Читать книгу Heart Of A Cowboy - Margaret Daley - Страница 11

Sore, Jordan slid to the ground back at the barn half an hour later, keeping her eye on her son to make sure he dismounted okay. He did, almost like a pro. She had to admit everything Nicholas did he did well. He was quick to pick up things. But usually they weren’t physical activities.

Jordan caught sight of Zachary taking a few extra moments to explain to her son how to take care of his horse after a ride. Nicholas absorbed what Zachary told him with his usual intense concentration. She knew that after this he wouldn’t have to be told again. Zachary patted him on the shoulder. The smile her son gave Zachary right before he strode away to tend to his gelding stirred doubts in her that she hadn’t made a good choice all those years ago.

That brief scene confirmed she had to tell Zachary about Nicholas soon. There was no way she could keep her secret if they were both living in such a small town. He was bound to find out some way or another. She still didn’t know how she would break the news. Tell Zachary first or Nicholas? She felt in over her head. But maybe this was one of the reasons she’d finally come home. She wanted Nicholas to be surrounded by family—even Zachary’s. It would be to her son’s benefit, and maybe for once, she wouldn’t feel so alone in this world. Yes, she’d always had the support of her mother, grandmother and sister, but long-distance support wasn’t the same as immediate face-to-face interactions. And yet, for years she’d lived far away from that support because of her feelings toward Zachary.

Could she really tell him? If she kept quiet, she wouldn’t have to see him. She could even leave Tallgrass. He never had to know. That idea suddenly appealed to her because every time she thought of telling him about Nicholas, her stomach coiled into a hard ball.

“Hi. Jana told me your son had his first riding lesson today.” A young woman with long, curly mahogany hair and soft, dark brown eyes stopped next to Jordan. “I’m Alexa Ferguson, Jana’s stepmom.”

Jordan shook the hand the twentysomething offered her. “Nice to meet you. My son enjoyed getting to know Jana and the others. He can be shy around new kids.”

“So can Jana, but this year she’s come a long way.”

“How so?”

“The best thing my husband did for Jana was take her out of school and teach her at home. She’d developed separation anxiety when her mother divorced Ian and left. She was afraid she was going to lose him, too. She needed that time with her father. I don’t advocate that for every child because a school placement is right for a lot of them, but some need something else. Jana was one of those.”

“So you think homeschooling is a good option for some?” Is that what Nicholas needs?

“Jana has blossomed since she’s been at home. When I’m not taking classes, I help Ian teach her. This past couple of weeks, I haven’t had a chance as much since I’m doing my student teaching, and to tell you the truth, I miss working with her.”

“So it’s been a positive experience?”

“It’s been great. I’m finishing my elementary education degree, so it’s a good experience for me. She’s bright, and we’ve had so much fun.” Alexa hiked her large purse up on her shoulder.

“But you know what you’re doing.” She didn’t know the first thing about homeschooling. What if homeschooling was the answer if Nicholas continued to have problems at school? She’d never studied to be a teacher like Alexa. How could she teach her child with his high IQ? But she should check into it.

“The beauty of being part of the Helping Hands Homeschooling group is you have support from other parents who are doing the same thing and have probably gone through the same problems. Most of them don’t have formal educational training.”

“Zachary mentioned something about being involved with the organization.”

“Are you thinking of homeschooling your son?”

Jordan searched the area and found Nicholas talking with Randy, both boys relaxed, grinning. “I never thought about that option for him until now.” She didn’t know what to do. Going up to the school, talking with the teacher and principal really hadn’t taken care of what Nicholas had needed at his last school.

“Why don’t you come to an HHH meeting this week and talk with others who’ve been involved a long time. I’ve only been doing it since January.”

Jana ran up to Alexa. “Can Ashley come home with us today?”

“Sure. Your dad is working on the bench for your room so he’ll be busy in the garage.” After Jana whirled around and raced to her friend, Alexa returned her attention to Jordan. “I hope I’ll see you Wednesday night. I’ll introduce you to some of the others.” She rummaged in her big purse, pulled out a pad of paper and wrote an address down on it. “This is where we have our meetings.”

Jordan stuffed the note into her jeans pocket. She just might take Alexa up on her offer, especially if her son continued to have social problems. Yesterday morning, his second Friday, he hadn’t wanted to go because of a stomachache, but today he’d had a great time interacting with the kids at the ranch.

After Alexa gathered Jana and Ashley to leave, Jordan called out for Nicholas to get into the car. Then she crossed to where Zachary stood by the corral with the horse that had been frightened earlier. He glanced at her when she came up to the railing next to him.

