Читать книгу The Wilders - Mary J. Forbes - Страница 16

Peter wasn’t sure exactly how long he sat there. When he finally managed to rouse himself, he felt the bitter taste of betrayal in his mouth as he slowly tucked the letter and the other envelope back inside the original one.

Taking a breath, he could feel, awakening inside him, a whole host of emotions warring with one another. Most prominent of all was disappointment, mixed with confusion.

He wished he’d never read the letter, had never been given this burden to deal with.

Never been robbed.

Because that was what it was—robbery, pure and simple. His father’s confession had robbed him of the image that, until this evening, he had carried around with him.

Yes, he knew the man was not a saint, that he was flesh and blood and human, capable of making mistakes. But he’d always assumed that those mistakes would be tied in with judgment calls about his patients. Maybe an occasional failure to diagnose a particularly elusive illness properly.

Never in his wildest dreams would he have believed that his father would be guilty of personal misconduct. He would have gone so far as to swear on a stack of Bibles that his father had never strayed, never cheated on his mother, never been anything but loyal and faithful to everyone he knew, especially to the people in his immediate family.

Instead, James Wilder had betrayed his wife and, in a way, Anna.

No—all of them, Peter thought, trying in vain to bank down the hurt he felt.

This showed him another side to his father, a far more human side than he was willing to cope with at the moment. If his father had done something like this, had hidden a secret of this magnitude, were there other secrets that James Wilder hadn’t admitted to?

Here he was, trying to preserve his father’s legacy and maybe it was all just a huge sham, illusions created by smoke and mirrors to hide the actual man.

Maybe he really didn’t know his father at all.

Who knew, maybe his father would have jumped at the opportunity to have the hospital taken over by an HMO, to have someone pocket all the expenses, pay for everything and ultimately remove the responsibility for judgment calls from his hands.

Maybe …

No. Discovering that his father had had a relationship—and a child—with another woman while married to his mother, didn’t change the things that mattered. The basic things. And it sure as hell didn’t change the man that he was, Peter thought angrily.

He hadn’t based his feelings, his position, on the fact that his father would have done it this way. That his father would have approved of the stand he was taking. Believing that had only served as reinforcement. He, Dr. Peter Wilder, believed in what he’d said to Bethany and to the board. Believed that, when it came to the hospital, the old ways were the best and that Walnut River General would be much better off not being swallowed up whole by a soulless, unemotional conglomerate, no matter what kind of promises were made.

Rising to his feet, he sighed heavily and shook his head. He felt drained and exhausted beyond words.

Peter put the envelope back on the mantelpiece, not wanting to touch it any more right now. Wishing he could wipe its existence from his mind. But he wouldn’t be able to do that, even if he threw his letter and Anna’s into the fire.

“I wish you hadn’t told me this, Dad. I wish you hadn’t passed the burden on to me,” he whispered, aching.

Everything fell into place now. It all made sense to him.

This was why his father always seemed to go out of his way for Anna, treat her differently, share more time with her than he did with the rest of them. It wasn’t because he was trying to make up for her feeling like an outsider. He was doing it because he’d felt guilty about her very existence. Guiltier still because he didn’t tell her she was his real daughter. He had let her go on thinking she’d been abandoned when just the reverse was true. She could have been put up for adoption. Instead, he’d taken her into his family rather than let her go to someone else’s—and have the secret go with her.

His first instinct was to preserve his father’s memory for the others. Because this didn’t just affect Anna, but David and Ella as well. It was a package deal. If he passed this letter on to Anna, once she read it, the others needed to know, too. They needed to know that the family dynamics had changed.

No, Peter thought as he walked up the stairs to his bedroom, that was for Anna to decide. If he told her, it would be her secret to share or keep.

He laughed shortly. Who would have ever thought that he would be aligning himself with Anna against his brother and sister?

An ironic smile curved his mouth. That wasn’t altogether right now, was it? Anna was his sister, too.

