Читать книгу Colton Cowboy Standoff - Marie Ferrarella - Страница 11

His eyes might not be playing tricks on him but his ears had to be, Wyatt thought. He couldn’t have heard what he thought he’d just heard.

“Say what now?” he asked, unabashedly staring at Bailey.

Wyatt vaguely remembered that when they’d first gotten married they had discussed having children, but they had decided it would be best to wait a few years. At the time he’d felt their energy had to be focused on making a go of the ranch. But, he remembered thinking, they would have plenty of time for kids later.

The subject had never come up again. In the beginning they’d been too busy with the house and the ranch, and then, when there might have been a better time to start a family, Bailey had taken off.

“A baby,” she repeated, her eyes on his. “I want to have a baby, and whatever our differences might be, I still think that you’re the best man I ever knew and I want you to be the father.”

Wyatt was attempting to process the words he had just heard. Moving like a man who couldn’t quite feel his legs, he walked farther into the sprawling living room and sank onto the comfortably worn leather sofa. Once sitting, he indicated that Bailey should sit on the sofa, as well.

When she did, only then did he speak.

“Just like that?” Wyatt asked her, astonished. “I don’t hear from you for six years and then you walk back into my life, telling me you want me to be the father of your baby?” Even as he said the words out loud he couldn’t quite believe this was happening. Bailey had always been so levelheaded, so sensible, and this was a totally irrational request. “Why?” He wanted to know. “Isn’t there anyone else around?” he demanded.

“I don’t want just ‘anyone,’” Bailey told him softly. “I want you.”

It couldn’t be as simple as that. There had to be something more to it, he thought. Something she wasn’t telling him. He frowned. “Assuming I believe you—”

“You should,” Bailey interjected. Why would he think she was lying? She’d never lied to him before, she thought defensively.

“Assuming I believe you,” Wyatt deliberately repeated. “Why a baby now, all of a sudden?”

Bailey took a breath before answering. She supposed he had a right to know.

None of this, including coming out here, had been easy for her. She wasn’t the type who asked for favors. On the contrary, she had always gone out and gotten whatever she wanted or needed all by herself.

But this time was different. This time she couldn’t be the lone wolf. She needed help.

“Because I’m running out of time,” Bailey confessed.

That was twice he’d been caught off guard in the space of less than ten minutes.

“You’re dying?” Wyatt asked in a hushed, stunned voice as he stared at her in disbelief. Bailey had always been so bright, so lively. He couldn’t begin to imagine her being felled by some sort of terminal disease.

“No,” Bailey quickly answered, wanting to correct any misimpression he might have gotten. “I’m not dying. But my chances of getting pregnant are.”

She looked pretty healthy to him, Wyatt thought, confused. He shook his head. “I don’t understand.”

Why couldn’t he just say yes to her request? Why did he need this all spelled out for him?

“This isn’t easy for me to talk about,” Bailey told him, wanting to beg off from making any elaborate explanations.

“Take your time,” he told her. “You came out all this way to talk to a man you turned your back on, so this has to be important to you,” he surmised, waiting for her to speak up.

Bailey didn’t know if he was being incredibly sensitive or if he was just being sarcastic. Either way, she knew she was going to have to ride this out and answer his question. Wyatt was her only hope and that meant she had to make him understand so that he would agree to father this baby.

Taking a deep breath, she plunged into the explanation she was afraid he would find as embarrassing as she did. Or at the very least, confusing.

But there was no way around it.

“My cycles have always been inconsistent...” she began, her throat feeling particularly dry.

“Cycles?” Wyatt questioned, not really sure what she was talking about.

Okay, she’d state it another way, Bailey thought, still trying to be delicate about her explanation. “My time of the month.”

The light suddenly dawned on Wyatt. “Oh.” He avoided her eyes as he said, “Go on.”

She started to get more technical. It felt somehow less embarrassing that way. “I found out that was caused by polycystic ovarian syndrome.”

“Okay,” he said only because he wanted her to get on with it so that they could get to the end of all this. He was a horse breeder and didn’t understand terms that weren’t directly involved with the care and breeding of his herd.

She could tell by the way Wyatt had just said “okay” that he didn’t understand what she was telling him. Bailey tried again. “Because of that condition—it’s called PCOS—my getting pregnant becomes harder and harder the older I get.”

“You’re just in your midthirties,” Wyatt pointed out.

She took that to mean that she’d finally gotten through to him and he was starting to understand her dilemma.

“Exactly,” she cried, nodding her head. “That means it’s now or never if I want to have a baby.”

