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Chapter Eleven

‘What happened?’

Stephanie quickly scrubbed at her eyes with her sleeve. ‘Rafiq. I’m so sorry.’

‘Sherifa.’

He stood transfixed. The mare was still on her feet, but only just. Her beautiful glossy grey coat was matted with sweat. Her flanks were quivering, her nose was streaming, and her cough had that unmistakable harsh, hacking sound. ‘It started about four hours ago,’ Stephanie said. ‘I’ve been with her ever since. I sent for you immediately, but...’

‘I was otherwise engaged. How bad is it?’

‘Bad,’ Stephanie said, unable to prevent her voice from wobbling. ‘We have to keep her standing. I have been trying to keep her cool, keep her nose clear, but her heart is racing, and she is struggling to breathe. It is—it is bad, Rafiq. I am so sorry.’

‘It’s not your fault. Your theory—It was always—Well, now we have the proof, unfortunately, that you must have been wrong.’

‘No.’ She mustn’t cry. She mustn’t wallow in self-pity. ‘I’m afraid that Sherifa is proof that my theory was sound. You see, I—When I went out to the stallions’ oasis, I...’ She caught herself on a sob. ‘I took Sherifa, Rafiq. I rode Sherifa out to the oasis. I didn’t take her into the paddock, I left her tethered outside, but she was there. And those biting flies—when I was collecting samples, it is mostly likely that one of them landed on me, then transferred to Sherifa and—and you see there is no other explanation. It was six days ago, well within the boundaries of the usual incubation period. Sherifa is my proof, and if she dies, I will never, ever forgive myself. I am so very sorry.’

Her tears had begun again in earnest, but she ignored them. ‘We have to keep her on her feet Rafiq, and though Fadil is desperate to help, he has not your skills. Do you think...?’

‘Anything. Just tell me what to do. Anything.’

He went to the mare’s head and began to murmur to her. The slow, hypnotic tone calmed her, allowing Stephanie to cool the sick beast, but she was under no illusions. The sickness was affecting Sherifa to a far greater degree than it had Batal.

Through her tears she worked tirelessly, cooling, checking, decongesting the mare in a strict, endless sequence. She had seen Rafiq in passing over the last few days, but they had been like ships in the night. His training was relentless, her work at the stables exhausting. That the first time they were together since she admitted to herself that she loved him should be under such tragic circumstances was too awful to contemplate. Yet here they were together, with his dead wife’s precious mare fighting for survival, and if she died it was Stephanie’s fault.

She picked up the empty wooden bucket to fetch more cold water, but Rafiq took it from her. ‘I will do it. Sherifa is calm for the moment. You need to calm yourself, Stephanie, or you will be of no use to either of us.’

‘It’s my fault. If I had thought for a moment...’

‘You have proved beyond doubt the source of the disease. Even if we lose Sherifa, it means we won’t lose any others.’

‘But we can’t lose Sherifa. I know how much she means to you.’

He did not deny it. Stephanie wanted to throw herself at his feet and beg forgiveness, but that was hardly constructive. By the time Rafiq returned with fresh water, she had herself under control. ‘Thank you. If you can persuade her to drink a little, that would be very helpful, but the main thing is to...’

‘...keep her on her feet.’ Rafiq’s smile was ghostly.

‘Exactly. And tell her that she’s going to make it,’ Stephanie said firmly, ‘because I’m determined not to lose her.’

* * *

Stephanie worked with a grim resolve which seemed to increase the more the mare visibly weakened and Rafiq’s confidence fell. Though he kept up his murmuring, he was losing faith fast, and in the early hours of dawn, when Sherifa fell to her knees, despair set in. ‘We are losing her.’

‘No.’ They got her back up, thanks mostly to Stephanie’s sheer effort of will. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered to the mare, ‘but it’s not time for you to join your mistress just yet.’

He tried to block them out, but the memories took hold as he and Stephanie fought what seemed to be a losing battle to keep Sherifa alive.

Elmira putting Sherifa through her repertoire of tricks the night of the feast to celebrate the signing of the marriage contract.

