Читать книгу The Australian Affairs Collection - Margaret Way - Страница 77

CHAPTER EIGHT

ETHAN KEPT HER hand in his after locking the car, only letting go to allow her to enter the apartment first. How come she’d not only become used to that small intimacy but welcomed it? She dropped her bag onto the island, walked round to make hot drinks.

‘Would you like coffee?’ She reached for a bronze pod.

‘Make it a black pod. I need a strong kick.’ He was already walking towards the hall, discarding his jacket as he went.

Good idea. She picked up her bag and headed for her room to change. Jeans and a casual top were more conducive to a serious discussion.

In the few minutes it took her he’d returned, and their drinks were ready in the lounge.

‘Biscuits?’

She shook her head. ‘No, thank you.’

His lips twitched at the corners, just a tad. ‘Chocolate?’

So he’d noticed the wrappers in the bin and her stash in the cupboard. Again she declined. Why the heck was she being so formal? Last night the atmosphere had been light and friendly. Today even better. Until that moment when the past had reasserted its claim on her.

She sat in the corner of the settee, drawing her legs up tight when he chose one of the armchairs, putting extra space between them. She stared at the mug in her hands, dreading the words she might hear, fearing he might be annoyed if she couldn’t or wouldn’t answer.

‘We have to talk, Alina.’

The sombre tone of his voice brought her head up. His eyes had the sharp intensity she remembered from when she’d taken over filling in the marriage application. As if reading her inner thoughts was the only thing that mattered at this moment.

‘This isn’t going to work the way we are now. I’ve never had a problem with women before, but now I’m second-guessing what to do. For our baby’s sake we have to convince everyone we’ve had a passionate affair.’

‘And I’m failing miserably. I’m sorry, Ethan. I don’t know how... There was only ever...I...’ The words wouldn’t come. She bit the inside of her lip, looked down at her white knuckles gripping the hot mug.

His hollow laugh snapped her gaze back to his face.

‘I’m not doing much better, Alina. I never knew grief could be so overwhelming, so soul-draining. You brought some light into my dark world. Now you’re here—so sweet and beautiful, so vulnerable.’

He leant forward, hands clasped between spread knees.

‘I can’t deny the physical attraction. Can’t fathom whether it’s linked with knowing you’re carrying Louise’s baby. Tonight—the music, dancing with you in my arms—I was in a new world. I frightened you, and I’m sorry—’

‘No. It wasn’t you,’ she cut in. ‘There’ve been so many first-for-a-long-times for me, it’s bewildering. I feel like I’ve been thrown back into mainstream city living without a guidebook.’

She suddenly realised she was mimicking his stance, sharing his desire for their plan to succeed. Something shifted inside her, as if the extra tightening around her heart that had come when she’d heard about Louise and Leon had slipped a few notches. The old pain remained. She’d accepted only death would bring that to an end.

‘It’s only been four days. I didn’t expect to stay in Australia—much less with you.’ She smiled, watched as his eyes softened and his brow cleared. His answering smile lifted her heart. ‘I’m rusty in all the social niceties of sharing a home and...and things.’

He shifted as if to stand, sank back. ‘I don’t have a good track record there. I’ve only had two live-in relationships, neither here, and neither lasting more than five months. Both confirmed my belief that I’m not cut out for domesticity. I’m too pragmatic—and, as one of them pointed out, I’ve no romance in my soul. Assuming I have a soul.’

‘That’s better for us, isn’t it?’ Although did she really want him to stop his gentle touches, his scorching looks? His kisses?

‘No.’ Sharp. Instant.

He came to sit at the other end of the couch, folding one leg up, spreading one arm along the back. She wriggled into her corner and listened.

‘We need to create an illusion of instant attraction and overpowering passion. I’ve never been demonstrative with girlfriends in public. Little more than hand-holding and social greetings. So a good way to convince people our affair was different is to show affection in front of them.’

