Читать книгу Second Chance Mom - Mary Holder Kate - Страница 9

“Has she changed very much?”

Jared loved his mother dearly, but just the fact that he was entertaining the thought of getting married—and to Annie—had her smiling every time she saw him these days.

“She’s older.”

Eve placed her hands on her hips. “Very funny.”

“Don’t go getting mushy.”

“My son shows the first sign of interest in a woman in more years than I care to count and he expects me not to be happy about it?”

Jared sipped the coffee she’d poured for him, the homemade chicken pot pie settling warmly in his stomach.

“I was honest with Annie,” he told her. “She knows what kind of marriage this will be if we decide to go along with it.”

Eve came back to the table to sit opposite him. She reached over and touched his hand. “I want you to be happy. Life is…so short.”

Since the tragedy they had all leaned on each other a little more, drawn their strength from their faith, from God and the love and closeness of family.

He’d never seen his father cry until the day they’d buried Sara and James. They had all known the first year was going to be the most difficult. They’d had no idea it would mean fighting the system to keep their family together.

He marvelled at how his mother never looked any older. Her curly light brown hair was cut in a style that flattered her. Her blue eyes were as kind and gentle as he’d always known them to be. Her smile could warm any heart.

“Keeping Sara’s family together will make me happy.”

“You took a lot on yourself when your father got sick. You gave up your life in the city to come home and run the farm. We appreciated that. And now what you’re doing for the children is wonderful….”

“But…?”

“You go through life with such a single-minded determination, caring for everyone else.” She shook her head. “I thought things would work out with Melanie.”

Jared hadn’t thought of his ex-fiancée in a long time. The sad thing was that her leaving had barely caused a ripple in his life.

At the time, he’d accused her of wanting too much out of their relationship. Now he realized any woman he became involved with would be like Melanie.

They would want the parts of him that he dared not share, parts that he had locked away a long time ago. They would want him to make himself vulnerable and to trust them. He hadn’t trusted his heart and soul to anyone in so many years. He didn’t believe he ever would again.

He wanted what his parents had, but was unwilling to pay the price…opening himself up completely to the love of another person.

His mother sighed into the silence. “We hoped when you got married it would be for love…like your father and me. Like Sara and James.”

“I’ll be fine, Mum. I promise. Besides, there are reasons other than love to get married. Good, sound reasons.”

She didn’t reply but her expression told him she thought it was a load of hogwash. “Just be kind to this young woman, Jared. She has a very loving heart to want to do this for the children. Annie was always very sweet.”

“You’ll be happy to hear that she hasn’t changed in that respect.” He finished his coffee. “I’m going to take the kids home.”

“It’s so quiet in there. I can almost guarantee your father is asleep.”

When they entered the living room, Jared smiled at the scene. Caroline was sprawled on her stomach in front of the television. In the armchair, Mick Campbell cradled both his grandsons, one on either side. Luke’s eyes were closing slightly as he fought sleep. Toby had given up all pretense and was snoring softly.

His father had always been a tower of strength—active and energetic. Then as he’d fought cancer Jared had watched him fade to a shadow of the man he’d been…at least on the outside. On the inside, the fight of his life had made him so much stronger.

Eve went over and began waking the boys, her husband stirring instantly.

“Sorry I fell asleep.”

“You need your rest,” Jared said. “Besides, it kept the boys quiet.”

Caroline turned around and she smiled at her uncle. “Can we get a scarecrow?”

“How about we get a lion and a tin man, too?”

She sat up, brushing long strands of hair over her shoulder. “That would be silly,” she told him, her expression one of infinite patience. “We have nowhere to keep a lion and what good would a tin man be on the farm?”

“I’ll think about the scarecrow.”

His mother cleared her throat. “You do realize she thinks that is as good as a definite yes.”

“I know. But the day will come when she’s asking for a car. I figure I’ll indulge her while I can afford it.”

Caroline was already starting to get the boys’ things together. It took ten minutes to get slippers on feet, robes on over pyjamas and backpacks in the car.

As Jared buckled Toby in his car seat, Caroline helped Luke with his belt. He turned to his mother and father, both standing on the veranda.

Mick had his arm draped possessively around his wife and Jared saw what he did every time he looked at them together—a love that had taught him a lot growing up, a love he’d wanted to find someday. A love that he knew was always going to be out of his reach because he wasn’t willing to take the risk.

“I’m bringing Annie to dinner tomorrow night. She’ll stay the weekend.”

Eve smiled. “She can stay with us. I’ll make up the spare bed and give her the extra key so she can let herself in if we go to bed early.”