Elmira riding Sherifa through the gates of the palace ahead of the train of stallions on their wedding day.

Elmira’s tears of joy when Sherifa gave birth to her first foal.

Elmira’s tears of sadness when Jasim took the foal away. Far too early, Elmira claimed. It had been early, but Rafiq had been reluctant to intercede on her behalf. The foal was a fine stallion now, one of their Sabr racing string, in fact.

Sherifa’s knees buckled again, and once again Stephanie refused to allow her to fall. ‘Shouldn’t we—isn’t it cruel to prolong her suffering?’ Rafiq asked, his voice cracked.

‘I am prolonging her life. Don’t give up on her, Rafiq. Please don’t give up.’

He had given up on Elmira. He wouldn’t give up on her mare. ‘Come on, Sherifa,’ Rafiq muttered, in the language he had learnt as a child, in the language that Elmira had always spoken to her beloved mare. ‘Your mistress would want you to show your true Arabian spirit.’

The hours passed in a daze. At times he could sense Elmira’s ghost watching him, alternatively accusing him and pleading with him. If Sherifa died, it would be a damning judgement on him. He wasn’t sure he could endure it. Would he still have the heart to enter the Sabr, far less win it?

* * *

‘Rafiq.’ A gentle hand on his shoulder roused him. Daylight streamed through the high window. He blinked. Silence. No wheezing. ‘Is she...?’

‘See for yourself.’ Stephanie’s smile was strained. ‘A miracle,’ she said.

Rafiq rubbed his eyes. Not a miracle, but an exhausted horse with a soaking wet coat and a streaming nose settling down for a long-overdue sleep. ‘Sherifa.’ Rafiq scrabbled to his feet. The mare tossed her head and attempted a wheezy whinny.

‘She’s made it. I’m not sure if she’ll ever be fit for breeding again, but...’

‘She’s alive.’ Rafiq ran his fingers along the horse’s back. ‘You saved her.’

‘We saved her,’ Stephanie said.

He caught her to him, hugging her tightly, burying his head in her hair. ‘Thank you. You can have no idea how much this means.’

‘I do.’

‘No, you don’t.’ He staggered. The stable floor began to tip and tilt. ‘I killed her, Stephanie.’ His legs wouldn’t hold him any longer. He slid down on to the floor, dropping his head on to his hands. ‘I killed Elmira.’

‘Rafiq!’ Stephanie wrapped her arms around him. ‘Rafiq, you are overwrought. You don’t know what you are saying. Elmira died in her sleep. Aida told me.’

He was so tempted to agree. He was so tired. But it was said now, there was no taking it back. He lifted his head. ‘Aida told you what everyone believes. Only I know the truth.’

He felt light-headed and heavy-witted at the same time. Elmira, Sherifa and Stephanie had become confused in his fevered dreams, he remembered that. Looking at Stephanie now, dark shadows under her eyes, her hair lank, her skin sallow, her tunic stained, he felt something inside him stir. An odd feeling. He didn’t know what it was. He was too exhausted to work out what it was.

‘I thought she was here,’ he said. ‘Elmira. She was a permanent presence here, in the stables, in the early days of our marriage. Haunted them,’ he added with a dry laugh. ‘That’s what Jasim said. She certainly does now.’

‘You didn’t kill her. You’re not capable of killing her. I know you, Rafiq.’

‘You didn’t know me then, Stephanie. I was obsessed.’

‘You told me that. And I told you...’

‘...that my marriage made perfect royal sense. I remember. It’s no excuse. Though Elmira was happy at first, would have remained happy if I had been the husband I should have been. But even on our marriage day, I was more interested in the bloodstock that was her dowry, than my wife. I put her in the harem, I ensured she had all the clothes and jewels she desired, and I—I left her there. I visited, because it was my duty to visit for the sake of an heir, but I didn’t visit often, and I made no effort to get to know her. Elmira was my wife, but she was a stranger to me, Stephanie.’