‘You mean kiss if someone’s watching?’

‘Alina, we’re implying that we had a short, tempestuous affair that resulted in your becoming pregnant. That you’re here with me now will tell everyone you mean more than any other woman I’ve dated. Which is true in the nicest way. Our limited knowledge of each other doesn’t matter—displaying our irresistible attraction does.’

‘So somewhere between how we’ve been and how Louise and Leon were?’ Not a hard task, considering the way she reacted to him each time they touched. As long as she kept her heart secure.

‘Definitely less blatant—though I envied them their intimacy. I can’t imagine having such a close bond with anyone. I’m aware I’ll have to change the way I think and act, make it credible to friends and family. It’s not only me who’ll be affected by our success.’

She locked eyes with his. ‘The baby.’

‘Our baby. It’s essential my parents believe that. You have to be comfortable with me as your partner, alone and in company.’

‘I can.’ She heard the slight tremor. ‘I will be.’ Better. Stronger.

Ethan slid his leg off the couch. ‘Come here.’

That persuasive honey tone. Those compelling cobalt eyes.

She sidled along until there was barely a hand’s length between them. His fingers lightly traced her cheek. His arm slid around her, loose yet secure.

‘Any time you feel uneasy, tell me.’

His slow smile had her leaning in closer.

‘Any time you feel like taking the initiative, go right ahead.’

He stroked her hair, laid her head on his shoulder and cradled her against his body. His heart beat strong and steady under her hand, an echo of hers. His voice, his cologne, everything about him was becoming familiar, safe. It was a feeling she refused to analyse.

‘We’ll keep to ourselves for a couple of weeks. When you’re ready I’d like to arrange dinner with the couple I hope will agree to be our witnesses. If we’re out and meet anyone I know I’ll introduce you only by name. After the wedding I’ll tell my parents, and then the whole world can know.’

‘All at once?’ she teased, liking the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed down at her.

She also liked the sound of the couple he went on to describe—friends he’d known for years, who’d also known and visited Louise and Leon.

They made small talk, sat in quiet contemplation, still in an amicable embrace. When it was time to retire it was she who raised her face for his tender goodnight kiss.

* * *

Ethan leant against the wall, his gaze fixed on the light under her door, not quite sure what had happened tonight. A week ago he’d have claimed the scenario he’d suggested held no qualms for him, apart from the discomfort of their public displays.

He’d have bet his finest hotel that his romantic emotions would not have been involved, and still didn’t quite believe they were. The trauma of losing his sister and best friend, the shock of Alina’s pregnancy, plus his determination to take responsibility for the child were a formidable combination. It was enough to scramble anyone’s senses.

He still believed his decisions had been made with logic and foresight, with the child’s future wellbeing his main consideration. Main? He meant only. He’d be a single father, with all the problems that entailed. Public displays had to be kept objective—surface emotion only.

Yet he couldn’t deny that Alina slipped under his guard whenever they were together, popped into his thoughts when they weren’t.

The light went out. He whispered, ‘Pleasant dreams...’ and went to his big, lonely bed.

* * *

Alina woke early, had coffee brewing and the table set for breakfast by the time Ethan walked down the hallway dressed for work.

‘Good morning.’ He sat opposite and poured his favourite sugarbomb cereal. ‘Do you want a lift anywhere this morning?’

‘No.’ Too quick. Too sharp.

Last night their decision had sounded plausible, simple to put into practice. This morning, as water had cascaded over her in the shower, she’d decided she wanted some alone time, to mull it over and fully accept its implications in her head.

‘I’d like to practise on the laptop. I bet there are functions I’ve never heard of.’

‘There are probably programs I’ve never used either. Any questions you have I’ll try to answer later. With luck, and few interruptions, I might only need a few hours at the office.’

‘Don’t you usually work all day on Saturday?’

