Читать книгу The Ice People 12 - Yearning - Margit Sandemo - Страница 8

Chapter 3

Villemo was shown into Colonel Crone’s home two hours before midnight. Before that, she had had a meal and a bath at an inn and had made herself as neat and pretty as possible, combed her hair as best she could and used a drop of the expensive perfume, which her mother had given her for her last birthday.

Her heart was beating as if she were a young girl on her way to the altar. Only this was something quite different and much worse.

A discreet servant received her and took her to the colonel’s room. You would never guess that a soldier lived here if it hadn’t been for the bed. It was a huge canopy bed that stood out from the wall and was surrounded by velvet drapery so that you couldn’t see the bed itself.

There was nobody in the room, which was in semi-darkness. Only a floor chandelier flickered faintly. She sent the servant a questioning glance.

“My master’s order is that you must walk over to the bed ...”

Villemo opened her mouth to protest. He stopped her with a movement. ”As my master has said, you have nothing to fear. You will be alone in there. I will leave the room now and then my master will come ... he will only look at you while you ...”

She was filled with discomfort. “Look at me?”

“Yes. I did not express myself correctly. He won’t be coming in. He will be looking at you from another room. He asks you to undress.”

This didn’t take Villemo too much by surprise, but nevertheless the thought made her feel uncomfortable. She didn’t possess Sol’s gift when it came to physical emancipation.

“You must take off your clothes slowly. Sensuously and pleasurably.”

“Well, my goodness,” she started. She was so nervous that she was shaking. Then she forced herself to take it easy. She had to think of Dominic ...

”Very well. I’ll do it. But your master mentioned something about some small ‘favours.’ What do they involve?”

Imagine your teeth chattering in such a warm room. Never had she felt so ill at ease, she who had been observed in the barn. Only this was something different and much worse.

“It’s nothing dangerous. All my master wants is a big lock of your beautiful hair afterwards. And your absolute discretion. You must never ever mention what has gone on here.”

“Does this sort of thing happen often?”

“Very rarely of late. Previously it would happen now and then. But never in my master’s younger years.”

“I won’t say anything. It’s also in my own interest that this is kept secret. But if he keeps a lock of my hair ... then he can disclose me if it comes to that?”

The servant straightened his back with dignity. “That would never happen. My master is a man of honour!”

“Good. What am I to do when I’ve taken off all my clothes? Can I put them straight back on afterwards?”

“I will come in here, in the anteroom, and tell what you are to do. It will all be very discreet. But as I just said, my master would like you to act sensuously but not provocatively.”

“I understand.”

He left and Villemo was now alone.

“Oh, God,” Villemo whispered in desperation. ”My God, my God, what have I got myself into? What will happen to my dignity, my self-respect? But Dominic’s fate depends on how I behave and whether I do it well. And I’ve always been a good actress.”

She took a deep breath to suppress her nausea and then she pulled the curtain just enough to the side so that she could slip in. There was much more room behind the curtain than she had expected. It wasn’t just the bed that hid itself behind the drapery. There were also a few chandeliers, one on either side of the bed, though there was no risk of anything catching fire. There was a table with fruit and wine – she could do with a glass of wine now but didn’t dare – and there were small, fine cherubs on the ceiling and walls.

Villemo cast a quick glance at the wall behind the bed. It was so heavily decorated with baroque garlands and other embellishments that it was impossible to see any peephole. But she knew that it was bound to be there.

She closed her eyes for a short second. Then she began to take off her shoes.

‘Careful now, Villemo. Sensuous but never vulgar. You’re a lady through and through. How on earth am I supposed to be a sensuous lady when I know that the dirty old lecherous man is watching me?... But what if it were Dominic standing there in front of me? I have no problem visualising that! What was it the song said about the Mountain King? Who turned out to be Dominic?’

Things immediately became easier for her then.

‘It’s only Dominic. He’s the only one who’s looking at me. Him and only him. It’s okay for me to undress for him.’

She had managed to get her shoes off and climbed into the low bed. As she stood there she lazily and meditatively pulled off her stockings. Then she began to untie her bodice. True, she had never been a shrinking violet, but this made her feel ill at ease. She had had enough of men secretly gazing at her in the barn, and that was when she’d had her clothes on!