At the stream after he’d stomped off, they hadn’t said a word to each other, but she needed to thank him at least. Soon enough their rocky relationship could be even rockier if she told him about Nicholas. “Thanks for letting us stay and for giving Nicholas a riding lesson.”

“No problem.” He kept his arms resting on a slat of the fence, his gaze trained on the horse in the paddock. “Even though I don’t have any children, I love having them here at the ranch.”

Ouch! The jab at her earlier statement scored a direct hit, especially when he did have a child although he didn’t know it. “I’m sorry I said that. It’s obvious children respond to you. The kids enjoyed the ride today, especially Nicholas.”

“And that’s why he’s welcome to come out here and ride. He doesn’t have to be part of the homeschooling group for him to be included. I saw how much he enjoyed it.” His tightly clasped hands attested to how much that invitation had cost him.

“Can I get back to you on that?”

“Sure. I’m here most days.” He shoved himself away from the railing and turned toward her. “For the lessons you can just leave Nicholas and come back in an hour. Most parents don’t stay.”

There had been a time they had spent every possible moment together. Now it was obvious he didn’t want to have anything to do with her. Which was the way she wanted it. What would he do when or if he discovered Nicholas was his son? For a few seconds she considered telling him and just getting it over with. The words were on the tip of her tongue. But she peered to her left and saw her son making a beeline for them. She didn’t want everything to change with that revelation. She needed to do some thinking, praying.

“Thanks for the riding lesson. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time.”

If she had been thinking of refusing Zachary’s invitation, her son’s declaration stopped that.

“You’re welcome to come anytime.”

“Really? Great!” Nicholas beamed. “Mom, can I come next Saturday? The others will.”

“We’ll see. Right now we need to get home. Nana’s gonna wonder where we disappeared to.” Jordan started for her car.

“But Aunt Rachel knows. She’ll tell her.” Nicholas halted his progress toward the Camaro, swung toward Zachary and waved. “Bye. See you Saturday.”

Jordan wanted to tell Nicholas no, but she knew she couldn’t deny him an opportunity to ride, especially since it was his father who would be teaching him. As she pulled away from the barn, she glimpsed Zachary leaning back against the railing, studying her with those intense green eyes.

His last expression, totally unreadable, stayed with Jordan the whole way home. Twenty minutes later she pulled into the driveway of the two-story house where she’d grown up. Her sister lived down the street. After years away, she and Nicholas were finally surrounded by family members—more than she’d counted on when she’d decided to return to Tallgrass.

“I need to take care of Tucker. I’ll be out back.” Nicholas hopped from the car and raced toward the backyard and the dog that had been his companion through his ordeal to fix the hole in his heart.

Inside she found her mother lying down on the couch in the den with a cold pack on her forehead. Jordan started to back out of the room when her mom shot up.

“How did it go riding?”

Jordan sank into a chair, her muscles protesting the afternoon ride, her head pounding with tension from dealing with Zachary. “Why didn’t you or Rachel tell me Zachary owned the ranch?”

Her mother’s eyes widened. “Maybe your sister knew, but I didn’t. I’d heard he was back in town, but that’s all.”

“Well, then, why didn’t you tell me that at least?”

She swung her feet to the floor and faced Jordan. “Because I was afraid you wouldn’t come home. Isn’t he the reason you’ve stayed away?”

“My work kept me in South Carolina.”

“Your graphics design business can be done from anywhere. You had a few clients there, but you’ve managed to serve them from here, haven’t you?”

“Okay, you’re right. Most of my clients are from all over.”

“See, I knew it.”

Jordan removed the rubber band that held her hair off her neck. She shook her curls loose, running her fingers through them. “It’s hot out there.”

“It’s August in Oklahoma. That means hot. And you’re avoiding talking about your encounter with Zachary.”

“I didn’t know that was what we were talking about. Why the cold pack?”

“Your grandmother is driving me crazy.” Her mother frowned. “And you’re doing it again. It’s obvious you ran into Zachary. How did it go?”

“I’ve been manipulated by my son into taking him back out to the ranch for more lessons with Zachary as the instructor. Not something I’m looking forward to.”

“Are you going to tell him about Nicholas?”

