Читать книгу One Night with a Tempting Playboy: From Playboy to Papa! / The Legendary Playboy Surgeon / Unwrapping the Playboy - Marie Ferrarella - Страница 16

Nicole closed her eyes as she tried to catch her breath. Lying beside Rafe, she couldn’t believe how fast—how easily… She gulped in another breath of air, desperately seeking some measure of sanity.

Their coupling had been so primitive and passionate. Taking him and being taken by him had blown the aftereffects of her nightmare clear to smithereens. How could she have gone from complete terror to pleasure to some sort of strange peace in minutes? How could he affect her so powerfully?

A stab of vulnerability shot through her.

As if he knew, his hand wrapped around hers. After their house-on-fire lovemaking, the tenderness of his gesture made her feel like weeping. She took a deep breath to keep the tears at bay.

“You okay?” he asked in a low voice.

She nodded, but the gravity of the step she’d just taken began to sink in. “We didn’t use protection,” she whispered, pulling her hand away from his and sitting up.

“Yeah, I know,” he said, sitting up, too.

Panic raced through her. “Oh, my God.”

He put his hands on her shoulders. “Hey, there’s no need to go crazy. One time without contraception doesn’t guarantee a pregnancy.”

His words offered little comfort. “No, but—”

“If it does happen, we can get married,” he said calmly.

She gaped at him in shock. “Married,” she echoed and began to shake her head.

“It’s not the worst thing in the world. You and I have something big in common. Joel. That’s more than a lot of people getting married have in common.”

“But we hardly even know each other. We don’t love each other.”

He dropped his hands from her shoulders and shrugged. “So, what’s love anyway? Intense lust? I think we proved we have that for each other.”

Appalled by his cavalier attitude, she shook her head. “You don’t believe in love?”

A shadow of cynicism crossed his face. “I thought I did one time. I was wrong.”

He was speaking of Tabitha. He’d thought he was in love with her. Her stomach gave a vicious wrench. For an awful second, she feared she was some kind of substitution for her sister. Suddenly feeling overexposed in every way, she pulled the bedspread over her.

“Cold?” he asked.

She nodded, but the feeling wasn’t just physical. “I—uh.” She cleared her throat. “This is awkward, but I need to be alone.”

“Buyer’s remorse?” he asked, still beautifully, unabashedly naked.

She bit her lip. “Overwhelmed. It happened so fast. I didn’t think it through.”

“Are you suggesting that I pushed you? Because—”

“No,” she said. “If anything it was the opposite. That dream was so frightening. I was desperate to feel alive.”

“Any man would do?” he asked, lifting a dark brow.

“Of course not.” She sighed. “I’m not myself. I’m rattled. I need—” She took another breath. “I need some time alone.”

“Okay,” he said, touching his finger to her nose. “But be forewarned, if you start screaming again, I’m coming inhere.”

She smiled, but suspected it came across as more of a grimace. “No more screaming.”

He shot her a look full of sensual promise as he rose from the bed. “No need to be rash. Under the right circumstances, screaming can be good.”

She forced herself to look away from him as he pulled on his boxers. He caught her by surprise when he slid his hand beneath her chin and kissed her. “Don’t worry. Things could be much worse,” he said, then left her to sort out her thoughts.

After he left, she waited for herself to settle down, to become rational again. Even though she’d known she was attracted to Rafe, there were so many reasons for her not to give in to her feelings.

First, she needed to remain objective for Joel’s sake. She still needed to find out if Rafe had any potential of being abusive, and if she did, she would fight to the death to keep him away from Joel. Secondly, her sister had been involved with Rafe. She’d always stayed away from men who’d dated Tabitha. If a man fell for Tabitha, then he couldn’t possibly be right for Nicole. She was too different. Beyond those two mountains of objections, she’d just learned that Rafe didn’t believe in love. Did she want to spend her entire life with such a cynical man?

Nicole’s head began to ache. Torn in a dozen different directions, she climbed out of bed and took a shower in the adjoining bathroom. Maybe the water could wash away her confusion.

