Читать книгу The Home Is Where The Heart Is Collection - Maisey Yates - Страница 26
ОглавлениеSHE SHOULD REFUSE. If she were wise, she would bid him good-night, escape into her rooms and close the door firmly behind her.
Clearly, she wasn’t very wise.
The bald truth was, she shared his sentiments. She wanted to spend more time with him. The night had been wonderful. Whether it was foolish or selfish or both, she just knew she wasn’t ready to close the door on the evening quite yet.
He had been so sweet to both of them all night: teasing and funny, protective and kind. With Maddie, he had been extraordinarily gentle, taking delight in the simple pleasure of Christmas lights on the water simply because the little girl had loved it.
That quiet conversation in the enforced intimacy of the SUV seemed to echo between them, reminding her all too forcefully that for almost six years—and especially the past three on her own—she had dedicated everything she was and had ever been to her daughter. She had made every choice with Maddie in mind, first and foremost.
As Aidan so eloquently reminded her, before she was a mother, she was also a woman—something she had lost sight of along the way.
Foolish it might be, but this man made her feel glittery and bright and alive.
Yes, she knew this wasn’t anything approaching the beginnings of a relationship. She wasn’t a complete idiot. They were attracted to each other, certainly. Crazy as it might be, she was still at least woman enough to sense a man’s interest.
Aidan Caine was attracted to her, an idea she found stunning and intoxicating at the same time.
Physical desire between them was one thing, a natural—if shocking—human reaction, but the idea of anything beyond that was simply laughable. The barriers between them might as well be as formidable and unbreachable as the raw-spined Redemption Mountains.
She fully understood all that. Even so, what would be the harm in spending an hour in conversation with him? Maybe, if she were honest, sharing another one of those intense and magical kisses, if the opportunity presented itself?
“I didn’t realize I was presenting a decision of such enormity. It’s only hot chocolate, Eliza. With maybe a little Irish whiskey in it, if you’d like.”
Heat soaked her cheeks and she sincerely hoped he couldn’t see it, that he never suspected she was contemplating sharing more than a drink with him. “I’m sorry. I was woolgathering.”
She let out a breath, feeling as if she were about to take a giant leap off the top of his barn. “Yes. I would love some hot chocolate. Thanks. Just cocoa, though, please.”
She had enough trouble feeling intoxicated when she was with him.
He gave her that astonishing smile—bright, unfettered, genuine—that seemed to turn him into another person.
“Coming right up, then. People travel across oceans and continents for some of Pop’s hot cocoa. Okay,” he amended, “for Pop’s cocoa and the world-class skiing in Hope’s Crossing.”
“You really don’t have to go to any trouble. Sue has been stocking up on gourmet cocoa mix. There are several flavors in the pantry that would suit me fine. I’m not picky.”
He shook his head. “You won’t say that after you have Pop’s cocoa. It will spoil you for anything else.”
His words had an unfortunate ring of truth. She was very afraid spending this Christmas season at Snow Angel Cove would spoil her for any other holiday.
“I need to go take off my boots and check to make sure Maddie went back to sleep.”
“Great. I’ll get started, then.”
She hurried into her rooms. After switching to ballet flats and checking on Maddie, who was sleeping soundly, she hurried to the bathroom. Hoping he didn’t notice, she ran a brush through her hair, scrubbed her teeth and reapplied a little lip gloss.
When she walked into the kitchen, she found Aidan wearing a black apron and standing at the big six-burner stove, stirring the contents of a small saucepan with a wooden spoon.
“Something smells delicious,” she said. A lesser woman might get drunk on the smell of rich chocolate alone.
And him.
“It tastes better than it smells. Trust me. We’re almost there, just a few degrees shy of full boil.”
The chocolate or her hormones? She let out a breath and took a seat at the work island in order to watch him work. She thought again how comfortable he was in the kitchen. She almost found that more sexy than the whole Geek God thing he had going.
“And there we go,” he said, removing the pan from the burner. “Now the finishing touch.”
He reached into a small spice jar, pinched something between his fingers and scattered it over the pan, then shook a little salt from a shaker onto his palm before adding it to the contents of the pan.
“You added salt and what else?”
“Just a tiny bit of cinnamon. A quarter teaspoon is all you need. I would tell you that’s the secret ingredient but the real secret to this masterpiece is shaving in the fine chocolate—at least seventy percent cocoa—to the light cream and whole milk.”
