Читать книгу A Family For Tory And A Mother For Cindy - Margaret Daley - Страница 15

Tory started rinsing the dishes off to put into the dishwasher, but her hands shook so badly she nearly dropped a plate. Judy reached around her and turned the water off.

“Tory, you can’t keep running from the truth.”

A band about Tory’s chest tautened, constricting the air in her lungs. She drew in a deep breath, then blew it out through pursed lips. Once. Twice. Still she felt as though she were suffocating. Clasping her wet hands together to still their trembling, she closed her eyes, wishing she could block the world out as easily as flipping off a switch. Life wasn’t like that. She’d learned that painfully. There were times she felt as though she were running as fast as she could and going nowhere.

She focused on the feel of Judy’s arms around her as she said, “The truth? You don’t think I’ve faced it? I have every day for the past four years. As much as I want to forget, I can’t. I’ve tried. Believe me, I’ve tried.” Tears, from the depth of her bruised soul, filled her eyes and coursed down her cheeks.

“Does Slade know about you being raped?”

The question struck Tory with the force of a sledgehammer. Even though she didn’t move, she felt as though she had been knocked back against a brick wall. “No, I don’t see why I should share my past with him. It’s in my past. It has nothing to do with my future.” Shame and humiliation nibbled at the edges of her mind. She shut down, refusing them entry.

Judy’s arm tightened about Tory. “Who are you trying to kid? Our past has everything to do with our future.”

Tory wrenched herself from her big sister’s embrace and put several feet between them, anger surging to the surface. “If I tell Slade, it will be when I want to.”

Judy held up her hands. “I agree, Tory. I won’t say a word to him. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think he has a right to know.”

“Why? Because you think I’m tainted?” She remembered the looks she’d gotten, the whispers behind her back after she’d brought charges against Brandon Clayton. Cold fingers spread out from her heart to encompass her whole body. She’d felt as if she were the one who had done something wrong, not Brandon.

Horror replaced the concern in her sister’s expression. “No! Never! You know better than to say that. Who held you when you came home that night? Who wept with you? Took you to the hospital? Stood by you through the trial?”

“Why are you doing this now, right before my wedding?”

Judy covered the short distance and clasped Tory’s upper arms. “Because I’m worried about you. Because I want you to be happy. And if that means with Slade, then great. But I know a marriage must be based on the truth.”

“I haven’t lied to him.”

“But you aren’t telling him everything.”

“I doubt I know everything about him. Who does until they have lived with someone for years, if even then?”

“That’s a cop-out, Tory.”

“No, what I’m doing is what I must do to survive.” Tory yanked away from Judy, sucking in deep breaths of air, her heart pounding against her chest.

“Survive? You—”

The sound of Mindy’s and Slade’s voices drifted to Tory. The slam of the front door followed by footsteps nearing the kitchen prompted Tory to swipe her hands across her cheeks. She spun about, her back to the entrance while she tried to compose her shattered nerves.

She wasn’t the same person she’d been four years ago. She had a right to put that life behind her and move forward. To forget the pain. To grasp on to what happiness she could.

“Tor-ee, I—heard—the ani-mal under—the—house—a-gain.”

Forcing a smile, Tory turned toward Mindy. “You did? She must be making her home there.”

“Yep. I—showed—Dad-dy.”

The questioning probe of Slade’s gaze skimmed over her features. Tory concentrated her attention on the little girl, praying he couldn’t see beneath her false facade. “Was everything all right at the barn?”

Mindy nodded. “You—aren’t—done?” She glanced at the dishes still stacked at the side of the sink.

“Nope. Judy and I got to catching up and forgot to work.”

“I—can—help.”

Tory clasped her shoulders, wanting to drag the child against her and hold on to her forever. “You’ve done enough. I don’t want to tire my best worker out.”

“Besides, honey, it’s time for you and I to get home. The next few days are gonna be plenty busy.”

“Dad-dy—do we—have to?” Mindy straightened her slumped shoulders. “I’m—not—tired.”

Tory brushed her finger under the child’s eye, following the line of a dark circle beginning to form. “Is that so?”

“Well—may-be—a little.” Mindy held up her fingers to indicate less than an inch.

“I need you rested. We have to go for our last fitting for our dresses tomorrow.”

“Oh—” the child’s eyes grew round “—yes!” She grabbed her father’s hand and began to tug him toward the door. “We—better—go.”

