BLACKOUTS and BREAKDOWNS<br>A Novel by Mark Brennan Rosenberg<br><br>Drugs up our noses and boyfriends from Britain<br>Vodka called Ketel and diaries written<br>Guys with hot packages and lots of bling<br>These are a few of my favorite things.<br><br>Ever wondered what it's like to pretend to know sign language to pick up a hot deaf guy?<br><br>Have you ever wondered what it's like to date a convicted pedophile? Or, have you ever wondered what it's like to work as a hot dog vendor?<br><br>Luckily, Mark has taken care of all of that so you won't ever have to wonder again. In Blackouts and Breakdowns Mark chronicles his shenanigans from early childhood where he was a rambunctious sprite who rocked pink pants, watched far too many soap operas and sang show tunes (it came as no surprise when his parents found out he was gay – as if they needed to be told) to adulthood where he rocked pleather pants, watched far too many soap operas and sang show tunes at piano bars while plastered. In eleven uproarious short stories, Mark takes you inside his mind and explores the ridiculousness of his excessive drinking and the struggles he had to overcome to quit boozing and finally grow up. Oh, and he'll tell you how he ended up as a hot dog vendor. Because that's a road, you probably don't wantto go down. Ever.
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Mark Brennan Rosenberg. Blackouts and Breakdowns
INTRODUCTION
SHIT SHOW
THE TRUTH ABOUT THE BABY JESUS
I’M COMIN’ OUT!
THE PICK-UP ARTIST
HOW TO TURN A STRAIGHT MAN GAY IN TWENTY MINUTES OR LESS
BOILING POINT
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
GREETINGS FROM OUR NATION’S C(R)APITOL!!!
MY SUPER EX-BOYFRIENDS
ADVENTURES IN SOBRIETY
BABY DADDY
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“What’s an affair?” my friend Brian asked.
“I think it’s like when you share your lunch with another girl or something,” I responded“Oh,” Brian said, “I don’t think my parents fight like that.” Brian’s parents did not seem like real people to me. His father was the local weatherman and came on my TV right before Erica Kane. I always asked him if they knew each other, but he insisted they didn’t.
.....
“What?” she asked.
Apparently Evelyn had forgotten how to speak English in the two months we had been away from each other.