Bailey searched his face to see if Wyatt was still following her or if he’d lost interest. But he looked as if he was waiting for her to go on. So, taking heart, Bailey continued, doing her best to play on his sympathies.

“I have wanted a child of my own ever since I was a kid. A child I could love. A child I could give the kind of emotional support and material things to that I never had when I was growing up.” She paused for a moment, turning on the sofa to look into his eyes. To appeal to him. “But I need you to make that happen.”

Wyatt was having trouble wrapping his head around what she was telling him. He kept coming back to the fact that she was the one who had walked out on him, not the other way around. She was the one who had sent the divorce papers. She’d obviously wanted nothing more to do with him then, and now here she was, asking him to make a baby with her.

It just didn’t add up.

“What changed your mind?” He measured out the words slowly.

He’d lost her. “I don’t understand,” she told him.

“Well, you didn’t seem to want to stay with me six years ago,” Wyatt reminded her, “so what’s changed?”

“Nothing.” That wasn’t strictly true, she thought, so she rephrased her statement. “At least, not my opinion of you,” she amended. Because she could see that she’d managed to further confuse him, Bailey tried again. “I didn’t marry you because you were a Colton or because you’d suddenly inherited your own ranch. I married you because you were a good, decent man.”

He waited for that to make sense to him. When it didn’t, he asked, “If that’s true, if that’s how you felt, why did you leave?”

Bailey shook her head. There was no point in going into all that now. She wasn’t here to fix a broken marriage with a man she couldn’t forget. She was here to try to salvage something for her future.

“That’s complicated.”

“And yet you thought it was worthwhile to come back,” he said, mystified.

And then she realized why he was confused, why he was holding back.

“I came back just to get pregnant,” she explained. “I’m not planning on staying once that happens,” she assured him, thinking he was worried he was going to be saddled with her, at least until the pregnancy was over. “You don’t have to worry. I’ll be out of your hair the moment I know that you were successful getting me pregnant.”

“Even breeding horses involves more romance than this,” Wyatt told her.

“I’m not looking for anything from you except your ‘donation,’” Bailey said, trying to get her point across to him while attempting to resist his sexy gaze. “You won’t be on the hook for child support or any sort of money at all. Really,” she emphasized.

Wyatt looked as if he had his doubts about what she’d just said. “If that’s the case, just how do you plan on taking care of this baby if and when I say yes and you do get pregnant?”

“I can take care of us,” Bailey answered.

“I asked you how,” Wyatt repeated, still waiting for a concrete answer that made sense to him.

She hadn’t planned on opening up her life to him once again, but now it seemed that she had to...but she refused to let him break her heart again.

“Do you remember when I told you I wanted to become a veterinarian?” she asked.

It had been one of the reasons why she’d finally left him. Because becoming a veterinarian had always been a dream of hers and he had asked her to put it on hold for him until after they got the ranch up and running.

Just as he’d asked her to hold off on having babies. Everything she’d wanted, everything that had meant anything to her, he’d asked her to put on hold—until she felt as if all of her was on hold in deference to him.

“Judging from the look on your face, you don’t remember,” Bailey concluded. “Well, I did it.” She saw him raise a quizzical eyebrow. He still wasn’t following her, she thought. “I became one,” she told him. “I became a veterinarian and started up a small practice of my own. That means that I’ll be able to pay for this baby when he or she arrives.”

Bailey took a breath then continued. “So, as I said, all I need from you is your ‘donation.’” She held her breath as she nervously searched his face. “What do you say?”

Wyatt remained silent for a while, as if honestly considering her question and thinking it over. But when he spoke, it wasn’t to give her an answer, positive or otherwise.

“I don’t know, Bailey,” he told her. “This is a big decision.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” she pointed out, trying not to sound as frustrated as she felt. She hadn’t come all this way to hear him turn her down. “Men have one-night stands all the time. You could think of it that way. Or you could think of it as making love to an old girlfriend for old times’ sake.”

“But you weren’t my girlfriend,” Wyatt pointed out, his eyes narrowing. “You were my wife.”

Bailey shrugged, shoving down the emotions threatening to overwhelm her. “Same thing.”

Wyatt shook his head. “Not really. There’s a big difference.”

She squared her shoulders, bracing herself for the answer she didn’t want from the man she’d never forgotten. “So it’s no?” she asked, too disappointed to try to hide her reaction.

“No, it’s not no...” he began.

“Then it’s yes?” she asked excitedly.