He slid a glance at her. She didn’t like what she was hearing. Not surprising. She was trying to disguise it, but subterfuge was one of the few things at which Stephanie did not succeed. ‘Her only pleasure was the stables, the horses, Sherifa. But not only Sherifa. She had a way with horses. She could charm them, much better than I could. She didn’t like Jasim. She thought his methods harsh. She said he didn’t love them. You and Elmira—you would have agreed on that. You would have probably—you’d probably have liked each other. If I had taken the time, I’d have liked her. But I didn’t take the time.’

His head ached. His vision was slightly blurred. He narrowed his eyes. ‘Stephanie?’

She touched his hand. Only fleetingly, but he knew it was her. ‘Did you take a fall yesterday during training?’ she asked.

‘Never a day goes by without me taking a fall.’

‘I think you are mildly concussed. Look into my eyes.’

‘You won’t like what you see.’

‘Rafiq, I think...’

‘She tried to talk to me, you know. She tried to tell me that she was lonely, but I didn’t listen. Perhaps she wasn’t persistent enough or vehement enough. No, that’s no excuse. I didn’t listen to Elmira, but I did listen to Jasim. He told me she was interfering with the running of the stables. I asked her not to. He told me she was still interfering. She wanted to help with the training, she said. Impossible. Jasim would never permit it. I told her that she had to keep out of his way. She said she would, but she didn’t. I thought it was because—Bedouins, horses, I thought it was that. Perhaps it was. Perhaps it was all Jasim’s lies. Look what he did to you. I should have recognised it as a pattern, but I didn’t.’

‘You did, Rafiq. This time, you did. And you acted.’

‘Too late for Elmira.’ He closed his eyes. Darkness hovered. The floor beneath him shifted, like the deck of a ship at sea. He opened his eyes. ‘I took his side. He told you that. He didn’t tell you what he told me though, that Elmira had betrayed me with her groom. I didn’t believe it, not at first. I confronted her and she didn’t deny that she enjoyed his company, the attention. She said it was my fault for neglecting her. She said that she was lonely. She said that she only ever felt alive when she went out riding. And I told her she was forbidden to go out ever again.’

‘What about the man?’

‘Jasim sent him packing immediately. I didn’t question that. It was the right thing to do. I could hardly have questioned the man myself, for if he confirmed it, I would have been forced to divorce Elmira.’

Rafiq grabbed Stephanie’s wrist. ‘Ever since I told you half the story, in the tent, it’s been worse, not better. She’s taken up residence here,’ he said, touching his forehead. ‘So now I have to tell you all of it, do you understand?’

She shook her head. ‘I think you need to rest, Rafiq.’

‘Soon. When I am done unburdening myself. I told myself I was protecting her honour by confining her to the harem, but I see now, I was actually protecting my own interests. I didn’t want to send her back to her family. I needed her dowry, Stephanie.’

‘She was unfaithful to you.’

‘Was she? Her flirtation may have been quite innocent. It doesn’t matter whether she was unfaithful or indiscreet or both. She was truly miserable, and it was my fault. My fault that she took solace in another man’s company—whatever form that took. My fault that she withered away in the harem quite alone, a nomad confined within four walls, unable to protest because I didn’t visit her, and because I didn’t visit her, I didn’t notice. I didn’t see her interest in life itself ebb away, and I didn’t notice when she eventually decided it was not worth living.’

Stephanie paled. Her hands fluttered to her breast. ‘She took her own life?’

He was feeling nauseous. ‘Poison. A powerful sleeping draught of some sort. I found her lying here with Sherifa, who was expecting a foal.’

‘But Aida said that she died in her sleep.’

‘She did. I tried, for what seemed like hours to rouse her, but to no avail, and so I took her body back to the harem.’

‘Does Aida know what happened?’

‘No, Elmira must have drugged Aida and the guard. The other maidservants slept apart. Aida discovered Elmira dead in her bed when she went to summon her for breakfast. The guard—well, it wasn’t in the interests of a guard to admit to being asleep on duty.’

‘You protected her honour, even in death.’

‘I did little else for her in life. Elmira lost her life in the pursuit of the Sabr. I have to win it back for her. It’s the only way.’