Villemo tried desperately to imagine that Dominic was standing right behind her somewhere – and she also tried to think of other things.

She could have experienced worse things. The colonel could have insisted on going to bed with her, which she would never have allowed. Never! Then there would have been no hope at all for Dominic. Although this was unpleasant, it was still fairly innocent.

Now her bodice was undone. She slowly started to peel off her dress so that her shoulders were now bare.

Villemo had no plans to return to Gabrielshus. She wanted to be with Dominic because now he needed her. After all, he had nobody else.

When would she ever learn? Once more she was doing the same stupid thing as when she blindly followed Eldar Black Forest in order to save him. Once more, she thought that the man of her dreams couldn’t manage without her. And her fervent affection for Dominic drove her to him. These were two crucial reasons.

She had accepted that they had to give up seeing each other during their visit at Gabrielshus ... But nobody should have denied them their moment of saying goodbye. They would have been able to give in to their feelings then, because there would have been no risk of the situation developing any further.

Her disappointment that he had left without saying goodbye had been such a blow to her. And now she was driven on by something that was almost a fever. She just had to see him again because she felt that it was her right. She wanted to save him from an awkward situation, help him, and yet, underneath it all, lay her subconscious decision that she wanted him and she wanted him now.

For a brief second, what she was now about to do had seemed absolutely irrelevant because she had been focusing so intensely on her meeting with Dominic. Now she suddenly woke up from her reverie. Her dress fell down on the bed. She picked it up elegantly and folded it neatly over the back of the chair next to her.

Before she took off her slip, she let her underwear fall lightly and discreetly. Then she pulled her slip up and over her head. She was naked.

Dominic was there, invisible behind the wall. The Mountain King didn’t enter here. Only Dominic and nobody else!

So she stretched out her arms, reaching her fingers up as if towards a radiant sun so that her slender body became taut and elongated. She smiled secretively as if she was waiting for her beloved. She stood like this for some moments turned towards the wall where she knew that the peephole was. Then she let her arms drop and in one single, long gliding movement she crouched and lay down, stretched out in a relaxed resting position.

She couldn’t do anything more. She didn’t want to do anything more. There had to be a limit as to how much of herself she should give away.

The servant entered the room outside, coughing discreetly on the other side of the curtains.

“My master is most pleased. You, Miss, offered your services most tastefully. No exaggerations, no consciously provocative movements. The young man has already been released and sent down to the harbour. Nobody has told him why he has been spared.”

Villemo sat up.

“Thank you. Please send my greetings to your master and thank him for his help. May I ... May I get dressed now?”

“Yes, my master is most pleased. I’ll stay here until you come out.”

Never before had Villemo put on her clothes so quickly. As she pulled on her stockings, she shouted out to the servant, “It was certainly very considerate of your master that he held back so much and didn’t bother me with his presence.”

“Oh, well.” The servant hesitated. He made it quite obvious that the colonel wasn’t in the vicinity because he didn’t lower his voice very much. “That was probably not why my master wanted it in this manner. It gives more of a feeling of ... what shall I say? A frisson. Something that’s forbidden, you know.”

Villemo kept sitting with her stocking in her hand. She swallowed. She felt a sensation of unpleasantness. The French had a word for it – she had heard Aunt Anette use it about those men that had peeped through the cracks in the walls of the barn. It was something similar to “voyeur” and the meaning had stuck in her consciousness as something sleazy and offensive. Villemo had interpreted it as someone who secretly observes you.

Suddenly she shuddered. There had never been a Dominic behind the wall – that was something she had known all along, she had just tricked herself into believing it. She had been made dirty by an old man-about-town’s greedy eyes. A man who could no longer win a woman, who ... She didn’t have the energy to think about it. Dominic was safe, which was the most important thing!

She resolutely put on her clothes and slipped out between the drapery. There the servant stood with a pair of scissors in his hand.

“If you will allow me ...”

“Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. Go ahead.”

She heard the sound of a thick lock of hair being cut off. There was bound to be a bit of an unevenness there, but she’d do anything for her Dominic!

