiff and scratchy with the effort of holding off the flood of emotion she knew was imminent.

‘If that’s what will make you happy, then by all means move your things into one of the guest bedrooms.’ He sat down, pouring himself another glass of wine.

Nicole stood there for longer than she should have, staring down at the man she loved, willing him to come to his senses.

As she walked back indoors and moved silently up the stairs she willed him to follow her. Just as she had willed him to follow her on that day she had told him she was pregnant a lifetime ago. But this feeling was so much worse. Before, she hadn’t loved him. She hadn’t even known what love was. Now she felt as though her heart was breaking with every step away from him, even though she knew it was for the best.

She couldn’t give everything to him knowing that he would never feel the same. That he would always be holding back some part of himself from her.

By the time she stood in their bedroom, packing her things into her case before moving them to another room, the tears had begun flowing in earnest. She continued to pack, wiping each tear away, furiously trying to hold it together.

Then she heard a loud engine roar to life outside the window and she looked down to see Rigo’s car speeding down the driveway, its headlights disappearing into the night.

She sat down on the bed and finally admitted to herself what she had refused to believe completely. There was no hope to hold on to anymore.

Loud, whimpering sobs racked her chest as she leaned forward, wrapping her arms around herself.

It was over.

* * *

Rigo stood in the makeshift office at the villa, waiting for the call to tell him that his jet was ready to go. He still had five days left of his honeymoon, but he couldn’t stay here a moment longer. Not now that Nicole was refusing to speak to him.

Her anger he could take easily. But her silence was more than he could bear.

He should have known it would end this way. Things had been going far too well. At least before they had been able to be civil at times. Now here they were, married a mere week and absolutely miserable, just as she had predicted. Divorce wasn’t only a possibility now. It was inevitable.

He thought of his parents’ marriage: thirty-five years strong without a single separation. How on earth did they do it?

He hadn’t been able to find her all morning, but it was likely she had been collected by his parents’ chauffeur and had forgotten to tell him. She had been regularly going to his parents’ estate so that they could spend time with Anna.

They had probably spent more time with his daughter than he had at this point. He didn’t know why he couldn’t just be natural, like his father. Not that it mattered now. Once Nicole had left him completely he would probably only get limited visitation anyway.

The thought of them living apart from him filled him with emptiness, but he knew it was for the best. He couldn’t give Nicole what she wanted. He would never be able to.

* * *

Nicole was fast regretting her decision to take Anna for a picnic without the stroller. The little girl’s weight in her arms was like lead after a mere ten minutes of carrying her up the hill outside the villa. But the oppressive atmosphere in the villa was more than she could take. Rigo would be leaving today, and she didn’t want to be there when he did.

She’d done enough crying over the past twenty-four hours to last her a lifetime. And it was time she got used to living here alone now that she had chosen to stay.

She loved this place. The views and the smells. It was the perfect place to raise Anna. The people here were used to the Marchesis, and they didn’t bother them. It would be a quiet life.

She stopped at the top of the hill, finding a nice leafy tree for them to seek shade under. It was still early morning but it was already a balmy twenty-five degrees. She set about propping Anna on a blanket and kicking off her shoes. She had brought some fruit and bread as a midmorning snack, and laughed as Anna grabbed a piece of melon from her hand and sucked on it greedily.

She would be all right here, she told herself as she munched on her own fruit. She had her daughter and her privacy and that was all that mattered right now.

Once they had finished eating it was nearing eleven, and much hotter. She stood up, stretching her leg muscles from being cramped underneath her for so long. She looked further ahead of her, to the hill that led to the church. For some reason she felt suddenly unnerved by the quiet that usually calmed her.

A man was standing there, beside a black car, his face partially obscured by a wide straw hat. He looked like a local, she thought, her mind working overtime to process her sudden feeling of unease.

Without warning the man pulled a dark bag out of the car, unclipped a large telescopic camera and began walking down the hill towards her.

Paparazzi. Nicole didn’t waste a moment. Abandoning her picnic and the blanket, she covered Anna’s face and walked as fast as she could manage in the opposite direction. She looked over her shoulder, and sure enough the man was pulling out the high-scope lens and breaking into a run. Her heart beat hard in her chest as she fought to hold Anna close, still shielding her face.

She broke into a run down the hill but, having abandoned her sandals with their picnic, found her bare feet soon ravaged by the rough terrain. Every step proved to be pure agony as she tried frantically to stay ahead of her pursuer.

Her steps faltered as she heard a scuffling behind her. Turning to check he wasn’t gaining on her, she lost her footing and caught her heel on a sharp rock. Anna began to cry—a sharp, piercing sound that sent waves of pain straight to Nicole’s heart. The man was gaining on them—fast.

He didn’t care if her daughter was terrified, she thought angrily. All he wanted was a million-euro picture of her child. There was no way in hell he was getting it.

Hissing with the pain, she stood straight and forced herself to put pressure on her foot, feeling tears prick her eyes. They were almost at the gates, she told herself. They were almost safe. She shouted for the security guards who stood sentry there, her voice shaking with adrenaline. Anna was crying in earnest now, her little body shaking as she clung to her blouse.

Mercifully the men responded quickly, running out of their hut to meet her. But they were quickly overtaken by the appearance of her husband, his face a mask of pure rage.