“Thanks, Mum. I figure being here even for a few days will give her time to get comfortable with the kids…and them with her.”

His mother cast a glance at Caroline in the front of the vehicle. “You need to think about what you’ll tell them, too. You can’t just introduce another woman into their lives and not expect resistance. Toby and Luke will probably be okay with Annie but…Caroline may need time.”

Jared scratched his head. “That’s going to be the tricky part.”

“Not to worry, son, you’ll find the words when the time comes.”

Jared nodded. “I hope so, Dad.”

As they drove away, the boys eventually fell back to sleep. Caroline searched for her favorite music station on the radio.

Jared’s thoughts turned to Annie. He remembered a lot about the life she had lived as a child. Her father, a hardworking farmer by all accounts, had died one month before her birth. Some people blamed Annie’s neglect on the fact that her mother had been so traumatized by the loss of her husband that she couldn’t bring herself to love her daughter.

It wasn’t for him to judge the woman…that was God’s right. But he felt heartsick every time he thought of the quiet, sad little girl Annie had been.

Back then there wasn’t a year that went by when child welfare didn’t arrive on the doorstep because of reports. Three and a half years ago, Annie had left town and nobody had heard anything of her since. He wondered if she even knew that her mother had packed and left soon after she did, or that the house of her childhood had burned to the ground?

Annie had been a surprise today, not at all what he’d expected. Her innocence had shone through but so had the little things he couldn’t help noticing. She was an attractive woman. The green of her eyes reminded him of an ancient jade statue he’d seen once at a museum while on a school field trip.

He’d expected her to be taller. For a woman who stood only five feet four she seemed far too fragile for life on the land. Even her hands had been impossibly petite, her fingers touched up with clear nail gloss. There was a gentle way about her.

His mother could play matchmaker all she wanted. He would never be any good as a husband, at least in the traditional sense.

Maybe his father was right. Perhaps he did let his past dictate his future more than it had a right to. But how did a person leave it behind? How did a person turn and walk away from beliefs so ingrained that even a loving family couldn’t banish them?

There wasn’t a day that went by that Jared didn’t wonder why his mother had started to hate him and blame him for everything that went wrong in her life.

Today he had been as honest with Annie as possible. All the way home to Guthrie he had allowed himself to imagine the life they could have…one built around the children.

Jared knew this weekend would be the test.

Once they arrived home, he put the boys into bed, knocking on Caroline’s door as he passed by.

“You can come in, Uncle Jared.”

She sat in the middle of her bed brushing her hair. She had the sweetest face and a gentle smile. Somewhere there was a woman who would never see this girl grow into a young lady, achieve, succeed and be happy. Jared would never understand. He had given up trying.

Caroline had been close to him before her parents’ death, but now she was his shadow. He’d even noticed that she’d tried to assume more responsibility. On more than one occasion he’d had to sit her down and remind her that he was the adult. She could still be a big sister, he had told her, but she didn’t have to try and be a grown-up, too.

That would come far too soon.

He’d wanted her to understand that she didn’t have to carry any burden, that her childhood was precious.

“I have something to tell you.” He sat down on the edge of her bed.

She looked at him, moisture in those big blue eyes, her chin quivering just a little. “Is that lady going to make us go away?”

Jared reached out and touched her hair, wanting to give her comfort, wanting her to feel secure. “No, she isn’t. But that is part of the reason I went into the city today.”

She waited, wide-eyed, a cautious expression on her face, her hands stilled now and resting in her lap.

“I’m bringing someone home this weekend to meet you and the boys. Her name is Annie.”

“Is she going to be our baby-sitter?”

“No, but I’m hoping she’ll be my wife.”

Caroline looked toward her window, eyes fixed on the night sky outside. “I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”

Jared called on all his patience and love to help her understand this. He was the only person she would trust to explain it to her.

“I don’t. I knew Annie when she was a little girl. She was a friend of your mother’s.” He reached out to cup her chin in his hand, bringing her gaze back to him.

“Caroline, she’s a good person and she wants to help me take care of you, Luke and Toby. I promised you I wouldn’t let you all be split up and sent away. I’m doing everything I can to keep that promise.”

“Then let her be our baby-sitter or our nanny. You don’t have to get married!”

“Sweetheart, nothing will change if I get married.”

She cast him a dark look. “Everything will change,” she said, placing the hairbrush on the nightstand and pulling her knees up to her chest.

“Caroline, this won’t be like when Janice got married,” he said, knowing she didn’t call the woman her mother. That word was reserved for Sara alone.

