| MARRIED TO JOSIAH ALLEN. |
| Livin’ up to one Idee—Love at First Sight—A Marriage of Love—Why did I Love Josiah?—A Becon that has never gone out—Men can’t stand Flattery—My Present feelin’s towards Josiah—Objections to Widowers—Comparin’ Wives—Josiah not encouraged in it—Rule for Domestic Happiness | 17–20 |
| JOSIAH AND THE CHILDREN. |
| A hard row for Step-Mothers—Thomas Jefferson and Tirzah Ann—Thomas J. on Foreordination—Tirzah Ann’s sentiments—A Hefty Angel—Makin’ excuses at table—How to make Bad Cake taste good—Our Farm on the Canal—Plenty of Garden Sass—4 Tons to the acre | 21–25 |
| AN UNMARRIED FEMALE. |
| Betsey Bobbet introduced—While there is Life there is Hope of getting married—Betsey’s personal appearance—Betsey’s Opinions and Views of a Woman’s Speah—Betsey writes Poetry—A Specimen of it—Owed to Josiah—Josiah makes a Confession and gets Rebuked—Betsey Bobbet visits me unexpectedly—Gushin’s of a Tendeh Soul—The Editah with Twins—Weddin’ Affinities | 26–37 |
| HAVIN’ MY PICTURE TOOK. |
| Down to Jonesville—In Mr. Gansey’s Aunty Room—Preparin’ for a Picture—The Editer of the Augur—Daughters of Bachus and Venus—Haunts of the Graces—“Logical Reveries”—A Poem—My Picture Took | 38–45 |
| OUR SURPRISE PARTIES. |
| My opinions of Surprises—I am persuaded to go—A Surprise Party Surprised—Not wanted just then—An Upset in the snow—A Peaceful Evening at home—Josiah and I enjoying ourselves Doctorin’—Our Happiness interrupted—Surprised by a Party of 50—Fearful excitement of Josiah—The Enemy retire—The Editer surprised—Betsey writes a Poem upon it | 46–57 |
| A DAY OF TROUBLES. |
| Sugerin’ Time—Woman’s work—Man’s work—The Editer brings his Twins—There first doin’s—The trouble begins—Betsey Bobbet arrives—I think of John Rogers and have Patience—Betsey and the twins—A Soothin’ Poultice—An Argument with Betsey—I Preach and Practice—Betsey asks Advice and gets It—Betsey reads a Poem—She gets more of my Opinions—Return of the Editer—Concludes to stay to Dinner—Sees Betsey and changes his mind—Grand Tableaux by the whole company | 58–68 |
| THE MINISTER’S BEDQUILT. |
| Thomas J. believes in water for the Baptists—Reasons for goin’ to Quiltin’s—The Baptist Quiltin’ Party—We dispose of all our neighbors not present—Miss Dobbin, a peacemaker—The Minister’s wife discussed—Betsey Bobbet arrives—She labors under great excitement and overwhelms the party with her mysterious words—Astounding disclosures—Thomas J.’s story to Betsey—The story discussed—Handsome Ministers—Wimmen flingin’ stuns—The Minister arrives—The mystery solved | 69–84 |
| A ALLEGORY ON WIMMEN’S RIGHTS. |
| A Wimmen’s Rights Meetin’—A Wimmen’s Rights man—Idiots, Lunatics and Wimmen—The Woman sheep-stealer—Wimmen have a right to go to Prison and be Hung—Wimmen in Court—The right to go to the Hop and Cistern Poles—An anti Wimmen’s Rights man—Hired Husbands—Marriage and Slavery—True Marriages—Happy Homes and Children—An Angel calling for Fire Wood | 85–98 |
| AN AXIDENT. |
| Bothered by Hens—A model Pup Dog—A Fall—Very sick a-bed—“That’s what’s the matter”—What makes Angels—Too much of a thing—Josiah being cheerful—I use Strategim—Betsey visits me and brings her Bed-Quilt—Come to spend the day—All the Family comin’—Keepin’ me quiet and Chirkin’ me up—She flies in terror from my wrath—Blasted Hopes | 99–111 |
| THE JONESVILLE SINGIN’ QUIRE. |
