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“The thief steals from himself. The swindler swindles himself.”

—Ralph Waldo Emerson, Compensation

“In a way, I’m a thief just the same as you are. But I won’t sell you hope when there ain’t any.”

—Charles Schnee, U.S. screenwriter

“Nowadays the thief cannot be distinguished from his victim. Neither has any valuable objects on him.”

—Karl Kraus, Beim Wort genommen

Betty White: “And if you watch one minute [of PBS] without contributing, you’re a thief! A common thief!”

PBS rep: “Okay, Betty White, calm down.”

Betty White: “I’m sorry. It’s just that these thieves make me so damn mad. You know who you are … thieves!”

—The Simpsons, “Missionary: Impossible”