‘Ah, that was the old me in the old days.’ His sparkling eyes belied his self-critical tone. ‘A pre-baby workaholic. Now I’m in training to be the best daddy ever.’ His voice roughened over the last sentence, and the sparkle dimmed a little.

Alina covered his hand with hers. ‘You will be, Ethan. You’ll be everything they’d want their child to have in a father.’

‘And mother.’

She jerked her hand away. He caught it.

‘There won’t be any other. I sure as hell won’t marry again just to provide maternal comfort or for the public two-parent image. I’ve learned from experience how a marriage held together purely for society standing can influence a child.’

That was why he’d have no problem letting her go, would never try to persuade her to stay.

There was no justification for the dejection that washed over her. No reason for the retort that burst from her.

‘Louise turned out fine. She was generous, warm-hearted and open. Even through her medical traumas there was always a genuine welcome for anyone at their home. You know how everyone loved her because she was...was...she was Louise.’

‘And I’m not like her?’ He released her hand, picked up his spoon.

‘I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant.’

‘No, but it’s true. She never changed from the sweet, wide-eyed creature the nanny at the time put into my arms when I was five. She grabbed my finger, gurgled, and I immediately forgave her for not being the brother I wanted.’

His light laughter was tinged with remorse.

‘I wish I’d been as courageous as her—constantly rebelling against the rigid conformity of our upbringing, openly making friends with people she liked, whether they were deemed acceptable or not. My way was quiet avoidance rather than personal confrontation.’

‘You kept Leon’s friendship, and championed them when they wanted to marry.’

He huffed. ‘My parents didn’t like that. I don’t think they’ve forgiven me for supporting Louise’s declaration that she’d happily have a park wedding without them. Not the “done thing” in their circle. It would have been embarrassing, so they capitulated.’

‘Do you see them regularly?’

‘We have little in common—different standards. They’d like me to be more involved in their close-knit elite group. I dislike the way they boast about my success to elevate their own status. They are, however, the only parents I have, so we maintain a polite relationship.’

He ate for a moment, eyes downcast. Pondering. Then looked up and spoke with determination.

‘Forget them for now. Cutting down my office hours is essential to my being available for appointments right now, and planning for our baby in the future. So I’ve been reorganising my staff.’

‘You’re delegating?

‘Even better—I’ve promoted. My second-in-command now has two assistant managers. Between the three of them they’ll take most of the day-to-day load off me. By the time our baby comes everything should be working smoothly enough for me to take paternity leave.’

‘Decision made. Action taken. Problem solved.’

‘You don’t approve?’ He sounded disappointed.

‘I do. Very much. It’s so much a part of who you are. And it’s been a long time since I’ve felt secure enough to depend on anyone for anything.’

She was paying him a compliment, saying what he should want to hear. Ethan shouldn’t feel aggrieved, but he did. She admitted to trusting and relying on him—both important to their relationship. But he wanted something different, something more. Something indefinable.

He pushed back his chair, picked up his bowl.

‘I’ll clear. You head off,’ Alina said, buttering a piece of cold toast.

‘Okay. I should be home early afternoon. Did you buy bathers?’

‘Yes, haven’t worn them yet.’

He hadn’t used the gym since Sunday. Or the pool since Tuesday evening, after their talk. He was normally a creature of habit and liked his routine, which included daily exercise and swimming early morning or evening. The less disruption, the less stress. If she worked out at the same time he’d know she was okay. It would be a start to getting his life back in control.

‘How about when I get home? We’ll work out, then swim.’

Her face lit up. ‘That sounds good.’

He went to his room, planning a positive day. A few minutes later he collected his briefcase from his study, and left.

* * *

Alina ate her toast and honey, mulling over her every encounter with Ethan. She’d developed a habit of deep thinking over people and situations during her solitary lifestyle. Sometimes she created fictional stories about them in her mind to pass the time.

