Читать книгу Loving the Right Brother - Marie Ferrarella - Страница 10

“I’m—I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I didn’t mean to…”

Embarrassed, at a loss as to what to say, Irena felt color creeping up her neck to her cheeks. She abruptly turned away and was about to hurry into her vehicle.

But Brody caught her by the arm, preventing her getaway. “Sorry,” he said, apologizing for his reaction. “You just caught me off guard, that’s all.”

After years of reining in his feelings whenever he was around her, he’d reacted instinctively and pulled back.

But there was no reason to react that way anymore. Irena was no longer Ryan’s girl, not even if his brother were still alive. More so now that Ryan was gone. He didn’t have to keep her at a respectful arm’s length or secretly enjoying the contact between them while behaving as if she were his sister instead of the woman he’d been in love with since middle school. He was free to make his feelings known—if he so chose.

Old habits died hard.

“No, it’s my fault,” Irena said, not wanting him to feel as if he had done anything wrong. The misstep was hers. “For a second, it was as if no time had gone by at all.” Color flushed over her cheeks again as she told him, “I just took it for granted that you were still just Brody.”

Smiling Brody assured her, “I am.”

“I mean—”

Since when had her tongue gotten so thick and unwieldy? Finding the right words had never been a problem for her. These days, she stood up in front of juries, making brilliant summations. That wasn’t her observation; it belonged to Eli Farley, the oldest senior partner of the firm. And very little pleased Eli, not the least of which was her taking time off to fly to Hades. She’d made sure that her cases were all well covered. Eli had still been displeased.

But, despite her ability to find the right word at the right time, her mind was close to a blank right now. Why was that?

Because she’d made a mistake, taken a situation for granted, and she shouldn’t have.

“You’re probably happily married and here I am, behaving as if we were still in high school. If your wife saw us—”

“There is no wife,” he told her quietly, cutting into her words. “I’m not married.”

Irena closed her mouth and looked at him. Brody was such a wonderful person. Why hadn’t some woman snatched him up by now?

“You’re not? Why?”

Brody glanced down at her left hand and saw that it was conspicuously devoid of jewelry. “Why aren’t you married?” he countered.

She shook her head, not about to focus on herself. “I asked first.”

“I’ve been too busy working to take time out to cultivate the kind of relationship women out here have come to expect.” And because the only woman I ever loved left ten years ago.

He’d come to realize falling in love was not an inalienable right guaranteed to happen. Love was a mysterious emotion made up of many components. He’d never had all the pieces available to him once Irena had left Hades.

“Busy?” she repeated, her curiosity aroused. “Doing what?” Ryan had told her that his father had left them both enough money to make sure that neither one of them ever needed to work. And Ryan, she knew, had taken full advantage of that.

But then, Brody had always been different from his brother. Now that she thought about it, the fact that he had dedicated himself to a career didn’t really surprise her.

“Using the funds that Dad left us to help out some of the less fortunate people in the area.”

He should have known that it wasn’t enough to satisfy her. Instead, it only raised more questions.

“Less fortunate?” she repeated, raising her voice to be heard above the wind that had begun to moan. “And how do you help them?”

He didn’t want to talk about himself. Because the temperature was dropping, Brody raised her collar for her. Tiny fingers of emotion swept all through him as he did so. He caught himself just drinking in the sight of her. Before he knew it, she’d be gone again. Leaving the same void she’d left the first time.

He nodded toward the house. “Do you want to go inside?”

That was why she had come here first, Irena reminded herself. The sight of Brody, looking so much like his brother, had driven that right out of her head. But now she nodded.

“Sure.”

The front door was unlocked. Pushing it open, she walked in. Irena fully expected to find a mess. After all, time had a way of taking its toll, and neither she nor her mother had lived here for more than eighteen years. They’d moved out when Yuri insisted they come live with him shortly after his son had been killed during the cave-in.

Hesitating at first, her mother had wound up agreeing because she just couldn’t bear to stay in a house haunted with memories. Memories that lived in every corner of the single-story house and would ambush her without any warning.

