Читать книгу Summer Sheikhs: Sheikh's Betrayal / Breaking the Sheikh's Rules / Innocent in the Sheikh's Harem - Эбби Грин, Marguerite Kaye - Страница 24

SALAH felt blank, the way one feels after a bullet has hit: the emptiness of waiting for the pain.

He sat staring into the past, as all the carefully constructed armour of ten years collapsed into rubble around him. He had destroyed the dream by his own hand. Feeling began to blast in, a storm of grief and self blame.

She was completely blameless. The fault had been entirely his from the beginning.

She was right. He had acted towards her without generosity, without honour, all the while pretending that the lack of honour was hers. Even the least degree of decency had required that he ask her for the truth before judging her. And even believing it true, shouldn’t he have tried to understand the pressures of that new world? A man of forty-two, a girl of sixteen. What chance would she have stood? Why hadn’t he seen it before? Why hadn’t he judged differently when he got a little older?

He opened his mouth three times before he could speak.

‘Desi. There isn’t a word strong enough. What have I done? Desi, forgive me.’

He put his hand out to her but, still weeping, she twisted away.

‘Forgive? How can I forgive it?’ she howled.

‘Desi.’ His voice sounded completely unlike him. ‘My God. What a fool I am. Worse than a fool. A devil.’

She was sobbing inconsolably. ‘You said you loved me, you say now it was the biggest thing in your life—how could you think such a thing? How could you begin to believe it? Why didn’t you at least give me a chance?’

He swallowed. Ten years. What could make amends for such a waste of life and love?

‘Desi, I am sorry.’

‘Oh, great. Yes, that makes all the difference!’

The car was insufferably hot. Sweat was pouring off her, and she wound down the window and tried to catch her breath.

Salah started the engine. ‘We can’t stay here.’

He put the vehicle in gear and backed out onto the road again.

The sun was in the west, streaming into the car now from the front, now on the right, as the road curved and turned. It was burning hot, in spite of the air conditioning, and Desi felt sick with the brightness and the heat on her skin. For a few miles she twisted the sun visor this way and that, trying to block the rays, and then Salah pulled over again.

He got out, rummaged in the back for a moment, then came around to her side. Without a word he opened the door, lowered the window, tucked a cardboard window protector over the glass and rolled it back up. It covered the passenger window and a few inches of the windscreen, putting her in welcome shade.

When they were moving again, she said, ‘Thank you.’

He nodded, swallowing, as if he could not trust himself to speak.

‘You could have done that any time over the past three days, I suppose. But then, you had to sweat the truth out of me.’

They drove in silence, passing other cars on the road, glimpsing herds of camels and goats at distant nomad camps in the bleak, bleak desert. After a while Salah turned off the road and headed out over the sand again.

She wondered how she could ever have imagined such a landscape magnificent. It was nothing but emptiness.

RU still in desert? RU seducing Salah??? What is happening? Plz call as soon as U get coverage.

Desi read this message from another life dimly, hardly taking it in. Reception was poor, and she shut off the phone without answering.

Another hour passed, and then they were winding through a curious forest of rocky outcrops and into a valley between high walls of rock. Green scrub clung to the rock face here and there, and in places the wheels sank into mud or splashed through a stagnant puddle. In other places a thin trickle gave promise that this was a river bed.

‘In winter there are flash floods here,’ Salah said. ‘It is very dangerous.’ It was the first word that had passed between them for over an hour. ‘Two years ago all this area flooded for the first time in living memory. Even in the tribal traditions there was no history of such flooding.’

‘Ever the travel guide,’ she said.

Just before sunset the rock walls fell away and the vista opened up. The sky in the west was a brilliant fire of gold, with Mount Shir shining in white majesty over the growing shadows in the desert. In the distance she saw a collection of tents nestled beneath a stand of rock.

‘My father’s camp,’ said Salah.

