Читать книгу Special Deliveries: A Baby With Her Best Friend - Maureen Child, Caroline Anderson - Страница 11

When Nathan suddenly released her and took one long step back and away, Amanda swayed unsteadily and gasped for air like a drowning woman. Her mouth burned from his kiss and her body was trembling.

“See?” he practically growled at her. “This is why you shouldn’t have come back home.”

“What?” She blinked up at him and saw that, once again, Nathan’s expression seemed to be etched into stone. He looked hard, untouchable and about as passionate as a slab of granite. How did he turn it on and off like that? And could he teach her how to do it?

“I kissed you and you were all over me.”

A sudden spurt of ice water flowed through her veins and put out all the lingering fires inside. Maybe he wouldn’t have to teach her after all.

“Excuse me? I was all over you?” She took a step closer and stabbed her index finger at him. “Just who grabbed who, here? Who came to whose house? Who started kissing?”

His mouth worked and his lips thinned into a tight line. “Not the point.”

“It’s exactly the point, Nathan.” Furious now, more at herself for falling so easily into old habits than at him, Amanda said, “Just like before, you came after me. You started all of this, then and now.”

“And I’m going to end it.”

Hurt raged inside, but was soon swallowed by a wave of fury. He decided when to start things. When to end things. And she was supposed to go quietly along. Nathan Battle, Master of the Universe.

“Big surprise. You like ending things, don’t you?”

His eyes narrowed on her and his jaw muscle twitched so violently she was pretty sure he was grinding his teeth into powder. Well, good. She’d hate to think she was the only furious one in the room.

“I’m not the one who ended it seven years ago,” he finally said, his voice a low throb of barely leashed anger.

“Not how I remember it,” Amanda countered, the sting of that long-ago night still as fresh as if it had happened just yesterday. “You’re the one who walked out.”

“It’s what you wanted.” His gaze drilled into hers.

She met him glare for glare. “How would you know, Nathan? You never asked me what I wanted.”

“This is pointless.”

A long minute or two of tense silence stretched out between them. The only sound—the oven timer going off—rang out like a bell at a boxing match signaling the end of a round.

It worked to jolt both of them out of their defensive stances and a second later, Nathan was heading for her door. When he got there, he paused and turned back to look at her.

“This town chews on gossip every day, but I’m not going to be gnawed on.”

“Good for you!” She picked up her wine and took a swallow she didn’t really want before setting the glass down again. If he thought she was looking forward to being the topic of whispered conversations, he was nuts.

“The Battle family has a reputation in this town—”

“And the Altmans aren’t in your circle, are we?” she interrupted again and felt a small swift tug of pleasure, knowing it irritated him.

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.” Walking toward him, Amanda glared up into his dark brown eyes. “I’m amazed you ever deigned to propose to me in the first place.”

If possible, she thought his eyes actually went black for a second or two. How twisted was she that she still thought him the most gorgeous man on the planet?

“You were carrying my child,” he told her flatly.

That statement, said with such frigid control, sliced at her like a blade and Amanda fought against the pain.

They hadn’t spoken about their lost baby since the night he’d walked out on her. For him to bring it up now…“That was low.”

He paused for a long minute or so, just studying her through narrowed eyes. “Yeah, it was.” He scrubbed one hand across his face. “Damn it, Amanda, we’ve got to find a way to live in this town together.”

She slid her hands up and down her arms. Funny—even with the hot, humid air of summer, she felt a chill. Maybe it was him being here, so close. Maybe it had been the loss of heat when their kiss ended. And maybe, she thought, it was because of the memories he’d brought up and waved in her face.

The memory of the child she’d carried and lost. The baby she had wanted so badly. Whatever it was, she wanted to be alone until that icy sensation was gone. She needed time to herself. To think. To regroup. And she couldn’t do that until she convinced Nathan to leave.

“I’m guessing you have a plan,” she said with a sigh.

“Damn straight, I do,” he told her. “We go about our business. We live our lives. If we see each other, it’s friendly, but distant. No more private chats. No—”

“Kissing?” she finished for him.

“Yeah. No more of that.”

“Fine. Agreed.” She threw both hands high. “Nathan’s rules of behavior. Will you print me out a copy? I’ll sign it. You want it notarized, too?”

“Funny.”

“Well, blast it, Nathan, you haven’t changed a bit. Still issuing orders and expecting them to be followed. Who made you the grand pooh-bah of the Western world?”

“Pooh-bah?”

She ignored that. “You come to my house. You kiss me. Then you lay down rules for me to live my life by and what? You expected me to just salute and say, ‘Yes, sir’?”

“Would’ve been nice,” he muttered.

She laughed. In spite of everything. “Yeah, well, not going to happen.”

“You make me crazy,” he admitted, shaking his head slowly. “You always did.”