“Wow. That sounds...insanely decadent.”
“Pop would sometimes add just a dollop of some Kilbeggan or Baileys to give a little extra kick. Not at the café, of course, just at home. After we were of age, of course. I think it works fine without.”
He poured some of the thick concoction into two mugs, then presented it to her with a dramatic flourish.
He then really impressed her by rinsing out the pan in the sink. A man might cook like a dream, but cleaning up after himself —especially when he paid people to do that for him—kicked everything up a notch or two or ten.
“Shall we go in by the fire?” he asked after he hung the apron up on a hook inside the pantry door.
Oh, this was a mistake of fairly epic proportion. She could see no graceful or polite way to back out now, after he had gone to so much trouble for her. Best to just weather through it and make her escape as soon as she could manage it.
She nodded and headed into the great room. He had turned on the fire and the lights of the tree. The room’s perfectly proportioned elegance struck her again, as it always did. The warm golden timbers, the smooth stones of the fireplace, the massive floor-to-ceiling windows and the little touches she had added combined to make it comfortable and cozy, despite its grand size.
When she first came here, the room had felt like the lobby of some old lodge in a national park. Crater Lake or Grand Teton, maybe. Beautiful, certainly, but a little too formal for someone’s home.
Now it was just right.
She settled in the armchair closest to the fire, leaving the sofa for Aidan. When she was finally comfortable, she took a sip of the hot chocolate and just about had a culinary orgasm on the spot. She might have even gasped out his name.
“Oh, my word,” she exclaimed. “That just might be the best thing I have ever tasted.”
He laughed, obviously gratified—as well he should be. “I’m glad you like it. Make sure you tell Pop when he gets here. He’ll be tickled, both that I fixed it for you and that you enjoyed it.”
“Enjoy is a gross understatement.”
She sipped at it again and her taste buds burst into song. It was like an explosion of deliciousness, chocolate and cream with just that hint of cinnamon to add a little bite.
A light snow had begun to fall through the big window and with the flames dancing in the grate and the tree lights twinkling, this seemed the perfect ending to a really good day.
“I wonder what happened to Sue and Jim?” she mused.
“Oh, I meant to tell you. I called her while I was shaving the chocolate. Apparently she twisted her ankle after the parade so they cut the night short.”
She set down her cup on one of the coasters she had set out in all the rooms. “Oh, no. Does she need anything?”
“I doubt it. She said she was heading straight to bed. She figured a good night’s sleep would help.”
“I hope it’s not serious.”
“She didn’t seem to think so. Wouldn’t that be a nightmare? A house filled with twenty people and no cook? The good news is, Pop is something of an expert on feeding a crowd so at least we wouldn’t starve, but I really want him to be able to rest and enjoy the holidays, if he can.”
From the sound of it, Dermot Caine sounded like a man who loved feeding other people. She wasn’t sure an enforced vacation from his passion was exactly what he needed, but it seemed presumptuous to disagree.
“I can certainly pitch in if necessary. I’m not exactly an expert in the kitchen but I take direction well.”
He smiled with a warm look in his eyes that felt as rich and heady as the chocolate sliding down. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that, but thank you for the offer. I imagine my sisters-in-law and Charlotte would probably be there helping out, too. Usually the Caines suffer from having too many cooks in the kitchen instead of a dearth of them.”
“Your family really does sound wonderful. I can’t wait to meet them all.”
“I hope I haven’t built them up too much. Like any family, we have our issues. My brothers can combine to be a huge pain in the ass, if you want the truth. Between Katherine, Charlotte, Lucy and my sisters-in-law, they’ll all probably take one look at you and want to find you another husband.”
The thick hot chocolate she had been swallowing seemed to clog in her throat. “A...husband?”
“Genevieve, in particular, thinks she’s a matchmaker of some renown.”
“Oh.”
She couldn’t think of a single thing to say to that so she took one more small sip of hot chocolate. Even without any Irish whiskey, the stuff was rich and just sweet enough to sparkle through her bloodstream, leaving her feeling vaguely tipsy.
“Don’t worry,” he said gently. “I’ll tell them to back off, that you’re still grieving for Maddie’s dad.”
She blinked. “Am I?”
“You don’t talk about your late husband. I don’t even know his name. I assumed the loss is still too raw, that you loved him too much. Am I wrong?”