The question shot Jordan to her feet. She hurried to the entrance and checked to make sure her son wasn’t anywhere he could overhear, then moved back to the chair and plopped down. “I don’t want Nicholas to know until I’m ready to tell him. He thinks his father didn’t want to be involved with us.” Which was what she had convinced herself of. Now she wasn’t so sure of anything. Even if Zachary found out about Nicholas, he might not want to be in his son’s life, but after today she realized she probably should have pursued getting in touch with him more than a couple of times. But her feelings had been so hurt she couldn’t bring herself to make another call that might go unreturned.

“He never questioned you about his father?” Her mother schooled her voice into a whisper.

“Sure, when he was young. I think he saw how upset I got by the subject that he decided not to ask any more questions.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“That’s a good question. One I need an answer to.”

“Hon, you’ve got to figure that out yourself. I know it’s been rough raising Nicholas by yourself, especially with his heart problem, but the doctor said he was fine now, that the surgery was a success. You’ve done a wonderful job with him.”

“But, Mom, I’ve made some big mistakes.” She was blessed to have Nicholas in her life and wouldn’t trade him for anything. But a mistake she had been paying for these past eleven years was believing that she and Zachary would be together forever and giving herself to him before they were married.

“We all make mistakes. Remember Christ was the only person who walked this earth who was perfect. I’m not perfect. You aren’t. Zachary isn’t.”

“I know, but in South Carolina I could forget that Zachary was the other half of Nicholas. Here I can’t. I discovered that today. My past has caught up with me.”

“Then you need to tell Zachary right away.”

“I’ve got to find the right place and time. I want to tell Zachary before I say anything to Nicholas. I owe Zachary at least that much. I’m giving myself some time to figure it out. What to say. Where to say it. I’m not rushing into it. I’ve got to do it right.”

Her mother pushed to her feet, clutching the cold pack. “You always have to analyze everything. You never rush into anything. Don’t wait too long, hon. The truth needs to come from you and frankly Nicholas looks a lot like Zachary.”

Her son’s features were similar to Zachary’s, but Nicholas’s hair was blond and his stature was small like hers.

“As sharp as your son is, he might figure it out if given the time and given the connection between you two.”

Jordan stood. “Okay, you’ve made your point.” She couldn’t have that. She needed to decide how and when.

“Now if I could only make my point with your grandma.”

“What’s going on with Granny?”

“She has a date tonight.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Don’t you think eighty is a little old to start dating after being a widow for twenty-five years?”

Jordan chuckled. “It’s wonderful. Where did she meet him?”

“At church. He’s a widower. Doug Bateman lives down the street. She can barely walk without her walker, but I think she’s been sneaking out to meet him in the park.”

“She’s an adult. I think she can do what she wants.”

Her mother snorted, rounded the coffee table and crossed the den to the doorway. “I’m gonna see if I can get more support from your sister,” she mumbled as she left the room.

Jordan eased into the chair again. The throbbing beat of her headache pulsated behind her eyes. She buried her face in her hands and massaged her fingertips into her forehead.

I need help, Lord. I don’t know how to tell Zachary or Nicholas. Everything will change if I do.

“Ashley told me a new kid named Nicholas joined them today riding and his mother is Jordan. Do you have something to tell me?” Becca approached Zachary not an hour after Jordan had left the ranch with her son.

Zachary slanted a look at his sister standing on the other side of the corral fence with her hand on her hip. “Nope.”

“The other day I heard Jordan Masterson came back to town. Was that her?”

“Why didn’t you tell me she was back?” He removed his hat and tapped it against his jeans. “I don’t like surprises.”

“I didn’t think she would come out here.”

“So it was okay not to say anything to me? I was bound to meet her sometime in Tallgrass. We have a number of the same friends, and I’m sure she’ll get reacquainted with them.”

His older sister studied him. “I thought you had moved on.”

He’d thought so, too. Until he’d seen Jordan and all the old hurt came back. His gut burned as if acid eroded it. “As much as I’m enjoying this little chitchat, I’ve got to train this horse.” He gestured toward Midnight, warily watching him on the other side of the paddock.

Becca huffed, her mouth pinched into a frown. “If you need to talk, you know where the house is.”

As his sister left, Zachary made his way toward Midnight. He’d wanted a family, children, and couldn’t have any now. But in spite of the rodeo accident that snatched away his dream he’d carved out a life here in Tallgrass, and Jordan had come back and disrupted everything.

Why couldn’t she just stay away? Leave him in peace? All those years ago he’d fled his hometown because every place he’d gone reminded him of Jordan. Even when he had joined the army—anything different to take his thoughts off Jordan—in the back of his mind he’d clung to the hope she would call and come back to him. She never did, and he was left to pick up the pieces. When he had patched his life back together, he’d vowed she would never break his heart again.