His voice was softer, deeper, and his eyes held a heat she remembered too well. So she stiffened her spine, refusing to be swayed by the urges she felt deep within her.

“Good to know,” Amanda said, tipping her head back to look into his eyes. “That’s some consolation, anyway.”

He blew out a breath and muttered something she didn’t quite catch before saying, “Fine. No rules. We go along. Stay out of each other’s way.”

“Fine.”

“Eventually, people will stop talking or waiting for something to happen between us and—”

“You’re still doing it,” Amanda interrupted.

“Doing what?”

“Making rules. Setting down how things will be,” she said. Tipping her head to one side, she stared up at him in complete frustration. “You can’t regulate life, Nathan. It just…happens.”

Like losing a baby you had loved from the moment of conception. That familiar twinge of pain, muted slightly because of time and her deliberate attempts to bury it, twisted inside her briefly.

“Unacceptable.”

“You don’t get to make that call, Nathan,” she said softly.

“You’re wrong.” His eyes were hard, flinty chips of frozen chocolate. Whatever softness had been there before had completely dissipated. “My life moves just as I want it to. No exceptions.” He paused. “Not anymore.”

There it was, she thought. Once upon a time, she had been the exception to Nathan’s carefully laid-out life. She’d thrown a wrench into his plans, made him scramble for a new strategy and then it had all fallen apart again. This time, though, she was older—and wiser, she hoped—and she wouldn’t be sucked into Nathan’s tidily arranged world. She preferred her life messy. She liked the adventure of not really knowing what to expect.

Of course, then scenes like tonight would probably rise up again to torture her, but that was a risk she’d rather take. Better than having your life plotted out on a ledger sheet, with no surprises, no jolts of pleasure or pain.

“Royal’s a small town,” he was saying and Amanda pushed her thoughts aside to pay attention. “But not so small that we can’t comfortably ignore each other.”

“That’s how you want this to play out?” she asked. “We each pretend the other doesn’t exist?”

“Better that way,” he said.

“For who?”

He didn’t answer. He just opened the door and said, “Goodbye, Amanda.”

The sound of his boots on the stairs rang out like a too-fast heartbeat. A few seconds later, she heard a car engine fire up and then he was driving away.

Amanda closed her door on the world, wandered to the kitchen and retrieved the stuffed potatoes that were just a little too well-done. She idly stood there and watched steam lift off her dinner and twist in the barely moving air.

“Damn it,” she whispered and stared through the window to the night beyond the glass. Her dinner was burned, her stomach was spinning and her temper was at war with her hormones.

Nathan was a force of nature. One that apparently was destined to crash in and out of her life whether she wanted him to or not. And the worst part?

“He walked away. Again.”

She poured a fresh glass of wine, forced herself to eat the overdone potatoes and promised herself the next time she and Nathan were in the same room, she would be the one doing the walking.

The Battlelands Ranch glowed in the darkness. It stood like a proud dowager, waiting to welcome home its prodigal children. Practically every window shone with lamplight. Even the outbuildings—the barn, the foreman’s house and Nathan’s own place—boasted porch lights that formed brightly lit pathways.

Just like always, Nathan felt tension slide away as he drove down the oak-lined drive and steered his 4Runner toward the house he’d had built for himself when he moved back to Royal. He might not be a rancher these days, but the land was in his blood as much as it was in his younger brother Jacob’s. The Battles had been on this land for more than a hundred and fifty years. They’d carved out every acre. Bled for it. Wept for it, and managed to hold on to it through all the bad times that had come their way.

The heart of the main ranch house was the original structure, a stately Victorian that the first Battle in Texas had built more than a hundred and fifty years ago to please his new bride. Over the years, that turreted, gingerbread-adorned structure had been added to, with wings spreading from each side and spilling into the back. Most of the ranch houses in the area were more modern, of course. Some mansions, some simple houses, they were all interchangeable in Nathan’s eyes.

This place was unique because the Battles didn’t tear something down just because it was old. They fixed it, improved on it and kept it, always to remind them of where they’d come from. Now that stately old Victorian was the centerpiece of a ranch bigger and more prosperous than that first Battle could ever have dreamed.

Gnarled, twisted live oaks stood like ancient soldiers on either side of the drive and gathered in clumps along the front and rear of the house. As Nathan parked his car and climbed out, he heard the swish of leaves in the grudgingly moving hot air.

From the main house came the sharp, clear sound of children’s laughter, and Nathan smiled to himself. Lots of changes here at the Battlelands—mostly thanks to Jacob and his wife, Terri. They and their three kids were making this place come alive again as it hadn’t since Nathan and Jake were kids themselves.

He glanced quickly at the wading pool and the nearby wooden swing set and climbing gym he’d helped Jacob put together for the kids. That laughter spilled from the house again and Nathan instinctively quelled the small twist of envy he felt for what his brother had. He knew Jake was happy. He had a family and the ranch he loved and Nathan didn’t begrudge him any of it.