‘Atonement,’ Stephanie said.

‘If I don’t, she will always be here, haunting my every step.’ His voice cracked. His chest heaved. A sob racked his body. He tried to struggle to his feet, ashamed, appalled, desperate to get away before his emotions overwhelmed him completely but Stephanie wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight, refusing to let him go.

* * *

She held him until he stopped struggling. Then she held him as he surrendered to the racking dry sobs that were the result of two years of pent-up emotion. Then she held him as he slept where he lay, utterly exhausted, stroking his hair from his brow, listening to his breathing become even, deep, as he settled his head on her lap. She held him for hours, easing herself gently away only to check on the sleeping mare, and then returning to Rafiq, holding him, stroking him, her heart aching with love for him.

Stephanie did not sleep. She replayed his tortured words over and over in her head. She couldn’t reconcile the picture he painted of himself with the man she knew. He had not loved Elmira, but to hear him describe, from his own lips, his callous disregard for her, was shocking. Yet her own love for him was undaunted, undented.

She so desperately wanted to help him. Her sordid little story could not compare to his tragedy, but she had learned a great deal here in Arabia about leaving the shadows of the past behind. If there was any way she could use that newfound knowledge to help Rafiq then she would. Nothing could change what had happened, but there had to be a way to make him see that his past had shaped him into the man of honour he was today.

* * *

Rafiq slept deeply. He awoke slowly. His eyelids flickered, then opened. He gave a dazed smile when he saw Stephanie, then a tiny shake of his head, and then a firming of his mouth, and he jerked himself upright as he remembered.

‘How long have I been asleep?’

‘A few hours.’

‘Sherifa?’

‘She’s fine, she’s been sleeping too.’

His throat was working. He was horribly embarrassed, struggling to look at her in the dim light of the stall, shaded from the sun by the shutters. ‘You saved her. I am extremely grateful. I fear I was a little—you must excuse my...’

She caught his hand as he made to get up and leave. ‘Please don’t go.’

She wanted to tell him that she loved him, but those three little words were guaranteed to send him running as surely as her assuring him even princes were allowed to cry. ‘I want to talk to you, Rafiq,’ Stephanie said, striving for calm. ‘I want you to consider what will happen if you don’t win the Sabr.’

‘It’s unthinkable.’

‘But it’s a possibility you can’t afford to ignore,’ she said earnestly. ‘I understand why it’s important to your people. You promised them a victory and you are a man who honours his promises. I understand that it’s important to you, to restore your father’s honour, and to win in Elmira’s honour too. But you believe it’s more than that, don’t you? You believe that winning the Sabr will somehow rid you of all this terrible guilt you bear for Elmira’s death and I am afraid...’

She caught herself on a sob. She must remain calm. ‘I am so afraid, Rafiq, that you are wrong, and I can’t bear to think of you suffering for another year, another, another, until you win—if you win. You have pinned all your hopes on this race, you are living your life in limbo until you win, but you don’t have to.’

‘What do you mean by that?’

‘Nothing can change what happened in the past, Rafiq, but you can stop it ruling your life.’

‘I fail to see how,’ he said heavily, ‘but I’m willing to listen.’

Stephanie laced her fingers together, frowning down at them. ‘I admit, I was shocked by what you told me. There is no denying that you neglected Elmira, that you contributed to making her very unhappy, but what you haven’t taken account of is her role in this.’

‘Stephanie, you know I only married her for her dowry.’

‘You married her to make good on the pledge you made to your people, and to heal the rift your father had made. You put your kingdom first when you made that marriage, not yourself.’

‘And I put Elmira last, Stephanie.’

‘Why did she marry you?’

He looked confused. ‘It was her father’s wish.’

‘But if she hadn’t wanted to marry you, could she have refused?’

Frowning, he picked up a piece of straw and knotted it. ‘Salim has several daughters. If Elmira had been against the match, then I expect one of her sisters would have taken her place.’

‘So she wanted to marry you? And she knew what that entailed—the harem, the life that she would lead, it was not a shock to her?’

