Читать книгу Unravelled: Life as a Mother - Maria Housden - Страница 15

Claude and I were holding hands, our bare feet making side-by-side tracks in the white sand. Will, his bare bottom already tanned from days in the Florida sun, ran ahead, chasing sandpipers fanning across the beach in waves.

Weeks before, when Claude had asked me where I wanted to go on vacation, I had said, ‘California’ as I always did. We had both laughed when he replied, ‘No, I’ve already been there. Let’s go somewhere else,’ because that was what he always said.

After having endured the shared pain and disappointment of two miscarriages in the past year, all the ways we were predictable together felt like a tremendous relief. It was also true that another baby was now alive and growing in me. This pregnancy, three and a half months along, seemed to have passed the critical point. I was finally coming closer to being the mother I had always wanted to be, now that we were making the leap from one child to two.

As Claude and I walked along, following Will, I savoured the feeling of my smaller hand in Claude’s larger one. It was comforting to feel his presence, his strength beside me. Inhaling the salty air, I was aware of a deep sense of contentment rising in my bones, and I prayed that Claude was feeling it too. Losing the two pregnancies had catapulted each of us into a kind of isolated aloneness as we tried to cope with our disappointment and grief. At the same time, we had been brought closer together, feeling more determined than ever to create the larger family we both wanted.

Ahead of us, Will stopped short, turned, and began running fullspeed towards Claude and me with arms outstretched. ‘Mommy,’ he said, wrapping his arms around my legs, ‘I want to give our new baby a kiss.’

Claude and I smiled at each other as I bent down on one knee and lifted my shirt. Will leaned over, ran his small hands over the top of my bulging belly and gently gave it a kiss. As Will stood up, Claude reached down and swung him up into his arms.

‘Hey, buddy, do you want a baby brother or a baby sister?’ he asked.

‘Oh, Daddy,’Will replied, ‘I want a big brother, bigger than me!’