“What’s the time?” she asked as she gathered her things.

“It’s almost midnight. I’ll show you to the door. Do you have somewhere to go?”

“Yes!”

She would say anything just to get out from there as quickly as possible.

“A young woman like you shouldn’t be out on her own at night,” the servant said. He looked embarrassed as he held Villemo’s long, thick lock of hair in his hand.

“I’ll run. And I can run fast. Goodbye.”

She felt the cobblestones under her feet, heard the echo from her own footsteps bouncing off the nearby houses. Fortunately, not many people were out at this time of night and she ran quickly past the few who were.

She should have asked the servant where the boat was berthed. But he probably didn’t know.

‘Oh, I hope I’ll reach it in time, if only I can make it! I’m not so generous that I did that horrible thing in the colonel’s house completely unselfishly. I must get to see Dominic again. I don’t give a damn about anything else, about the curse of the Ice People, being a virtuous woman, the war ... all that matters is having Dominic’s arms wrapped around me. Nobody can take that away from me. Not again. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye at Gabrielshus ... to take leave for one, brief minute from everything that I’d forsaken and to rest in his arms, even platonically. I had looked forward to that with such yearning.

Now, did I just carry out that abominable act out of sheer kindness, only to let him travel on without me? Never upon my life! That isn’t Villemo’s way of dealing with things. Sol wasn’t like that and neither is Grandma Cecilie. We’re the black sheep of the Ice People. Nevertheless, we also carry out many good deeds,’ she chuckled to herself.

She reached the harbour. Because it was summer, the night was only semi-dark. Everything was quiet at this time of night, but some men were walking in small groups down by the quay. Their voices sounded hushed and hollow in the silent town. A town that was gloomily apprehensive of the war. Villemo plucked up her courage and approached them.

“Excuse me ... the boat for Sweden?”

They turned round slowly towards the entrance of the harbour.

“It’s on its way out there,” one of them replied.

It was as if Villemo’s whole world collapsed right there and then.

“Oh, dear. I was supposed to have been onboard!”

“What a shame, Miss. Then you’ll probably have to stay in Denmark because this boat service will now cease.”

The men continued walking.

Villemo stood there, looking at the tiny dot that was slowly disappearing into the darkness of night out towards the sea.

Dominic was onboard that ship, which was a consolation. He was in safety thanks to her. Only now she was cut off from him.

‘Oh, Dominic, my beloved, how could you do this to me? You didn’t allow yourself to say good-bye to me properly. Weren’t you aware how much I yearned for it? What am I to do in Denmark now that you aren’t here? What on earth am I actually doing here?’

Villemo knew that the postal service was delayed and it would take forever before her parents got to know that she wasn’t at Gabrielshus. It would be a long time before Grandma Cecilie and the others would start to worry, once they discovered that she had intended to return there and never turned up.

So Villemo had plenty of time. She could reach home or travel over to her grandmother’s, whatever suited her best, before anybody would start wondering where she was.

Because she didn’t intend to hurt anybody. She wasn’t out to trick anybody. Even though she did sometimes tell a lie. A white lie. Very white lies. White as chalk! Oh alright, maybe grey-white then! But it was for a good cause. That was what the white – or grey – lies were for, weren’t they?

And there was the sea, shimmering teasingly. The boat was no longer to be seen but she knew that it was there. The night enveloped her beloved Dominic in a mystical, blue-grey sheen. It cajoled and called, yet he was unattainable now.

Was their love story really to end so miserably? Before it had even begun? If you believed all the wise people, then it was better off never getting started.

“Hello,” she shouted after the men.

They were far away now. They turned slowly and she hurried up to them.

“Where’s the fishing harbour?”

“The fishing harbour? I suppose you mean the fishing villages?”

“Yes, anything as long as there are fishing boats.”

One of them walked up to her. “I see. Well, then you can ... Let’s see... Surely there are bound to be some fishing boats near the Copenhagen Stock Exchange?”

“Bound to be,” the others said.

“You’ll need to enquire there, Miss. It’s not so far away. You just need to go round that corner and you’re there.”

“Thanks. Thank you very much.”