‘No, of course not. It was one of the few things we did discuss before the contract was signed. I know how the Bedouin are, I know how much they value their freedom, it was why I agreed that Elmira could take her horse out into the desert every day, provided she also took an escort.’ He stared down at the knotted straw, his frown deepening. ‘I had forgotten that.’

‘So Elmira knew the risk she was taking if she abused that freedom?’

‘But was she abusing it?’

‘If she had been completely innocent, don’t you think she would have said so, Rafiq? She had far too much to lose.’

‘She was lonely, and that was my fault.’

‘Elmira was a grown woman with a mind of her own. Did she tell you how lonely she was? Did she tell you she was unhappy?’

‘Stephanie, most women don’t have the courage to speak their minds as you do. Besides, that’s not the point. I was her husband. I was responsible for her. I should have been aware of her unhappiness.’

‘Yes, you should have, but she should have spoken to you. You take too much of the blame on yourself.’ Stephanie took a deep breath. ‘It is the same with her death.’

He flinched. ‘It’s true, I did not administer the sleeping draught, but...’

‘You assume that Elmira took her own life because she was lonely, because she was effectively a prisoner in the harem, because you made her unhappy, but you don’t actually know for sure, do you?’ Stephanie laced her hands more tightly together. She couldn’t risk crying. She couldn’t risk any emotion. Beside her, Rafiq was distractedly tying another knot in another piece of straw. ‘If you had had any idea how desperate she was...’

‘How could I? I never visited her.’

‘And she never asked for you. Did she speak to Aida?’

‘No.’ He cast the straw aside. ‘No. I couldn’t ask her directly without betraying Elmira but—no.’

‘It’s my impression too, that Aida thought her content. Whatever drove Elmira to take such extreme action, she was determined to keep it to herself. It is one of the most tragic aspects of her death that the act which she saw as putting an end to her suffering made you suffer so much.’

‘I deserve to suffer.’

Was she imagining it, or did he sound less convinced? ‘Do you think that Elmira wished you to feel so guilty?’ Stephanie asked. ‘She went to great pains to escape the harem that night, drugging Aida and the guard.’

‘She wanted to be with Sherifa.’

‘Of course, but do you think it’s possible that she also wanted to make someone other than you feel guilty?’

‘I don’t know what you—You mean Jasim?’ Rafiq looked as if he had taken another blow to the head. ‘Jasim?’

‘It is Jasim who stopped Elmira going to the stables. Jasim who accused her of interfering. Jasim who accused her of having an affair. Jasim who sacked the man who, if he was not her lover, was at very least her closest friend. You cannot know what was lies and what was malice, but Elmira knew. And Elmira chose to die in the stables.’

‘Stephanie, it is too much. I don’t—I can’t...’

‘Grant me a few more moments, please?’ She waited for his nod. ‘Elmira took her own life, Rafiq, and whatever her reasons, the act itself was hers, not yours. What you did do afterwards was protect her honour and that of her family as you had when she was indiscreet. No one knows that she died by her own hand. You have borne all the guilt of that, spared her family that scandal. And you spared them the shame of a divorce too.’

‘Because I wanted to keep the horses.’

‘Do you think Elmira would have been happier, returned to her family a divorced woman, than she was confined to your harem?’ Stephanie touched his arm gently. ‘I know, an impossible question, but you must think about it. Much more importantly, what you need to think about is how much this tragedy has changed you. The man I know, the honourable, caring, thoughtful man sitting beside me, is not the man who married Elmira. When you marry again—’ She broke off, blinking furiously. She couldn’t fall at this last hurdle. ‘When you marry again, you will be a very different husband. You may even encourage your wife to be honest with you, for you will need someone to do so when I am gone.’

‘Stephanie, you are unique.’

‘No. I am simply the first of my kind you have encountered. Given a little encouragement, you will find that most women will speak their minds as I do.’

He took her hands, unlacing her fingers carefully before kissing her fingertips. ‘Speaking your mind, as you have done, takes a great deal of courage.’

‘I want you to be happy, Rafiq. You deserve to be happy.’

He kissed her hand again. ‘I will settle for making my peace.’