His sister. His real sister.

Well, that explained why she seemed to have his father’s eyes. Because they were his father’s eyes.

Just when he thought there were no surprises left, he mused, shaking his head sadly.

The letter was no longer on his mantelpiece.

Early this morning, he’d gotten up and decided to leave the thick envelope in his study, in the middle drawer of his desk until he decided what to do with it.

Meanwhile, he was still a doctor with patients, still the chief of staff, albeit temporarily, faced with a supreme dilemma: how to make the rest of the board of directors vote his way regarding the NHC takeover.

Because all options needed to be explored, someone from the grasping conglomerate would be coming at the end of the month to look them over. Supposedly to observe how they functioned, but in likelihood, to attempt to sway them with promises.

If he came out staunchly opposed to the NHC executive’s visit, it would seem to the board that he was afraid of the challenge or the potential changes. Afraid that Walnut River General couldn’t withstand an in-depth comparison to the way hospitals beneath NHC’s massive banner were run.

He had too much on his mind to deal with the burden of his father’s request right now.

But the discovery hung over him heavily and made him far more serious than usual. A couple of his patients remarked on it, as did Eva, his nurse. All of them attributed the change in mood to his father’s passing.

He said nothing to correct them. This was not something he wanted to discuss even if he were free to do so.

The morning went on endlessly until the last patient was finally gone at twelve-thirty. It had taken Eva less than two minutes to grab her purse and run off to lunch.

“Want me to bring you back anything?” she offered just before she slipped out.

“No, I’m fine. I brought lunch.” It was a lie, but his appetite had deserted him last night, making no reappearance this morning. Food was the last thing on his mind.

“Okay, I’ll be back soon,” she promised, exiting.

He heard the outer office door close and turned his attention back to the work he’d spread out on his desk. There were several files he wanted to review before signing off on them.

Something else he probably wouldn’t be able to do soon if NHC came in, he thought. They were pushing for paperless offices. All the files would be on computer, on some nebulous server located in the middle of the country.

And what would everyone do if there was a power spike? Or a blackout. What then? What would happen to all the information that was stored?

Give me paper any day, he thought, opening the first folder he came to.

Forcing himself to focus, he was immersed in the file—and the patient—within seconds.

Preoccupied, he didn’t hear the knock on his inner office door, and was startled a bit when Bethany walked in. He sighed inwardly. Any other time he’d have been glad to see her. Now, the last thing he needed was another frontal assault about the virtues of NHC.

He felt his temper shortening already. “I’m in the middle of something,” he told her, then looked back at what he’d been reading.

“I won’t take up much of your time,” she promised. “I just came to give you this.”

Curious, he looked up in time to see her place a bottle of wine, tied with a bright red ribbon, on his desk.

He eyed it for a long moment. He was familiar enough with wine to know that this was not an inexpensive bottle hastily purchased at the nearest supermarket. This brand took a bit of hunting.

Why was she bringing it to him? She couldn’t possibly be trying to bribe him. Or could she? He leaned back. His eyes never left her face. “What’s this?”

This was not easy for her. But she had always prided herself on being fair. “An apology.”

That was the last thing he’d expected from her. Especially since he wasn’t quite sure what she was referring to. “For?”

She took a breath before answering. This was going to be a little tricky, but he’d impressed her a great deal last night. “For thinking that you’re an arrogant jerk who doesn’t see past his own ego.”

Instead of taking offense, he laughed. At least she was being honest and, after the surprise he’d received, being honest was a very good thing. “I thought you said you thought I was a saint.”

She felt relieved that he was taking this in the spirit it was intended. “No, I said other people thought you were a saint. To be honest, I thought that maybe you were using that image to make people see things your way.”

He supposed he could understand her feeling that way, especially considering the world she came from. Big-business dealings were hardly ever without some kind of backroom dealings.