The following morning, Nicole had to drag herself out of bed. After urging Joel to eat his breakfast, she drove him to his preschool, walked him inside and kissed him. He seemed a little less nervous than he had been the previous week.

After she waved good-bye, she returned to Rafe’s house, full of restlessness. She still couldn’t make sense of what had happened between her and Rafe last night, but she knew she couldn’t blame him for it. She’d been an all-too-willing participant.

Her cell phone rang, distracting her from her thoughts. Her father’s number appeared on the caller ID and her stomach tensed. She took a careful breath and answered.

“Hello, Father,” she said in the calmest voice she could muster.

“Nicole, I’ve had a hard time getting in touch with you. I called your house with no response,” her father said.

“That’s because I’m not there,” she said. “I decided Joel and I should take a little vacation. We’re in Florida having a wonderful time.”

“This is so sudden. You should have told me you were going,” he chided. “You know I like to keep tabs on you and my grandson.”

The undertone of manipulation in his voice clawed across her skin like a scratchy sweater. “No need to worry,” she said. “We’re having a fabulous time. We’re going to swim with the dolphins.”

An uncomfortable silence followed. “Where exactly are you staying?” her father asked.

“Miami,” she said. “In a cottage.” The gross understatement stuck in her throat, but she swallowed it.

Another silence followed. “Miami,” he echoed. “I have business contacts down there. I should visit.”

Nicole felt a surge of panic. “Oh, I’m not sure about that. We’re so busy. Joel is taking swimming lessons and we’re doing kiddy activities every day.”

“Hmmm,” her father said.

Her nervousness rose with each passing second. “Well, I don’t want to keep you,” she said.

“You’re not. I’m back from Greece. Working a deal with the Argyros cruise line. It looks promising. I should close it within the next week.”

“Congratulations,” she said, because she couldn’t think of anything else.

“Good instincts and hard work,” he said. “Let me talk to my grandson.”

“He’s in class at the moment,” she said. “Art class.”

“Art,” he said with a condescending tone. “You need to get him into something more competitive. A man needs a competitive drive in this world.”

“He’s not a man yet,” she said.

“But he will be. You need to make sure he’s ready. I worry that you won’t,” he said with the slightest edge to his voice.

“No need to worry, Father. He’s not quite four yet,” she told him, tamping down her impatience.

“He’s never too young to develop his competitive edge,” he said.

“I hear you,” she said, wanting to end the call, feeling as if he was closing in on her.

“You hear, but do you act?” he challenged.

“Of course, I do,” she said. “Thank you for calling me. And congratulations on your new deal.”

“I’ll call again soon,” he said, but his voice sounded like more of a threat than a comfort.

“Good-bye. Take care,” she said and hung up. She stared at the phone, wishing she never had to speak to him again.

Talking with her father reminded her of unanswered questions about Rafe.

Nicole still wasn’t content with the report from the private investigator. She wanted more information. Taking advantage of the time that Joel was in preschool, she drove to downtown Miami to visit Rafe’s former employer. Although it was early in the day, the club also served lunch.

A young blonde woman, wearing a dress that showcased her cleavage and long legs, greeted her. “How many for lunch?” she asked.

“I’d like to speak to the manager,” Nicole said.

“Keno’s hiring,” the young woman said. “I’ll see if he can talk to you now.”

“But.” Nicole said to the woman’s back. She’d already left.

A couple of moments later, the woman returned. “Come this way. Jerome has a few minutes since we’re not busy.”

“I’m not really—” She broke off as the woman led her into an office that faced the white sands and turquoise water of South Beach.

A large, dark-skinned man nodded toward her. “You want a job? We need hostesses,” he said and cocked his head to one side. “You’re not bad, but you’ll need more paint and shorter skirts. Have you considered going blonde?”

