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FIVE

Why did the lawyer cross the road? -To sue the chicken on the other side.

Back at the ranch, Alvin was making progress. Most of the progress involved lugging banker’s boxes full of files from the third bedroom to the basement. The rest involved shredding documents. I smiled approval. “No need to waste money on the gym,” I said encouragingly.

“Very funny,” he said, or something like it. His voice was kind of muffled.

“Don’t let me disturb you. I’ll be making a list of the people who hated Rollie Thorsten. That’s work too, you know.”

By the time Alvin got the last box down the two flights of stairs, I had twenty-eight names on the list. Mine was among them. Fair’s fair. So was Mombourquette’s. Others worked in the justice system in some capacity. Some of the people who would have had the best reasons to hate Thorsten were dead. People like Laurie Roulay. I put her name down anyway. To my knowledge, except for two children who survived her, she hadn’t had any relatives who cared much about her one way or the other. Certainly she’d had no one to turn to when Rollie Thorsten laid her soul bare in court. I’d looked after her funeral arrangements myself. I’d been happy for once to have had that pile of ill-gotten gains that weighs so heavily on me. The children had wept. Even the CAS workers had cried. Alvin had actually sobbed, although he’d only met Laurie once. I may have shed a tear myself, and I distinctly remember Mombourquette’s nose being pinker than usual. But that was it for Laurie, a girl with tattoos, a girl who had kicked crack cocaine to make a new life as a mother, a girl who had once lived on the streets, but who had the guts to testify against Brugel.

Of course, Brugel was on a different list: that one contained people who might benefit from Rollie Thorsten’s bizarre lawyer-joke death, a list of one. I couldn’t really think of anyone else.

“There have to be more,” I said pensively to Alvin as he staggered up from the basement.

I thought he muttered something about trading places.

I still wasn’t that happy with the one-name list by the time Alvin announced that the bedroom was empty of Justice for Victims crapola. His words. I headed up to check it out. Now that it was empty, I could see how it wouldn’t really do the trick. It had no bed for starters, also no dresser, although I supposed that visitors could store things in the desk drawers once Alvin emptied them. He didn’t react all that well to the suggestion, not that I cared.

“Two words, Alvin: Free and Rent. And a few more words: for the past year and a half. So let’s take stock. Did you remember when they’re arriving exactly?”

“I know it will come back to me.”

“Let’s hope. And what will they sleep on when they get here? Of course, I could have been thinking about this all along if I had known they were—”

“Who are you kidding?” Alvin said. “You wouldn’t have behaved any differently if you had known.”

I hated to admit he had a point.

He scrunched up his face. Sometimes that means he’s thinking. I hoped this wasn’t one of those times. “They have inflatable beds on sale at Canadian Tire this week,” he mused.

Inflatable beds? I wondered what could go wrong with those. And also if that would be one more item for the girls to curl their lips at.

“They’re really comfortable,” Alvin said. “Trust me. My sister Frances Ann got one for guests, and it’s great.”

I didn’t really trust Alvin, but Frances Ann was very sensible. “Good. That’s one problem solved.”

“Two,” Alvin said.

“Two problems?”

“Two beds. I don’t imagine they want to sleep together. Bad enough they’re stuck in one room.”

“Of course, two beds.”

“I’ll get two singles. And sheets,” Alvin said. “We’ll need two sets of sheets, pillows and extra towels and face cloths if they’re here for a while. We’re not really set up for guests.

We might even need lightweight blankets.”

“Blankets?” I said. “It’s a million degrees lately. We’re in the middle of a heat wave. Oh, never mind. Get whatever they’ll need.”

“A mirror, I imagine, as well.”

“There’s one in the bathroom.”

“Not everyone’s like you, Camilla. Some people care what they look like. I think Ashley and Brittany definitely fall into that category.”

“Fine. Just take care of it quickly.”

“Bedspreads,” he said.

“All right.”

“Pillow shams too, I suppose.”

I narrowed my eyes. Was he yanking my chain? No. He appeared to be completely serious.

“I just wish I could paint the room,” he said, looking around. “It’s the one space I never got to decorate because all those boxes were blocking the walls. If you ask me, it’s a bit dreary.”