Still, it was a stunner that his younger brother had a wife and kids, but Jake had taken to life as a family man as easily as he had assumed control of the ranch years ago.

Nathan loved the place and it would always be home to him, but the ranch had never been at the heart of him as it had for Jake. As long as Nathan could remember, he had wanted to be a cop, while Jake wanted nothing more than to ride the range, and deal with the cattle grazing on the thousands of acres the family claimed. It had worked out well, Nathan told himself. Didn’t matter that he was the eldest. It was enough for Nathan that the Battlelands was in good hands—even if those hands weren’t his.

And, since Terri was pregnant again, Nathan knew that the family ranch was going to be in Battle hands for many more years to come. He couldn’t help wondering what Jake thought of that, if his brother ever sat down and realized that his sons and daughters would be working the same land that had been handed down to him.

That twist of envy grabbed at him again and Nathan couldn’t help wondering how his life might be right now if Amanda had carried their child to term. Would they still be together? Would there be more children? He tried to imagine it, but couldn’t quite pull it off.

The ranch house door opened just then and a spill of light from inside poured onto the wide front porch. Grateful for the distraction, Nathan watched as his brother stepped out of the house. Talking to Jake would help him get his mind off of Amanda. Hopefully. His thoughts were crowded with her.…

God, the taste of her. The scent of her. The feel of her body aligning with his and the hush of her breath on his skin—damn it.

Jake leaned against one of the porch posts and asked, “Late night?”

“A few things to see to,” he answered vaguely and headed toward the main house.

Jake came down the steps, holding a beer in each hand. He was as tall as Nathan, but where Nathan was broad and muscled, Jake was wiry. His dark brown hair was a little too long, his jeans were worn and faded and his boots were as scarred and scuffed as Nathan’s own. He was slow and steady and more at ease with himself and his world than Nathan had ever been.

Jake went his own way and managed to have a good time while he was doing it. Nathan had always admired that trait in his younger brother.

With a wide grin, Jake handed over one of the frosty bottles. Grateful, Nathan accepted it and took a long drink. When Jake wandered off, Nathan followed his brother across the yard toward the swing set. Apparently, Jake wanted to talk—away from the house. But nothing would get Jake talking before he was good and ready, so Nathan just enjoyed the night and the returning sanity now that he was a safe distance from Amanda.

He’d thought he was well and truly over her. Nathan had deliberately put her out of his mind years ago. He’d lost himself in work and in the arms of the willing women who’d come and gone from his life without leaving so much as a trace of themselves behind. So yeah, he’d figured with Amanda back in town, he’d face her down and keep moving on.

But the hard ache in his body let him know that though his mind had let her go, the rest of him hadn’t. And there she was again, he thought in disgust. Right back in his thoughts, front and center. He closed his mind to the memories and focused on the now.

There were a few dawn-to-dusk lights around the play area and he took a second or two to look it over. He and Jake had dug out the wide area beneath the playground equipment and then poured enough fine sand to sink an aircraft carrier. It had taken the two of them nearly two weeks to get everything set up and finished off for safety, but knowing his niece and nephews loved it made all the work worth the effort.

Made of sanded, polished wood—to prevent splinters in tiny hands—the climbing gym sprawled across the pristine lawn as if it had grown in that spot. Jake’s five-year-old twin sons and their two-year-old sister loved climbing on it and especially enjoyed the castle-like room at the top. Gave him a good feeling, seeing the next generation of Battles clambering all over the structure, hooting and hollering at each other, just like he and Jake had done when they were kids. It also made him remember that if things had turned out differently, his own child might have been playing here as well.

He shook off that disquieting thought and buried it under another long drink of his beer.

Jake slapped one hand against the swing set and blurted, “So, how’s Amanda?”

Nathan almost choked on his swallow of beer. When the coughing ended and he could breathe again, he looked at his younger brother. “How the hell did you know I went to see her?”

Jake shrugged. “Mona Greer was walking that tiny excuse for a dog of hers and saw you going into the diner apartment. She called Sarah Danvers, Sarah talked to her daughter and Amelia called Terri a while ago.”

The Royal hotline was already buzzing.

“Well, hell,” he muttered. So much for keeping his private life private. He hadn’t seen a damn soul around the diner. Mona Greer should look into a career with the CIA or something. Even at eighty, her eyesight was damn good and she clearly had a sneaky streak.

Jake laughed. “Seriously? You thought you could slide in and out of Amanda’s apartment and nobody would catch on?”

“A man can dream,” Nathan mumbled.

Jake laughed even louder and Nathan told himself there was nothing more irritating sometimes than a younger brother. “Did you come out here just to bushwhack me with gossip then laugh at me?”

“Of course,” his brother said with a good-natured shrug. “Not every day I get to give you grief over something.”