Nicole couldn’t quite swallow a laugh at the man’s suggestion. “My sister did that for me. I’m not here for a job. Are you Mr. Keno? I’m here to ask about Rafe Medici. I understand you were his employer several years ago.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “Yes, I’m Mr. Keno. Why do you want to ask about Rafe?”

“Because he is the father of my sister’s son,” she said. “I need to know what kind of man Rafe really is.”

“Why should I tell you?” he asked.

“Because you are a good, ethical man,” she said with more hope than proof.

Jerome Keno laughed, revealing white teeth. “I’ve been called many things, but good and ethical are low on the list. You have a good cause, though, so I’ll humor you. What concerns you about Rafe?”

“He was charged with battery while he worked for you,” she said.

Keno shrugged. “Happens every now and then with bouncers. My lawyers always got the charges dismissed.”

Nicole felt a shiver of fear. “Does that mean the charges weren’t valid or your lawyer was good at his job?”

“Both,” Keno said. “Rafe didn’t use force unless it was absolutely necessary.”

Still uneasy, Nicole bit the inside of her lip. “Would you say that he was an angry man? Did he have issues with his temper?”

“I never observed him to be out of control. If anything, he was extremely calculated when using physical force. Why are you asking?”

She resisted the urge to defend her concerns. The truth was she was afraid for Joel. “I want to make sure he wouldn’t hurt a child. He’s a passionate man. I don’t want him to abuse his son.”

Keno paused. “I don’t believe he would ever use that anger against someone weaker than himself. His power lies in his self-control. That’s only my opinion,” he said. “My question for you is, what will you do when he learns that you have been investigating his past. Rafe has become a very powerful man.”

“Rafe won’t be surprised that I’ve investigated his past,” she said. “He’s done the same to me.”

Keno shook his head and laughed. “Well, if you should need employment, give me a call. A short skirt and a different top… My customers would like you very much. So would I.” he said.

Nicole left the club with less doubt than when she’d walked in, but she began to wonder if she would ever be able to fully trust Rafe. How much of that was Rafe’s doing? How much of it went back to her father?

The next day, Tuesday, Rafe cleared his afternoon schedule in preparation for the visit from the social-services specialist. After lunch, he arrived home to find Nicole and Joel playing a board game with a woman who appeared to be in her late thirties.

Nicole glanced up at him. “Rafe, Joel and I have shown Mrs. Bell around the house and introduced her to the staff.”

“Thanks,” Rafe said and extended his hand to the woman. “Thank you for coming.”

“It’s good to meet you, Mr. Medici,” Mrs. Bell said.

“Can we go to the pool now?” Joel asked, popping up from where he crouched on the floor.

“Sounds like a good plan to me,” Rafe said.

“Cool!” Joel said, his eyes lighting up like blue sparklers. “I gotta get on my trunks.”

Mrs. Bell smiled. “He must like the water.”

“Oh, yeah,” Rafe said with a surge of pride. “A regular fish. Of course, we have extra safeguards in place so he won’t take any unsupervised swims.”

“Excellent,” Mrs. Bell said. “Nicole has mentioned the safety modifications throughout the house.”

“Mom, come on, we gotta change clothes,” Joel said, tugging at Nicole’s hand.

“Excuse us. We’ll be down in just a few minutes. Please have a seat by the pool,” Rafe said. “I’ll send my housekeeper out with something for you to drink.”

Within minutes, Joel was leaping off the side of the pool into Rafe’s arms. Chortling with glee, he clung to Rafe’s back as he swam the length of the pool. Rafe noticed Nicole hadn’t changed into her swimsuit and sat beside Mrs. Bell.

He wondered about her motive for staying out of the pool, but now wasn’t the time to ask about it. After a while, he dragged a protesting Joel from the water to enjoy a snack the housekeeper brought poolside.

Afterward, Rafe noticed Joel rubbing his eyes. The little boy stood. “I wanna go back in the pool.”

“You’ve had a busy day. You may need a little rest time,” Rafe said.

“Don’t wanna rest. I wanna go back in the pool.”

