Читать книгу Forbidden Desires: A Debt Paid in Passion / An Exception to His Rule / Waves of Temptation - Marion Lennox, Dani Collins - Страница 16

CHAPTER NINE

RAOUL HAD GROWN up in New York, but he didn’t care for it. Too many dark memories. The climate didn’t help, always socked in with rain or buried in snow or suffocatingly humid with summer heat. The place forced on him a heavy feeling of a weight inside him that he couldn’t shift.

He was already struggling with that when he paused on his way into a meeting and instructed the receptionist to interrupt him if Sirena called.

“Ms. Abbott? I thought she’d left the company! How is she?” The woman’s warmth and interest were sincere.

His blunt “Fine” was rude. And a lie. He’d left the house before he’d seen her this morning, but he knew from the way Sirena had blanched last night that she was not fine. He almost suspected she was injured in a way he hadn’t considered.

Brooding while he half listened to his engineers develop a workback schedule, he did some math. He hadn’t added everything together since their talk over drinks that night by the pool because he’d been distracted by other revelations, but if it was true she hadn’t dated after that boy in college, she’d had exactly one lover since her first, ill-fated relationship.

Him.

...sex isn’t that mindless for me. I need feelings on both sides.

The way she’d practically grabbed the voice bubble from the air and gobbled it back indicated pretty clearly that she’d never meant to admit that to him. Which made it disturbingly sincere.

Of course, I’m given to self-deception, she’d added to cover up, but that only made him grind his teeth, wondering if he was as well. Despite her motives for stealing unfolding into a picture of a woman who hadn’t believed he’d help if she asked, he’d never wavered from believing she’d slept with him to cover up what she’d done.

He needed to believe it. Anything else was too uncomfortable. He wasn’t a womanizer. He didn’t take advantage of the vulnerable. He didn’t lead women on.

She hadn’t expected one hookup to be a marriage proposal, she’d said, but had expected to be treated with respect.

At the time of their affair, he’d been way past respect into genuine liking. Affection. Something deeper he’d never contemplated letting himself feel.

God, when he thought back to how those twenty-four hours had gone, it was like another lifetime. The sweetness of her, the relief of finally giving in to touching her, the powerful release that had shaken him to the core...

The doors opening inside him, a sensation like footsteps invading the well-guarded depths of his soul. Even as their damp, half-clothed bodies had been trembling in ecstasy, he’d crashed back to the reality of what they’d just done. Whom he’d done it with. How vulnerable he felt.

His inner panels had lit up with alarm signals. While Sirena’s plump lips had grazed his throat, he’d been withdrawing, deeply aware of a sense of jeopardy. His father hadn’t killed himself because he’d fallen for his secretary. He’d killed himself because he’d fallen. In love. Deep emotions drove men to desperate acts.

What he’d felt for Sirena in those loaded minutes of sensual closeness had scared the hell out of him.

He’d pulled away, said something about the rain having stopped. By the time he’d dropped her at her building and returned to his own, he’d been primed for a reason, any reason, to knock her so far away from him she’d never reach him again.

And he had.

...Even my stepmother didn’t go that far to hurt me.

Rather than killing himself, he’d destroyed what had been growing between them.

It was a sickening, horrid vision of himself. He lurched to his feet, needing to escape his own pathetic weakness, but only drew the attention of the room.

“Problem, sir?” The group stood back to look between him and the Smart Board where the schedule could have been written in Sanskrit for all the sense it made.

“I have to make a call,” he lied, and strode through the maze of cubicles clattering with keyboard strikes into his office. It contained two desks, one that was a bold, masculine statement and the other a stylish work space that, for a time, had been the first place he glanced. Now it stood as a monument to his colossal overreaction.

He rubbed his face, hating to feel this tortured, this guilty. The fact remained, she had stolen from him, he reminded himself.

But he hadn’t lashed out at her for that. She’d angered him, yes, but her real crime had been moving him in the first place. Sirena had dared to penetrate walls nobody else had dared breach.

Lust isn’t caring.

No, it wasn’t, but what he felt wasn’t mere lust.

* * *

Sirena was grateful that Raoul had left for the office before she rose. Of course, she was also hypocrite enough to miss him despite her chagrin over her revelation last night. There was also envy and disgruntlement that he still worked in one of the many dynamic, ever-changing offices she had loved so much. Who had taken her place? She hated her usurper on principle.

