Читать книгу Hero Dad - Marta Perry - Страница 9

She was not afraid. Julie Alexander paused in front of the trim brick firehouse, clutching her camera bag as if it were a lifeline. She wasn’t afraid to go inside and risk confronting the man who had the power to break her heart.

No. The denial was instant and automatic. She didn’t have to risk anything. As long as Seth Flanagan didn’t know who she was, she had nothing to fear.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear— The promise ought to be familiar to her. She’d had to rely on it often enough.

The red brick of the building in front of her looked mellow in the late September sunshine, like so many of the century-old brick buildings she’d seen in this small Pennsylvania city. The bay doors stood open, revealing the red and chrome hoods of fire engines. As she moved, an orangey red leaf from one of the maples that lined the street fluttered past her shoulder. It clung for a moment to the camera bag and then dropped at her feet. Her mind automatically began to compose a picture.

But there would be no hiding behind the camera lens today, no matter how much she might wish it. She stepped over the leaf and into the cavernous interior of the firehouse.

Three men leaned against a fire truck, their strong bodies forming a frame around the gold letters on its side: Suffolk Fire Department. She picked out Seth Flanagan instantly from the photograph her private investigator had provided.

His face, relaxed and smiling, was turned toward one of the other men, who was obviously telling a story. They hadn’t seen her yet, which gave her a moment to study him. He was tall, solidly built, with broad shoulders and deep auburn hair that might once have been red. That easy grin of his had probably been the first thing that had attracted her sister.

Though she hadn’t moved, something alerted the men to her presence. Seth straightened, frowning a little as his gaze met hers. He started toward her.

Her heart jolted at that frown. If he knew who she was—

No, he couldn’t know. Lisa had been very clear, in that last letter of hers, that her two lives would never touch in any way. Her husband and his family would replace the birth family that had made her so unhappy.

She arranged a smile and stepped toward him. “Hello. I’m looking for Seth Flanagan.”

Julie Alexander might know what her brother-in-law looked like, but photojournalist J. White certainly shouldn’t.

“I’m Seth.” He held out his hand, but the frown lingered in eyes that were so bright a golden brown that they looked like topaz. “You’d be the photographer. The chief told us you were coming.”

The way he said the words revealed the reason for the frown. It wasn’t her personally he objected to. It was being expected to work with her.

“I’m very grateful to Chief Donovan for his cooperation.” She chose her words carefully. She’d better make it clear that his cooperation wasn’t optional. “He’s told me that your family will be perfect for my photo article on firefighters.”

“You wanted a family of firefighters, and that’s us.” One of the other men approached.

Hair so dark it was almost black, eyes a deep Irish blue, as tall as Seth but not as broad—the coloring might be different, but the resemblance was still strong enough that she’d have pegged them for brothers even if she hadn’t known.

“And you are?” She held out her hand.

“Ryan Flanagan.” The smile he turned on her probably charmed every woman he met. “I’m the one the chief should have assigned to work with you.”

She disengaged her hand. “I’m sure he had reasons for his choice.” Aside from the fact that she’d manipulated her requirements to be sure he picked Seth.

“Yeah. He’s grooming my big brother for promotion.” Ryan elbowed Seth and got a glare in return. “Thinks he’s got what it takes to move up.”

Some emotion she couldn’t identify flickered across Seth’s face for a second, and then it was gone. “The chief just knows I’m more reliable than you are, that’s all.”

“But less fun.” Ryan turned the grin on her again. “So, J. White. What does the J. stand for?”

“Julie.”

“Pretty name.”

She glanced at Seth, to find him watching his brother’s flirting, a slight smile on his face. At a guess, that was a habitual posture for him, standing back, watching his brother show off. He didn’t seem to need to be the center of attention. Solid, masculine, he was a man used to tough work and comfortable in his own skin.

“Enough, Ryan.” He brushed his brother off easily when he was ready. “This is business, not romance central. Go polish a truck.”