It was as if a nomad encampment had entered a technology warp, and half its tents had been converted into air-conditioned caravans and trailers. All the modern equipment was nestled into the protective shadow between two large outcrops of black rock that jutted up from the desert floor. In front of them was ranged a nest of tents, half modern and half the low-slung nomadic type. And in front of that was the massive ancient site, where workers in straw hats toiled in rows, as if the nomads had taken to terrace farming. As they approached, an armed guard sitting on a rock peered at Salah’s face for a moment and waved the vehicle on.

‘I have to find out what arrangements have been made for us,’ Salah said, pulling up to park in the shade of a white trailer. ‘They are not expecting us yet. You can wait in the mess tent, Desi, or I can take you to my father.’

It was far too hot to sit in the car, though that was what she would have preferred. Desi squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, struggling to find focus in her shellshocked, blank state.

‘There will be people in the mess tent?’

Salah nodded.

‘Is there anywhere I can go and sit by myself?’

‘Not till I find out which trailer they have arranged for you.’

‘Your father, then.’

He led her to the long white caravan that served as the site office. Inside it was air-conditioned to a comparatively refreshing twenty-five degrees, nearly eighty Fahrenheit. Desi was desperately grateful to get out of the sun.

The archaeologist Dr. Khaled al Khouri was sitting at a desk inside. He was a solid, square-set man with grizzled grey hair, a face with deep lines furrowing his forehead and carved from his strongly cut nose to the corners of his mouth. When they entered he was engrossed in examining a dirt-impacted object with the sunburnt, intent young woman standing beside his chair.

Neither noticed them enter. They watched for a minute as the professor’s strong, competent fingers prised off the dirt of millennia to fall unheeded on his papers, and revealed a goblet.

With caressing strokes that reminded Desi of Salah’s hands on her body, he dusted down the little cup, turned it over, then held it still, gazing at the face of the bowl.

‘You’re right, Dina,’ he said at last. ‘Congratulations. Well done.’

‘Thank you, Dr. al Khouri.’

‘Leave it with me. I’ll take it to Hormuz later.’

As the young worker slipped through the door beside them, her eyes fell on Desi and she turned around to gasp in disbelief before continuing on her way. At the sound, the doctor lifted his head.

‘Yes?’ he said, and then, ‘Salah!’

‘Desi, meet my father,’ said Salah. ‘Father, this is Desirée Drummond—Desi.’

‘Desi! Hello!’ Dr. al Khouri exclaimed, getting to his feet. He put out his hand, giving her the same focussed attention he had bestowed on the found object. The clasp of his hand was firm, reminding her of Salah’s. The black eyes were friendly, but uncomfortably piercing.

‘I am very happy to meet you at last. We have heard so much about you! It is kind of you to come to visit us.’

He did not sound in the least like a man who suspected her of conspiring to steal priceless objects, and Desi flicked a glance at Salah.

‘It’s very kind of you to let me come,’ she said, and under the warm intensity of his gaze, she managed to find a smile.

Her hand had collected a certain amount of dirt during the handshake, and she absently dusted it down on her khaki shorts. Dr. al Khouri frowned, looking at his own hand.

‘Too much dirt in this job!’ he said, dusting his hands. ‘I must go out now and make my round before they down tools for the night. Perhaps you will like to come with me, Desi. You have come a long way, and I know you will be eager to see the site as soon as possible.’

She nodded agreement. It was long past time to get away from Salah. Salah seemed to agree.

‘I will check on the sleeping arrangements,’ he said. Their eyes caught for a moment, and she sent him a cold warning with her eyes. Then she saw that he did not need it: he had no more interest in their continuing to share a bed than she did. Well, he’d had his closure, of course, she reminded herself bitterly.

If only she could feel closure. But for Desi it was all still boiling up inside her, rage and heartbreak and a deep, abiding sense of betrayal.

A moment later she was out in the late sunshine, listening as Dr. al Khouri began to explain the site. He spoke as if she were the student she was pretending to be, and in spite of everything Desi began to be intrigued.