She set her mug down, the flavor a little bittersweet now. Her feelings for Trent were such a mixed-up jumble, the answer to that question was far from simple. “His name was Trent,” she said, her voice low. “Trent Hayward.”
She waited for some spark of recognition, maybe, but he had no reaction other than sympathy. What else did she expect? He had probably never heard of her husband.
“I did love him. He was a...good father. He loved Maddie and wanted the very best life for her he could provide.”
Unfortunately, she could see now that never would have been enough for Trent. Even if he had somehow miraculously managed to strike it rich, he never would have been content. He always would have wanted more and more.
“I’m sorry. If it’s not too painful, can I ask how he died?”
This was it. She had to tell him. He had asked directly and she didn’t feel right about lying to him.
“He was killed in a one-car accident. He had been drinking, something he usually didn’t do, and struck a concrete barrier on the 101.”
“Oh, El. I’m so sorry.”
She pressed her lips together at the way he said her name, like an endearment. Suddenly she wanted to tell him all of it.
“He was out of town on a business trip. San Jose, California.”
He sat back, brow furrowed. “Really? Wow, that’s a coincidence.”
Not at all. She sighed. “It was...a very difficult time. Arranging for his body to be flown back, dealing with the police investigation.”
“Investigation? It was a one-car accident. That couldn’t have been too complicated.”
She felt cold suddenly, even though the fire merrily cranked out heat.
“Not really. Just lingering questions. There was no indication he braked before the accident.”
He watched her in the firelight, that blue-eyed gaze intense. “Do you think he killed himself?”
“I don’t know. The hard truth is, I never will. He was a good man but toward the last few years of our marriage, things were strained. He wasn’t happy. I have to believe it was something inside of him. He couldn’t be content. I do know his business trip didn’t go well and he was...upset about it. He wanted so much to be a good provider for Maddie. He was trying to sell this brilliant idea for a new app he thought would be the answer to all our problems.”
His gaze sharpened. “An app?”
“Yes. But apparently Caine Tech wasn’t interested.”
“Caine Tech?” His jaw dropped and he uttered an oath, looking vaguely ill.
She shrugged. “Trent wanted to deal with the best. That’s you. He met with a couple of your minions. I don’t know their names. He said they didn’t even listen to the whole idea before they shut him down. The meeting lasted all of ten minutes.”
“Eliza. I had no idea, I swear.”
She liked it better when he called her El. Or even Ellie.
“I know you didn’t. Believe me, I know. None of it was your fault. Oh, I might have blamed you and your company for a while. It was easier than facing the truth, that my husband had a problem that was rapidly spiraling out of control. Not drinking, he rarely did that. But he was obsessed with money and success and refused to see everything he was losing along the way. The way things were going, I don’t think our marriage would have survived another year or two.”
She gave a tremulous smile. “So when you say the loss is still too painful for me, I don’t know how to answer. I still grieve for Trent Hayward and the part of me that loved him once always will...but I grieve more for the loss of Maddie’s father than for my husband.”
“Maddie’s father, who died after an unsuccessful meeting with my company.”
“Aidan, don’t go there. Your company’s involvement was incidental in the whole mess. He made his choices all along the way, first to drink when he knew he didn’t have the head for it and then to get behind the wheel of a car.”
“Regardless, I’m so sorry. And then I basically mowed you down on the street.” He swore again, so emphatically she had to smile a little.
“Also not your fault. We’ve established that was an accident and I’ve suffered no lasting effect.”
Except the loss of her heart, if she wasn’t very, very careful over the next few days, she added silently.
“From the very first, I wanted to tell you about Trent and his last meeting with your company. It seemed like an uncomfortable secret I didn’t want to keep but I didn’t know how to bring it up.”
“I’m glad you did. I can’t believe you would come to work at Snow Angel Cove at all. You must be sorry you ever heard of me.”
“How could I be?” she murmured.
He gazed at her, blue eyes glittering with emotions she couldn’t name, and the moment seemed to stretch between them, as thick and heady as the chocolate he had melted for her.
This was dangerous territory, she knew. She had to go, before she made a mistake she would regret for a long time.
“And now I think I had better go to bed. I find confessions exhausting, don’t you?”
He stood up as well. “Here’s a confession for you, then. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that kiss the other night.”
She stared at him, the empty mug heavy in her hand. Oh, yes. Dangerous territory.
“If we’re being frank with each other,” she whispered, “neither have I.”
