Читать книгу Accessing Your Power - Marcia Wieder - Страница 3

Finally, it felt like the time to resurface, so I started saying “yes,” and of course the phone started ringing again. Then a new fear set in. I was afraid that I would revert back to my old ways and stop taking care of myself. I had evidence of this.

I was preparing to go back to New York for a high school reunion. I knew “they” would all have baby pictures, so I broughtmy“baby,”acopyofmyfirstbook.IrealizedthatIwas about to fly 3,000 miles just for the reunion and had nothing else scheduled. This thought was reminiscent of the old me. In my new life, if I had a few business appointments in a week, it was fine. For the old me, somehow it never felt like enough.

I recognized my ego and old identity as thoughts came up suchas,“AmIaccomplishedenough?”Inordertoshowmyself and “them” that I was, I flipped back into “Super Business- woman” mode. I booked five appointments for one day in New York City.

And of course they were big important appointments: my publisher, Working Woman magazine, S uccess magazine, Ogilvy & Mather, the National Association of Female Executives and a lunch in between. It was exciting to get the response I received, but at what price?

I squeezed in a quick shopping trip to my favorite discount outlet. I was out of control. I spent $200 in about 10 minutes and proceeded to leave my shopping bag in an overheated taxi (never to be seen again) where the driver refused to turn on the air-conditioning. Overheated and out of air—doesn’t life give us the most literal metaphors?

I totally overdid it (in 100-degree heat). That day I prom- ised myself I would learn to integrate my new life practices of being calm and centered with my old productive side. This is something I continue to work at. It takes serious awareness and practice.

My phone rings a lot. I am grateful, yet sometimes I let my answering service pick it up. Sometimes I play music in the office. Some days I don’t work. I notice the more I take care of me, the better my service and the quality of my work are. I practice not being fragmented, but rather using all of me. I don’t want to be “still” so I can do more, but rather bring my stillness to my work. This is not a small point. I don’t want to leave play to go to work. I want to play and have fun at work.

Sometimes we separate aspects of ourselves that would serve us better to weave together. With a little awareness and effort, we can become more integrated and have much more of ourselves.