She looked back at him. “I want to be by myself now.”

He’d handled that like a real pro! Caroline had pulled up the drawbridge and set her walls in place. Jared just had to pray he hadn’t lost her trust or confidence.

He leaned over and kissed her forehead, then reached out to turn off the bedside lamp.

“Leave it on…please.” Her voice was so tiny, her tone unsure and tinged with a fear he knew only time and love would banish.

“You look like Rudolph.”

Annie looked across the desk at Lewis Devereaux. He’d grown up in Guthrie. He was a family friend and had gone through both high school and university with Jared. He was funny, compassionate and he told it like it was. He was also the one person Sara had trusted to handle Toby’s adoption. Since then he’d been a good friend to Annie.

“It’s been an emotional twenty-four hours.”

“Was I wrong to tell him you wanted to see photos?”

Annie shook her head. Lewis was such a sweet man. He might try to pull off the hard-nosed lawyer attitude but it never worked with her. He was a big-hearted softie but he had sworn her to secrecy when she’d mentioned it to him.

“It’s probably a good thing that I get this out of my system now. I can just imagine what kind of look I’d get from Jared if I burst into tears the minute I saw Toby.”

“The lunch meeting must have gone well. He’s told me to get all the paperwork in order so, barring any unforeseen events this weekend, you two can be married as soon as possible.”

He gave her a look of admiration. “I have to say, I didn’t think he’d go for it once you told him about Toby.”

“I didn’t get to tell him. And I found out why you told me not to.”

Lewis looked thoughtful. “And I can see you’re already beating yourself up about not telling him.”

“Lying is wrong. Not only that, but it just makes more problems.”

“You could look at it from the other point of view.”

Annie raised an eyebrow. “Which is?”

“It wasn’t a lie…it was an omission.”

She shook her head and wiped her eyes and nose again. “It’s a lie no matter what way I look at it, Lewis, but there isn’t anything else I can do. It’s for me to reconcile within myself…if I can.”

“Jared is a good man but a little too closed off when he wants to be. Nobody gets close to him easily. And he has a lot of baggage, most of it to do with his birth mother.”

“That’s what I don’t understand. The Campbells gave him a good life. He told me that himself. He saw how the lives of those children improved when Sara and James adopted them. How could he be so shortsighted about it when it brought good things into his life?”

Lewis came around the desk, propping his hip on the edge of it. “He’s seeing it from the other side. You know what it’s like to have to give up a child. He was a child given up. And he wasn’t a baby. He was almost a teenager.”

Annie blew her nose again. She felt sad for the child he had been and for how it had affected the man he was today.

“It’s like I told you at the start, those children need you. Jared needs you, too. It doesn’t matter why he’s marrying you. The fact that he’s willing to do it to keep those kids together is a start.”

She left his office determined not to cry as she walked to the bus stop at the end of the block. People rushed by her, but Annie didn’t notice them.

The tears would come at different times. She hadn’t been prepared for these emotions. It was a searing heat in the region of her heart…the feeling of a pit opening up, ready to swallow her whole.

She would never have entrusted her child to anyone else but Sara. Annie had known for many years of Sara’s plan to adopt children when she married.

When the time came to make the decision on her baby’s future, she had made the right one. Annie had also asked Sara not to tell her family that she was Toby’s natural mother.

There was always the chance she would for some reason return to Guthrie. She hadn’t wanted them to be uncomfortable or worried that she had come to take him back. She’d moved to the city long before conceiving Toby and nobody in Guthrie had known of her condition except Sara.

That was how she wanted it to stay.

Not telling anyone had just seemed better and Sara had respected her wishes. Now Annie was glad she had made the decision to keep it a secret between them. Jared would never have understood why she’d given her child away.

Her child. She savored those words, wondering why life had turned out this way. Fate had given her the chance to be his mother again.

How ironic that all she had ever wanted was within her reach because of a freak car accident that had killed Sara and James Monroe just six months ago.

Annie reached into her bag. She stared at the photograph again. Her doubts banished the guilt for now, as she gazed into eyes the same color as her own and wondered what it would be like to hold Toby in her arms for the first time.

Jared couldn’t help but smile when Annie opened the door to him that Friday afternoon. She wore a pale green lightweight cotton short-sleeved shirt, faded blue jeans and sturdy thick-soled boots. Her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, wild tendrils escaping to frame her face.

“You can take the girl out of the country,” he said, approval in his tone. “But there’s always a little country that you can’t take out of the girl.”

Annie let out the breath she’d been holding. “I want to make a good impression.”