“The pool will be here tomorrow. I don’t want you to get too tired,” Rafe said, rising. “Even fish get tired. I think I’m going to catch a little fish who’s wearing orange swim trunks and put him—”

Joel’s eyes widened, then he squealed with laughter and ran in the opposite direction.

“Joel, don’t run!” Rafe called. He took off after his son, reaching Joel just as he took a tumble on to the concrete patio.

Joel howled as his legs scraped against the concrete.

Rafe winced, immediately scooping up his son’s little body. “Oh, buddy, I know that hurts.”

“Mama,” Joel wailed, his voice wavering with tears.

“You’ll be okay,” Rafe said. “Let me see—”

“Mama!” Joel screamed, his face contorting with pain. “I want Mama!”

Rafe felt an odd shot of helplessness as he scanned his son’s skinned knees and shin.

Nicole rushed to his side and Joel immediately pitched himself toward her, wrapping himself around her as she took him into her arms. “Oh, sweetie, let’s get some Band-Aids. This is why Rafe and I don’t want you running around the pool.”

Joel sobbed. “It hurts,” he said.

“I know it does,” she soothed. “But we’ll make it stop.” She glanced over her shoulder at Mrs. Bell with a wry smile. “Gravity can be a tough lesson for all of us,” she said and carried Joel inside.

Mrs. Bell nodded and walked toward Rafe. “She’s very important to him, isn’t she?”

Rafe nodded, the incident underscoring what he already knew. “Yes, she is.”

The meeting had been a disaster. A bitter taste filled his mouth. His frustration grew. He needed Nicole on his side. It was critical that he bring her around to his way of thinking.

Rafe plunged his fingers through his damp hair, nodding as Mrs. Bell made polite, neutral conversation. He pulled on his T-shirt. “I’ll walk you to the door,” he said and started to open the French doors to the den just as Nicole appeared with Joel in her arms, clutching a book.

“Hey,” Rafe said, his heart twisting at the sight of his son. “How are ya?”

“I’m all better,” Joel said solemnly. “I got Band-Aids,” he said. “Dinosaur ones.”

Rafe tousled Joel’s hair. “Good for you.”

“Mama said you might read a book to me on the patio if I asked you nice,” Joel said.

“You bet I would,” Rafe said, gazing at Nicole, feeling a well of gratitude and other emotions he couldn’t name. He could tell she still wasn’t sold on him, so this was a big step for her. He reached for Joel and his son clung to him.

After Joel was put to bed, Rafe and Nicole shared a quiet dinner. The tension between them was so thick she could feel it on her skin, in her lungs. She was keeping so many things from him, the fact that she’d had him investigated, her worries over her father. Exhausted from feeling like she was deceptive, she wondered if now was the time to tell him everything. She could feel him studying her with a mixture of curiosity and banked sexual need.

“So, why did you decide to make me look good?” he asked.

She choked on a sip of wine. “Dual goal,” she said. “I wanted Joel to associate comfort and protection with you and I wanted Mrs. Bell to see that the two of you are building a relationship.”

“That doesn’t answer why,” he said.

She bit her lip. “I want you to be a good father. I believe you can be.”

The light in his dark eyes flared. He lifted his glass toward hers. “I will win over my son. What will it take to win over his mother?”

Her heart jolted in her chest.

“Mr. Medici,” Carol said, saving Nicole from a response. “Miss Maddie Greene is here to see you.”

Surprise and irritation crossed his face. “Send her in and bring a glass of wine for her.”

“Red or white, sir?” the housekeeper asked.

“Red,” Rafe said then turned to Nicole. “I have no idea why she came here tonight. I didn’t request her presence.”

“Maybe she wants to see you,” Nicole said and swirled the wine in her glass. “Maybe her instincts tell her that another woman has encroached on her territory, even though I—”

“Maddie,” he said, rising from his chair. “What a surprise. What could possibly be so important that you would come here at such a late hour?”

Maddie’s face fell. “You and I conducted several business meetings after hours on the yacht,” she said in a reproachful voice and glanced accusingly at Nicole.