Slade hung back and said over his shoulder, “Judy, now you see why I think Tory is perfect for Mindy. She works miracles with my daughter. See you tomorrow bright and early.”

When the sound of the front door closing drifted to Tory, she stiffened, curling her hands into tight balls at her sides. The silence of the house eroded her composure. The seconds ticked into a full minute. She knew her sister behind her was trying to decide how best to pursue their earlier topic of conversation.

Tory whirled about. “I’m through discussing my past, Judy. If you want to stay and enjoy my wedding, then I expect you to respect my decision to put my past behind me and not talk about it. Understood?”

“You’ve made yourself very clear, but—”

“Don’t, Judy. I want you to stay, but I’ll ask you to leave if you continue.”

Judy blew out a huff of air, a frown marring her pleasant features. “Okay, but that won’t stop me from worrying about you.”

“I didn’t think it would. But I’m a big girl now. I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you?”

No! But with God’s help I’ll figure it out. Because I have to. For Mindy’s sake. For Slade’s sake. And most of all, for my own sake.

His wedding ring gleamed in the sunlight. Slade spread his fingers wide and stared at the simple gold band. Married for an hour. He’d never thought he would ever marry again—not after the way his life had fallen apart with Carol’s death.

On the light breeze his child’s laughter floated to him. He glimpsed his daughter playing with Judy’s children, such joy on his child’s face. He’d done it for Mindy. He wanted her to have as normal a life as possible. He wanted a mother for her.

Searching the small crowd who’d gathered for his wedding reception, he found Tory talking with her parents and his brother, the only member of his immediate family able to make his wedding since his mother was unable to travel due to poor health. Like flames of a fire, her long, straight auburn hair fell about her shoulders, catching the rays of the sun. The soft folds of her white dress swirled about her knees as she moved with her parents toward her sister and brother-in-law. The tailored bodice and delicate beadwork along the scooped neckline emphasized Tory’s petite frame.

She caught him looking at her and smiled. Even across the lawn he saw the sparkle in her gaze as though golden honey mingled with the chocolate of her eyes. Behind that smile there lay a vulnerability that he suspected went deep. It was that very vulnerability that spoke to him and touched his own wounded soul. For a fleeting moment he wondered if it was possible to heal each other’s hurts.

He looked away, his gaze dropping to his left hand again. The wedding ring felt heavy and tight. He twisted the band around, a momentary sense of panic attacking. What had he done? He wasn’t a whole man. All he could offer Tory was loyalty and friendship. There wasn’t anything else left inside.

“It’s a little late to be having second thoughts,” Paul, his friend, said.

“I’m not. This was a good decision. Tory is right for Mindy and me.”

“I have to admit I was surprised by this sudden move. Frankly, I wasn’t even aware you were dating.” Paul peered toward Tory. “Sandy and I want to have you all over for dinner sometime soon. Maybe after the honeymoon.”

“We aren’t going on a honeymoon.”

“Don’t let work keep you from going away.”

“You know I’m in the middle of my plant’s expansion. I’m putting in a new assembly line to make plastic containers for Wellco. Besides that, I’ve got several new contracts starting that I need to oversee.” Slade wouldn’t even tell his friend that the real reason he wasn’t going on a honeymoon was his marriage wasn’t a normal one. Maybe one day, but not now. Paul had already worried enough about him.

“And how does your new wife feel about all this work?”

“She understands.”

“Then you have a special woman because Sandy certainly wouldn’t.”

“We’ll have a honeymoon later.”

“When that happens, we’d love for Mindy to stay with us. Laurie misses her and all she talks about is that picnic at the pond you all invited her to. She thinks Mindy is one lucky girl to live on a horse ranch.”

“Laurie is welcome to visit anytime,” Slade said, realizing he was already beginning to feel the ranch was his home.

That took him by surprise, but as he let his gaze travel over the backyard, the feeling of having come home grew. Already Mindy’s toys were evident with a new swing set near the freshly painted white fence separating the yard from the horse pasture. On the deck sat his grill from his house and several blue-and-green pieces of his patio furniture, including a round glass table shaded by an umbrella with big blue flowers on it.

He was selling his house in town even though it was bigger. He had made a commitment to Tory and that involved making her riding stable a success. His home was here now.

“Mom, you should sit down. You’ve been on your feet too long.” Tory took a hold of her mother’s arm to guide her to the nearest chair. The pale cast to her mother’s features worried her. Eleanor Alexander’s weak heart had curtailed her activities in the past few years, and today she had overdone it. “Are you taking your medicine?”

