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We are in Transylvania, and Transylvania is not England. Our ways are not your ways, and there shall be to you many strange things. Nay, from what you have told me of your experiences already, you know something of what strange things there may be.

—Count Dracula ( Dracula, 1897)

Even the less geographically inclined of us have some kind of knowledge of Transylvania. Known to many as the home of the most well-known vampire of them all, Dracula, Transylvania serves as a historical vampire provenance of sorts. But is this place even real? If so, where is it? Is it in a nice neighborhood? Would you recommend it as a family vacation spot? What kinds of time-share options are available?

There are actually several places that go by the name Transylvania, many of which can be found in the United States.

Transylvania, the North Carolina County

There’s a small county in North Carolina called Transylvania. There’s really nothing else about it worth mentioning. It’s North Carolina after all. They do have a ton of Confederate flags (figure 8).

Figure 8. A North Carolinian vampire doing what he does best: discriminating against black people.

Transylvania, the Louisiana Community

In East Carroll Parish, Louisiana, there’s a little community that goes by the name Transylvania. Being a parish, it’s a widely religious area and contains a large amount of churches, which is ironic for a place so closely related to vampirism. The community is home to the Transylvania General Store, which sells vampire-and bat-related merchandise to travelers passing through. This lively community also features a post office, a water tower, and an immense amount of dirt.

Transylvania, the University

Transylvania University is a liberal arts college located in Lexington, Kentucky. Once again, it also has ironically close ties with Christianity, relating to the Protestant congregation of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ).

It’s uncertain what leads religious people toward using a name already heavily associated with the occult. One reason could be the idea of reappropriation, taking a term that was used negatively and turning it back into something positive, much like feminists did with the word bitch⁵ or homosexuals did with the word fag.⁶

The school itself is home to approximately 1,100 students, over half of which are members of a Greek organization. Many fraternities and sororities have chapters at “Transy”—as it’s commonly referred to—including the illustrious Delta Sigma Phi (), Delta Delta Delta (), and the Jewish frat Phi Kappa Menorah ().

Transylvania, the Henderson Colony

For a short while, there was a colony that once existed in an area spanning between what is now Kentucky and Tennessee that went by the name Transylvania. In 1775, American pioneer and merchant Richard Henderson of North Carolina purchased the area from the Cherokee Indians during a meeting with their leader, Chief Attakullakulla (figure 9).

Figure 9. Yo, I’m Chief Attakullakulla / Don’t mess with no Dracula / Sold all of Transylvania / Just to score some more crackulla / Jyeah!

Henderson hired famous American trailblazer Daniel Boone to establish the Wilderness Trail, a principal route of travel that was used for more than fifty years by thousands of people. The trail stretched from Fort Chiswell in Virginia, through the Cumberland Gap and into central Kentucky, right through the Transylvania colony. During his trailblazing efforts, Boone came across the Kansas River. While attempting to ford the river, he lost three oxen, two spare wheels, 120 pounds of food, and Maggie died of dysentery.⁷

While not all of it is used for travel, most of the trail can still be seen today. A portion of the trail was among the first roads in the United States to be paved, the Cumberland Gap is now a national park, and portions of the Wilderness Trail can be visited at the Wilderness Road State Park in Virginia.

The colony, however, did not share the same lasting effect. In 1776, a mere one year after Henderson obtained the land, Virginia invalidated the purchase and the colony ceased to exist. Henderson went on record to proclaim, “Thanks, Virginia. Dicks.”

Transylvania, the Space Galaxy

In the movie The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Tim Curry plays a transvestite⁸ alien from the planet Transexual [sic ]. Transylvania is the name of the galaxy that the planet can be found in. The other aliens, after shooting a few people with their three-barrel laser gun, blast off into the sky in their mansion spaceship, presumably through a time warp of some sort.

Transylvania, the Romanian Province

Transylvania is also the name of a fictional region of Romania, which is referenced in a large amount of vampire-related literature. While this area doesn’t actually exist, the stories and history behind it are so vast and rich with detail that we are able to visually construct the area with no problem (figure 10).

The geography of Transylvania is, for the most part, identical to that of the region of Romania it was set in: a heavily forested, typical European landscape. The name Transylvania is actually said to come from the Latin meaning of “beyond the forest.”

Figure 10. A map of Romania with what the region of Transylvania would look like if it was real.

It’s said that when a boy hit puberty, he would make the journey all the way from the heavily forested Skrotem and Testiqiuliu regions in the south to the northernmost part of the Transylvanian territory, the Forest Kin. This rite of passage into manhood, done alone and in the middle of the night, was known as the “nocturnal expedition.”

A detailed coat of arms was even created for Transylvania (figure 11). The sun and moon, respectively, represent life and death (or, more appropriately, the undead that come out at night). The black bird between them is a turul, a mythological bird of Hungarian origin believed to protect the living from the undead. After realizing the belief in a fake bird won’t help protect someone from a vampire attack, the red dividing band was added, representing the river of blood that flowed due to the Transylvanian people’s lowered guards. The seven towers, based on a popular prophecy among the Transylvanians, represent the number of days before you die after watching a crappy excuse for a black-and-white surrealist art film about a girl in a well, usually noted by receiving a creepy, whispered phone call soon afterward.⁹

Figure 11. The Transylvanian coat of arms.

One of the more well-known features of Transylvania, had it actually existed, would be that of Bran Castle, which would have been more commonly known as “Dracula’s Castle.” Situated on the border between Transylvania and Wallachia, the castle would rest atop the edge of a steep cliff, and, when given the right angle, would look super creepy at night.

Today, the castle would serve as a national monument and landmark. Travelers from far and wide would come to visit the castle, which would be transformed into a museum. Guided tours would be available to take tourists through the interior of the castle, displaying classic Romanian architecture, art, and furniture. A small, open-air park would also exhibit traditional Romanian peasant structures from throughout the country. If it actually existed, of course.

Vampires > Zombies: Location, Location, Location

Transylvania sounds like a pretty awesome place. It’s the veritable home of what we know as the modern vampire. It’s got castles, coffins, creepy plants, and all sorts of crazy European stuff, not to mention a well-known history surrounding vampires. And what about zombies—where do they come from? Nowhere.

Transylvania, the Truth

Oddly enough, The Rocky Horror Picture Show was actually the closest to the truth. In the early sixteenth century, there was an abundance of transvestites living in Pennsylvania. For those who lived there, this was common, but it was quite a different sight for those not accustomed to the area.

One such passerby, a refined gentleman by the name of Herbert P. Wilcox, was traveling through the area on a trip with several members from the Refined Gentlemen’s Club. Wilcox noticed this high concentration of trannies and commented to his traveling companions, “Pennsylvania? More like Transylvania! Am I right!?” They all shared a hearty laugh among each other.

One of those companions was none other than novelist Bram Stoker, who later used the name as the homeland of the main character in the previously mentioned biography, Dracula.

That’s right, what most of us know as the birthplace of the most famous vampire in history is actually just a slang term coined by a man who enjoyed making fun of transvestites.

So if Transylvania isn’t the actual origin of the vampire and is really just a myth, where do vampires come from then?