This was real. The attraction between them was real—had been since the moment she’d turned from that window. She could understand her reactions. Suddenly thrown into enforced proximity with an attractive, virile man after seven years alone... Pregnant, with rampant hormones playing havoc with her emotions...

His puzzled her. She appreciated the need for them to give the impression they’d been lovers, so kissing was essential. The first kiss had been experimental, to judge her response, the second for show. The others... She wasn’t sure. Yet she’d sensed tension in him every time—right from the initial touch of his lips on hers. As if he was keeping a tight rein on his actions. Or on emotions he claimed not to have.

She sipped her camomile tea, pulled a face. Cold toast was okay—cold tea was not drinkable. It was time to get cracking.

She clicked on the kettle, cleared the table and set herself up for a morning’s exploration of the internet.

* * *

The sound of the front door opening had Alina’s head swinging round. A quick check of her watch surprised her. Ten to three. How could it be that late?

‘Hi, you’ve set yourself up pretty well, there. Good use of the dining table.’

How did this man’s smile make a good day seem brighter?

‘Better than leaning over the coffee table. Did you get what you wanted done?’

‘Finally—it took longer than I’d hoped.’ He leant over her shoulder to check her screen. ‘Agassi Falls? Planning a trip, Alina?’

‘Just having fun surfing,’ she replied. ‘I checked out some courses, then spent some time finding out what all the icons stand for.’

‘I trust you’ve been taking breaks and eating properly?’ Banana peel lay in a small dish, alongside an empty mug on the table.

‘Yes, sir. I’ve stretched every hour...done other stuff in between.’ She arched her back and smiled up at him. ‘This morning I went out for a short walk; this afternoon I went through your kitchen cupboards to see what’s there before looking up some recipes. I found a few meals we might enjoy, but—’

‘You can’t print them out. We’ll fix that on Monday, along with a desk and chair.’ He held out a red USB. ‘In the meantime copy and use mine.’

‘Thank you.’ She surprised both of them by rising up on her toes to kiss his cheek. ‘This is all I need. You don’t want to be left with excess stuff.’

Ethan opened his mouth to refute her claim. Changed his mind. Words weren’t going to change hers.

‘That’s my concern. Right now I’m psyched up for the session in the gym we agreed on.’ He took her hands, held her at arm’s length. ‘Hmm, nice tracksuit—you look as good in green as in blue. Give me five minutes.’

‘I’ll meet you there.’

He strode to his room, fantasising about the bathers she might be wearing under that outfit as he hastily pulled on T-shirt, bathers, track pants and sneakers. She was waiting for him, sitting on the press-ups bench. The lights were brighter than he usually set, the music a pleasant background sound.

‘Bike or treadmill for warm-up?’ she asked, offering him a bottle of water. ‘I don’t mind either.’

‘I’ll take the bike.’ It was still set up for him. ‘Twenty minutes okay?’

She agreed, and he selected a programme for mid-range difficulty. Settling into his normal pace was easy—resisting the temptation to watch Alina not so easy. She moved smoothly, gracefully.

‘I promise I won’t fall off.’ She’d caught him checking her out.

‘It’s been a while since anyone’s been here with me.’

Solitude in this special area had always been a plus. It was his private time, for releasing tension. Only occasionally had he invited anyone to join him. To his surprise, he didn’t mind Alina being there at all. In fact he felt downright glad to have her running alongside him. A feeling that unnerved him a little, causing him to switch back to getting-to-know-you mode.

‘What sort of keep-fit do you do on the move?’

‘Depends on the current job. Crop-picking, dog-walking or waitressing are usually enough. If it’s in an office I run, or do casual sessions at pools or gyms.’

‘Whoa—back up. Dog-walking?’

Her laugh, the first genuine one she’d given, zipped through him. Musical and light, it was a sound he wanted to hear again. Often.

‘It’s fun, challenging or downright exhausting, depending on the size or number of pooches. And always available in any city, any country.’

‘Ever lose any?’ The more he learned, the more fascinated he became.