Читать книгу Summer With A French Surgeon - Margaret Barker, Margaret Barker - Страница 6

ALMOST three weeks later Julia was sitting outside Bernard’s office, waiting for her turn to have a one-on-one meeting with him about her progress to date. She was studying the printed sheets that Bernard had handed out at the last tutorial. It was difficult to believe that the first month of their course was almost over. The days had flown by during which they’d all been bombarded with work assignments, essays to write on the theories behind various orthopaedic operations and actual operations to observe in Theatre.

Whilst in Theatre they had to make copious notes, all of which needed to be written up in their own time. The notes then had to be transformed into a coherent observation of the operation, including their own comments and criticisms. These were emailed to Bernard as soon as possible. In no time at all they received an assessment of their work with much criticism from him. She knew she wasn’t alone in being the recipient of his scathing comments.

They’d also undertaken sessions in the Urgences department, the French equivalent of Accident and Emergency, where they had to do minor operations and treatments on emergency cases, observed and assessed by the director of Urgences, Michel Devine. He in turn reported back to the twitchy Bernard.

When Dominic had told everybody that Bernard was reputed to be a hard taskmaster, he had been spot on! She’d been so naive three weeks ago. She hadn’t believed she would have to work under such pressure.

Just at that moment Dominic arrived in the corridor and plonked himself down beside her.

‘What time’s your endurance test?’

She frowned at him. ‘Shh. He’ll hear you.’

‘Don’t care if he does. I feel like walking out. It’s time he cut us some slack. We’re all qualified and experienced doctors, for heaven’s sake. Who does he think he is, treating us like—?’

The door opened. ‘Good morning, Julia. Dominic,’ their taskmaster said, glancing severely at Dominic.

Julia followed Bernard inside and sat down on the upright chair in front of the desk. She wasn’t afraid of him, she told herself as he went round to the other side and glanced at the screen of his computer. She reckoned all the information on her was there. Everything she’d ever done since aspiring to take on this arduous course.

He looked across the desk at her and at last there was eye contact with him. She couldn’t help the frisson of excitement that ran through her as she looked directly into those dark hazel eyes. Why was she being so perverse in finding herself attracted to this man who’d made the past three weeks such an endurance test for her?

‘How are you finding the course, Julia?’

No smile, just that piercing stare that was causing shivers to run down her spine. Shivers she couldn’t possibly analyse.

She took a deep breath. ‘It’s relentlessly tiring … but exceptionally interesting and frustrating at the same time.’

He frowned. ‘In what way is it frustrating?’

‘Well, you haven’t yet let me loose in Theatre so I can do some actual surgery. I’m getting withdrawal symptoms from all this theorising.’

Was that a brief twitching of the lips or the beginnings of a contemptuous smile on his face? Whatever it was, it died immediately as he looked intensely displeased with her.

‘Julia, you will appreciate that I have to make absolutely sure that if I let one of my students ‘loose in Theatre’, as you put it, that the patient will be in capable hands.’

‘Yes, of course, I do appreciate that, but I’ve had a great deal of experience in Theatre and—’

‘So I’m told,’ he interrupted dryly. ‘Your tutor in London, Don Grainger, gave you an extremely glowing reference, outlining some of the orthopaedic operations you have performed.’

She brightened up at this piece of news. What a treasure Don Grainger had been during her medical-school days and after graduation.

‘So,’ Bernard continued in the same dour tone, ‘during this illustrious career you’re pursuing, how much experience have you had of hip replacements?’

Oh, joy! At last she was definitely on home ground! She began to elaborate at length on the hip replacements she’d undertaken, at first assisting before moving on to operating under supervision.

He interrupted to ask questions as she enthused about how she loved to remove the static, painful joint and replace it with a prosthesis. His questions concerned the types of prostheses she’d used, which she preferred and if she enjoyed following up the after-care of her patients.

‘But of course I enjoy seeing my patients after I’ve spent so much time with them in Theatre. Seeing the patient before and after surgery, making sure they’re getting the best possible after-care, is all part of the buzz a surgeon gets.’

‘Buzz? What do you mean by this?’

In her enthusiasm for the subject she’d gone into English. Embarrassed at getting so carried away, she began to speak French again to dispel the wrinkles of concern that had appeared on his brow. ‘It’s the wonderful excitement of taking away pain and suffering and restoring a new, more active lifestyle to a patient. Not exactly what I meant but something like that.’