Chatting with Beatrisa, hearing stories of Raoul’s childhood became a nice distraction from her muddled emotions.

When he returned unexpectedly at lunch, it was with a surprise: tickets to a matinee. “Musicals aren’t my speed. I’ll stay with Lucy. You ladies have fun.”

It was an incredible treat, the sort of thing Sirena used to wish for every time they visited New York, but had never found time or funds for. Afterward they had tea and scones in a glitzy café until Raoul texted that his daughter had inherited his stubborn streak.

Giggling over his self-deprecating assessment, they rushed back so Sirena could feed their starving baby. Full of excitement about their afternoon, she was disappointed when Raoul said, “I’m glad you enjoyed it. Start dinner without me. I have a call to make.”

When he found his way to the table, he was wearing his cloak of remoteness. His mother didn’t pick up the signals of his distraction, but Sirena did. While Beatrisa talked about their day, the feeling of being left out of his world struck Sirena afresh, but she supposed his turning aloof was better than another clash like last night’s.

As Beatrisa wound down over coffee, Raoul finally said, “I’m afraid we’ve had a change of plans, Mother. We won’t be able to stay the week. The company has been nominated for an award in L.A. I have to fly out to pick it up.”

“You hate those things!” Sirena blurted. It had always been her job to figure out who could show up in his place, make the arrangements and prepare a speech.

“Surely you could do that without dragging Sirena and the baby across the country? They can stay here with me,” his mother said.

Sirena shrugged. Lucy was out of sorts enough with the time change from London. She didn’t need another one.

Raoul only gave his coffee cup a quarter turn and said, “They’ve specifically asked if Sirena would attend. It’s that bunch we worked with for the special-effects software,” he told her. “You always made an impression with my associates. You’ve been sorely missed by a lot of them.”

Sirena flushed hot and cold, not sure how to respond. She missed everything about her job, but she couldn’t go back to it, so she tried not to think of it.

As she considered all those beautiful women he’d taken to galas and cocktail parties, she also felt too inadequate to be his date. “I never attended that sort of thing with you before—” she started to dismiss.

“Things are different now, aren’t they?”

How? She lifted a swift glance and collided with his unrelenting stare, like he was pushing his will upon her. She instinctively bristled while the fault line in her chest gaped and widened. “There’s no one to watch Lucy.”

“Miranda’s agreed to fly in and sit with her.”

“You want to fly your stepsister to L.A. to babysit?” It was ludicrous—and the way he briefly glanced away, as though he wasn’t being honest with her, put her on guard.

“She flies all the time doing those trade shows. We’ll need to leave early, but we’ll come back here for a day or two on our way back to London.” He rose, putting an end to the discussion in a completely familiar way.

Old habits of accommodating his needs collided with the newer ones of taking care of her baby’s needs and her own. “Raoul.”

“This is important to me, Sirena. Please don’t argue.”

Wow. Had he just said please? Shock struck her dumb long enough he was able to escape without her raising another argument.

* * *

By morning, it was too late. When he said early, he meant early, coming into her room to begin packing Lucy’s things while shooing Sirena’s sleepy head into the shower. Being naked and knowing he was just beyond the door made her senses flare, but he was completely indifferent. They were on the plane within the hour.

Lucy didn’t enjoy the altitude climb, so they were well in the air before Sirena caught her breath. She gratefully embraced a cup of coffee while Raoul swept and tapped his way across a tablet screen.

“I liked that crew from the film, too, but I can’t believe you shook us out of bed for them. What’s really going on?” she asked.

“Use the stateroom if you want more sleep.” He didn’t even look up.

“No, I’ve had coffee now. You’ll have to entertain me,” she volleyed back.

His gaze came up with pupils so big his eyes were almost black. After a checking glance to their sleeping infant, he swung a loaded “Okay” to her.

In a blink, he’d transformed from the distracted man intent on his work that she’d seen a million times to a predatory male thinking of nothing but sex.

Her skin tightened and a flush of excitement flooded her with heat. Most betraying of all, tingles pooled in a swirl of sharp desire deep between her thighs.

His tense mouth eased into a smile of approval while he took a slow visual tour to her breasts, where her nipples stung with need. He didn’t move, but suddenly he felt very close. He knew exactly what was happening to her.