“You don’t have to impress anyone.”

“I’m meeting your parents after a long time, and the children for the first time.”

Jared smiled. “My parents will love you.”

She picked up on what he did not say. “And the children?”

“Let’s talk about it in the car.” He reached for the small suitcase she had at her feet. Only when they were pulling out of the parking garage did he speak.

“I told the boys at breakfast this morning. Toby is too young to understand. Luke asked if you were pretty and if you could cook.”

She smiled. “And Caroline?”

“She’s going to need some time. Caroline’s afraid that when we get married it’s going to be a repeat of her past all over again, that something will happen and she’ll be pushed out, not wanted.”

Annie felt for the little girl. How horrific that memory must be for her. “We’ll just have to prove to her every day that it won’t be the same.”

“It’s not going to be easy.”

“I know, but if I can show them all I’m not a threat, that I’m not going to take you away from them, it will give us something to build on.”

“Until I spoke to Caroline I never realized that they might feel threatened by someone new.”

Annie turned slightly to face him. “Right now you’re the focal point of their lives. Of course they are going to be protective of your time and your attention.”

“Like you said, we’ll just have to make sure they know they come first.”

Annie cast a covert glance at him. He had dressed casually today. Moleskin trousers in a dark brown color, work boots with a thin film of dust on them and a crisp white shirt, unbuttoned at the neck. He was a very handsome man, his looks striking. He looked like an advertiser’s dream for country living.

For the next hour, conversation touched on many topics—politics, world affairs, different jobs they’d had. But both stayed away from personal questions, as if by silent understanding that the other person would not welcome it. Finally, she stifled a yawn.

“I’m sorry, Jared, I’ve not been sleeping a lot lately.”

“We’ve still got a ways to go. Why don’t you recline the seat and get some sleep?”

Annie did, but each time she closed her eyes her mind wandered back to a different time, back to the day she’d turned her back on Guthrie and walked away.

Seventeen and lost, angry with her mother and with God, Annie had traveled a path of loneliness, living mostly in shelters. Whenever she did find work, she made just enough money to get a room. They were barren and stark, usually with just a bed and a washbasin.

Then Chris had started working at the fast-food restaurant. He was kind and he smiled a lot. He became a special person in her life. They found in each other somewhere to belong if only for a while. He was estranged from his family for reasons he never did want to talk about.

The day she’d found out she was pregnant, excitement had warred inside her with fear. Angry as she had been at God, Annie had tried to live a life of His teaching. Still, in her heart she knew something as joyous as a baby couldn’t be a bad thing. It was God’s creation, just as she was.

She never did get the chance to tell Chris he was going to be a father, never would know what he might have said or done. Death had taken him from her life as quickly as he had come into it. Something as simple as a coughing fit turned too quickly into a fatal asthma attack. By the time she’d gotten to the hospital, he was gone.

The days after his death were still a blur to Annie. She had found it hard to cope with the grief. Each day it threatened to suck her into a black hole.

She was unskilled, with no high school diploma and no prospects of ever getting one. Suddenly having a baby on the way and being alone had caused her to make some tough decisions.

Toby might not have been a planned baby, but to the seventeen-year-old girl who had carried him inside her, he had been her guiding light. Because of Toby she had found her faith again. She began to trust the Lord again, realizing that when she had run from Him, He had not abandoned her, but had waited to welcome her back into His love.

Toby had made her want to be less selfish than her mother, to want more for a child that deserved something other than a life of poverty and struggle in a dingy, hole-in-the-wall bedsit.

There had been times during her pregnancy when she’d convinced herself she could raise a child alone. But the memories of her own childhood, of going without things she saw other children take for granted, were still so fresh in her mind and her heart.

She had wished away her childhood because it had been so bleak, without color and sound and laughter. Growing up had meant getting out, looking after herself. Having a life.

Envy was a sin, she knew, but oh, how she had envied the children, even the ones who had made fun of her with her charity clothes and shoes a size too big for her.

As the time to give birth to her child had drawn nearer, the nightmares had started—images of her child’s life being as miserable as hers had been. What kind of life could they have in the shoebox she lived in? What would she use to buy food and clothes and toys if she couldn’t work?

Sure there were handouts but she had lived like that with her mother. She remembered nights without dinner and days when her mother had drank until she slept for hours.

In the end, Annie admitted to herself what she’d been denying for nine months. She wasn’t about to take a chance with her baby’s future.

The cycle would stop with her, she had vowed. Her child would have something better. Jared thought it was easy for a mother to give up her child, but he didn’t know the nights she had spent crying herself to sleep.