‘Look at this,’ Khaled al Khouri told her, as they paused by a worker who was carefully excavating a massive slab embedded in the hardened soil, on which she could make out, faintly, an etched image. ‘This piece is our pride and joy.’

Desi peered at it. ‘Is that a woman?’

‘Not a woman,’ he said, with the air of a man used to correcting students. ‘All we can say with certainty at the moment is that this is a female figure. In fact, she is probably our goddess. We believe this lady might have been the tutelary deity of the whole civilisation.’

She bent down to see more clearly. The figure showed the hint of a tiara in the intricately curled hair that fell down over her shoulders above wide-spaced breasts, a curving waist encircled by some kind of string or thong, broad hips and a prominent nest of pubic hair. One hand was at her side, the other held up in what might be a gesture of greeting, palm towards the viewer. She was standing on an animal that Desi could not distinguish.

Excitement bubbled up as she recognized her little goddess.

‘Who is she?’ she demanded.

‘We think, the deity of this temple.’ The archaeologist waved his hand at the long shape marked out in the earth with stakes and string. ‘We don’t know her name yet.’

‘Is she a fertility goddess? A love goddess?’

‘We think so.’

‘Inanna?’

He lifted an eyebrow at her, in a gesture so like Salah her heart kicked a protest. ‘Possibly, but if so it’s an unusual depiction of her that would be specific to this people, and she might have had another name. What made you think of her?’

Desi laughed. ‘She’s the only ancient love goddess I know!’ she confessed. ‘I bought a little statue from some nomads a couple of days ago. I think it’s the same woman…female figure!’

Dr. al Khouri shook his head, sighing. ‘You bought her from nomads?’

‘Yes, for twenty dirhams. She’s in the truck.’

‘Then tomorrow you will show her to me. This, we suspect—’ he waved his arm to take in the entire site ‘—was her particular city. Perhaps the people came here on pilgrimages.’

‘The goddess of love was the chief god?’ Desi asked, amazed.

‘Yes, and such worship left its mark on later generations. In antiquity, Barakat has had many ruling women, and even after Islam, we often allowed queens to rule us. You have heard of the great Queen Halimah?’

‘Yes.’

‘Her path was of course paved by the goddesses and queens of antiquity, who still exist in the psyche of Barakat.’

‘Oh!’ Desi said in surprise.

‘Your own little goddess probably came from this area, but not this particular site. The flooding brought many things to the surface all along the valley. We have seen evidence for at least two more large settlements not far away.

‘That is why it is so critical to keep this secret for as long as possible. We can never hope to police every potential site in the valley, and if we lose too many of them…but we start with the largest, hoping that it is also the most important.’

‘Salah says looters aren’t the worst threat, though,’ she said, remembering. He had said it only a day or two ago, Desi realized in distant surprise. She seemed to have lived a lifetime since then. Then she had felt alive, that was why it seemed so long ago.

‘That is true.’

The archaeologist guided her over a narrow bridge of land between two square holes, smiling and nodding at the diggers below, who were starting to call to each other about the happy prospect of downing tools and cold beer.

‘Looters take what they find for their own enrichment. But the others, the fools who cannot bear to know that once the feminine was worshipped as fervently as the masculine is today, the idiots who must force the past to match their ideals as well as the present—they are a different kind of danger. They want to destroy the evidence.

‘Whatever we find here, Desi, it is the heritage of the whole world. It is our collective history. These madmen—they want to forget that all of Mohammad’s line comes through a woman. Fatima. Without his daughter, there would be no sharifs at all, no descendants of the prophet. But still they want to wipe the feminine out of the world.’

‘And you thought I might be helping these people?’ she asked in quiet bitterness.

He stared at her. ‘Help them? What intelligent person would help such lunatics?’