But, by the same token, because there were so many memories here, her mother couldn’t bring herself to part with the house and sell it. So it had remained in the family. A silent shadow of the past.

Irena scanned the rooms. Instead of being buried under the grit of almost two decades, the house was amazingly spotless. There wasn’t so much as a spider’s web visible anywhere.

Stunned, she turned to Brody. He’d mentioned electricity and water and she’d seen him making repairs. Had he cleaned up the rooms as well?

“Did you—”

Brody knew what she was going to ask. “No, can’t take the credit for this,” he told her. “Sydney, Marta, Alison, Lily and some of the other women from town pitched in to clean this up, just in case you wanted to stay here.”

He didn’t add that it had been his initial suggestion to Dr. Shayne Kerrigan’s wife that had gotten the ball rolling. Remembering how she had felt when she had first come to Hades and had seen the chaotic condition of Shayne’s house, Sydney had instantly gotten her friends together to restore order in the abandoned residence.

Irena eyed him, puzzled. “I don’t know any of them.” Why would total strangers do something like this for her?

Again, he could see the unspoken question in her eyes. Ten years and he could read her like a book. He didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“Did you forget how neighborly everyone is here?” he asked her.

She had a nodding acquaintance with her neighbors back in Seattle, but for the most part, she didn’t even know their names and they didn’t know hers. Anonymity was something she had come to take for granted.

“I suppose I did.” Her eyes swept over the living room again, remembering happy times. She didn’t realize that she was smiling now. “This is wonderful. You’ve got to introduce me to Sydney and the others so I can thank them properly.”

He’d forgotten how much he enjoyed just watching her react to things. He’d loved her innocence, her naïveté back then. There was still a glimmer of the girl she used to be in the woman she had become. The discovery warmed him. “No problem. You’ll probably meet them at the Salty Dog tonight.”

“Excuse me?” She had no real firm plans, other than seeing her grandfather and going to the funeral parlor where Ryan was laid out.

“Another thing you forgot,” Brody observed, amused. “The people here like to throw parties to welcome people when they come to Hades,” he told her, watching her face for any signs that she remembered what he was talking about.

She recalled the tradition, but it didn’t apply to her. “But I’m not staying long,” she reminded him.

“Doesn’t matter. There’s still going to be a party. Lily’s been cooking all day.” The look on her face told him she needed another clarification. “Lily runs the main restaurant here.”

“Ike’s got competition?” As she recalled, the Salty Dog Saloon offered simple meals to its patrons, which virtually included the entire population of Hades.

“He couldn’t begin to compete with Lily’s,” Brody told her. “The restaurant Lily ran in Seattle won awards.”

“Then what’s she doing here?”

“Being in love,” Brody told her simply. “Lily married Max, the sheriff.”

“Oh, right, April told me that,” she recalled.

Brody looked down at her hand again. “Okay, I told you why I’m not married.” And, since he was baring his soul, he had the right to ask her a question. “Now it’s your turn. Why are you still single?”

Irena shrugged, pretending to look around the house some more. She really didn’t like talking about herself. They had that in common, she recalled. “Same reason.”

“Too busy helping the less fortunate?” he guessed, tongue in cheek.

Irena laughed. This time, she looked at him. “No, wise guy, too busy with work to take the time to socialize.”

That was only part of it. He still had the ability to know when she was lying. “Oh, I thought maybe it had something to do with the way Ryan thoughtlessly broke your heart.”

She shrugged again, uncomfortable with the way Brody had honed in on the reason. She wasn’t used to blatant honesty anymore. It pleased her that Brody could still see through her smoke screen and lies.

“There was some of that, too,” she admitted. Then, because they verged on an uncomfortable topic, she turned the conversation back to him. “So, what is it that you do to ‘help the less fortunate,’ exactly?”

He saw through her but knew when not to push. Irena could get extremely stubborn if she was pushed.