The man behind them snickered. Ryan shot a look toward him and then shrugged. “Later, Julie.” He gave her that charming smile once more and moved off.

“The chief says it’ll take a couple of weeks for you to do this article of yours.” Seth’s reluctance came through in the words. “That seems like a long time to be tagging around after us.”

“You make me sound like a little sister who wants to play with the big boys.”

His grin appeared again, relaxing his face. “I already have one of those, thanks. She’s a paramedic with the department. Believe me, she outplays the big boys.”

That would be Terry, she knew from the private investigator’s report. “I’d like to meet her.”

“You will if you’re really doing this story on us.”

Again she sensed his unwillingness. She’d better try to establish some sort of rapport with him if she wanted to get close enough for this to work.

“I know it sounds as if my presence is going to be an imposition, but I promise, eventually you’ll forget I’m even there. That’s when I’ll get the pictures that will tell the story.”

“A family of firefighters. I know.” He said the words with a certain air of resignation, as if he were used to being categorized that way.

“It’ll be a good story.” Assuming she actually published it. For an instant she felt confused. This was the first time in her professional life that the story was just an excuse for another objective.

“Well, the family has agreed, so I guess we’re in, but maybe you’d better meet us before you decide whether we’re right for your project. My mother asked me to invite you to the house for supper tonight. Everyone won’t be there, but enough of us.”

He’s from a big family, Lisa’s letter had said. All noisy and in each other’s faces all the time. At first it drove me crazy, but now I love it.

Lisa hadn’t needed to point out how different it was from the Alexander family. She’d known Julie would understand.

“That sounds great.” Seth couldn’t know that she was cringing inwardly at the idea of meeting the Flanagans en masse.

“Around six, okay? We eat early so my little boy can have supper with us.”

Davy would be there. Her heart began to thump. She would see her sister’s child.

“Six is fine.”

Seth patted the pockets of his uniform pants. “Do you have something I can write the address on?”

She pulled a notebook and pen from her bag. He bent closer, his head near hers as he scribbled an address in the book. She got a faint whiff of soap, saw the sprinkling of freckles on his skin, felt the sheer masculine magnetism of the man.

Okay. She tried to settle her jangling nerves. This first encounter was almost over and nothing bad had happened. The next one would be easier.

She closed the notebook on the address and took a step back. “I’ll see you at six, then.”

She turned toward the door. Relief settled over her. She could escape.

“Julie?” Seth’s voice held a question, and she glanced back at him. “Have we met before?”

A sudden panic rippled along her nerves. “No.” It took an effort not to let the fear show in her voice. “I’m sure we haven’t.”

He shrugged. “You looked a little familiar to me when you smiled.”

“Maybe I remind you of someone you know.” Not Lisa. She and Lisa had had different mothers, and no one had ever thought they looked at all alike. Until Seth looked at her and saw something.

“That must be it.” A phone rang somewhere behind Seth, and he turned toward the sound.

“I’ll see you later,” she said quickly, and fled to the door.

She didn’t breathe again until she was safely out on the sidewalk. Of all the missteps she’d envisioned, she hadn’t thought of this one.

What else hadn’t she thought of? She slid into the car she’d rented for the trip, mind whirling. Had she missed anything else that could give her identity away to Seth? Or, worse, anything that could betray Lisa’s secret to her father?

She gripped the wheel with both hands. Help me, Lord. I’m walking a tightrope, and if I fall, an innocent child could pay the price.

“All I’m saying is that she’s not what I expected.” Seth lowered the evening newspaper to frown at his brother. He’d put the paper up as a defense against Ryan’s insistence on talking about Julie White, but it wasn’t working.

Ryan picked up a couple of scattered magazines and stuffed them into the basket beside Mom’s rocking chair. She’d whirled in from the kitchen a moment ago, taken one look at the two of them, and issued cleanup orders.

“How different?” Ryan grinned. “Prettier?”

“Maybe. I pictured a nosy battle-ax out to make us look stupid. Or a bleeding heart who’d write a tear-jerker that we could never live down.”