“True,” he said in a neutral tone. “What do you need?”

Maddie dragged her gaze back to Rafe’s and seemed to force a smile. “It’s not so much what I need as what you need. This contract needs to be signed and filed tomorrow,” she said, sliding a set of papers in front of him.

“Has my attorney Jeff seen these?”

“Of course,” Maddie said.

“Okay,” Rafe said. “I’ll look them over and bring them in tomorrow.”

Maddie frowned. “But—”

“I always read whatever I sign,” he reminded her.

She let out a long soft sigh. “Yes, of course.” She cleared her throat. “We also received an envelope from Italy. I didn’t open it because it was marked personal, but I thought you might want to see it,” she said as she handed him the envelope.

Rafe took the envelope in his hand and studied it. “Emilia Medici,” he said.

“A relative?” Nicole asked.

“Not one I’ve met, but she wrote me two other times. I wonder…” His cell phone rang, interrupting him. He glanced at his caller ID. “It’s an international call. I should take it. Excuse me. I’ll be back,” he said and strode toward his downstairs office.

After he disappeared from view, Maddie picked up her glass of red wine and studied Nicole. “It’s pretty nice here, isn’t it? Living in a mansion with access to Rafe on a daily basis. I’m sure it’s tempting to think something else could develop between you two. Especially since he was once crazy for your sister.”

“Rafe is providing a home for his son. I’m just helping Joel and Rafe make some adjustments. If you’ll excuse me.” No longer hungry, she picked up her half-empty plate.

“Oh, don’t rush off,” Maddie said and pointed at Nicole’s plate. “You haven’t finished your dinner.”

“I’ve had enough,” Nicole said, thinking she meant that in more ways than one.

Maddie set down her wine glass and put her hand to her throat. “I didn’t offend you, did I? I just know what kind of effect Rafe has on people, especially women. I would hate to see you get hurt. It would be easy for you to misinterpret the attention he pays you.”

Nicole knew she should ignore the woman, but some crazy part of her couldn’t resist. “How would I misinterpret his attention?”

Maddie shot her a sympathetic glance. “Oh, no. He’s already got you under his spell. Well, it’s obvious that you’re important to Rafe. You are the key to helping his son adjust, after all. Subconsciously he may think he can work through his latent desire for Tabitha,” she said with a shrug then took another sip of her wine. “I’m sure he would never admit to such a thing. Too much pride.”

Even though Nicole knew Maddie wanted Rafe for herself, she couldn’t tamp down a flicker of self-doubt. Why had she made love with him? Why had she let down her guard? Heaven help her, he was getting to her.

“Back,” Rafe said as he entered the room. “Thanks for bringing the contracts and the package from Italy. I know it was out of your way, so I won’t keep you.”

“Not at all,” Maddie said, lighting up like the Fourth of July. “You know my first priority is my job as your assistant. Nothing is more important.”

“Thanks,” he said. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

Maddie slid a sideways glance at Nicole then returned her gaze to Rafe. “Thanks. Good night, Nicole,” she said.

Just moments later, Rafe returned, but Nicole’s emotions bubbled like a cauldron. She bit her lip to keep from saying anything about Maddie even though some part of her seethed with resentment. Although her relationship with Rafe was far from ideal, she had the odd feeling of having their little island contaminated after Maddie’s visit. She would have to make sense of it later.

“That was an interruption I didn’t expect. I’ll have to tell her to give me warning in the future,” Rafe said as he re-entered the dining area.

Nicole gave a noncommittal nod.

He glanced at the dining-room table. “You’re finished eating?”

“I’m not hungry anymore. A full day,” she said with a shrug.

“I’m not either,” he said. “Let’s go into the den. I wonder what Aunt Emilia has to say this time. She was my father’s sister. Never married because her fiancé dumped her after the family lost the homeplace.”

“That’s terrible,” she said, curious about the letter. She followed him into the den.