“Whatever it takes.” He smiled as he thought about what he had managed to organize. “There’s an impressive network here in Hades. Sydney and Marta volunteer some of their free time to help teach some of the Native American children who have fallen behind, get their grades up to par. Dr. Shayne, his brother Ben and Dr. Jimmy, April’s husband, as well as Alyson, who’s a nurse-practitioner at the clinic—and Jimmy’s sister—” he added as a sidebar, trying to educate her about the dynamics in Hades as he went along “—volunteer some of their so-called free time to help treat the families on the reservation. I reimburse them for the medicines as much as I’m able.”

He was being modest, as always. Brody always did play down his part in things, but she knew better. She had no doubt that he was the mover and the shaker behind all this, knew that while the others might have had good intentions, it was Brody who had organized them and turned them into a well-oiled machine.

How different Brody was from his late brother. Ryan had wanted nothing more from life than to have a good time. That involved women and alcohol and a great deal of indulgence. Brody’s idea of a good time was helping others.

“You should take some time for yourself,” she urged when he finished telling her about the program he had going.

“I get a lot of pleasure doing what I do, knowing that in some small way, because of me a kid didn’t have to go to bed hungry tonight. Knowing that because I hooked him up to Shayne or Jimmy or Ben, another sick kid will get the treatment he needs in order to get well.”

Her eyes crinkled as she smiled at him. “Very noble, Brody.”

But he shook his head. “Not noble, just right,” he corrected.

Irena stopped wandering around the immaculate house and turned to look at him. He had sounded so somber just now. As if he was on some kind of a solemn mission. She could only think of one thing that would make him feel like that. “Are you trying to make up for your brother and father?”

That would take two lifetimes, Brody thought. At least. Most likely, more.

He shook his head. “Just trying to do my fair share, that’s all.” He debated saying the next words, then decided that he had nothing to lose. “If you want, the next time I go to the Kenaitze village, you’re welcome to come with me.”

“I’d like that,” she said, then felt she needed to qualify her answer. “If I’m still here.”

He inclined his head. “That was understood.” It was getting dark within the house. He started to cross to the nearest light switch on the wall, then stopped. He looked at Irena over his shoulder. There was a big, gray flagstone fireplace in the living room. “I can light a fire in the fireplace if you’d like,” he offered.

She glanced at the fireplace. Her father had toasted marshmallows with her there one year. Marshmallows had never tasted so good.

“It sounds wonderfully cozy,” she acknowledged.

He picked up the note of slight hesitation in her voice and interpreted it. “But you really need to get going.”

So far, he’d guessed everything right. It didn’t surprise her. Her smile began in her eyes. “Still clairvoyant, I see.”

“Just with certain people.” Actually, the only one he seemed to be in sync with was her, but he refrained from mentioning that. He didn’t want her getting the wrong idea. Or, in this case, the right one.

“Am I that transparent?” she asked. Her laugh rang a little flat to her ears.

Brody was quick to reassure her. “I just know how you think. Nice to know that some things haven’t changed.”

“I don’t imagine too much has changed here.” Despite what June had told her, she added silently. How much growth could there have been? Their population had only increased by twenty or so, according to the atlas she’d glanced at before leaving for the airport.

“You’d be surprised,” he said, turning toward the window that faced the front of the house. Snow began to fall languidly. How soon before that turned into a blizzard? “Tomorrow, weather permitting, I’ll take you around town so you can see for yourself.”

He made it sound like an all-day undertaking. She knew better. “What will we do with the other twenty-three and three-quarter hours?”

He laughed. “Hades has gotten bigger,” he insisted. “Really.”

She studied him for a moment, vaguely aware that his features had matured in a way that made him even better looking. “Is that pride I hear in your voice?”

Brody was about to deny it, then stopped to reconsider. “Yeah, I guess maybe it is. Surviving and thriving against the odds is an accomplishment to be proud of.”

Something in the way he said it caught her attention. “Are you talking about the town, or yourself?”

“Actually,” Brody admitted, “I was thinking about you.”

