Читать книгу The Fussy Baby Book: Parenting your high-need child from birth to five - Martha Sears - Страница 66

Infant-care specialists who study parenting styles around the world have noticed that infants in more “primitive” cultures usually cry less. One of the reasons for this diminished crying is that infants in these cultures spend most of their day in someone’s arms. Unlike babies in Western cultures, who spend much of their time in cots or infant seats, babies in many other cultures are carried in the caregiver’s arms or in a sling. In fact, some cultures have a “ground-touching ceremony”. Around six months of age babies are ceremoniously put down to crawl on the ground, and they do so quite happily. Mothers continue to hold and carry children as often as the children want, up to three years of age. Western cultures are finally catching on to what other cultures have long known – carried babies cry less.

Dr Melvin Konner, a physician and anthropologist who studies infant-care practices around the world, once translated a fear-of-spoiling passage from a best-selling American infant-care book to a group of African parents in a primitive tribe who practise a high-touch, attachment style of parenting, and whose infants are noted for their calmness. After hearing the warning about spoiling babies from picking them up too often, these mothers responded, “Doesn’t he [the author] understand it’s only a baby, that’s why it cries? You pick it up. Later when it’s older, it will have sense. It won’t cry anymore.” In essence, these intuitive parents rejected the spoiling theory as utter nonsense.

Mellow out yourself. One of the most difficult things about parenting for a novice mother is keeping her cool when baby loses his. It’s a perfectly normal reaction for a new mother, on the first note of her baby’s cry, to jump up immediately, rush to the baby, pick her up with tense arms, stare at baby intently as if to say “What’s wrong?!”, and begin frantically bouncing baby up and down as if trying to jiggle the cry out of him. It’s as though the mother is reacting out of guilt and fear that something she did – putting the baby down alone perhaps – caused the crying. Even though she means this tense reaction as a loving gesture of comfort, the baby may catch her worry, and the cry will escalate. A more effective reaction would start with putting on her best worry-free face, calmly and smoothly picking baby up to comfort him, and rocking in an easy, slow motion, giving baby the message “I’m right here. I won’t put you down again.”

Though some new mothers are more anxious than others, they can all learn the easy art of baby calming. Having confidence in your mothering skills is the first step. You will notice that an experienced mother can often comfort your baby more easily than you can, at least temporarily. Watch her perform. The baby’s cry doesn’t rattle her; but slowly, calmly, in a relaxed, yet caring way, she uses her whole body to give the baby the message that there is no need to cry harder, She transmits her quiet confidence to the baby, and the baby incorporates her relaxed attitude into his own state of being. Even if you’re new to mothering, you can still feel confident. From the moment your baby is born, you are the person who knows him best. Trust yourself.