They were both silent for a few moments. The clock on the wall ticked away the seconds, reminding Bernard he had another student to see. He wished he didn’t find this one so fascinating. Was it her enthusiasm for the subject or was it something he shouldn’t even be thinking about every time he met up with her? She was his student, a career woman, and he was a family man. Never the twain should meet!

He put on his stern tutor expression as he stood up to indicate the interview was over.

‘Send Dominic in, please.’

She turned and walked to the door, anxious to escape from the inquisition and the conflict of emotions she was experiencing.

‘How was it?’ Dominic asked as she came out.

She shrugged her shoulders. ‘I’ve no idea how it went,’ she whispered. ‘Good luck!’

The next day she was still none the wiser. If anything, she was now feeling even more frustrated. She really was getting withdrawal symptoms from being just a cog in the machinery of this difficult course. She needed to actually make a major contribution to an interesting operation in Theatre, feel the buzz of satisfaction she was used to getting when an operation was a success and the patient’s state of health vastly improved.

She looked up from the notes she’d been studying as Bernard walked in and took his place at the front of the tutorial room. The chattering between the students died down as ten pairs of eyes focussed on their professor. She thought he looked slightly worried this morning as he glanced around the room.

‘Good morning.’ A slight nod of the head in her direction as he acknowledged her, seated, as she had been so far this course, in the front row.

Bernard’s serious expression didn’t change as he began to explain what would happen that morning. They had admitted a patient three days before who had been on the waiting list for a hip replacement. Apparently, the lady in question was from a medical background herself. She had elected to have her operation under general anaesthetic and in the interests of furthering the education of the budding surgeons in Bernard’s group she had agreed that her operation should be used for teaching purposes.

‘Surgery begins at eleven this morning.’ He seemed to be directing his statement right at her.

Why was he still looking at her? She tried to shrink down in her seat. He raised his eyes again to address the now apprehensive students.

‘I shall be performing the operation with the help of a qualified and experienced junior surgeon and one of my students.’

He was looking at her again. She swallowed hard.

‘I have deliberately given you no warning of this because there will be times in your future careers when you will be called upon to operate at short notice and I wanted to see how you handle the added adrenalin that sometimes causes panic amongst the less suitable candidates.’

He smiled. Thank goodness! It was as if the sun had come out. She shifted awkwardly in her seat, sensing that he was about to make an important announcement.

‘The reason I sent out a questionnaire before you arrived here, asking about previous experience of hip replacement surgery, was to ascertain who might be a likely candidate for the first operation of the course. Several of you indicated varying degrees of competence. I consider that some of you would be perfectly capable of being my second assistant this morning.’

He read from a list, Julia holding her breath apprehensively after she heard her name read out.

‘There’s no need to be worried. We are a teaching hospital with excellent insurance.’ His smile broadened. ‘There is a stipulation that patients must be chosen with care and must agree to everything that might happen during their surgery. The patient we will operate on this morning is a retired surgeon herself and fully co-operative. Now …’

He paused and looked around the class. ‘Who would like the opportunity to work with me this morning?’

Talk about adrenalin pumping! Her heart was pounding so quickly she felt everyone in the room would hear it. This was the opportunity she should seize on. The opportunity she’d asked Bernard for. The old Julia would have been leaping to her feet, desperate for the experience. These days she could feel real fear whenever opportunity knocked.

Seconds dragged by. Nobody had moved. Several throats had been cleared, including Bernard’s. She could feel his eyes boring into her. What had her father always told her? Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Her hand shot up, seemingly having a life of its own. Every fibre of her body was warning her to hold off, not to stick her neck out, but this was why she’d come here. To challenge herself and banish her insecurities. She could do this! Raising her eyes tentatively towards the rostrum, she was rewarded by a look of intense pride.

Bernard knew he’d goaded her on that morning. He’d deliberately put her to the test and she hadn’t failed him. He’d already seen for himself how knowledgeable she was about her passion but, from what he’d learned during their brief time since she arrived, she was a student who needed her confidence boosted. And this could only be done by subjecting her to difficult and demanding situations that required top-class skills, diligent training, impeccable qualifications and endless energy. The ability to carry on long after your whole body was experiencing real physical weariness, if required.