“Yes, dear. I’m just fine.” Eleanor patted her daughter’s arm. “You worry too much.” She eased onto the folding chair and indicated Tory sit next to her. “We haven’t had much time to talk these past few days. I never thought you’d be able to put together a wedding so fast, but you did. I wish I could have helped more.”

“You being here is all I need.”

“Well, of course, I’d come to my daughter’s wedding, dear.” A tiny frown furrowed her brow. “Are you sure, Tory?”

“Now look who’s worrying. I’m sure. Slade Donaldson is a good man. I’m lucky to have found him.” As she said those words to her mother, Tory felt the rightness in every one of them. Slade was an excellent choice for a husband. They were friends. Wasn’t that a good reason to marry someone? Much better than passion and love. Ever since her rape, she didn’t see her life filled with either of those emotions. When the man she had been dating had forced himself on her, he had taken not only her virginity but her trust in her judgment in men. Slade made her realize not all men were like Brandon Clayton.

Her mother sighed. “I won’t lie to you. I’ve been worried about you ever since—” Her mother couldn’t voice aloud what had happened to Tory. She never had. Eleanor pinched her lips together, her frown deepening.

Tory laid her hand over her mother’s. “I know. But I’m getting better with each day.” Some days I don’t even think about what happened four years ago. For all her declarations to Slade and Judy about putting the past behind her, she knew in her heart it was always there, just waiting for when she let down her guard. It would have been so much easier if she had lost her memory of the rape. Then she wouldn’t wonder if her life would ever be normal again.

“I’m glad, dear. I think this marriage is a good step in the right direction. I like your young man and Mindy is adorable. A ready-made family. I know how important a family is to you.”

And her time for starting her own was running out. Tory had never told her mother that she had been diagnosed with endometriosis. Her mother had been upset enough about the rape. Tory hadn’t wanted to add to her mother’s worries. She knew how much her mother wanted lots of grandchildren. She’d gotten her love for a large family from her mother.

“Mindy is fitting right in with Ashley and Jamie.”

Tory looked toward Mindy playing with her new cousins. “Yes, they hit it off right away. It’s nice they are all about the same age.”

“Has Judy told you the good news yet?”

“No.”

“Oh, dear. I thought she would have told you the first night.”

“Told me what, Mom?”

“She’s going to have another baby in seven months. But don’t say anything. She hasn’t told the kids yet. She just found out the day she came up here.”

Tory knew the reason her big sister hadn’t said anything. She hadn’t wanted to put a damper on the festivities. She was happy for Judy and she would let her know as soon as possible. Her sister needed to stop trying to protect her. She’d learned to deal with disappointments, and never having her own children was a very real possibility. “That’s great, Mom. Judy probably didn’t want to take away from my day.”

“Knowing your sister, you’re probably right.” Her mother peered over Tory’s shoulder. “I think Maude is trying to get your attention.”

Tory shifted in the chair and found her aunt standing by the long table laden with food. Aunt Maude waved to Tory to come cut the cake she’d baked the happy couple.

Her mother’s color still hadn’t returned. Her eyes dull, she attempted a smile. “I think it’s time to cut the cake, dear. I’ll watch from here.”

“Mom, maybe you should go into the house and lie down.”

“No—” she fluttered her hand in the air “—I’m fine, dear.”

“Mother?”

“Go. I see your young man has already been roped by Maude into participating. The groom has to have a bride by his side when he’s cutting the cake.”

Tory pushed to her feet, her legs suddenly weak. Her gaze linked with Slade’s. For a few seconds the rest of the people faded, and she and Slade were the only two who existed. Earlier that day in her church she’d married him for better or worse, forever. She was now part of Slade and Mindy’s family. The implication of what had transpired made her falter as she walked toward her husband. Doubts took hold of her heart and squeezed. Had she done the right thing for everyone?

Slade took her trembling hand and clasped it, conveying his support in his gaze and touch. “Is your mother all right?”

“She says yes, but I think she’s overdone it. She’ll be the last person to complain if she isn’t feeling well.”

“Are you two ready to cut the cake?” Aunt Maude asked, snatching the knife off the table and presenting it to Tory.

She grasped it with Slade’s hand over hers. The warmth in his palm seared into her. For a second she felt branded, panic swimming toward the surface. She shoved it back down and smiled for the photographer.