Julie White hadn’t fit either stereotype. With her cool, detached manner and her delicate blond looks, she had upset his calculations on how to deal with her. He stifled an exasperated sigh. He had enough to do without babysitting the woman through this story she wanted to do.

“She’s no battle-ax, that’s for sure.” Ryan dropped into the chair opposite him.

Seth lifted an eyebrow at his younger brother. “Are you planning on asking her out?” Ryan had turned into the playboy of the family in recent years, never sticking with one woman for more than a few dates.

“I thought about it.” Ryan shrugged. “But she’s not really my type.”

“You have a type? I thought you flirted with every female you met.”

Ryan grinned and tossed one of the magazines at him. “I like a little warmth. J. White’s a tad too cool and unfeeling for me. Ice maidens aren’t worth the effort.”

Seth considered that. He wouldn’t have said unfeeling exactly. His sense of the woman had been that she was keeping a strong clamp on her emotions.

Ryan tossed another magazine, always ready to irritate one of his brothers. “So, why don’t you ask her out? You’re the one who’s ready to get married, not me.”

For the hundredth time Seth regretted confiding that in Ryan, of all people. “I didn’t say I was ready to get married. Just that maybe I should think about it, for Davy’s sake.”

An almost-three-year-old needed a mother, and it wasn’t fair to expect Mom to play that role indefinitely. So he had started looking around for someone who’d make a good mother, someone who wanted a marriage based on companionship and building a family together.

Not one based on romance. His mind veered away from thinking about Lisa. About how he’d failed her.

He was almost grateful for the knock on the door. “Behave yourself tonight.” He frowned at Ryan, who grinned back, unrepentant. “And put those magazines away before Mom comes back in.”

Ryan scooped the magazines from the floor and headed toward the kitchen. “I’ll tell Mom she’s here.”

Some things hadn’t changed since they were kids. Ryan still baited him, and he still let it happen. Maybe he didn’t bother trying to change things because teasing aside, he knew Ry would go to the wall for him.

He opened the door. Julie White clutched her camera bag tightly and gave him a polite smile.

“I hope I’m not too early.”

“Just right.” He gestured toward the living room. “Please, come in.”

Why had she brought the camera bag with her tonight? Did she expect to start photographing them already? The thought still made him vaguely uneasy. They’d be baring their private lives to the woman, with no idea of her agenda or that she even knew what she was doing.

“Thanks.” She stepped inside and paused next to him, as if not sure what to do next.

Her head barely made it to his shoulder. He hadn’t realized, when they’d talked at the station, how small she was. Her light blond hair and pale ivory skin made her look as delicate as a porcelain doll.

An illusion, no doubt. No woman who’d talked the chief into agreeing to this story could be all that delicate.

She glanced up at him, soft layers of hair flowing against the shoulders of the coral sweater she wore. And what was he doing, noticing what the woman was wearing, anyway? This was business, not social. Ryan’s ribbing had taken over his thoughts.

“Are you sure I’m not too early?”

The repeated question clarified things for him. Julie was putting on a good front, but nervousness lay behind it.

“Relax.” He grinned, taking her arm. “We don’t bite, honest.”

Her face eased in a smile that melted whatever ice Ryan seemed to think was there. Seth blinked. That smile could thaw a glacier. Maybe he’d have to readjust his view of Julie.

“My nerves are showing, huh?”

“Well, you’re gripping that camera bag as if you intend to attack someone with it.”

She let go of the bag, shaking her fingers. “I’m always a little stressed when I’m starting a new project.”

He nodded toward the bag. “Did you want to start taking pictures already?” He hoped not. Maybe, given a day or two, he’d get used to the idea of having a stranger recording their lives. Or maybe not.

“Not until your family is ready.” Her smile took on a tinge of embarrassment. “I’m afraid the camera is my security blanket. If I don’t have it with me, I always think I’ll miss the best shot of my career.”

“Somehow I doubt that dinner with the Flanagans will give you that.”

