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CHILDREN AND PETS

“A child who is exposed to the emotional experiences inherent in playing with a pet is given many learning opportunities that are essential to wholesome personality development”

- Boris Levinson, Child psychologist

“Mommy, Daddy, can I pleeeease get him? I promise I’ll take care of him all on my own.” Most parents at one time or another have been subjected to the persistent pleas of a child whose heart has been captured by a creature of nature. Usually it is the cuddly furriness of a puppy or kitten.

As tempting as it is to give in, the decision to add a new life to the family should not be an impulsive one. As parents, we teach by example. Our preparation for and careful consideration of adding a new family member is the first step in parenting with a pet. This important beginning models responsibility to our child at its most basic level. When we control the buying impulse, we teach our children to stop and think before they act. It is important for parents to remember the difference between the purchases of inanimate objects, such as toys, and the commitment to another living creature. A pet should not be seen as disposable.

Why Get a Pet and What to Expect

There is evidence that the presence of animals can alter children’s attitudes toward themselves and their ability to relate to others. Live animals are catalysts for social and verbal interactions among children. According to one study, animals as varied as dogs, birds, and spiders facilitated social interactions.

Brenda Bryant, a University of California-Davis Applied Behavioral Science Professor, explains that experiences with pets increase competence in children in ways that other learned tasks cannot. In addition to increased verbal skills, children naturally become more attuned to nonverbal communication as a result of interactions with their pet. This comes from their practice at “reading” their pet’s body language. But this skill is not restricted to their pet. These children also demonstrated the ability to draw the correct conclusions about emotions from human faces more accurately than those from homes without a pet.

Students with a companion animal are able to express their emotions more freely than children from homes without a pet. This may be due in part to the nonjudgmental attitude of animals. These children also had an easier time in social situations and were more adept at problem solving.

As the child grows, his or her world becomes more and more complex and stressful. A pet in the family can provide a child with a constant. This security allows the child to experiment with different strategies to reduce stress. As parents, we can help coach our children with positive means for them to handle their daily pressures both at home and at school.

Sarah stomped through the front door, slammed her backpack on the floor, slumped into the kitchen chair, and heaved a huge sigh.

“I can see you’ve had a hard day.”

Sarah glared at her mother and rolled her eyes.

“You know, Daisy has been sitting at the gate all afternoon waiting for you to get home and take her for a walk.”

“I don’t feel like it right now,” Sarah mumbled.

“I know you don’t; I can tell how upset you are. However, it’s really important that Daisy get out for her walk. I’ll have a snack ready for you when you get back.” Her mother put an arm around her daughter’s shoulder. “If you feel like talking, I’ll listen.”

Sarah heaved a sigh and grabbed Daisy’s leash.

“Sarah?”

She turned and scowled at her mother.

“You know I love you?” her mother said.

“Yeah, I know.”

Sarah walked into the backyard and sat down on the step. Daisy wiggled over to the teen and tucked a nose under her hand. Her soft brown eyes watched Sarah. Almost absent-mindedly, Sarah stroked Daisy’s fur. With each even stroke, Sarah relaxed. Daisy sat beside Sarah, enjoying the attention. After a while, Sarah smiled at her companion. “OK, ready for your walk?” Daisy danced around Sarah eager for the adventure she knew was attached to those words. Sarah laughed at the antics of her excited pup then snapped on the leash. As they started down the front walk, Sarah was sharing Daisy’s happiness and had all but forgotten the upset that had caused her to feel angry.

Most of the time a pet is eagerly accepted into the home. Occasionally however, the idea of having a pet is more attractive than the real thing. Some children, especially toddlers, may find the new family member frightening. This reaction is not unusual and resembles the response that youngsters might display when a new sibling becomes part of the family. It is important for young children to feel secure with the new relationship and for them to understand that this new addition is not a threat to their being loved. Parents can help with this transition by displaying excitement about the new family member. This will help the fearful child see that there is no cause for alarm.

When the pet first arrives home, everyone will be excited to hold and interact with the new family member, but they may find the animal’s sudden movements upsetting. As parents we can reduce this fear by creating a safe environment for both the child and the pet as they become acquainted. Since all animals need time to adjust to their new surroundings, we can explain the need to keep a quiet voice and to move slowly. This becomes a wonderful opportunity for us to explain about considering someone else’s feelings. By asking our children to consider how frightening this experience must be for their pet, we exemplify empathy and sensitivity. In addition, a relaxed animal is more likely to respond in a positive fashion to the child’s overtures.

Older children may lose interest after finally getting the longed-for pet. According to Dr. Marty Becker in his book, Healing Power of Pets, around ninety-nine percent of children say that they want a pet. That doesn’t mean that ninety-nine percent of children want the unpleasant task of picking up dog poop, changing the litter box, or cleaning a bird or rodent cage. However, in order for children to gain the full benefits associated with animals, they must do these chores. Caring for the needs of an animal allows a child to give something the animal cannot attain on its own. By providing their animal with food, water, and clean housing, children discover that they are needed and relied upon in a way they most likely have not experienced before. Responsibility is a natural outcome of the realization that, in this world, each person is necessary and uniquely important.

As is true with anything in life, children learn that the more they put into their relationship with their pet, the more they will get in return. Many parents believe that the love from their family pet is as emotionally supportive as the love provided by other family members. For a child to reap the most benefit from the companion-animal experience, there must be a relationship between the two. With this in mind, those animals that more naturally interact with and elicit a caring response from the child will be the most effective pets. Although some children may feel affection toward amphibians or reptiles, most humans naturally gravitate to those animals with the “cuddle factor.”

With our guidance, children will learn that although different animals need to be handled in different ways, all pets, whether of fur, fin, or feather, must be treated with kindness and respect. Although a child may be sweet and loving, he or she will not know instinctively the proper way to handle the new non-human friend. As parents, an element of the undertaking we accept when we adopted a family pet is the responsibility of keeping both the pet and the child safe. This includes both physical and mental safety. Part of our purpose in adding a pet to our family is to involve our children in the joyous connection that animals can provide. This experience will not be enjoyable, however, if we don’t take the time to start the relationship between all family members on a positive note. Children, who learn to care for an animal with kindness and patience, learn invaluable lessons in how to treat people as well.

Parents should serve as role models. A family pet gives parents a chance to demonstrate the proper care and feeding of an animal and, more important, the opportunity to show how to love and give praise. Witnessing and participating in this healthy relationship can help children with the development of nonverbal communication, compassion and empathy.

There will be frustrating times with the addition of a pet. However, if a parent is willing to continue working to build a relationship, the advantages of having a pet far outweigh the irritating moments. Many times these upsets are marvelous teaching opportunities if we only take the time to look at the situation.