| Worryin’ about Girls and not about Boys—Wimmen’s Charity for Wimmen—The Prodigal Daughter’s return—What is good for a Boy is good for a Girl—A Spy in the Family—Tirzah Ann’s future Marriage—Thomas J. prefers a back seat—He describes the Quire—We go up to the Rehersal—A United Quire—The Entire Orkusstree—A Artistic Duett—Josiah breaks out in Song—Betsey Remonstrates in Verse | 112–126 |
| MISS SHAKESPEARE’S EARRINGS. |
| Josiah gives up Singin’—Betsey feelin’ lonesome, visits me—She bemoans her lone state—Betsey is willin’ but the men haint—A smile or a supper—Correctin’ a Husband—Woman as a runnin’ vine—The Elder’s Choice—The Carpet Pedler—Bound for a Trade—Bill Shakespeare’s present—An affectin’ story—Betsey makes a purchase—Thomas J. turns poet—Betsey shows her prize—The Minister’s Wife’s old Jewelry—Betsey sick at heart, goes home | 127–144 |
| A NITE OF TROUBLES. |
| A Serenade disturbed by Thomas J.—Musical powers of Cats—Josiah on the war-path—Another Serenade—Josiah swears—“Come, oh come with me”—Josiah shows wickedness—A “meloncholly man”—The Serenader “languishes”—An Address by Thomas J.—Relics left on the field | 145–156 |
| 4th OF JULY IN JONESVILLE. |
| The Professor’s Poem—The Celebration on the field—Professor Aspire Todd—The Professor’s Speech—Old Mr. Bobbet endorses the speaker—The Editer interferes—“Yes! dround the Black Cat”—The next Speaker—An Argument Illustrated—A Wife’s Devotion—Adjournment for Dinner—Toasts given—A Poem by B. B.—At Home Countin’ the Cost—What good has it done? | 157–174 |
| SIMON SLIMPSEY’S MOURNFUL FOREBODIN’S. |
| Thomas J. discusses the Jews—He expresses his Opinion of Betsey’s Religion—A visit from Simon Slimpsey—His appearance—A Victim of bad luck—“She’ll get round me”—A Poem for Modest Wimmen, by B. B.—Slimpsey don’t want to marry—Reconciled to the loss of his late Consort—Overcome by his fears for the future | 177–187 |
| FREE LOVE LECTURES. |
| A Beautiful October day, good to pull Beets—Betsey gets Kissed at last—A Professor that was married some—Married Men good for some purposes—A Free Love Song—A war Cry—Professor Gusher’s Visit—Peppermint recommended to the Professor for his troubles—No Yearnin’ for Freedom—Value of Divorce Bills—What I would do if I Yearned—A Mean Business | 188–200 |
| ELDER WESLEY MINKLE’S DONATION. |
| Betsey visits me and brings her Tattin’—She Mourns over her neglected duties—She decides in future to work and also to prey—The Donation Party—Josiah objects to them—Quotes the ’postle Paul as an Example—How we went and what was Donated—Brother Minkley re-preaches his sermon to me—The Elder tempted—The Grab Bag—The Elder throws the tempter—A new attack of the Enemy—Grab Bags and Huzzies finally overcome—Match Makin’—The Editer arrives—He congratulates himself—Married and Saved—Betsey’s disappointment and wild agony—She seeks relief in Poetry—She desires to be a ghost | 201–221 |
| WIMMEN’S SPEAH. |
| The new Preacher clung to—A Visit from Betsey—A Discussion on Wimmen’s Speah—Female Delicacy as shown in Waltzin’ with Pirates mebbe—Wimmen as boards—Tattin’ and Paintin’—Dressin’ and Flirtin’—Readin’ Novels—Paul’s Letters—Wimmen’s talk—Itchin’ ears—Betsey’s new Poem on Matrimony—True Marriage—About Divorces—Clingers—Baptist Wimmen Voters—Nater will out: a hen will Scratch—Wimmen won’t be driven—Betsey prefers to walk home and is accommodated | 222–243 |