Slicing the knife into the bottom layer of the two-tiered carrot cake, her favorite, she prepared the first piece to feed Slade. Her fingers quivered as she lifted the cake to his mouth. His lips closed over the dessert, nipping the tips of her fingers. A tingling awareness chilled her. Dropping her hand away, she entwined her fingers, trying not to shake.

Slade’s eyes sparkled like blue fire as he brought her morsel toward her. When she opened her mouth, his finger grazed her bottom lip, again sending a current of sensations zipping through her. She swallowed too soon and nearly choked. Coughing, tears springing to her eyes, she desperately tried to draw air into her lungs and couldn’t quite succeed.

Slade patted her on her back. “Tory, are you okay?”

Finally taking a shallow breath, she nodded, unable to speak.

Slade gave her a glass of water that Aunt Maude handed him. Concern etched his features and gave him an endearing appeal.

“It—went down—the wrong way,” Tory said.

“When you told me your favorite cake was carrot, I didn’t realize you would try to inhale your piece. There will be plenty left for you, I promise.”

Tory laughed, all tension fleeing. Slade made her laugh. Slade cared about her. Slade was a loving father. Those were three things she needed to remember as they learned to live together.

“Toast. Toast,” Brad, her brother-in-law, called out.

Aunt Maude thrust a glass of lemonade into each of their hands.

Slade faced Tory and lifted his high, his gaze connected to hers. “To a wonderful woman who has opened her home and heart to my family.”

The sweet words washed over her in warming waves. Her mind went blank as she took a sip of her drink. Then it was her turn and still she didn’t know how to express her churning emotions. The crowd fell silent, every pair of eyes on her.

She ran her tongue over her dry lips and said, “To a man any woman would be lucky to have as a husband.”

“Hear, hear,” someone shouted from the back.

Heat flamed her cheeks as she sipped some more of her lemonade, soothing her parched throat. Tory moved away from the table to allow Aunt Maude and Judy to cut the rest of the cake and pass it out to the guests.

“How are you holding up?” Slade asked, leaning close to her ear.

His whispered words feathered the nape of her neck and sent a cascade of goose bumps down her spine. She shivered, again a mass of jittery nerves. “Fine. I will say the past few weeks have been a whirlwind, but the ranch looks nice. And all thanks to you.”

“This is my home now. We are partners.”

His gaze robbed her of rational thought. She felt lost in the swirling blue depths as though she were drowning in a lake, a whirlpool dragging her under for the third time. “Yes,” she managed to say even though her mouth felt dry as an August day in Oklahoma.

“How’s Gus working out?”

Tory spied the old man talking to her father and grinned. “He has been a blessing. He may be sixty-eight, but he works like he’s years younger. And he knows his way around horses.”

“Mindy has taken a liking to him.”

“If I’m busy with book work, she’s out helping him. He’s good with her.”

Slade took her hand and brought it up between them, his gaze fastened to hers. “You’re good with her.”

There was little more than a few inches separating them and Tory should have been afraid. Always before when a man got too close, all her alarm bells rang and sent her flying back. But slowly Slade had insinuated himself into her life until she wasn’t scared of his nearness. She even enjoyed his touches. Maybe everything would work out. Hope planted itself in her heart. She wanted her life back. Like Mindy, she was struggling for normalcy.

“Time for you to throw the bouquet.”

Her sister’s words broke the spell Slade had woven about her. Tory stepped back, her hands dropping away from his. And for a few seconds she felt deprived.

“I’ve got all the single women lined up below the deck. All you have to do is toss it into the crowd.”

“Crowd?” Tory spied the three women by the deck. One was eighteen, another in her thirties and the last in her seventies.

“I can’t help it that you know mostly married women. I thought about having Mindy and Ashley join the group, but I don’t think either Slade nor I want to deal with two young girls dreaming of getting married just yet.”

“You’ve got that right,” Slade said with a chuckle.

“So it’s our cousin and two ladies from your church.” Judy pushed the bouquet of white roses into Tory’s hand.

Tory felt all eyes on her as she strode to the steps that led to the back deck. Perspiration popped out on her forehead. She didn’t like being the center of attention, but the day of the wedding the bride always was. She should have eloped. Of course, then her family would never have forgiven her and she suspected Mindy wouldn’t have been happy, either. The little girl had been all smiles as she walked down the aisle to the altar earlier that day.