Dreary was good, in my opinion. “Too bad there’s no time. You’ll be run off your feet getting all this stuff.”

“It’s really beyond the call of duty, Camilla,” Alvin said. But I noticed his eyes were shining. A shopping spree was right up his alley. I could always distance myself from the results.

“Do you need money?”

He held his head high. “I have savings. I’ll pay whatever it is. You can reimburse me.”

I was proud of myself for not mentioning that the only reason he had savings was because he hadn’t been paying rent. Of course, we both knew I’d never asked him to pay any rent, and he had in fact offered. We were both living free when you thought about it.

Alvin left humming. “I need to get a bit more equipment for my cooking projects too. Just leave it all to me.”

Well, I certainly intended to. I went back to staring at my sheet of paper. I had the feeling I was forgetting someone important.


“I have sources,” P. J. said, lowering his voice in case any of the Saturday evening crowd of noisy people in D’Arcy McGee’s pub might care what he had to say. Wishful thinking on his part. “This will blow the top of your head off.”

I said, “Don’t dramatize. And at the same time, please resist the urge to bullshit. Just tell me what you learned about Rollie.”

“You are no fun, Tiger. Do you realize that? I can’t believe we’re having breakfast and dinner together on the same day.”

“I am even less than no fun.”

P. J. lifted his Alexander Keith’s India Pale Ale and sipped, all the time looking at me so I’d know how unfun I was.

I have never minded being a drag. I picked up my hamburger and dug in. First of all, you get hungry after a walk from the Glebe to Sparks Street. And secondly, you never want to let P. J. know you’re eager to hear what he’s holding back on. I finished a bite and carefully checked out the sweet potato fries to see which little beauty I might start with.

The fry paused on the way to my mouth when P. J. remarked, “It wasn’t an easy way to go. Shot and then drowned.” I could sense his barely contained excitement.

“Shot and drowned? No, I don’t imagine it was.”

“My source said he was shot first.”

“I had heard that he’d been shot and dropped in the water. I didn’t realize he really had drowned. My own source left that out.” This was a bit too close to that old joke for me. Damn Mombourquette for not mentioning it. Of course, he may not have known.

P. J. said, “It gets worse. Turns out he was shot in the knees. It would have disabled him, but not killed him.”

“In the knees?” What the hell? Mombourquette sure hadn’t mentioned that. I’d assumed Rollie had received the fatal shot in one of the usual places: head or heart. My dinner had lost its appeal. I pushed my plate away.

P. J. had ordered the fish and chips, and apparently his appetite was unaffected by the details of Rollie Thorsten’s fate.

After a while, I said, “Are you saying Rollie would have been conscious when he went into the water?”

P. J. chewed slowly for a while before saying, “That’s what my source thinks. You know I can’t reveal my—”

I snapped. “I’m not asking for the name of your sources, although anyone with half a brain could figure out it’s that girl in the path lab. The one who has the hots for you.”

“Really? How did you…?”

“Let me see. She works in the pathology department. She drools when she sees you. Tough one.”

“Anyway, calling her ‘that girl’ isn’t too politically correct, Tiger. Especially from such a knee-jerk left winger as yourself.”

“There’s nothing wrong with girls, P. J. Try to remember that for future reference. Now, just to finish up. Maybe Rollie was knocked out first and then shot and drowned.”

P. J. shook his carrot top vigorously. “I think my source would have mentioned that.”

I felt a buzzing around my ears. “So, then he knew what was going to happen to him.”

“He must have.”

“And he wouldn’t have been able to move his legs properly when he went into the water.”

“Yeah.” P. J. actually put down his fork this time.

I said, “Someone really wanted Rollie to go out the hard way.”

“That’s it.”

“They wanted him to know what would happen and probably why it was going to happen.”

“Could have been up to three minutes, my source figured until he lost consciousness and drowned. That would be pretty rough.”

“I can’t even imagine who would do that to another person. Even Rollie. He was just sleazy and opportunistic, not evil. I think that Brugel is behind this. He’s the only person I can think of who is capable of it. And he stood to gain from Rollie’s death.”

“He’s locked up solid in the RDC.”

“And you think he couldn’t make something like this happen?”

Law and Disorder

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