He sat down on the sofa and patted the seat beside him. “Do you want something to drink? I can ask the housekeeper.”

“No, I’m good,” she said, drawing in his scent and feeling a strange combination of arousal and something deeper. Something that bothered her.

He ripped open the envelope and a letter and three photos fell out. “Oh, my God,” he muttered, picking up the photos.

Nicole had never seen Rafe so moved. He covered his mouth with one of his hands as he stared at the photos for a long time. She leaned over to look at them. “They’re holding a baby,” she said. “Your parents?”

He nodded. “That’s me.” He showed her another photo. “That’s my brothers and me with my father.”

Nicole lifted her fingers to the photos and couldn’t help smiling. “You were a beautiful baby.”

He gave a rough laugh then set down the pictures. “Let’s see what crazy Aunt Emilia has to say. Dear Raphael: I am writing you because I know I’m not going to be around forever and I want you to have these photographs of yourself as a bambino. Your father sent me these when you were born and the latter photograph is from one of his last letters to me. He loved you, Damien, Michael and Leonardo very much. All of you have overcome so much. Damien in Las Vegas, you in Miami, Michael in Atlanta and Leonardo in Pennsylvania. I wish that I could have helped you after your father’s death, but I am now thankful that all of you are doing so well. Congratulations on your son, Joel. I know that he and his mother will be a source of unbelievable joy to you. With much love, Emilia.”

Rafe frowned at the letter. “How did she know about Joel? And what is this about Leo? Leo died in the same train accident as my father.” He shook his head. “She must be confused.”

“Is everything else correct?” Nicole asked.

“Yes, but—” He shook his head. “Leo in Pennsylvania. Hmmm.” He looked at the photos again, his gaze hungry. “These are the only photos of my family. What I would give for more.”

The intense emotion in his eyes grabbed at something inside her. Rafe had told her before how much he missed having photos from his family. The way he drank in the sight of those photos cut through her.

“You should make copies of those. You wouldn’t want to lose them.”

He shook his head vehemently. “I’ll scan them, too.” He paused. “You have no idea how many nights I spent wishing for just one photograph of my parents. After they died and my brothers and I were divided up, it was as if my foster family wanted to pretend my other family never existed. After a while, it became like a dream. With no photographs, I had no proof.”

Nicole felt her eyes sting with tears, her throat knot into a well of emotion. “I have something I’d like to give you,” she said. “I’ll be back in a couple of moments.”

Gnawing on her lip, she climbed the stairs and checked on Joel before she went to her suite.

She turned on her laptop and reviewed the report the P.I. had sent her. The assault charges still made her heart stutter, but she realized that Rafe had a good explanation.

She continued through the pdf file and looked at the newspaper article reporting the death of Anthony Medici. A photograph of the Medici family accompanied the article. In it, she saw four boys with dark curly hair standing in front of a tall dark-haired man and a slim woman. She wondered if Rafe even knew this photo existed.

Eyeing the printer on the desk, she printed off the photo and trimmed away the article describing his family tragedy. She took the photo downstairs and gave it to him. He studied the photograph in surprise, then met her gaze.

“Where did you find this?” he asked in a low voice.

She crossed her arms under her chest. “That’s a rather involved story for this time of night.”

“I’m not sleeping and neither are you,” he said, standing and resting one of his hands on his hip.

She dreaded telling him where she’d found the photo, but knew it had to be done. “Do you remember how you paid a P.I. to do a background check on me?”

“Yeah,” he said, studying her and nodding in understanding. “You did the same to me. Learn anything interesting?”

“It mostly just confirmed everything you’ve told me,” she said, resisting a sudden urge to fidget.

“It’s late, so let’s not beat around the bush. What bothered you? That I didn’t graduate from an Ivy League school? That my family didn’t come over on the Mayflower?”

“The assault charges,” she said, tired of hiding her worries.

Realization crossed his face. “From my bouncer days. Yeah. I told you it was my job to escort out-of-control customers from the premises. Unfortunately, by the time they got out of control, they didn’t go willingly. The charges were all dropped,” he said.