She yanked her gaze away, but the picture of his masculine beauty stayed with her. The man had a chest to absolutely die for and she ached to see it again, run her hands over his smooth shoulders and taut abs.

Embarrassed by her shortened breath and prickling arousal, she swallowed and said a strangled, “I think we’ve covered that. It’s not on.”

Silence. And when she risked a glance at him, his jaw was clenched.

“Because you think I don’t have feelings for you,” he growled.

“I don’t expect you to,” she stated stiffly, then had to dip her face to stare into her empty mug, hiding that she was going red with indignity. “Obviously you’ve been very decent, taking me in when I was sick, but that was more to do with Lucy, wasn’t it? And yesterday was nice, but it was a treat for your mother. Shows like that aren’t your thing, you said. So you sent me, which isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy it, just that I realize it wasn’t about me.”

“You have a stellar opinion of me and my motives, don’t you?”

“I’m not trying to insult you.”

“You’re doing a helluva job of it anyway. Let’s hope this trip redeems me in your eyes.” He went back to his tablet, shutting her out, which was probably a good thing.

He’d disconcerted her, sounding almost injured. A tiny worm of ambiguity niggled in her. Was she working so hard to protect herself she was failing to see the softer feelings she’d once been convinced were there? Or was that delusion a short trip to another painful tumble?

Despite the caffeine in her system, she wound up dozing and before she knew it, they were in California. They didn’t stay in the suite they’d used two years ago, when he’d been working with the special-effects company. This was a new, ultrachic building designed on a curve, like a giant glass-and-bronze half cylinder with its back to the ocean.

Inside the penthouse, the floor-to-ceiling windows were framed in gray-and-white geometric squares. The tiles and carpet marked severe paths through the open plan of lounge, kitchen and dining area. All of the furniture was angular and modern, but luxury softened the hard edges. Jewel-colored pillows and billowy curtains gave it a sexy, romantic feel and the stunning three-sixty views to mountains and ocean and cityscape were breathtaking. Sirena’s first thought was of the bath she’d take after dark, surrounded by the twinkling lights of the city.

As was her habit, she ran a brisk inventory as she explored, ensuring all the standard arrangements for Raoul were made.

“No Chivas and no cord for the secure internet connection.” She adjusted the drapes in the main room to let in more of the brilliant sunshine and view of the ocean. “I’ll call down. Did you want extra of that rain forest coffee you like to take home?”

He didn’t answer, so she turned to see him watching her with a bemused expression. “I would love that, thank you.”

His appreciation poured sunlight directly into her soul. A huge smile tried to take over her face and she had to turn away to hide how easily he flipped her inside out. What the hell was she doing? No way was she begging for a shred of affection. She needed to nip this craziness in the bud.

Fortunately their daughter woke and demanded attention, then a stylist showed up with a measuring tape and color swatches.

“What? Why?” Sirena argued as Raoul took the baby so she could lift her arms.

“We have that red carpet thing in a few nights,” he reminded.

“You didn’t say red carpet! I thought it was a cocktail party.” She hadn’t gained a ton of baby weight, she’d been too sick, but even though she’d started back on the treadmill, she was soft and had bags under her eyes. She’d never clean up like the stunners who usually hung off his arm.

Muddled and anxious, she got through the rest of the day and took some air on the balcony after her bath. A clean breeze off the water had swept away the pollution and the air smelled sultry, helping ease her unsettled mind.

Raoul joined her, making her stomach quiver in awareness. She ignored it.

“What do you think? Should I buy this unit?” he asked her.

“They’re treating you to entice you?” she guessed, then rejected the luxurious surroundings with a haughty shake of her head. “I came out here to see the fireworks over the happiest place on earth and I don’t, so it’s no good. A major disappointment.”

“I’ll make the purchase contingent on their moving the building to the next county,” he drawled.

“Ha!” She laughed at herself. “I guess I should look at a map. It’s just always been on my bucket list to come to L.A., visit the theme parks, wear the ears...I thought I’d at least see the castle and fireworks while I’m here.”

“You can. We’ll be here a week. Take—” He cut himself off.

“Lucy isn’t old enough to appreciate it,” she scoffed, predicting what he had almost said. “No, I can wait for another time.” To avoid his casually rumpled masculine appearance, she looked to the glowing blue of the pool jutting off to the right on their patio, a few steps down. It was surrounded by orange trees in oversized planter pots and twined with pinpoints of white lights. “If we come here again.”