They were right. It wasn’t very far. She admittedly caused a bit of a stir among the night wanderers on the quay, among the harbour labourers that hadn’t gone home and among those with more shady businesses. But Villemo could be as swift as the wind if she put her mind to it. And right now she was determined!

She approached three fishing boats before she got lucky. They would all be setting off to sea at the last hours of the night, but not all were willing to get close to the Swedish coast, definitely not!

The first to raise to the bait was a very young fisherman with a sly look in his eye. However, the way in which he repeated several times “We’ll figure out the payment between ourselves,” while giving Villemo a telling wink, caused a shiver to run down her spine. None of that, thank you! If he wasn’t willing to take cash and only cash, then she wasn’t interested.

Finally, she came across the right people. A married couple with a young son. They seemed like earnest, solid fishermen and they promised to sail her across to Sweden.

“But we can’t dock,” the man said. “Swedish boats, war ships and soldiers are everywhere over there.”

“You don’t have to. I’m willing to swim to the shore, if necessary,” Villemo answered.

“We’ll head for Klagshamn. Just south of there is a desolate bay. We can try there.”

“Fine.”

“Then we’ll set off to sea immediately if that suits you, Miss. The voyage is bound to take most of the night.”

Relieved, she jumped on board just like a boy would have done and they stared at her in surprise. “I’m ready,” she announced.

The other fishermen followed the boat with their eyes as it headed out, and they shook their heads worriedly.

It wasn’t long before they were out in the open sea.

“I want to find my cousin,” Villemo explained to the fisherman’s wife. “He’s in the Swedish army in Malmö and his father is on his deathbed. It’s of the utmost importance that he meets his father; they haven’t seen each other for many years and his father must meet and speak with him. I was the only one able to leave in search of him.“

The fisherman and his wife made the sign of the cross. “In the Swedish army?” the wife exclaimed in surprise. “But, Miss, you can’t move about like this. The Swedish soldiers are brutal!”

Although there probably was a good deal of patriotism in this remark, Villemo agreed with the wife that it might be difficult to trace Dominic. She didn’t have a real plan of action.

“And how do you intend to swim in those clothes, Miss?”

That was a good question. Villemo thought for a long while. Slowly an idea began to take shape in her mind. It required a great sacrifice – but hadn’t she already sacrificed quite a lot for Dominic’s sake?

“About a year ago ...” she began. “About a year ago, no, almost two, I was assaulted. The thugs cut off all my hair to humiliate me, just because I wouldn’t do as they said. My short hair looked awful ... Maybe I should let my hair be cut short once again because I’m willing to go to great lengths to find my cousin, it’s so crucial for me, you see. And if it was possible for me to borrow some clothes from your son, if you have some spare, I’m sure that I could pass for a boy.”

They rolled their eyes. A young Miss couldn’t just ...

“Many people told me at the time that I almost looked like a boy with that short hair.”

“But you can’t do that!”

“There’s a lot I’m willing to sacrifice but not my virtue. And I agree with you that for a single woman among such uncivilised people, my virtue might be seriously threatened.”

That was a reason they could agree on, so with a lot of sighs they began to cut her hair and lent her some clothes.

So, while the fishing boat glided across the Sound in the summer night, Villemo underwent a major transformation. When she was finished, they all agreed that she could well pass for a boy. Her hair was supposed to have been cut straight across her forehead and straight under her ears but Villemo’s hair curled so much in the humid air from the sea that her head was covered in curls. Fortunately, it was warm so she didn’t need many clothes. A horsehair shirt with wide arms, trousers to tie under the knee and a jacket without sleeves to hide that she was actually quite feminine across her bosom. She declined shoes and stockings – the shoes would be far too heavy in the water. Instead she was given a broad-brimmed hat to protect her against sun and rain.

‘I must wear out more dresses than anyone in the North,’ Villemo thought. ‘I wonder just how many dresses I’ve managed to ruin during my escapades?’

Only this one she didn’t want to sacrifice. Her mother had sewed it with great care, specifically intended for her trip to Denmark.

She bit her lip and rummaged in the bundle she had brought with her when she left the others at the boat for Norway.