“Right,” she said, wishing that was enough to calm all her fears. “But Tabitha told me you were a bully. She said you were controlling.”

“You keep saying that.” He tilted his head as he studied her. “She didn’t tell you that I hit her, did she? I’ve never touched a woman that way. What the hell else did she tell you?”

“She didn’t say you hit her, but she kept calling you a bully,” she said.

“That’s what all these questions about assault have been about all along, right?” he asked, his voice filled with bitterness.

“I had to make sure you wouldn’t hurt Joel. I had to protect him. She said you were like our father,” she finally said.

He shrugged. “What does that mean? The only thing I know about your father is that he’s a snob and a successful businessman. I’m no snob, but I’ve done well with my business.”

“My father abused us,” she said, unable to keep it in any longer. “That’s why I avoid him. It’s why my mother left him. She got a huge settlement if she agreed not to reveal how many times he’d slapped her. Tabitha was much better at playing him than I was. He hit her a few times, but most of the time I was the target.”

He stared at her. “Your father did that? He beat you?” he asked.

Her heart twisted at the disbelief in his voice. “Don’t ask me to prove it. You don’t have to believe me, but it’s true. That’s why I had to make sure you wouldn’t hurt Joel. I would do anything to make sure that didn’t happen to him.”

He met her gaze. “I believe you. I’m not a violent man, but I would like to beat the crap out of him for touching a hair on your head.”

She took a deep breath and felt a sinking sense of relief. “So, now, maybe you understand why I want to make sure that you won’t harm Joel.”

“I would never,” he said, moving toward her. “And I would never harm you. I can’t promise, however, that I wouldn’t hurt someone who threatened Joel or you.”

She took another breath. “Hopefully that won’t happen.”

He lifted her hand to his mouth. “I wish I knew why your sister lied about me.”

Distracted by his touch, Nicole tried to summon a reason for Tabitha’s actions. “I don’t know,” she whispered. “I wish I knew, too.”

“She was wild when I first met her. I caught her taking some pills one time when we first started seeing each other. I made her swear she would stop. I thought I would be a stabilizing influence. I asked her to marry me. I thought I could help turn her around,” he said.

Although Tabitha had kept her drug usage secret, Nicole had suspected that her sister had dabbled in drugs. After Joel had been born, she’d held her breath in hopes that he hadn’t been affected.

“I always thought she was the stronger one,” she said. “When we were growing up, she would challenge my father for anything.”

“He didn’t abuse her?” he asked.

“Very rarely, but she somehow was able to dance around his anger. I still don’t know how she did it,” Nicole said.

“But you took the brunt of it,” he concluded, his voice full of disgust.

“I don’t know why. I tried to be invisible, but it didn’t work. I was always so relieved to go back to boarding school so I could be away from him.” She glanced at him. “I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful.”

He looked at her, perplexed. “Ungrateful?”

“I was very fortunate that my parents were wealthy enough to send me to the best schools. I received health care and education.”

“You were also abused. You didn’t deserve that.”

“I have to keep reminding myself of that fact.”

“I’ll remind you,” he said, moving closer to her, taking her into his arms.

Nicole slumped against him, inhaling his strength. She gave in to the urge to lift her hands to his hair and savored the sensation of his crisp hair in her fingers.

“This isn’t wise,” she said, but couldn’t stop herself from leaning against him.

“I disagree,” he said. “It feels right,” he said and dipped his head, taking her mouth with his.

Nicole clung to him, wishing she could inhale all of him, all of his strength so that she would never feel weak or vulnerable again.

“I want to stay with you tonight,” he muttered against her throat.

He heart quickened. “Rafe,” she said, torn in different directions.

“Tell me you don’t want me to stay,” he whispered. “Tell me you don’t want me.”

“I do,” she said, but forced herself to step away from him. She didn’t want to confuse Joel if—when Rafe lost interest in her. “But being with you is just going to make things more complicated. We can’t do this.”