Though he didn’t doubt that intellectually she was probably streets ahead of her louder colleagues he worried that she might not be physically strong enough at times. He would have the same concerns with any female student. A fact that had made him consider hard about offering her a place on this course. If he was honest with himself, he’d only admitted her to the course as a favour to his old friend Don Grainger. Don was no fool. He wouldn’t have put her forward to take the course if he didn’t think she was a natural surgeon.

But Julia still had to prove herself to him. Although he trusted his old friend, he needed to be in Theatre with her himself to actually make a sound judgement.

He composed his features back to the completely objective, professional tutor he was supposed to be. But it was difficult to hold back the elation he felt now that his plan had worked. The teacher in him wanted to build up her confidence, which he surmised had for some reason taken a knock somewhere along the way. The fact that he found her impossibly attractive must be dealt with as a separate issue, which couldn’t in any way colour his professional judgement of her.

‘Thank you, Julia. Would you meet me in the ante-theatre at ten-thirty, please? We shall be using the teaching theatre where those of you not required on the lower surgery area will sit on the raised seats behind the transparent screens. You will be able to hear everything, take notes and ask questions at the end of the operation.’

Julia dealt with the moment of panic that suddenly came over her. She needed to escape and scan her notes. She mustn’t leave anything to chance during her debut in Theatre. And she wanted time to check out the patient. That was always important. She wasn’t dealing with an abstract. This was a human being who deserved respect so perhaps it would be possible to …

Thoughts tumbled through her mind as she hurried to the door, only to find that Bernard was waiting there for her.

‘Would you like to meet the patient?’

She gave a sigh of relief. ‘That’s definitely on my check list … along with everything else I need to do.’

‘Don’t worry. There’s plenty of time.’

She revelled in his smooth, soothing voice and remembered that he must have had to go through difficult situations to reach the heights of his profession. She had a lot to prove to him so she felt intensely nervous because he still hadn’t thawed out with her. Could she work alongside him without making a fool of herself?

She squared her shoulders. She would do the best for the patient, as she had always done, and Bernard’s opinion of her didn’t matter. Oh, but his opinion of you does matter, said a small, nagging voice in her head.

‘You look nervous, Julia,’ he said, as if reading her thoughts. ‘Take a deep breath. Now let it out. That’s better. I wouldn’t let you operate on my patient if I didn’t think you were capable, extremely capable according to your previous tutor.’

She felt as if she’d grown taller already and much stronger. Her thoughts were clearing and she could feel a list of priorities forming in her head.

He led her along the corridor, speaking now in a gentler tone than he usually used. She felt comforted, supported both physically and mentally. His arm brushed hers as they walked together and she was surprised by the sparks of attraction his close proximity aroused. Not an easy situation to be in. Nervous of Bernard because he would be judging her performance in Theatre, concerned about their patient and surprised at the frequent frissons of attraction towards her boss. This was going to be an intensely difficult situation.

He had a difficult job as tutor to ten students who had begun to regard him as the enemy. But she was beginning to view Bernard differently. Again she felt a tingling down her spine and knew she mustn’t give in to this strange insane feeling that was forcing itself upon her.

‘You see, Julia, in most hospital situations the surgical team meet the patient before they operate, don’t they? So I do like my students to be involved in the pre-operative and post-operative care of their patients, working alongside the full-time hospital staff.’

She felt her clinical interest rising along with the added interest engendered by simply being alongside this charismatic man. On this, her surgical debut day, when she wanted to use her skills and knowledge as best she could, she was also trying so hard not to let her personal interest in him get in the way.

‘Yes, as I told you, I would very much like to meet our patient. You said she was a surgeon?’

‘An extremely eminent surgeon here in France. As a student I was very much in awe of her.’

‘So you’ve known her a long time?’

He smiled as he looked sideways at his demure companion,

looking so fresh, so young, so infinitely … he checked his thoughts … capable. Yes, she was capable. That was all that mattered.

He composed his thoughts again. ‘I feel we shall experience full co-operation from our learned colleague. She was a great help when I was a young student in Paris.’

They walked together along the corridor, he adapting his stride to her slower pace. In the orthopaedic ward Bernard led her into one of the single rooms.

‘Hello, Brigitte. How are you this morning?’