“And now you’ve suddenly changed your mind about me because—”

She knotted her hands before her. “Because I watched you in action. Because you didn’t stop to worry about being sued if something went wrong.” Even though she had deliberately pointed it out to him last night. “Because you just got in there and helped that boy simply because he was a human being in trouble.” She had to admit, if only to herself, that she’d felt a certain thrill watching him rush to the rescue like some modern-day hero. “You almost make me yearn for the ‘good old days.’”

He laughed, shaking his head. “You’re much too young to have been around for the good old days.” He said it as if he were far more than merely nine years older than she. Peter indicated the bottle of wine. “Apology accepted.” Taking it in hand, he held the bottle out to her, implying that she was free to take it back. “But you really don’t have to do this.”

She made no move to accept the wine. It was clear she was disappointed that he seemed not to want the peace offering.

“We don’t seem to agree on anything, do we?”

Not wanting to offend her, Peter put the bottle down again. “Well, I do remember us being in agreement at one point last night.” He looked at her significantly, a hint of a smile on his lips.

Bethany could feel heat rising in her cheeks.

“Perhaps one,” she allowed.

“Maybe there’s more where that came from,” he speculated. Then, in case she thought he was suggesting something a little more personal, he added, “Agreements, I mean.”

Her eyes met his. “Maybe,” she echoed softly. She wasn’t talking about being in agreement, only in concert. She could feel her face growing yet warmer. So much for poise. Bethany cleared her throat. “I’d better get out of your way.”

“You’re not in my way,” he said. And suddenly, as much as he had wanted to be alone before, he didn’t anymore. His father’s revelation had left him in a strange, vulnerable place. He’d always felt so sure about everything, so confident. Now he wasn’t. It was as if he was back in college again, just after Lisa had abruptly left him. “Stay for a minute,” he urged. “Unless there’s somewhere else you need to be.”

He gave her a way out, but she didn’t want to take it, not just yet. So she edged back toward his desk and sat down in the chair opposite his desk. “Aren’t you busy?” she asked, nodding at the files.

“It’s nothing that won’t keep.” He closed the top folder but left it where it was. “Just paperwork I thought I’d catch up on. It’s a losing battle,” he added with a slight, disparaging sigh. “There never seems to be enough time to catch up on it all. Besides, no one ever died saying ‘I wish I’d had the chance to catch up on all my paperwork.’”

“What would they regret?” What would he regret, she couldn’t help wondering.

“Not spending enough time smelling the roses.” It was something he sincerely advocated but hardly ever did. The closest he came was to urge his patients to do it. “Or take in the beauty that’s around them.” He was looking directly at her as he said it. Her cheeks began to take on color again. “You’re growing pinker,” he commented, amused.

She’d give anything for a good, solid tan right now, but given the weather, it would have been rust, not tan. “The room is warm,” Bethany murmured. She lowered her eyes. “If that compliment was intended for me, Peter, you might think about having your eyes checked.”

This wasn’t false modesty, he realized. She really meant what she was saying. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you that you’re beautiful before?”

Not once, she thought. Not ever. And when she was growing up, the exact opposite was true. Kids were cruel and her parents didn’t provide a haven for her where she could lick her wounds. Looking back, she supposed that was a toughening device on its own.

Since he was obviously waiting for an answer, she told him the truth. “You’d be the first.”

He couldn’t believe that. “Where did you grow up, in a swamp covered with mud?”

The sincerity in his voice delighted her. “No, just with people who had twenty-twenty vision.” Her parents, especially her mother, could be trusted to point out her flaws, but never comment on any of her attributes. They expected her to be a high achiever. Anything less was not acceptable. And there was always Belinda to live up to. “Unlike yours.” A self-deprecating smile played on her lips. “I was the original ugly duckling.”

“You remember the rest of the story, don’t you?” he asked. “That so-called ugly duckling became a beautiful swan.”

She shrugged, looking away. “I haven’t reached that part yet.”