And now he’d gone and agreed to teach her son to ride. Now he would have to see Jordan once a week. He didn’t want a weekly reminder of what could have been.

“Ms. Masterson, Nicholas seems to be having a hard time adjusting to this school. He knows the rules, and yet he snuck into the school at lunchtime when he was supposed to be outside on the playground. His teacher found him sitting at his desk when she came in after eating lunch.”

Seated in front of the elementary school principal on Wednesday, Jordan crossed her legs, shifting to try to make herself more comfortable. But there was no way around it. She felt as though she’d been sent to the principal’s office, rather than her son. “Was he disruptive or doing something he shouldn’t in the room?”

“No, but that’s not the point. He wasn’t supposed to be there.”

“Did you ask him why he came inside early?”

“He wouldn’t say why.” The principal scanned a piece of paper. “And I’ve got a report from the nurse that he’s going to her almost every day complaining of a stomachache or something else being wrong. Have you taken him to the doctor to make sure he’s all right?”

“Last week and he’s fine.” Jordan rose, gripping her purse in front of her like a firewall. “I’ll talk with him.” It was the same situation as his last school. He didn’t fit in easily. She needed to do something to make his learning years more enjoyable.

As the older woman came to her feet, she leaned into her desk. “Maybe he shouldn’t have skipped a grade.”

“That’s something the school in South Carolina did to keep him interested in his studies. The curriculum was too easy for him. Is he having problems academically?”

“On the contrary, his grades so far are excellent, but socially…” The principal averted her gaze for a moment then reestablished eye contact and said, “Frankly, he doesn’t interact with the other children much. I’m concerned about him.”

“Thank you. I’ll talk with Nicholas today about following the rules.” Her son always followed the rules. Which made this new behavior troubling.

When Jordan emerged from the principal’s office, Nicholas pushed himself off the wall and trudged toward her. With his head down, she couldn’t see his expression.

“We need to talk in the car.” She didn’t want others to overhear their conversation. She was determined to get to the bottom of what was happening to Nicholas.

Five minutes later with the air-conditioning cooling the interior of the car, Jordan sat behind the steering wheel in the parking lot of Key Elementary, Nicholas in the front seat next to her. “What’s going on at school?”

“I don’t understand the other guys’ fascination with video games and football.”

Well, neither did she but that didn’t solve the problem her son had. He was more comfortable with adults. “Are they making fun of you?”

“I’m supposed to play dumb.” Nicholas looked directly at her. “I can’t do that. If some of them would do their homework, they could answer the teacher’s questions. I’m bored and miserable.”

“How about the enrichment class?”

“It meets twice a week for an hour. I need more. Randy was telling me about being schooled at home. May I try that? That way the class won’t hold me back. I can learn at my own rate.”

And going up another grade wasn’t an option. “I’ll think about it. I’ll even go to the Helping Hands Homeschooling meeting tonight and see what they have to offer.” Jordan pulled out of her parking space and headed to the street running in front of the school. “Because, Nicholas, I’ll need help, and I want to make sure I can have opportunities for you to socialize if I homeschool you.”

“I don’t think like kids my age.”

“You seem to like Randy, Jana and Ashley.”

“Yeah, they’re different.”

Maybe if she could get Nicholas to socialize outside school, it would work better for her son. She was glad the HHH meeting was that evening, but she needed to know more before she committed to homeschooling. Was that the best option for her son? Could she provide him with the needed academics as well as opportunities to be with other kids?

Would Zachary be there? He’d said something about going because he was involved in the planning of an HHH Junior Rodeo Event at the ranch. She’d tried calling him several times since Saturday to set up a meeting with him, but each time she’d hung up before the phone had even rung once. The thought of seeing him that evening sent her pulse racing through her body. Should she even go?

When Jordan and Nicholas arrived at the Tallgrass Community Center where the Helping Hands Homeschooling group’s meeting took place, the first person she saw was Zachary standing near his older sister, Becca.

“Mom, I see Randy. He told me to join him when I came.”

“Fine.” She couldn’t take her eyes off Zachary.

He lifted his head and fastened his gaze on her. For a brief moment she was swept back to the time he’d approached her after a football game for the first time. Her heart reacted as it had then—tapping a fast staccato against her rib cage.

Something akin to that look they had exchanged all those years ago flickered into his eyes. Then suddenly he banked the fiery gleam. Even from across the large room she saw the tensing of his shoulders, the hardening of his jaw as though he gritted his teeth.