The patient, who was seated in a comfortable armchair by the window, smiled and put down her newspaper.

‘Bernard! I’m very well, thank you, and so relieved that I’m going to have my operation today.’

He introduced Julia as a well-qualified doctor from England who was working towards a career in orthopaedic surgery.

‘Julia has had a great deal of surgical experience. She has been mentored by our esteemed colleague Don Grainger and comes to us with his own high recommendations.’

The patient smiled. ‘High praise indeed from Don.’

‘Well, he’s been Julia’s tutor since medical school and he wrote in glowing terms about her capabilities. So much so that I’ve decided to tell my designated assistant to remain on standby in the theatre. I may or may not need him. How would you both feel about that?’

Brigitte leaned forward towards Julia. ‘I would be delighted to help you up the career ladder in any way I can, Julia. After the operation—at which, of course, you must assist—we must have a long chat. I truly miss my days in surgery but my arthritis cut my career short. I like to keep up with the latest developments, though.’

Bernard was waiting for Julia’s answer. ‘And how do you feel about assisting with the surgery, Julia?’

‘Very honoured.’ She felt confident. Why shouldn’t she be, with such generous support from the patient and professor?

‘Excellent!’ Bernard smiled.

Jeanine, the orthopaedic sister, came in to explain that they were about to prepare their patient for surgery. Did Bernard wish to do a further examination? He said he would like a few minutes to show his assistant the extent of the arthritic damage to the hip. Brigitte, walking with a stick, made her way back to her bed and lay down with a thankful sigh of relief.

She pointed out the most painful areas of her leg, which were around the the head of the right femur. Bernard held up the X-rays so that Julia could see the extent of the arthritic erosion and they discussed the method they were going to use to remove the damaged bone and replace it with a prosthesis.

Leaving the patient to be prepared for Theatre by the nursing staff, Julia still felt slightly apprehensive but at the same time she realised how lucky she was to be given an ideal situation like this in which to move forward, gathering confidence along the way. At the same time she would not only be furthering her career, she would be easing the pain and improving the health of a patient, which was why she and all the members of her family had joined the medical profession.

She walked towards the medical quarters. She needed a few minutes of peace and quiet to gather her thoughts and focus on the operation in front of her. She no longer felt the need to check her notes. Every bit of knowledge she needed was stored in her brain. She’d assisted at a hip replacement before on several occasions, actually performing part of the surgery with an experienced surgeon hovering nearby, watching her every move, ready to stop or correct anything he didn’t approve of.

It wouldn’t be any different this time, except that it would be Bernard who would be doing the hovering. And this affinity she felt with him, this desperation to please him was something that unnerved her. It wasn’t just that he was her chief in this situation. It was something more than that. Something definitely emotional. An emotional connection. And she was trying to avoid emotion.

Where relationships were concerned she didn’t trust herself, judging by her track record. At least she should leave all emotion outside the door of the theatre and concentrate all her training and expertise on doing the best for her patient.

Bernard was waiting for her when she nervously pushed open the swing doors of the ante-theatre. He gave her a smile of encouragement.

‘OK?’

She smiled back with a confidence she didn’t feel—yet! It would come back to her as soon as she started working. Concentrate on the patient, she told herself. Don’t think about yourself. Remember the last time you assisted at a hip replacement. The outcome was excellent. The patient survived to live a useful life—and so did you!

She scrubbed up. A nurse helped her into her sterile gown.

‘We’re ready to begin, Bernard,’ the anaesthetist said over the intercom.

They were ready. Julia was aware of the bright lights as she followed Bernard into the theatre. Indistinguishable faces appeared as blurs through the transparent screen. She made her way towards the motionless figure on the theatre table aware, not for the first time, that going into Theatre felt very much like going on stage.

She was so involved during the operation that she had no time to worry about herself. Her concentration was taken up completely by the task in hand. She found herself working harmoniously with Bernard. Sometimes he would nod to her across the shrouded figure on the table, indicating that she should perform the next stage while he supervised. All the procedures came back to her immediately as her fingers deftly performed what was required.

Time flew by and it seemed only minutes before she was finishing the final sutures. At that point she suddenly became aware of Bernard’s eyes on her as they had been during the entire operation. She placed her final used instrument on the unsterile tray, which a theatre nurse was preparing to remove. As she did so she glanced up at Bernard’s eagle eyes above his mask. She thought he was smiling but she couldn’t be sure as he turned to speak to the theatre sister and began giving her instructions on the immediate after-care of their patient.