“Glad you’re enjoying yourself.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m glad to see Amanda back. Glad to see it bugs you.”

“Thanks for the support,” Nathan told him and took a drink of his beer. His gaze moved over the play equipment. In the moonlight, the slide gleamed like a river of silver and the pennant flag on the castle top fluttered in the hot Texas wind.

Irritation swelled inside him. Three years he’d been sheriff. He had respect. He had the admiration of the townspeople. Now, he was just grist for the mill.

“You want support? Go back to the TCC and talk to Chance. Or Alex.” Jake toasted him with his beer. “From family, you get the truth, whether you want it or not.”

“I don’t.” Nathan leaned against one of the posts as visions of Amanda roared into his brain again. He shouldn’t have gone to her. But how could he not have? They’d had to talk. But then, there hadn’t only been talking, had there?

“I know you don’t want to hear it but you’re going to anyway.” Jake paused, ran one hand over the heavy chain from which one of the swings hung. “So here it is. You missed your chance with Amanda back in the day.”

Nathan snorted. “I didn’t miss a thing. Trust me.”

Shaking his head, Jake said, “You know what I mean. You let her get away.”

“I didn’t let her do a damn thing, Jake,” Nathan said tightly as he pushed away from the heavy wooden post. “Her decision to walk.”

Jake was unaffected by the anger in Nathan’s voice. “Right. And you didn’t try to talk her out of it.”

“Why the hell should I have?” Stalking off a few paces, Nathan’s boots slid in the sand he and his brother had laid beneath the swing set. This was his place. The home he’d grown up in. The town where he’d carved out a spot for himself. Damned if he’d let the past jump up and ruin what he’d built.

At the far end of the play equipment, Nathan turned to look at his brother. Jake looked relaxed…amused, damn him.

Well, why wouldn’t he be? Jake had everything he’d ever wanted. He ran the ranch. He was married to his high school sweetheart and they had three great kids plus another on the way. Everything was riding smooth in Jake’s world—not that Nathan begrudged his brother’s happiness. But at the same time, you’d think Jake could manage a little sympathy.

“I’m not going to beg a woman to stay with me.”

“Who said anything about begging?” Jake shot back. “You could have asked.”

“No,” Nathan said, shaking his head and looking away from his brother’s too-sharp eyes to stare out over the moonlit lawn. “I couldn’t. There were…reasons.”

Reasons he’d never talked about. Never even mentioned to Jake, and Nathan was closer to his brother than to anyone else on the planet. Those reasons tried to push into his mind now and Nathan resolutely pushed them out again. He’d dealt with them all years ago. He wouldn’t go back, damn it.

“You listened to the gossip. You believed the rumors instead of talking to Amanda about them.”

His head snapped up and his gaze locked on his brother like a twin pair of dark brown lasers. “What do you know about the rumors?”

Jake took a sip of his beer. “Chance told me what was going on—” He held up one hand to keep his brother quiet. “And don’t blame him for it. You sure as hell didn’t bother to tell me. You’re my brother, Nate. You could have said something.”

He shook his head and squelched the burst of anger struggling to come alive inside him. “I didn’t want to talk about it then—” He paused and added for emphasis, “I still don’t.”

He didn’t like remembering those days. Remembering how he’d felt when Chance told him what people were saying. Nathan had been in the police academy in Houston, unable to get to Amanda. Hell, he hadn’t even had time for a damn phone call. And when he had finally been able to go to her…

Shaking his head, Nathan mentally closed the door on the past. It was done and he wouldn’t be revisiting it anytime soon.

“You always were the hardhead in the family,” Jake said on a sigh.

Nathan managed a short laugh at that. “Seems to me your Terri might argue with you there.”

“Probably,” Jake admitted with a wince. “Nate, I don’t know what happened between you two seven years ago—” he held up a hand again “—and I’m not asking. I’m just saying, she’s home to stay now and you’re going to have to find a way to get past whatever happened so long ago. You’re going to have to deal with her. Maybe the two of you should actually try talking about what happened to break you guys up.”

Nathan grimaced, took a pull at his beer and let the icy froth cool down the temper that was still simmering inside him. “Where is all this talking, share-your-feelings stuff coming from? Is Terri making you watch Dr. Phil again?”

“No.” Jake looked embarrassed. “But I’m not an idiot any more than you are and I know you know you have to make your peace with Amanda.”

Another sip of ice-cold beer slid down Nathan’s throat as he thought about what his brother said. And then a fresh memory of Amanda, molding her body to his. The heat of her kiss. The scent of her filled his mind. The feel of her beneath his hands again. His body stirred and he winced at the ache that he had a feeling was going to become all too familiar.

“Jake,” Nathan said softly, “you don’t get it. I learned a long time ago, where Amanda’s concerned, there is no peace.”