| A TOWER TO NEW YORK DISCUSSED. |
| Progress of affairs at Jonesville—Peace and Plenty—Betsey alive but Quiet—H. Greeley and I differ in some things—I propose a Tower—Josiah shows Jealousy—Democrats short of President Stuff—H. G. up for President—Effect of Suspense on me—Josiah consents to the Tower—Preparations—An Overskirt important—Josiah sells the Critter | 244–257 |
| GOVERNED BY PRINCIPLE. |
| Open preparations for the Tower—Josiah’s White Hat—My Principles induce me also to wear one—Old “Hail the Day” contributes Feathers—On the Political Fence—Betsey also proposes a Tower—At the Depott—Betsey Explains—The 1st Partin’ for 15 years | 258–271 |
| MEETIN’ GRANT AND COLFAX. |
| The Ticket Master—Folks I met with—Lack of Water Privileges—A Cigar without smoke—The Smilin’ Stranger—Bad use of Eggs—Grant and Colfax—“Ulysses, how do you do”—Betsey reads a Poem to Gen’l Grant—“Let us have Peace”—Betsey overcome by Strategim | 272–287 |
| AT NEW YORK, ASTERS’ES TAVERN. |
| A Familiar Stranger—“Will you have a bus?”—Betsey’s Hopes—A Vegetable Widow—Procession on Broadway—Miss Asters’es Tavern—The Register—The Elevator—First thoughts in the Mornin’—Breakfast table—An Insult—Store Tea—I leave the Water Runnin’—Betsey Disappointed again | 288–305 |
| MEET DR. MARY WALKER. |
| Call on Miss Hooker—Engaged and what of it—At Miss Woodhull’s door—Of Doubtful Gender—Miss Dr. Walker—Admittance obtained—A newly Married Man—Two Roman Noses | 306–312 |
| INTERVIEW WITH THEODORE AND VICTORY. |
| Elizabeth Cady Stanton—H. W. Beecher—Isabella Beecher Hooker—Susan B. Anthony—Theodore Tilton—Victory Woodhull—Male and Female Angels—Feathers on Angel’s Wings—Blind Marriages—Thoroughwert Pukes—Theodore’s Opinions—He Advocates Divorces—To Marry and not to Marry both Solemn—Betsey’s Prayer—Theodore yields | 313–335 |
| A WIMMEN’S RIGHTS LECTURER. |
| A Visitor—Been on a Lecture Tower—Tyrant man—A Cure for Pantin’ Hearts—A Star of Hope—Dress and Statesmanship—A Dinner and a Desert | 336–347 |
| ALEXANDER’S STORE. |
| Mr. Cash’es Family—Alexander don’t take Butter, Eggs, Socks, or Barter—A Look at Calicos—Foreign Princes—Dolly Varden and her Acquaintances—A Dreadful Discovery—Betsey’s Poetry in Market | 348–356 |
| A HARROWIN’ OPERATION. |
| A poor Maniac—A Affectin’ Sight—A Ear for Music—Tirzah Ann a Musician—Operation of the D-David—Farewell to Mrs. Asters’es | 357–364 |
| A VISIT TO HORACE. |
| First Impressions of him—No Peace for Candidates—Men all Alike—Darwin’s Idees—Horace’s old Letters—His Admissions—Wimmen’s Influence at Washington—The Wrong Foot Forrerd—A Woman, or Patrick Oh Flanegan—The Widder Albert—Queen Bees—Paul’s Opinions—Christ’s Example—Nearly Overcome—Betsey’s Overtures—Horace and I Part | 365–396 |
| A SEA VOYAGE. |
| Left by the Cars—On the Canal Boat—Terrible Storm—Dangers Surround Us—Betsey Writes a Poem—Sings Sea Odes—The Poem—At Home | 397–405 |
| OLD FRIENDS IN NEW GARMENTS. |
| Betsey Bobbet Married—Poor Simon Slimpsey—Betsey at Home—Her Last Poem—The End | 406–420 |
| HOME AND JOSIAH. |
| Bad News—Horace Greeley dead—A Review of my Tower—Victory in Jail—Miss Aster a deception—Beecher slandered—Tilton do. do.—Doubts of Josiah—My Kitchen—I wear a bow on principle—Our supper—Josiah grows sentimental—I don’t discourage him | 421–434 |