There was nothing more for her to do in Theatre. It was all over and she’d survived, and more importantly so had Brigitte. The patient was now being wheeled into the recovery room. As she made her way out through the swing doors, Bernard came up to speak to her.

‘I think a debriefing session would be a good idea this evening, Julia.’

As he held open the swing door and followed her out, she allowed herself to admit that the sparks of attraction she’d felt as his gloved hand had brushed hers during the operation had been difficult to ignore. And when she’d looked up once to the eyes above the mask she’d had to take a deep breath to remain focussed and professional.

She looked up at him as they walked together along the corridor. ‘Yes, that would be very helpful.’

‘Come along to my office about six.’

He was pushing open the door of his office as he spoke as if anxious to be alone again. The door closed behind him and he walked across to his chair. He had to admit to himself that Julia really was a natural. Everything that Don had said about her was true. What Don had failed to mention about his prize student was how attractive she was.

What was it about Julia that made him feel so physically moved when they were together? Even in Theatre, the place where usually he was at his most professional, he’d felt sparks of attraction. That time when he’d passed her an instrument and their gloved hands had briefly touched … He shouldn’t be thinking like this!

He had a difficult ex-wife to deal with, a wonderful six-year-old son who should be his priority. He shouldn’t even be allowing these insane thoughts to enter his mind. He leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath. That made it worse because he was sure he could still smell that subtle perfume that lingered around her.

Was he going mad? He switched on his computer and forced himself to begin writing up his notes on the operation.

Walking down the corridor, Julia had no idea what impression she’d given Bernard during the operation. He’d given her no indication of his assessment of her performance as he’d closed the door, seemingly anxious to get away from her.

Her confidence, which had been high in Theatre, was now wavering but she reminded herself of the way he’d reassured her all the way through the operation. Now that she had time to reflect, she thought he’d even smiled into his mask on occasion and nodded approval as she’d used her initiative. And she was almost sure she’d heard him whisper, ‘Well done!’ as she’d finished the final suture—or had she imagined that?

But did it matter what Bernard thought of her performance? If she was satisfied that she’d given it one hundred per cent and made life easier for her patient then that was what really mattered, wasn’t it? Seeking approbation from Bernard was not why she’d come here.

She walked away purposefully. She would make notes, be ready to ask questions and take the criticisms that would help make her a better surgeon in the future.

At six o’clock she was standing outside Bernard’s office, waiting for the second hand to reach the top of her watch.

‘Come in!’

He was sitting at his desk. He stood up and came towards her as she closed the door, motioning her to sit in one of the armchairs placed near the window. He took the other one and opened a file of notes. She put her briefcase on the floor at the side of her chair after taking out her own small laptop.

‘So how do you think the operation went, Julia?’

She cleared her throat and launched into the questions she’d prepared, going through all the steps of the operation from the first incision to the final suture.

He answered all her questions carefully and lucidly while she made notes on her laptop.

She leaned back against the back of the armchair as he answered her final question, and looked across at him. The expression on his face gave nothing away for a few seconds until he relaxed and gave her a studied smile.

‘Excellent! I like a student who has everything under control both during and after the operation. I’ve no doubt you’ll make a first-class surgeon.’

She breathed a sigh of relief. She’d sensed his approval but until that moment she couldn’t be sure she hadn’t been imagining it.

She smiled back. ‘Thank you, Bernard. So, do you have any questions for me?’

‘Just one.’ He hesitated. He really shouldn’t say what was uppermost in his mind. But he planned to be very careful if he felt himself giving in to the wrong emotions.

‘It’s been a long and intense day. Your trip shouldn’t all be about work, however. You are a visitor to France after all, so may I buy you a drink at the Maurice Chevalier?’

She hesitated for a couple of seconds. She doubted very much that Bernard had extended this invitation to any of her fellow students, but his offer had been very formal. She would be foolish to try and read too much into it. Finally she smiled and nodded her agreement.

As she closed her laptop and put it back in its case she was aware of the now familiar tingling feeling running down her spine. Apprehension?

Yes, but it was something more than that, she admitted as she felt the light touch of Bernard’s arm as he ushered her out through the door.