‘Don’t settle for that,’ Stephanie said fiercely. ‘You deserve more than that.’

He sighed. ‘You have given me a great deal to think about. I need time—I have no idea—I need time.’

‘Of course you do. But please, Rafiq, you will reflect on what I have said?’

He got to his feet, pulling her with him. ‘I promise.’ He kissed her softly. ‘Thank you.’

Two weeks later

The training paddock was north of the palace, a large natural arena in the valley created by a huge red rock in the shape of a horseshoe. The hard-packed sand was an ideal surface for the racehorses, although the Sabr team were also taken out to train on the course, in order to acclimatise them to the different terrains. When Stephanie had pointed out that this must give the home team an advantage, Fadil had been insulted, informing her that any team from any kingdom was welcome to use the course.

At the far end of the grounds, in the shelter of the rock at the top of the horseshoe, were the stable buildings and temporary accommodation. She dismounted near the entrance to the arena, tethering Sherifa in the shade and fetching her a bucket of water. This was the mare’s first outing since her sickness, and though it was a short ride, Stephanie was taking no chances.

Rafiq had invited her to come today to watch the training. She had seen very little of him since his confession. Though she was desperate to know whether her heartfelt arguments had changed his thinking, she was determined to give him the time he had asked for.

There was no sign of him. Two horses were being schooled over high hurdles in the centre of the arena. Three yearlings were being put through their paces on the course over at the far end. There were five or six more in a pen nearby, with a mule companion.

Out on the course, four horses were being brought out. Each had a rope bridle and reins but no saddle. Three mares and one stallion, and all were very frisky, their handlers struggling to hold them. Rafiq emerged from the stable building, and Stephanie’s heart leapt. He was dressed in his usual riding clothes: leather breeches, long boots, white shirt. He scanned the arena, and when he spotted Stephanie with Sherifa, he smiled and waved, and her heart leapt again.

There followed an intense discussion between the men which she could not hear, presumably over the order in which Rafiq would ride. She knew from Fadil that this was one of the trickiest decisions on the day, particularly if the race was close. It was not uncommon for a horse to bolt without his rider, or for a horse to refuse to stop for the change. Riding bareback without stirrups made it even more of a challenge for the jockey to control a runaway or a rearing horse. Fadil had recounted many instances of what sounded to Stephanie terrible injuries, with some relish. Seeing her horror, he had been hasty to reassure her that the horses were rarely hurt. It didn’t occur to him that she would be far more concerned about Rafiq than his thoroughbreds. But that was most likely because it didn’t seem to occur to a single one of Bharym’s people that their Prince could do anything other than triumph.

The order was decided. Rafiq leapt on to the back of the first horse, an impressive feat in itself, for the black mare was refusing to stand still. Stephanie watched, her heart in her mouth, as he set off around the circuit of the track. The yearlings had been returned to their pen. A storm of dust and sand blew up as Rafiq galloped at full tilt, sitting forward and straight on the mare, his body swaying easily with the horse. He made it look effortless. Stephanie knew, because she had tried it only the other day, that it was incredibly difficult.

He was approaching the change now. The other three horses were fidgety. The change horse was being led out. The handler for the current horse was crouched, ready to dash forward. A thundering of hooves. Surely Rafiq would slow down. He did, but only yards before the change. Stephanie watched through her fingers as he leaned forward on to the neck of the horse, pulling on the reins to slow her, then throwing one leg over, hovering half on, half off, as the change horse was brought up, then sliding to the ground, running without breaking stride, and leaping on to the fresh horse as if he had springs on his heels, then he was off again at a gallop.

It all happened so fast. The other three horses, one panting, two fresh, were straining at their halters. The next change went more slowly, Rafiq’s fresh horse rearing up before thundering into a gallop. At the third change, his foot slipped on the sand, but by a miracle or superb muscle control, he managed to regain his balance.

