Читать книгу A Test of Patients - Martin Atkinson - Страница 13

Murphy’s law

Have you had one of those days when if something can go wrong it will? Well, probably yes and more than once, but a few seconds in just one day stood out above all others for me in the proving of Murphy’s law.

When I bought my practice, there was some ancient equipment amongst which was an old-fashioned hot water geyser and an autoclave that would give practice standards inspectors an apoplectic fit today. This autoclave periodically emanated suspicious hissing and banging noises and had duly been replaced as a matter of priority with the new all singing, all dancing, Big Matron model or whatever, but was (rather foolishly in retrospect) kept as a reserve.

I should have realised the toast was already starting to fall butter side down when, with a busy day ahead, the receptionist and a nurse called in sick, so I was down to one staff member to perform all duties. No matter, she was my best nurse and, of course, female nurses can multitask much better than male vets. Morning surgery went uneventfully enough and there weren’t even any complications with ops, but then the cycle of events that would define this day began to whirl faster.

Big Matron had refused to cooperate when sterilising the instruments, and the engineer from the service company couldn’t come for at least twenty-four hours, so the model from the Ark had been wheeled out for one last mission. The old autoclave was positioned on a sink below the geyser and left to clunk and wheeze through its cycle while solo-nurse and I began afternoon surgery.

After one or two routine cases, my stress level started to increase as a panicking couple rushed in with a German Shepherd dog with a cut foot. Surprisingly, for non-professionals, they had done a pretty effective job with a pressure bandage and things didn’t look too serious after all, although you can do without this sort of emergency on a busy day. Shane was normally a mild-mannered dog and his owners were very passable doubles for Action Man and Barbie Doll.

‘Action Man’ was far too vain and worried about pulling a muscle to risk lifting the dog on to the examination table, even though he could have done it single-handedly, so ‘Barbie’ was left to give Shane the leg up. As she tottered in her stilettos with her mini-skirt riding up, I rushed to assist her while ‘Action Man’ stood back vainly with muscles bulging.

As the dressing was removed from Shane’s paw, the previously successful haemostasis was uncorked and the blood began to emanate from the wound. Solo-nurse went off to fetch some more dressings as I staunched the flow, while ‘Action Man’ gingerly stepped forward to hold Shane’s head.

At this point, a loud whoosh and mighty explosion, followed by a scream and the sound of gushing water emanated from the next room as simultaneously all the lights went out and plunged the room into semi-darkness.