He knew she was right, that they had to get going, but he was in no hurry to leave. Once they were outside, he fully intended to guide Irena to her grandfather’s house. It was already getting dark—they were in that half of the year where, very quickly, there would be a minimum of light available to them—and even natives had been known to lose their way in a storm. And, unless he missed his guess, the sky looked as if it was ready to blanket the area with snow.

But once he was in his car and she in hers, they couldn’t talk anymore, and he really enjoyed talking to her. He savored it now, especially since he had no idea when the next opportunity might arise. And besides, before he knew it, she’d be gone again.

He leaned his hand against the wall above her head, unconsciously creating a small alcove for them. “We all expected you to come back, you know.” Hoped, really, he added silently. “At first, from college and then after you graduated. But you didn’t.”

She shrugged, looking away. “Things didn’t work out that way.” And then she looked back up at him. “You went away to college, too,” she remembered.

He’d thought that he could forget her if he was busy enough. He was wrong. “Yeah, but I came back.”

“You had no reason not to.” She remembered that he had been one of the few who had no desire to escape Hades. “You weren’t trying to forget something.”

“Maybe I was, in my own way.”

The moment the words were out, he regretted them. He had no idea what made him say that. He kept his feeling to himself all this time, not saying a word to anyone, although he suspected that Ryan had known.

It wasn’t typical of his brother not to bring it up, not to tease him. Sensitivity had never been Ryan’s strong suit, but in this one instance, somehow his brother had known enough to leave the subject, his feelings for Irena, alone.

Except for that one time.

It was the day before he took his own life. Ryan had been oddly forthright and talkative that afternoon, going over a litany of the mistakes he’d made over the years. He remembered that Irena had appeared twice on his brother’s list. Once because he regretted treating her so badly and the second time because, Ryan had told him, he realized that he, Brody, was the one who actually deserved to have her.

“Irena deserved someone better than me, and you deserved someone like her,” Ryan had concluded that day, being unusually serious. “If it hadn’t been for me getting in the way, who knows? Maybe the two of you might have gotten married. Or at least had a lot of fun together.” Ryan had winked then and chuckled. He’d wound up having a coughing fit.

“You’re babbling now,” he’d remembered telling his brother, doing his best to get Ryan to bed so that he could sleep it off. Four o’clock in the afternoon and Ryan was already drunk out of his mind.

“Maybe,” Ryan had allowed, falling into bed like a child-worn rag doll. “But I’m babbling the truth.” Ryan had grabbed the front of his shirt, raising himself off the bed for a moment as he underscored his point. “I know you love her. It’s there in your eyes.”

He’d very gently disengaged Ryan’s fingers from his shirt and put him back down again. “You’re hallucinating, Ryan,” he’d said with feeling.

“No, I’m not,” Ryan insisted. “I’ve always known it. Maybe that was even the reason I went after her,” he’d admitted, not because he was proud of himself, but because, Brody now realized, his brother had needed to confess the deed. “Because I wanted to take what you wanted. I’m sorry, Brody, I’m sorry.” He began to cry then. “I screwed up for all of us.”

It had taken him a while to calm Ryan down again. As for the apology, at the time he’d chalked up the words as the ramblings of an alcoholic. He’d heard enough so-called confessions and protestations of regret from both his father and his brother to know that there would be no memory of this in the morning.

But instead, this time there was no Ryan in the morning.

It was the last conversation they’d had.

“What?” Irena asked now, pressing him for an answer. “What were you trying to forget?”

Brody shook his head. “Sorry, didn’t mean to come off sounding so melodramatic.” He glanced out the front window again. It was looking worse by the minute. “If we don’t leave now, we’re going to wind up getting snowed in here,” he warned again. “Without any working phone lines, we’ll be stranded.”

“My grandfather would find us,” she assured him with a fond smile. “He has this uncanny instinct when it comes to family. But,” she agreed, lifting up the hood of her parka, “there’s no reason to put it to the test. You’re right, let’s go.”

Brody closed the door behind him as he followed her out. He didn’t bother locking it. Everything worth stealing had just walked out ahead of him.