It had taken a long time but Annie had finally stopped beating herself up about the decision she had made. At the time it had been the right one for her child.

Her mother had never taken Annie to church but she had found it on her own, and Sara had taken her many times. When she had been at her lowest and most desperate for guidance, for direction, she had found peace and a safe place to rest her weary heart.

Her faith had sustained her through the pregnancy and through the ordeal of giving up her son. Now that same faith filled her, and Annie felt it in her heart that God was giving her a second chance.

This time she had to get it right.

“Annie, wake up. We’re here.”

Jared almost hated waking her. She’d looked peaceful though a few times she had mumbled words he hadn’t been able to understand.

She came awake adjusting her seat. “Jared, it’s beautiful.”

He saw it every day of his life and still the beauty of this place and the scenery took his breath away, made him thank God.

They got out of the car and stood in the dusty driveway. The homestead wasn’t a mansion, just a place to call home. It was a solid structure of white weather-board and dark green trim. The veranda ran the entirety of the house. The house was nestled in a grove of native Australian trees, some of them still quite young, some a little more firmly rooted in the soil.

He wondered how Annie saw it. Would she be taken by the beautiful wattle tree with its prominent yellow blooms, the eucalyptus with their strong scent?

“Most people see the isolation before they see the beauty.”

“They must be blind.”

“Come on inside.”

“The children?”

“At my parents’ house.”

Part of her was grateful for the reprieve and part of her was anxious to see Toby.

As they walked to the house, Annie caught a movement out the corner of her eye. The dog was obviously old, and it didn’t move very well.

“That’s Murphy.”

She crouched down as the dog, not at all wary of her, approached. “What breed is he?”

“Good question…and one we’ve been asking since we found him curled in the shearing shed as a puppy. He looks like he’s got Australian kelpie in him.”

His deep black coat shone with health and his eyes were pale gray. He nuzzled the hand she held out and then moved a little closer to her and allowed her to pet him.

“How long have you had him?”

Jared crouched down beside her and Murphy instantly went to him, their body language speaking of a long, close friendship.

“Sara and I found him about thirteen years ago. She kept him when I went away to the city. He became the family pet when they got the kids.”

They walked toward the house, Murphy following them. “Any other animals I should try to win over?” she asked cheerfully.

They climbed the steps and Jared held the screen door open with his foot while he unlocked the front door. “We have numerous guinea pigs and rabbits out the back. We also claim one very irritable old cat and two young mousers we keep in the shed.”

Annie nodded. “The house is lovely.”

In the living room the furniture looked well-used but lovingly cared for, the floors a shiny wood. The kitchen was a sunny room with yellow-and-white spotted curtains and the same motif on everything—from the potholders to the water glass sitting on the sink.

“Sara liked sunflowers.”

Jared moved behind her. “Yeah.”

“They are such happy flowers, don’t you think?”

Jared shrugged. “I’ve never thought of a flower being happy but I guess they are.”

“You have a huge vegetable garden out there. And so many other flowers.”

If there was such a thing as heaven on earth, Annie was sure she’d found it. Back in the entryway, Annie noticed the family tree chronicled on the wall as she made her way slowly up the stairs.

It was a progression of photographs and portraits, some with an old sepia tone, some more modern black-and-whites and eventually color.

She took the stairs slowly, one at a time, meeting one generation after another. There were pictures of Sara in her youth—her smiling face and bright eyes, the blond hair and cheerful tilt to her head as she looked at the camera.

James, very tall, a little quieter looking and a serious teen. Pictures of them together, from high school graduation to weddings made a part of Annie both happy and sad.

Happy that they had found each other, sad because they had built the foundations of a good life and would not see any of the seeds they had planted grow to fruition.

“The family portraits are cute.” Jared came up behind her. “I often find myself looking at these here.”

Annie moved down the steps. Her heart clenched and her throat became tight as she looked at the portrait of them all together dated just one year ago.

Sara and James sat in the middle, Caroline beside her mother, hugging close. Anyone who didn’t know would take them for biological mother and daughter. Luke sat by his father, holding his hand and looking just a little shy. On Sara’s knee sat Toby, looking straight at the camera with eyes Annie would have known anywhere.

Her son was happy in this photograph, content. He was smiling and his life stretched before him was secure and full of promise.

“The world was lucky to have had your sister and her husband, if only for a little while.”

Jared remained silent and Annie understood. She made no more comments. She turned, leaving him to gaze at the photographs, caught up in his own memories.