Читать книгу Great Second Acts - Marlene Wagman-Geller - Страница 9

Prologue

The Best Is Yet to Be

With the optimism of youth, there is an inherent belief that, in the words of Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, “The dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.” However, as the calendar pages turn, our aspirations tend to recede into the distance, placed on the back burner by financial survival, child-rearing, and male maintenance. Then, in a dizzying blur, we gasp at the pigment-free image staring back from the mirror, reminding us how quickly time passes. It is essential that we do not go gentle into our twilight years. Ladies who experience late-in-life reinvention are the embodiment of what Antony said about Cleopatra: “Age cannot wither her / Nor custom stale / Her infinite variety.”

Growing up in Toronto, Canada, my holy grail was to have my name on the spine of a book, having a seat in my own version of the Algonquin Round Table. Life did not play out that way. (Surprise, surprise.) While waiting to publish the great Canadian novel, heir apparent of Margaret Atwood, I became a high school English teacher. Although pouring knowledge into young minds is a noble pursuit, my dream of authorship haunted me.

In 1986, I moved to San Diego, had my dear daughter, and taught high school English. Over the decades, I penned various novels and received enough rejection slips to wallpaper Buckingham Palace. My aborted attempts gave me a ringside seat to the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. The proverb “Hope may be a good breakfast but is a bad dinner” held true. And then serendipity walked in: my second act. In 2008, after making substantial inroads on my biblically allotted threescore years and ten, Penguin published my first book, Once Again to Zelda: The Stories Behind Literature’s Most Intriguing Dedications. The realization of my dream proved the truth of the old saying, “Better late than never.”

Conventional wisdom holds that, if a person does not write Wuthering Heights, paint Starry Night, or climb Mt. Everest before a varicose vein makes its appearance, chances are it ain’t gonna happen. The over-fifty set need not compare themselves to those who set the world aflame before their twenties: the French Joan of Arc was freeing her country from the British at age eighteen; the Romanian Nadia Comaneci received three gold Olympic medals at age fourteen; the Pakistani Malala Yousafzai won the Nobel Prize at age seventeen. Our youth-obsessed culture, which tends to assume ingenuity wanes as the years go by, fosters this idea. Hence, late bloomers arm-wrestle with powerful prejudice as they face those who think they are no longer viable. The message: Age delivers, along with Poligrip and orthopedic shoes, a drying of the creative juices. In such a climate, older folk may easily succumb to the belief that the great imaginative leap remains in the realm of yesteryear. The mindset becomes that it is too late, followed by the painful pang of it-could-have-been. Dorothy Parker expressed this sentiment when she wrote, “Time doth flit; oh shit.”

The nineteenth-century novel was the contemporary soap opera, and Charles Dickens did a number on older gals with his depiction of Miss Havisham in his novel Great Expectations. Jilted at the altar, her mansion became a mausoleum; in a decaying wedding dress with matching white hair, she existed in perpetual mourning. Her cinematic heir, Norma Desmond, dwelt on the aptly named Sunset Boulevard. Rather than look ahead, she anxiously awaited the return of a parade that had long passed her by. Another fictional character that helped foster the stereotype of women in their later years as unable to retain their marbles was Bette Davis’s role in the movie Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? The answer to the title’s rhetorical question: She became a madwoman not confined to the attic and became the worst a lady can be in her twilight years—delusional, homicidal, sadistic. The image of the meal she served her sister, which consisted of a pet bird, is not one that can ever be unseen. In contrast, the non-celluloid Bette retained her clarity and sagely remarked, “Old age is not for sissies.”

Fortunately, the long-established paradigm of older women being beyond our expiration date for achievement and sanity has received a well-deserved shakedown as women have obtained late-in-life success. After all, the rings on a trunk make for the most majestic of trees. An important idea to keep in mind—and yes, we still have one—is that the golden years can be rewarding creatively, emotionally, and romantically.

Maggie Kuhn, an octogenarian who proved frail bodies can mask iron spirits, called herself a little old woman. She celebrated her forced retirement—a gesture of out with the old and in with the new—by founding the Gray Panthers, a name derived from the radical Black Panthers. In 1972, she told the New York Times, “I have gray hair, many wrinkles, and arthritis in both hands. And I celebrate my freedom from bureaucratic restraints that once held me.” Kuhn refused to be defined by the year on her birth certificate.

Another kidney-punch to time was Sue Ellen Cooper’s Red Hat Society that proved girls just wanna have fun. Her organization is a nod to matrons who have earned their stripes, a.k.a. wrinkles and bags. The red hats are a variation of a Purple Heart: proof positive they have survived all life has dished out.