“You may keep the cape,” she told the woman. “And a number of other things that I’ll put here. But I’m afraid I’ll have to take the dress and a few other things with me in the bundle on my back while I swim, because I can’t walk about in these boy’s clothes all the time.”

That made sense to them. Since the weather was calm and it was bound to be even calmer up on land on the Swedish side, the skipper suggested that she tie the bundle on her head instead. That way she might even have dry clothes by the time she reached land.

‘If she reaches land,’ the skipper thought.

Villemo thanked him for the idea and thought that she would probably look ridiculous, but there was nothing to be done about that.

Anything for Dominic! No, she couldn’t keep on saying that forever. Dominic was safe, after all. And there was certainly no guarantee that he would be overjoyed at seeing her now that he was in war service.

But she didn’t care about that. She wanted that farewell embrace she was entitled to, and then she would leave him in peace. Did she honestly believe that herself? Maybe. She had always had a remarkable talent for pulling the wool over her eyes. She had never learned to separate fact from fiction.

What was she supposed have done in Denmark when he wasn’t there? That was the main reason for this reckless endeavour of hers and it was something she repeated to herself over and over. But in her heart she knew perfectly well what she wanted ...

Only a few boats were out at sea. Mostly fishing boats, first Danish then Swedish ones but they kept at quite a distance from them.

The skipper moved as close to Sweden as he dared. Nevertheless, Villemo thought that the distance to land seemed frightfully big when he announced that he wouldn’t sail any further.

‘Help! Did I really say that I would be willing to swim as far as would be necessary?’

She had paid the fisherman and his wife – paid more than what they would normally make in one whole month – so she couldn’t put it off any longer. They couldn’t stay still in the same spot for so long and they had already run quite a risk for her sake.

‘Good God,’ Villemo thought as she closed her eyes. ‘Now I need your help once again.’

“Thank you so much for your help,” she said to the fisherman’s family. “And pray for me. I think I may need it.”

All three of them nodded solemnly. The son saw his extra clothes disappear in the waves together with the girl who was lowered into the water from the low gunwale.

The water wasn’t as cold as she had feared. Now she was grateful that Elistrand was situated down by the small lake in the Parish of Graastensholm, because she and Irmelin and Niklas had often played in the water during the summer, rowed in the boat and taught themselves to swim. Of course, it had been a challenge for Villemo to learn to swim just as well as Niklas did, preferably better than him, and she had the added advantage of living at Elistrand. She remembered the many times her mother had anxiously admonished her and slapped her bottom for swimming too far out.

Once, Niklas and she had swum around the entire lake. Irmelin hadn’t joined them because she wasn’t a very good swimmer and worried about being ‘unfeminine’. Villemo was more of a tomboy.

But the Sound wasn’t the same as the small lake at home. For instance, nobody had mentioned anything about how to swim in currents, and against big waves and things like that.

The fishing boat was already far away. It was hurrying home to calmer water on the Danish side. The coast seemed just as far away as before and Villemo was growing tired.

Rubbish, she’d be able to tackle this, surely? That bit of the coast she could see was the lowland. There were no steep slopes, just undulating countryside.

Villemo had a vague idea about high water and low water but since she was a landlubber she didn’t know much about the sea. All she hoped was that the water was on its way in and not out because then things would get difficult.

‘What a bother that it took such a long time to get here! Now don’t panic. And stop thinking about the fact that you can’t touch the bottom... What about sea serpents and things like that? Nonsense! Anyway, it’s easy to float in salt water.

Dominic! Dominic, can you hear me? Are you able to receive my message? Do you and I possess enough of the abilities of the Ice People that we can communicate psychically? If so, please listen! If I really have contact with you in my thoughts, would you please lend me some of your strength, you who are so physically strong? Can you lend me some of your courage and self-confidence? You see, I’m beginning to be frightened.

Apart from the boat which is now hurrying towards Denmark, there are no others to be seen, and there is no sign of life on land. We saw Klagshamn a short while ago. It’s situated on the other side of the spit towards the north. There’s a bay here and I’m right in the middle of it and there’s nobody in sight to help me!