His gaze shifted to her mouth and she swallowed, already tasting him there. He made no move to kiss her, though, only continued to let the moment stretch out between them.
He was giving her control, letting her make the decision about whether there would be another kiss between them, she realized.
She tried to order herself to move away. The smart choice would be to take the mug into the kitchen, rinse it out and then escape to her bedroom.
She was tired of always making the smart choice. Why couldn’t she dance close to the fire, for once in her life? Okay, maybe her toes might get burned, but at least she would be warm for a while.
When she was old and gray, she could see his face on a magazine somewhere and remember the time when he had wanted her, if only for a moment.
For all she knew, that kiss the other day had been a fluke. Didn’t they owe it to each other to find out for sure?
With a sense of inevitability, she set the mug back down on the table with fingers that trembled and then, without giving herself an instant to talk herself out of the insanity of it, she stepped forward and lifted her mouth to his.
He let out a little groan, as if he hadn’t been sure which course she would take, and wrapped his arms tightly around her.
His father’s cocoa was delicious enough straight out of the cup. It was absolutely intoxicating when it flavored their kiss and turned it into a sensory experience of chocolate and heaven.
If the kiss the other night had been a shock of heat and fire, this one was slow and sensual, a soft, delicious exploration, learning each hollow, each curve. Completely devastating.
She was in deeper waters than she expected, with heavy, terrifying currents. Any moment now they would be closing over her head.
Desperate to return things to safer ground, she forced herself to pull away with a shaky breath.
“There.” She forced a casual smile, though it made her teeth ache. “Now we’ve got that out of the way.”
He gave her a long look out of those hot, gorgeous eyes that seemed to see entirely too much. “Have we?”
She forced herself to blunder on, though her skin felt hot, tight, itchy. “I told you, I haven’t been able to get that kiss out of my mind. Every time I see or talk to you, the memory simmers just under the surface. You might be talking away about the house or about Haven Point or your family and the only thing I can think about is, wow, that man knows how to kiss.”
He raised an eyebrow and she felt herself blush even more. “Thank you. I guess. Right back at you.”
She wouldn’t let herself find pleasure in that. Okay, maybe a little pleasure.
“Of course, we both agreed it was a mistake that shouldn’t have happened. But as mistakes go, you’re right, that particular one the other night was, um...” Incredible. Amazing. Off-the-charts sexy. “Noteworthy.”
“Noteworthy,” he said faintly. “And did you? Take notes, I mean?”
“I’ve been trying to forget it. It was a mistake, right?”
“Unwise, certainly.”
“Bingo. I couldn’t agree more. And now I’m going to have to spend the next week trying to forget this kiss, too. As if I didn’t have enough to do, with your family coming in only a few days! Thanks for that.”
The frustrating man actually seemed to find the situation amusing. “Well, then, I’d better try to make a lasting impression.”
“Aidan,” she began, but he moved forward with that inexorable focus of his and lowered his mouth to hers again.
This time the heat raged back, exploding between them with wild intensity, as if the earlier kiss had only been the warm-up act to the real thing. He held her close and she wrapped her arms around his back. She was vaguely aware of random sensations. The heat of him, the leashed strength of his surprising muscles, the wonderful, half-forgotten ache in all her girly places.
If he threw her back on the sofa and began ripping buttons and tangling zippers, she wouldn’t have been able to protest.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer as her body turned liquid and soft. She wanted this man, so much she couldn’t breathe around the hunger. She wanted to feel him around her, inside her.
As their mouths tangled, he groaned her name and the sound seemed to jolt her back to her senses.
They couldn’t do this. As much as she wanted to make love to him right now, she sensed it would leave her shattered.
Somewhere deep inside, she at last uncovered a forlorn little shred of self-protectiveness. Though it was the hardest thing she had ever done, she managed to slide her mouth away from his.
“We have to stop. Please, Aidan.”
He eased away, his breathing ragged and a slightly unfocused look in his eyes.
“Why?”
She scrambled for words, her thoughts as scattered as paper snowflakes on the wind. “I like you,” she finally said. “I like you very much. And you’re a fabulous kisser. As I believe we have quite firmly established. But I...I haven’t even dated since Trent died. I can’t just jump headfirst into the water with someone like you.”
“Someone like me?”