“I also brought along a few magazines that contain some of my photo essays. I thought seeing them might reassure you that I know what I’m doing.”

He must have been too obvious. “I’d love to see some of your work.”

“So would I.” His mother swept into the room and over to them, still moving as lightly as a girl in spite of having five grown children. Six, if you counted Brendan, the orphaned nephew she’d raised.

His mother grasped Julie’s hand warmly in both of hers. “I’m Siobhan Flanagan. Welcome to our home. Goodness, Seth, what are you doing keeping Ms. White standing here like this? She’ll think I didn’t raise you right.”

“Julie, please, not Ms. White,” she said.

The words were right, but there was something strained about Julie’s smile that told him nervousness had taken hold again. What was wrong with the woman? Nobody could be more warm and welcoming than Siobhan Flanagan.

“I’m sure she’s not going to blame my shortcomings on you, Mom.”

“You kids came by those all by yourselves, didn’t you?” His mother swatted him lightly. “I don’t know how I got through raising the lot of you.”

He grabbed her and kissed her cheek. “Go on, now. Which of us would you like to get rid of?”

He glanced toward Julie as he spoke, and her expression startled him. For pity’s sake, she looked as if she’d never seen horseplay before. If that was the case, she wouldn’t last around the family long enough to do that story of hers.

His mother seemed to notice something, as well. She freed herself from his grasp, probably intending to try and put Julie at ease. But whatever she might have said was lost in the thunder of running feet.

Davy charged in from the kitchen at the headlong run that was his preferred method of locomotion. “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.” The yell was earsplitting. “I help Grammy make supper.”

“I’ll bet you did, Davy-boy.” He scooped his son up and tossed him in the air, then held him against his chest. “Davy, say hello to Ms. White.”

Davy stuck his finger in his mouth, afflicted with sudden shyness, then apparently decided she was okay and lunged toward her. Julie’s arms went out automatically to grasp him, and he threw his arms around her neck in a hug.

She looked a little stunned.

“Sorry about that. Davy’s a born hugger.”

“That’s all right.” Her voice was muffled as she returned his son’s embrace. She pulled back a little. “Hello, Davy. It’s nice to meet you.”

The words were conventional. Her expression wasn’t, and it rocked him back on his heels.

He took a breath, trying to adjust his impressions of her once again. Ryan wouldn’t call her an ice maiden if he saw the way she looked now. Julie had plenty of feelings.

The rest of that conversation flickered through his mind. No, he certainly wouldn’t be expressing any interest in Julie White. He wanted someone safe, and whatever he was reading in Julie’s sea-green eyes wasn’t safe at all.

Julie felt as if she’d taken a blow to the heart. She was too overwhelmed with feelings to think straight, and she could only hope none of them showed on her face.

She’d told herself, objectively, that her mission here was clear. She had to make sure Lisa’s child had the best, and then she’d step back out of his life again.

But she hadn’t thought about how it would feel to hold a living, breathing, sturdy little boy in her arms. A squirming little boy, she realized.

She set him down, thankful that the movement hid her face for a moment. When she stood again, she was composed.

“So this is your son. He’s adorable.”

He was. She didn’t want to stop looking at him. He had a mop of soft red curls that glinted gold where the light touched. His eyes were the same golden brown that Seth’s were, and he had a sprinkling of freckles across his cheeks.

“Yeah, we think he’s a pretty neat kid.” Seth’s words were casual, but love and pride blazed across his face.

This was something else she’d left out of her planning. She hadn’t imagined the power of the love Seth had for his child, and it left her groping for solid ground.

Davy ran across the room to his uncle. Ryan scooped him up and tossed him in the air, the boy’s head nearly touching the ceiling. She flinched at the sight; they ought to be more careful with Lisa’s child.

Davy might look like his father, but there was an indefinable something in his heart-shaped face that reminded her of Lisa. Her fingers itched to pull out her camera and start snapping.

“Did you say you had some articles to show us?” Siobhan Flanagan’s question brought her back to her senses.