This is what is known as physical loneliness. I know spiritual loneliness because I’ve felt it many times. Perhaps mostly out in the barn.

But we’re supposed to survive, Dominic. Niklas, you and I. Or maybe we’ve already accomplished what we were destined for? Maybe our task in life was to reveal the bailiff and the Woller farmer? Was that all?

Dominic, you can look into the future – well, not quite, but almost – you said that there was more, something horrific and shocking. Haven’t we had enough of that already? I for one have had enough for the next five lives! Anyway, it would be nice to know whether or not I’m predestined to survive this.

Ugh, I just swallowed a mouthful of water. That’s not a good sign. I must think of Dominic. And even more importantly, I need to rest a bit. How am I supposed to do that? Because I might drift out to sea if I do... No, I must continue a bit more. My arms are like lead.’

Villemo concentrated on Dominic. All her prayers were focused on him. She prayed for strength and stamina, that the coast would come a bit closer, that the tidal current would carry her in, that somebody - preferably Dominic – would hold her up and carry her forward.

Her heart was beating. Her arms and legs were numb. She began to envision fish biting her legs, but she couldn’t feel anything in them anyway. Maybe she didn’t have legs anymore?

Dominic, think of Dominic!

But how the hell is it possible to concentrate on anything when your brain is so exhausted? She involuntarily swallowed another mouthful of water.

‘Oh, God, help me! Please help one of your blackest and most unfaithful sheep! Dominic! I can hardly go on any further.’

Whether Dominic heard her telepathic call or not is impossible to know. But the mere thought of him helped her across the unknown water and inspired her to keep going. She felt stronger, which, rightly or wrongly, she attributed to him. When, at long last, she dared to look up, she could see that she had definitely come closer to land.

“Thank you, Dominic, thank you,” she whispered, swallowing yet another mouthful.

But it didn’t matter. For the first time during this nightmarish swim, she felt that she was getting somewhere, which made her use the rest of her physical resources, with an almost superhuman capacity.

Admittedly, the water was getting so cold that it paralysed her arms and legs and her heart was beating violently. She persisted to struggle through the sea without glancing at the coast at all, only – hopefully – to be pleasantly surprised next time she raised her head. Now she was deep in the water, barely able to keep her nose above the surface of it.

‘Dominic,’ she said in her thoughts. ‘Now you know that I’m on my way to you and you’re helping me by holding me up. I know it and I can feel it.’

It had been a while since she had looked towards the coast. She had been swimming with her face turned towards the spit, which was now practically behind her. Suddenly, her knee knocked against something.

‘Oh, God, a sea serpent, a whale or another terrible monster’, she thought.

She looked straight ahead. Goodness, is the coast that close! No further away than the distance from the lake up to Elistrand.

Now both her knees hit something. It had to be ... She felt her way carefully with her hands, afraid that she would feel a slimy monster that moved. But that wasn’t what it was. It was the bottom of the sea. The water was certainly shallow here. How long had it been like that?

Despite her fatigue, her cheerfulness didn’t fail her. She couldn’t help being amused at the thought that she had been swimming, in all earnestness, in one foot of water. But it was certainly also due to her joy at coming up to the surface.

Villemo crouched and put her feet down. She straightened her back, and she felt that her legs were trembling. She was standing! She was standing on a smooth and fine surface of sand.

Her relief and her exhaustion was so overwhelming that she immediately sat down. There she sat, breathing and gasping heavily until the worst tiredness had worn off. Then she got up and staggered toward land.

‘Thank you, Dominic, my dear. It’s only thanks to you that I’m still alive!’

The sun had risen. The beach was infinite. Not a human being in sight anywhere.

Villemo walked up the beach then bent down, patting the Scanian ground. She walked on until she reached the dunes. There she undressed, spreading out all her clothes, both her own and the boy’s, which she had borrowed.

Then she lay down naked next to her clothes to rest in the life-giving rays of the sun. Her last thought before falling asleep was Dominic.

‘Now we’re together in the same country. I just want to get a little sleep because it’s been a tough night without being able to close my eyes. Then I’ll track you down and nothing will prevent us from loving one another.’

The first step to seeing Dominic again had been accomplished.