She tore her attention away. Not far from her, Alexa stood with a tall man who wore wire-rimmed glasses. Plastering a smile on her face, Jordan headed for the young woman she’d met at the ranch. Maybe she could work her way toward Zachary and casually find out about his work schedule.

Because her mother was right. She couldn’t postpone this discussion concerning Nicholas much longer. If she told him, she needed to do it soon. The longer she waited the more she would have to explain.

“It’s great seeing you at the meeting. Are you thinking of homeschooling?” Alexa asked after introducing Ian to Jordan.

“I’m thinking about it. I wanted to find out what re sources were available to someone like me who doesn’t have any training in teaching.”

“Dr. Nancy Baker, the founder of HHH, is a professor at Tallgrass Community College. She has a lot of materials and books available that you can access.”

“Before you two talk shop, I see Zachary. I need to see him about the HHH Junior Rodeo Event. Nice meeting you.” Ian nodded toward her, squeezed Alexa’s hand, then weaved his way through the throng toward Zachary.

For a few seconds Jordan’s gaze followed Ian’s path until he reached Zachary, who caught her looking. She quickly averted her eyes. “I’d like to check into homeschooling. Nicholas isn’t doing as well as he should at school right now. He’s so bright, but his potential isn’t being met. I’m not sure, though, I can do any better. He’s been studying algebra on his own with some help from me, but it’s been a while since I did it. I’m having a hard time keeping up.”

“Ian is starting his second math group involving algebra for homeschoolers next week. We have a medical doctor in this group who teaches a different science course every three months—human anatomy starts in September, too. Those courses are part of the co-op classes some of the kids tap into.”

“So I don’t have to teach every subject? Because there are a few I’m not good at.”

“No one is. If you have some kind of expertise, you might want to offer a course for the group, but it’s not a requirement.”

“My job is a computer graphic designer. It might be fun doing something with that. I’ll have to think about it.”

“Let me introduce you to Nancy before the meeting begins.” Alexa searched the large room. “Ah, I see her talking to Ian and Zachary.” The young woman started for them.

Jordan braced herself with a deep breath and followed Alexa. Maybe no one else sensed the tension flowing from Zachary as she and Alexa joined the small group with Ian and Nancy, but Jordan did. That tic in Zachary’s jawline jerked.

“This is Jordan, Nancy. She’s thinking about homeschooling her son.” Alexa stepped next to Ian, who slipped his arm around her shoulder.

Nancy shook Jordan’s hand. “Great. If you need any help, there are plenty of us to ask.”

“I wondered if I could come look at your materials. Nicholas needs a lot of enrichment, and I want to make sure I can give it to him.” Jordan shifted from one foot to the other, conscious of Zachary next to her. Only inches from him, her arm prickled as though there was a physical connection.

“Fine. How about we set up a time to talk, and then you can look through the resources? Say tomorrow morning at eleven?”

“I appreciate that. I don’t want the situation at school to go on too long.”

“Then I’ll see you at eleven. Now if you all will excuse me, I need to get this meeting started. We’ve got an HHH Junior Rodeo Event to plan for in October.” Nancy walked toward the front of the room.

“What’s going on at school?” Zachary’s deep voice, with a husky edge, broke the momentary silence.

Suddenly Jordan faced him alone because Ian and Alexa moved off to sit in a row not far away. “He’s teased a lot because he’s smart. He has trouble socializing with some of the kids his age. But mainly Nicholas isn’t being challenged enough in school.” She didn’t want to go into too much detail. That could lead to questions she wasn’t prepared to answer.

He scanned the group of children filing into the room off the main one. “It looks like he’s getting along great with Randy.” He gestured toward Nicholas, who was laughing and talking with the boy as they trailed behind the group of kids. “I know that Randy wanted to learn to ride as much as your son did. Nicholas will be a good addition to the Saturday riding group. They both have a fascination with the rodeo.”

“Nicholas said something to you about that?”

“Yes, he wanted me to teach him to ride a bronco.”

“That’s not gonna happen.”

“He could learn some of the less risky activities like barrel racing.”

Racing! Falling off a horse going fast! She ground her teeth and kept those thoughts to herself. As Nancy started the meeting, Jordan realized they were the only two not sitting. Two chairs nearby seemed the logical choice for them to sit in, but she didn’t want to be seated next to Zachary. How in the world was she going to handle him being in Nicholas’s life as his father?