The fourth change was to the stallion. Stephanie’s jaw was clenched as she watched him bucking and tossing his head. He was much bigger and considerably more powerful than the mares. A higher leap would be needed to mount him, more strength to control him, and he had a vicious temper too, by the looks of it. But the change was safely made. The last circuit was complete. Rafiq was reining in when the stallion took umbrage and reared. Stephanie held her breath as man and horse fought for supremacy. She exhaled as the stallion was brought under control. And she screamed when he bucked, hurtling Rafiq on to the ground.

By the time she reached him, he had picked himself up and was dusting himself down. ‘Are you hurt?’

He grinned. ‘No more than usual. You brought Sherifa. She is the dam of Lameh, the beast who threw me. He is the fastest horse in the team, but he does not like to be mastered. I am glad you came.’

‘I am glad you asked me.’

He ushered her over to the shade, where they sat down together behind a rock, not wholly hidden from the arena, but sufficiently out of view to afford them some privacy. ‘Four weeks until the Sabr, and my changeovers are still not slick enough. I started training too late.’

‘Fadil has been telling me all sorts of horror stories about the race. I had no idea it was so dangerous.’

‘It’s only dangerous if you don’t know your horses. Ours are in excellent fettle. I think we have a good chance of winning.’

‘Only a good chance?’

He smiled. ‘An excellent chance, but as you have pointed out, there are no guarantees. It is a long race. So much can go wrong. All it takes is one lame horse. You see, I do listen, Stephanie.’ He leaned back on his hands, stretching his legs out in front of him. ‘I hadn’t allowed myself to consider the possibility of losing. I was so set on winning, so focused on that one goal that I wasn’t thinking rationally at all. Unlike my Royal Horse Surgeon.’

Stephanie blushed. Rafiq smiled at her again. ‘You see, I have also learned how to pay you the kind of compliments you like. You want to know if your rational thinking has had any effect.’

Stephanie nodded. He seemed different, but that didn’t mean...

Rafiq leaned over to kiss her cheek. ‘It has. It has taken me a great deal of time and effort—two years’ worth of guilt is a lot to come to terms with, but I think I finally have.’

He sat up, crossing his legs. ‘When Elmira died, I came very close to giving up. I wouldn’t have taken such dramatic action as my father did, but I would have sold the horses, closed the stud. But then it would have been futile—my marriage, her death—and so I vowed to win the Sabr for Elmira. I still want to race in her honour, but I see now, thanks to you, that winning would not assuage my guilt. It is all I can do to atone, but it won’t actually make me feel any better about what I did. It took you, and your very impressive brain to point that out. Clever Stephanie.’

‘It is merely that I have had some experience myself, at coming to terms with my mistakes, Rafiq.’

‘And now I’m benefitting from what you have learned. I am very fortunate.’ He kissed her again, this time on the lips. ‘I will never know what drove Elmira to such a terrible act. I wish with all my heart that she had not, but I do see now that it was her act, not mine. I cannot in all honesty say that I don’t feel guilty, because guilt defies logic, but I believe it will fade. And in your own words, much more importantly, I have changed. Not only because of that dark time, but more recently because of you.’

She was blushing again. ‘You mean you know now that there are some things a woman can do every bit as well as a man, such as tend to horses.’

‘You have made me realise that my thinking has been very traditional, but that’s not what I meant. Your refusal to grant me the deference I deserve,’ he said wryly, ‘has made me see how much I have taken for granted. Your description of my palace, a place for everyone, and a guard to keep everyone in their place, it shocked me, but what shocked me even more was the discovery that I do the same with my life.’

Their lips met and lingered. Her eyes drifted closed, as his tongue traced the line of her lower lip. When they broke apart, when she opened her eyes, sunspots dazzled her. ‘Rafiq, I...’

‘I want you too,’ he said, misunderstanding her meaning, saving her from a most ill-judged declaration. ‘I want you so much, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to remain here for the next four weeks, until the Sabr. It is vitally important that I dedicate the little time I have to doing all I can to obtain that victory. So I’m going to be living out here with my team until the race. You understand?’

‘Of course I do.’ Afraid that her feelings would show, Stephanie got up, shaking out her tunic, picking up her headdress. ‘I will see you at the starting post on the day of the race.’