‘Salah said you suspected I wanted to come here because—’

‘Oh!’ he said, in a different tone. His eyes moved to her face. ‘My wife said that if we wanted Salah to be happy, I had to let you visit, in spite of Salah’s objections. And I had to pretend to suspect your motives, too. I am only an archaeologist, I don’t really understand these things. But you will know—is my son happy now?’

Her heart was suddenly beating in hard, heavy thuds. ‘How would I know?’ Desi protested. ‘Isn’t he going to marry Sami?’

He shrugged. ‘My wife says not.’

Desi took a deep breath and sighed it out. Promise me you’ll tell Uncle Khaled only if you’re absolutely certain he’ll be all right with it, Sami had said. And here was Sami’s chance. This at least she could accomplish. This at least she could pull from the wreckage. No happiness for herself, that wasn’t possible now, but…

She said, ‘Dr. al Khouri—’

‘But you must call me Khaled!’

‘Khaled, I have something to tell you, and something to ask you, from Sami.’

‘Ah, yes, my niece is your friend! My wife said. Let us sit here, then.’ He guided her to a bench beside a table under a canopy, where they had a view over the whole dig. ‘Now. What has to be said that my niece could not say to me herself?’

Desi stared out over the scene, watching long shadows move and dance as the workers moved out of the field and headed towards the tents.

‘It’s about…the marriage.’ Her voice grated on the word. ‘Sami asked me to tell you that she—doesn’t want to marry Salah. She’s already engaged to a man she loves, but her brothers wanted to choose her husband. It was they who chose Salah. She’s told them she doesn’t agree, but they…’

‘Do you speak of Walid and Arif?’ the scientist interrupted in amazement.

Desi nodded. ‘She asked me to beg you to overrule Walid and send your permission for her to marry the man she loves. Otherwise she’s afraid Walid will do something…really stupid.’

Khaled al Khouri’s eyebrows went up as he inhaled all this, and when she stopped speaking he sighed explosively.

‘Well, they are fools, these young nephews of mine! If they do not control themselves, they will soon be among the madmen who come to destroy history for the sake of their convictions. What is his name, Samiha’s fiancé?’

‘Farid Durrani al Muntazer. His family is originally from Bagestan, but he’s Canadian.’

‘Madthe?’ Khaled threw back his head and laughed a loud, boisterous laugh. ‘Well, they are worse than fools. They are ridiculous! This boy is a member of the royal family of Bagestan!’

Desi stared. ‘What?’

‘This is one of the names the al Jawadi took decades ago when they went into exile. Why does he not tell them so? It is no secret anymore. They are on the throne now, as the world knows.’

The Silk Revolution. Desi, like everyone else she knew, had been thrilled when handsome Sultan Ashraf had been restored to the throne of Bagestan. And Farid was related to him?

She smiled, and her heart lightened a little with happiness for her friend.

‘I don’t think Walid rejected him on his merits. It was the principle of the thing.’

‘Well, I will give her my formal permission, it is the only way with such young men as this. But I will also have something to say to them.’

He stood and lifted a rope barrier for her. ‘And now you have done your duty, Desi. Come and look at the lady’s temple before the sun goes.’

Salah stood in the doorway of the mess tent, a cup of coffee in his hand, watching from a distance. The grace with which she moved up the long buried slope of that ancient temple where his distant ancestors had once worshipped love. In the shimmer of heat he seemed to see her through millennia. As if she belonged there, the high priestess of the religion of love.

Once he had worshipped at that shrine, had drunk from the honeyed chalice. Then with his own hand he had smashed it to fragments.

All the pieces of his life had come apart a few hours ago, and no new image had yet formed. He seemed to himself to be still staggering under the blow. All his landmarks were gone, blown down by the whirlwind of the horror of what he had done.

But the answer was here. He gazed at the lithe beauty of her as she talked earnestly to his father. She lifted her arm to point into the distance, and a last ray of the setting sun caught her suddenly, haloing her figure with flames of red gold, imprinting the shape on his heart, where it matched some shape already there…

The answer would be found here.