She eased away another few inches and tried to tuck her hair out of her face with fingers that had a rather embarrassing tendency to tremble. “You’re larger than life, Aidan. I’ve seen pictures of you with the kind of women you usually date—thin, gorgeous, perfectly made up. They’re not frazzled mothers who drive an SUV with Cheerios under the seat and juice boxes in the cupholders. You’re not interested in a relationship with me. The idea is completely laughable.”
“Funny. I’m not laughing.”
“Come on, Aidan. Be serious. You’re the CEO of your own billion-dollar business and I’m a heartbeat away from being homeless.”
“You’ve had a run of hard knocks. That’s hardly your fault and certainly doesn’t negate the possibility of a relationship between us. I don’t think less of you for circumstances out of your control, El. You’re one of the hardest-working women I’ve ever met. What you have done with Snow Angel Cove is amazing.”
He wasn’t listening and she couldn’t seem to make her brain cells cooperate to come up with a cogent argument. “Thank you. But that’s not the point.”
“What is? This is the point, as I see it. I’m attracted to you. You’re attracted to me. I like you very much and enjoy your company. I suspect you feel the same, though I could be wrong.”
She shook her head. “You’re not wrong.”
“I already care about your daughter. As far as I can see, there aren’t that many additional barriers that would keep us from pursuing this attraction.”
On a logical plane, she would lose any argument she put forward. The reality settled over her with depressing force. “You forgot the most important one. Yes, I like being with you. Yes, I’m obviously attracted to you. You’re the Geek God and I haven’t been with a man in more than three years. I would have to be dead not to be attracted to you.”
“You’re saying it’s only physical.”
For some ridiculous reason, she thought he actually looked a little hurt by that.
“I’m saying that for the next week, you’re my employer and that has to be the only relationship between us. I apologize for kissing you. It was completely inappropriate and won’t happen again.”
She didn’t want their wonderful evening together to end like this, with cold words and anger but, again, the words to make it right just wouldn’t come.
“What about friendship? Any interest in that?”
Suddenly, for no reason she could have pinpointed, her throat felt tight and her eyes burned. “Of course. I told you I like you, Aidan. Far too much for my own comfort, if you want the truth. I just...I’m a realistic kind of girl. Life hasn’t given me a lot of choice in that pragmatism. The way I see it, you’re like a fairy-tale prince and I’m Cinderella without the godmother and the cool shoes.”
And on that ridiculous, entirely too revealing statement, she moved toward the kitchen and her rooms. Before she left the great room, she turned back and found him standing by the fire, the glow silhouetting him. “Thank you again for a wonderful evening. I’m sorry I spoiled everything.”
“You didn’t spoil anything,” he assured her, but she knew it was a lie.
She tried a shaky sort of smile and then hurried out of the room before she could make an even bigger fool of herself.
Once in the safety and privacy of her sitting room, she closed the door quietly behind her—no emotionally wrought slamming of doors here—then collapsed onto the sofa.
She felt completely wrung dry, as if she had just tried to swim the length of Lake Haven.
She couldn’t believe what she had just said to him.
I like you, Aidan. Far too much for my own comfort... The way I see it, you’re like a fairy-tale prince and I’m Cinderella without the godmother and the cool shoes.
The truth was deeper than that and far more serious. She was falling for him, just as she feared she would. She was coming to care for his kindness, his funny sense of humor, the rare vulnerabilities he showed.
For her own self-preservation, she ought to pack up her daughter and her things and drive away from Snow Angel Cove and Lake Haven.
She could find a short-term lease somewhere in Boise and start seriously looking for another job.
That would be the wisest choice.
She had made a commitment, however, and she was a woman of her word. Aidan was counting on her to see to his family’s needs while they were here and at this late date, he wouldn’t be able to find someone else.
Oh, Aidan and his family would survive if she wasn’t here. Between Sue and the cleaning crew that would be coming in daily to help, she didn’t doubt the house party would run magnificently without her.
They would go on to have a wonderful holiday without her. She, on the other hand, would know she had made a commitment and then reneged on it. She knew too well what being on the losing end of broken promises felt like.
Beyond that, Maddie had been through enough tumult these past few weeks. She didn’t need another upheaval. Her daughter was happy here and was looking forward to spending the holidays at Snow Angel Cove. Her heart would be broken if Eliza packed her up again and hauled her to some impersonal hotel.
For her daughter’s sake and for Aidan’s, she would be a professional and do her job. No matter how difficult, she would keep her relationship with him professional, casual, friendly—and do her very best to protect her heart.
If she wasn’t already too late.