If asked, he would have said that Bethany Holloway did not lack confidence, but obviously, he would have been wrong. “Not only have you reached it, Bethany, you’ve surpassed it.”

When she looked at him, there was something enigmatic in his expression. “What?”

Peter was silent for a long moment, debating whether or not to say anything or just shrug away her question. But she’d taken the first step and held her hand out in a truce. He couldn’t be any less of a man than she was.

The second he’d thought it, he realized that it was a sexist thought, but he hadn’t meant it that way. “It’s my turn to offer you an apology.”

“For what?” Was he apologizing for walking out on her in the cafeteria, or something else?

“For thinking you were like someone else I once knew.” Maybe that was why he’d reacted so strongly against her when she put forth her arguments. “You’re not a thing like her.”

“Like who?” she asked. “And why do you think would I be insulted if I’d known you were comparing us?”

“Lisa Dandridge.” He saw the next question in her eyes. “Someone I once knew in college. Someone who didn’t turn out to be who I thought she was. At first glance, you look a lot like her.”

There were things he wasn’t saying. Before she got carried away, reading between the lines, she decided to get it straight from the horse’s mouth. “This Lisa, was she important to you?”

“For a while, yes.” For a while, she was the moon and the stars to him. Until he’d suffered an eclipse.

“How important?” she pressed.

Well, he’d started this. He had no one to blame but himself for her question. To withdraw now wouldn’t be fair. “Engaged-to-be-married important.”

Bethany fell silent for a second. She hadn’t expected him to say that. “Oh.” There was no follow-up from him. “Well, don’t leave me hanging,” she prompted. “What happened?”

“We got unengaged.”

She hadn’t gotten to where she was by being a shrinking violet. “And that happened because …?”

Because. It was an all-purpose word that covered so much territory. “Because she found someone else.”

Her mouth dropped open. “She cheated on you?” How could any woman in her right mind cheat on someone who looked like Peter? Who was obviously as decent as he was? There was no doubt in her mind that he was better off without this Lisa person.

He’d never known whether Lisa had slept with Steven Wilson, the medical student she’d left him for. He never wanted to let his thoughts go that far. It was enough that she’d left him for the reasons she’d cited.

He shrugged, looking out the window. More snow. Just what they needed, he thought. “We never got into that.”

“Then why did you two break up?” He struck her as the type of man who didn’t easily give up on a woman he professed to love.

Her question brought the past vividly back to him. “The ‘other man’ had ‘more potential’ than I had. He was going into his father’s prestigious practice in New York and I was coming back here, to work with my father in a place that was far less lucrative and upscale. Lisa didn’t see herself living in Walnut River. She saw herself shopping on Fifth Avenue.”

“What an awful woman.” The words just came out before she could stop them.

“No, Lisa just knew her limitations. Knew what would make her happy. And obviously, it wasn’t going to be me.”

Bethany frowned. “Well, you were better off without someone like that.” She paused, thinking. “And you think I look like her?”

Peter laughed softly. “At first glance, perhaps. But you’re far more beautiful than she ever was.”

Bethany felt her breath backing up in her lungs. “Really?” she whispered.

“Really.”

He was looking at her lips. She felt herself getting warm again. “I think I’d better get back to my office,” she murmured.

He nodded. “Maybe you’d better do that,” he agreed. Before he went with the demands inside him that were beginning to grow insistent. “And thanks for the wine. I’ll save it until I have something to celebrate.” He looked at her as she edged her way to the door. “Maybe we’ll even share it together.”

He was referring to the board’s vote regarding the possible takeover. Did he think because she’d brought him a peace offering that she was throwing her vote in with his? Or was that his way of saying he might reconsider his own stand?

She didn’t want to ask and risk spoiling the moment. So she inclined her head in agreement. “Maybe we will,” she agreed as she slipped out.

He found himself smiling as he returned to his files.