‘Everyone eats in the food tent,’ Salah told her a little later, leading her across the moonshadowed desert towards the trailer where she would sleep. ‘Supper will be ready in half an hour. Or someone can bring you a tray here.’

Desi heaved a breath. Everything was suddenly catching up with her, and she knew she couldn’t sit through a meal with the bunch of cheerful, enthusiastic volunteers she had seen in her tour of the site, especially as it seemed all the starstruck girls were going to want her autograph. She would feel stronger in the morning. Right now she felt she would burst if the least demand were made on her. She desperately needed to be by herself.

‘I’m not hungry. If I can have a glass of water I’ll go to bed now.’

‘There’s water in the trailer. Desi, I—’

‘No,’ she said, flinging up a hand, her voice cracking with emotion. ‘Please. There’s nothing to say.’

‘There is everything to say,’ Salah said. ‘Do you think we can leave it where it is?’

She couldn’t take any more. Not tonight. Not ever. ‘I’ll say good night, Salah.’

But his hand closed on her arm, heat burning through her skin to war with the coldness in her heart.

‘Walk with me,’ he said. ‘Deezee!’

Even now, even after what she had learned, his voice roughing up her name had power over her, like a cat’s tongue on a sensitive spot. The knowledge filled her with distant fury. That nickname in his mouth was like blasphemy now. Bitter hurt welled up in her, choking her so that she could not speak to resist.

‘Come with me.’

And she turned and went with him out beyond the cluster of caravans and trailers, into the empty desert.

A full moon was climbing up the sky. The giant rocks threw heavy black shadows onto the sand, making a landscape unlike anything she had ever seen before, strange and otherworldly.

‘Desi, I was blind. Blind and a fool.’

She closed her eyes as a sense of waste and devastation flooded her. She shook her head.

‘Too late,’ she choked. ‘Too little, too late.’

‘Don’t say it!’ he commanded. ‘It can’t be too late, Desi. I won’t let it be too late! We are still young, we have so much life in front of us.’

‘Are you young? I’m old. I feel a hundred years old. I’m tired and life has passed me by. And I don’t want to talk about this. Is that all you wanted to say?’

He stopped and turned to face her. Moonlight carved his face like rock.

‘What are you saying? Do you think we can just walk away from this? You loved me once. Love is still possible. That I know. When we make love, you tell me so in everything but words. Desi, I—’

She felt exhausted, bruised. ‘I think our watches must be out of sync, Salah.’ She glanced down at her wrist in the milky gloom. ‘Yeah, by, let’s see—about ten years.’

‘A mistake destroyed those ten years,’ he insisted. ‘A stupid, ignorant mistake. And if we don’t mend it now, it will destroy the rest of our lives. We have to find our way through this.’

‘The only mistake that would destroy the rest of my life would be to listen to you.’

‘You know it is not true. You would not be so hurt now if you did not…Please. Let us not go on in this terrible error. Look into your heart, Desi, and hear me.’

Like a wounded animal goaded beyond its endurance, she rounded on him.

‘Look! You wanted closure, am I right? That’s what you wanted! Now you’ve had closure. You’re going to get married, I think you said. Well, off you go, and good luck to you!’

‘Do you think I can marry Sami now?’ he almost shouted.

‘But it doesn’t matter who you marry, does it?’ she reminded him harshly. ‘What happened to “the best love comes after marriage”?’

‘How can I marry another woman now in the hopes of learning to love her?’

‘I have no idea. But then I never understood the principle in the first place.’

‘Desi, I made a mistake. That mistake has ruined our lives for ten years.’

‘You’re a powerful Cup Companion who lives in a palace. I don’t wake up for less than ten thousand dollars. I don’t think we can call this ruination.’

‘You speak of the world. I speak of the heart.’

‘Do you?’ Desi gave vent to a snort of bitter laughter. ‘That’s a good one!’