She couldn’t start taking pictures of Davy. She couldn’t do anything that would alert the Flanagan family to her interest in him.

“Yes, of course.” She pulled several magazine issues from her satchel. “These should give you an idea of the type of piece I have in mind.”

“Come, sit down.” Siobhan took one of the magazines and handed another to Seth. Then she drew Julie down beside her on the well-worn sofa.

Julie began explaining the photo piece she’d done on women pilots, but she could only give it half of her attention. The other half was focused on Seth, who sat opposite them with an article she’d done on one of the grand old resort hotels of the Maryland shore. He frowned at something, and her throat tightened.

Ridiculous, to care what he thought of her work. They had no relationship, in spite of the fact that he’d been married to her sister. That was the way Lisa had wanted it. The way she wanted it.

He glanced at her. “I’ve seen this place, but your pictures make me think I’ve never really looked at it.”

She was irrationally pleased. “I hope that’s a compliment.”

“It is.”

He gave her that easy grin, and her breath caught. Seth might be the quieter of the Flanagans, but he packed a powerful masculine punch, all the same.

“I’m telling you, if we’d taken in a bigger line to begin with—”

Two men came in, their conversation stopping when they saw her. Even as she tried to identify them from what the investigator had told her, a young woman came in behind them, running her hand through tumbled red curls. More Flanagans, obviously.

Her nerves twitched again as Davy ran to the older man, who picked him up, kissed him, then tossed him casually to the woman. She’d be the first one to admit she didn’t know anything about raising an almost-three-year-old, but surely all that stimulation couldn’t be good for him right before supper.

She and Lisa had always had an early supper in the nursery, followed by bath and bed, supervised by a revolving progression of nannies and au pairs. She had a vague memory of Lisa’s mother popping in to say good-night once they were in bed. She’d worn silk and diamonds and smelled of expensive perfume.

No one had stayed in their lives long. Not her mother or Lisa’s mother or any of the nannies. She wouldn’t want that for Davy, obviously, but was this better?

Her head already throbbed from too many people talking at once. There were way too many Flanagans.

She stood, trying to make sense of the introductions flying at her. Seth’s father, Joe, bluff and hearty. His white hair still had traces of the red it had once been. Seth’s minister cousin, Brendan, who was also the fire department chaplain, explained that his fiancée was working late so he’d come to beg supper from his aunt. The red-haired young woman was Terry, Seth’s paramedic sister.

Too much confusion. She backed up until she bumped into the mantel. This was better. She could stay out of the mainstream and observe. If only she could put a camera in front of her face, she’d be fine.

Did they always all talk at once? And pass Davy around in that casual manner? Apparently there had been a fire call after she’d left the station that afternoon, and they were engaged in an animated argument over the order in which equipment had been called in.

She took a steadying breath. This was her chance to observe, she reminded herself. She could see how they interacted with Davy and with each other.

Seth was the quiet one, she realized, but not for any lack of strength. He came across as solid and even-tempered, a peacemaker in the face of some flippant remark of Ryan’s that brought a rebuke from his father, or Terry’s passionate defense to Brendan of some action Julie didn’t understand. For that matter, they all seemed to be speaking a language they understood and she didn’t.

In the midst of the hubbub, Seth’s gaze met hers. His smile seemed to pierce her heart, adding another layer to the confusion.

He took a few steps toward her. “Still sure you want to have anything to do with the Flanagans?” he asked. “Trust me, it’s even worse when the rest of the family is here.”

Family. The word lodged in her mind like a shard of glass. What was she doing, trying to evaluate the family Lisa had chosen? She certainly didn’t have any basis for comparison.

She could back out. It wasn’t too late. She could leave, and no one would ever know.

Davy, racing across the room after a ball, ran full tilt into her. She stooped to catch him, seeing the laughter that lit his eyes and engaged his whole body.

Her breath caught, and for an instant she thought her heart did, too. Who was she trying to kid? She couldn’t back out. For better or worse, she had to go through with this.