“It’s not that, either,” he told her before she could get carried away, although he hated seeing that light in her eyes go out. It reminded him of the way things used to be when they were first married and anything seemed possible. “I already said that I’ll have to give this some thought,” he explained. “Getting together to create a baby is a big step.”

“I know. That’s why I’m asking you,” she stressed. “I told you, you’re the best man I know.”

One of them had to be logical, he thought. It didn’t look like it was going to be her, so he’d been elected.

“Flattering as that is, I wouldn’t be such a ‘best man’ if I just jumped right into this without considering all the ramifications,” he told her.

“There aren’t any,” Bailey insisted. How did she get that across to him? She felt desperate. He had to say yes.

“I’m afraid I’d have to disagree with you,” Wyatt told her. “This would be a little person we’d be bringing into the world.”

“A little person you wouldn’t be required to do anything for,” she reminded him again.

Maybe if he approached this a different way. “You came to me, right?”

Bailey blew out a breath. “Obviously.”

“Why?”

She closed her eyes, struggling to keep her emotions in check. “I already told you. I came to you because you are the only person I want to be the father of my child.”

He nodded. “I’m assuming that has something to do with my character.”

“Obviously,” she agreed, wondering where he was going with this.

“Well, this is part of my character. I’m not jumping right into this. I have to think about it,” Wyatt told her.

Bailey knew that look. She could see that there was no talking him out of this. His mind was made up. Sighing, she surrendered. “All right,” she said. “How long are you going to think about it?”

“Until I make up my mind,” Wyatt answered evasively.

She’d meant it when she’d said she wanted him for her baby’s father. That meant that she had to go along with him in this.

“Looks like I’m going to be here for a while, then.” She hadn’t planned on this. “I guess I should have made my reservation at the Lodge for a longer period of time,” Bailey added, mentioning one of the Colton family’s enterprises. “I just booked it for a couple of days.”

This was going to be difficult, Wyatt thought. But he’d meant it when he’d said he needed time to mull this over.

There was only one option left open to him.

“No need,” he told her. “You’re welcome to stay here.”

“Here?” Bailey repeated, stunned. She looked around then back at Wyatt. “With you?”

He nodded. “If you’re here, it’ll help me make up my mind that much quicker,” he told her. “And with you here, we can use the time to catch up.” His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at Bailey. “Unless you have something to hide.”

She stared at him, completely taken aback. “Why would you say something like that?”

She had to ask? “Because I don’t hear a word from you for six years.” And in the beginning, he’d sought comfort in the bottom of a bottle, convinced that he’d never get over her running out on him like that. Recovery had been slower than he’d ever thought possible. But he’d done it—and he didn’t want to risk a relapse. “Not so much as a phone call or a postcard, and then you show up out of the blue, asking me to father your baby. You have to admit that would make anyone leery.”

“Maybe if that person didn’t know me,” Bailey pointed out. “You know me.”

“Do I?” he quipped. “I thought I did. But the woman I knew wouldn’t have just taken off without a word of explanation the way you did. Which means I didn’t really know you at all,” he emphasized.

Bailey sighed again. Maybe she should extend an olive branch and explain a bit more. To the man she’d once loved.

“I left because I was losing my identity,” she told him.

He scowled. “What does that even mean?”

“It means that you put everything ahead of me. I wanted to become a veterinarian. You told me to hold off on that until after we get the ranch up and running. So I said all right and I held off. I wanted kids. You said okay, but you wanted us to wait until after we finished building the house. So again I said okay. But it wasn’t okay. Not really. I was giving up bits and pieces of me until I didn’t even recognize myself.”

Wyatt frowned. “So you left.”

There was no way she could argue the point. “I had to.”

“And those vows you took? The ones about loving me until death do us part? Those didn’t mean enough to you to make you stay?” he bit out.

Her answer, if it was truthful, surprised him.

“Those meant everything to me,” she insisted.

“But you left anyway.”

“I left because of them,” she insisted. “Don’t you see?”

Baffled, Wyatt shook his head. “No, I don’t.”

“If I’d stayed, I would have wound up resenting you because you were stifling me,” she told him. “Not intentionally, I know that now, but the result was the same. I was losing my sense of who I was, other than just the woman by your side, the one who was helping you build this big ranch house while taking myself apart. Eventually, I knew I was going to wind up hating you for what was happening to me.”

“So you left.”

“I had to. I had to sacrifice our marriage in order to save the feelings we had for each other,” Bailey insisted.

That made absolutely no sense to him. “I don’t understand.”

She smiled. “I don’t expect you to,” she told Wyatt wistfully. “But just know that I always loved you. And I always will.”