With her back to her guests, Tory tossed the bouquet over her head, then spun about to see Mrs. Seitz nearly shove her eighteen-year-old cousin out of the way to grab the flowers. The seventy-year-old proudly waved the bouquet in the air, catching sight of Mr. Weaver by the punch bowl. He colored a deep red.

After that the guests started to leave, surrounding Tory and Slade to say their goodbyes. Slade by her side felt right. Maybe this could work. Please, Lord, give me the strength to do what I need to be a good wife and mother.

The bellow of a bullfrog and the occasional neigh from a horse in the paddock vied with the chorus of insects. The nearly full moon lit the darkness, creating shadows that danced in the warm breeze. Tory, dressed now in shorts and a T-shirt, sat on the porch swing with her legs drawn up and her arms clasping them to her chest. Resting her head on her knees, she listened to the night sounds and thought back over her wedding day.

She was no longer Tory Alexander, but Tory Donaldson. That realization produced a constriction in her chest. She was responsible for more than herself now. Her arms around her legs tightened. Everyone was gone, even her family who were staying at a motel in town and Slade’s brother. It was just Mindy, Slade and her. She no longer heard nature’s background noise. The lack of voices isolated her, sharpening her senses.

She knew Slade was there before she saw him standing by the steps. She’d heard the soft shuffle of his feet moving across the yard; she’d thought she’d smelled his lime-scented aftershave wafting to her. Lifting her head, she asked, “Did you find it?”

Slade produced the stuffed pony. “By the swing set.”

“Good. I know how important favorite toys are.”

“I’ll be right back.” Slade mounted the steps and went into the house.

Minutes later he returned and folded his long length into the chair next to the swing. “She was still awake, waiting for me to bring Belle. After the excitement of today, I’d have thought she would have been asleep the second her head hit the pillow.”

“Belle is special to Mindy.”

“The stuffed one as well as the real one.” He stretched his legs out in front and crossed them at the ankles. “I don’t know about you, but when my head hits the pillow, I’ll be asleep.”

Sleep? She didn’t know if she could right now with Slade only a wall away from her. When she had accepted his proposal, she hadn’t really thought about the sleeping arrangement. Even though he didn’t share her bedroom, they shared a small house. She’d avoided any kind of level of intimacy for so long she wasn’t sure how to share one bathroom, the same living quarters, even the kitchen first thing in the morning.

“It has been a long day,” she finally said, his silence indicating he expected her to say something. She unfolded her legs and swung them to the floor. Standing, she rolled her shoulders and worked out the kinks.

When he rose, too, the small porch suddenly became smaller. She could definitely smell his aftershave as the scent surrounded her. The distance between them was less than an arm’s length. If she wanted, she could reach out and touch him easily. In the dim light from inside the house she could see his handsome features, marked with uncertainty and tenderness.

He quirked a smile. “I realize this is a bit awkward.”

“A little.” When his smile grew, she said, “Okay, a lot.”

He shifted closer, linking his hand with hers. “We’ll make this work.”

“For Mindy.”

“For us, Tory.”

His voice, pitched low, flowed over her. She shivered in the warm, June night. His hand slid up her arm, sending a cascade of chills down it. He moved even closer until there was only a breath between them. Cupping her face with his other hand, he stared into her eyes as though trying to read what was in her soul.

Exhausted from the long day and the emotional treadmill she’d been on, Tory melted against him, her legs giving out. He tilted her chin up, pausing for a few seconds before bringing his mouth down on hers. The mating of their lips wasn’t like the quick peck at the end of the wedding ceremony; it was a blending of breaths and parrying of tongues. Weak with sensations foreign to her, Tory welcomed the taste of him—until he wound his arms about her, pressing her closer.

Suddenly she couldn’t breathe. Panic eroded her composure, prodding her heart to crash against her rib cage. She shoved him away, gasping for air. His startled expression rendered her speechless. She pushed past him, taking the steps two at a time.

The pounding of her bare feet on the cool grass matched the pounding of her pulse. She saw the one light on in the barn and headed for it. Inside she stopped, bending over and drawing gulps of air into her burning lungs.

How in the world had she thought she was ready for this?

What must Slade think? Her husband had kissed her and she had fallen apart. She wrapped her arms around herself and walked toward the back of the barn. Opening the door, she stood staring at the pasture beyond, the moonlight streaming down in a crystal clear sky. The scent of hay and horses saturated the air, a familiar scent that usually comforted her. Except that her heart beat rapidly and she couldn’t get a decent breath.

“Tory, what just happened back there?”