In China, the elderly members of the family are venerated patriarchs, while in Western cultures, senior citizen homes proliferate. Perhaps the finger of blame should be pointed at the German siblings Wilhelm and Johann Grimm. In their classic fairy tales, the villain was the ancient crone. She was the one whose version of hospitality was to shove Hansel and Gretel into the oven, to imprison Rapunzel in a tower, to turn into a hag to trick Snow White into eating the poisoned apple. The reason why Snow White’s stepmother replaced maternal nurturing with malice is that she was no longer the fairest in the land. Grimm indeed.

Fortunately, the world has made strides and is more accepting of its seniors. Anna Mary Robertson, forever known as Grandma Moses, was in her late seventies when arthritis made her beloved embroidery a hobby of the past, and her sister suggested she switch to painting. Her folksy canvases of the quieter, gentler New England of her childhood sold for thousands of dollars—a princely sum in the 1930s. Presidents Harry S. Truman and John F. Kennedy lauded the little lady, and a 1950 documentary about her life received an Oscar nod. Despite the accolades, she retained her modesty. She wrote in her autobiography, “I look back on my life like a good day’s work. It was done, and I feel satisfied with it.”

Born in the Big Woods of Wisconsin, Laura Ingalls Wilder taught in a one-room prairie schoolhouse, and she felt that was to serve as her legacy until, at age sixty-five, her daughter convinced her to pen her memories of growing up with Pa, Ma, and her sisters on the American frontier. The Little House on the Prairie led to a nine-book series that’s never been out of print, and though she could never have imagined it, an iconic television series replete with Hollywood stars.

Is everything you cook devoid of taste? Do not despair. Julia Child was thirty-seven before she enrolled in culinary school and forty-nine when she published her classic, Mastering the Art of French Cooking. She gained further acclaim at age fifty-one as the host of The French Chef, where she signed off each segment with “Bon appétit!”

Ageism coupled with misogyny came into play when the sixty-eight-year-old Hillary Clinton made a play for the Oval Office, although the mindset of many was that a lady of a certain age is generally rendered invisible. Maybe a wise grandfather made sense, but a grandma? Ruling the roost of the White House? Did. Not. Sit. Well. One voter described her to The Washington Post as “an angry, crotchety old hag.” The election proved that America is not a country for old women. The gender stereotype is alive and kicking because, although we worship youthful femininity and idolize good ole’ Mom, we fall short when women do not fit into either of these roles. Being forced into silence is as palpable as a physical blow, but that has happened to marginalized seniors. What about all their wisdom, experience, and insights? Females—along with killer whales, the only other species to go through menopause—have passed through the rite of reproduction and have come to a time in their lives when they should be able to shepherd the younger generation. Thankfully, there exists what stayed in Pandora’s box: hope. At age eighty-five, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is so respected that she received a street name: Notorious R. B. G. The former head of the Federal Reserve, Chairman Janet L. Yellen, seventy-one, and the International Monetary Fund Chief, Christine Lagarde, sixty-two, prove ladies know more about money than how to spend it. The time to shed the garment of invisibility has arrived. Lives well-lived help shatter the mindset that older gals either are off their rocker or belong on one.

It may be an eye-opener to learn that one who praised older women was Benjamin Franklin; the Founding Father was actually into the Founding Mothers. When he wasn’t busy wiping his bifocals (which he invented) or flying a kite in a rainstorm, our nation’s first Postmaster wrote a letter to a young friend, advising, “In all your Amours you should prefer old women to young ones.” In the letter, never mailed though likely shared in ye olde locker-room, Ben suggests it’s best to wed and bed matrons rather than virgins, “Because when women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. Because there is no hazard of children. Because they are so grateful.”

Rather than viewing wrinkles as a mark of shame, ladies of a certain age should embrace their lines—testimony to laughter, love, and life. They should not stress if they did not merit a mention in Forbes’s Under-Thirty list or see their names on the best-seller lists. Hope must spring eternal: There is still time to pursue dormant dreams and to wallow in the joy of proving the naysayers wrong. Keeping this thought in my mind, Great Second Acts: In Praise of Older Women is my seventh book. While I am in my sixth decade, I still harbor hope that one day I will publish a novel—my dream-the-impossible-dream. My philosophy, engraved on my necklace by jewelry designer Emily Rosenfeld, reads, “Make room for what is yet to be imagined.”

The lives of the ladies profiled remind anyone who shrugs off the idea of great second acts of the mantra “never say never,” that the silver-haired can actualize their aspirations in their golden years. In the words of Robert Browning, “Grow old with me/ The best is yet to be/ The last of life, for which the first was made…”