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1

It Started with a Letter

1965. It was ten years since Hu Feng had been arrested at home and taken into custody. I had been restored to freedom more than four years earlier, but for a decade I had not seen him once, nor exchanged a letter with him. I didn’t even know where he was. Immediately after my release, I asked about him at the Ministry of Public Security. They said he was well. I said I wanted to send him some clothes, but they told me it was unnecessary. I asked if they could pass on a letter. They said it might adversely affect his reform. After that, I no longer had the courage even to ask. When friends and acquaintances enquired, I would shake my head and whisper, ‘I don’t even know where he is.’

In 1962 people started talking. My daughter heard about it on her farm and came home to tell me. She said they might soon deal with the contradictions among the people in the literary world and let him go. That was good news, but I had no way of discreetly enquiring whether it was reliable. All I could do was wait.

In May 1965, I received a letter. It was in an ordinary white envelope with a flower printed in the corner. Unusually, however, the address was written with a brush pen. The hand was dignified and skilled, not slavishly copied from a primer by some young man or woman with a smattering of culture, but the work of a practised calligrapher. It must have been from an old friend, for the writer had used my original name. There was no sender’s address, just the words ‘posted in Beijing’. Which of my old acquaintances knew where I lived?

I suddenly remembered Mr Sha, who we didn’t know particularly well. He looked like a typical intellectual. He was learned, and therefore popular among some intellectuals who had come across from the old society. After we moved to Beijing, he sometimes used to visit us to play chess with F or chat about classical literature. Needless to say, they sometimes grumbled. I didn’t know at the time if he ever became implicated when we later got into trouble.

I had gone to the Fulong Temple on the eve of Spring Festival a few months back to buy some small gifts for the children. Coming towards me in the bustling crowd was a familiar face. I realised from the way he dressed that it was Mr Sha. He was still wearing his fine overcoat, tailored from good material. His spectacles, short beard, and classical writer’s manner had not changed, but he was more stooped than in the past. He was carrying a big bundle of books wrapped in cloth. Obviously he had just come from the second-hand bookstore. I tried to avoid his eyes, but he had seen me. He came towards me with a look of such delight that I had to greet him. He said in a low voice:

‘I hope you’re both well. How’s Old Hu?’

I answered, also in a low voice:

‘Things are all right. I know nothing about his situation.’

Instead of rushing off, he accompanied me to a quieter place, and we ended up in a road behind the temple.

I was surprised to see the little lanes behind Fulong Temple were so quiet and well swept. There were just a few passers-by. It was another world from the road outside. Perhaps the residents did their shopping on the main street.

We walked and talked in the lanes, out of the wind.

He told me how concerned friends had been about us. Later, he heard I had been released. He said how distressed he was when he couldn’t discover my address. He said he had been isolated and put under investigation for more than a year because of his association with Hu Feng. Not until later, when it was determined there had been no link, did they decide not to class him as an ‘element’.

He made as if to laugh, but his face did not laugh.

I said, ‘In 1958, when I was under detention, I heard you talking on the radio about classical poetry. Your recital moved me deeply. It was as if I was back among people. It made me think of my childhood, when I used to read classical poetry. Unfortunately, I never heard any more broadcasts. I thought you must have managed to avoid getting implicated. That made me happy.’

‘How long were you in detention?’

‘Seventy months. They let me out in 1961 when my mother’s remains were placed in the hospital mortuary, so I could take care of the funeral. After that they didn’t lock me up again.’

‘How about your life now? Is someone looking after you?’

‘I’m looking after myself.’

‘Nie Gannu and his wife are very concerned about you. So’s Old Tian. I heard you’d been released, but the building in which you used to live was pulled down long ago. Later, we heard you were living somewhere around Shaojiu Lane. Old Tian often went there for a stroll, in the hope of bumping into you. Someone said you’d moved out into the suburbs, but no one knew where.’

‘That’s right. Later, I moved to Chaoyang Menwai.’ I wanted to change the topic, so I asked:

‘Are you all right now? Why have you not been back on the radio?’

‘It’s a long story. I’m at Shuangqiao State Farm. They’re giving me time off for family business.’

He seemed to notice my surprise, and added, ‘It’s not important, nothing political. They say I’m a fake doctor and I’m harming my patients. They say I’m practising without a licence. Let’s not talk about it. Perhaps it will be over in a few months and they’ll let me go home. They’re still allowing me to examine reform-through-labour prisoners. I have my own room, only I no longer get paid.’ He gestured at his bundle: ‘Today I’ve come to sell my books. I’ve already sold all the best ones. These are the ones they don’t want.’

I looked at the bundle and felt sorry for him, but he didn’t seem to mind. He said, ‘It’s no problem. Mother and the children get living expenses anyway. I’m just trying to get some money.’

I admired his tenacity. However, I felt it unwise to stay too long in the deserted lane. I told him I needed to return to the market to do some shopping. But he held me back:

‘First leave me an address.’

He fished a ballpoint from one pocket and an envelope from the other. Indicating the envelope, he said with a smile:

‘See, Shuangqiao State Farm.’

I had no choice but to write down my address. However, I told him I never received guests and was living with my younger son. My daughter was working as a farm labourer in the suburbs and usually there was only me, I was often out buying food and not necessarily in the house. We hurriedly parted.

I had given my address to a few acquaintances, including my brother’s son, but nobody had ever come to see me or written to me. I had long since forgotten about the encounter at the Fulong Temple.

Now, three or four months later, staring at the careful writing on the envelope, I couldn’t help thinking back on that meeting. Perhaps it was from Mr Sha? I opened it. But it was from another friend, Qin, who had probably got the address from Sha.

The letter read, ‘Qin asks you to go to the Peace Restaurant at three o’clock on such-and-such a day for a cup of coffee.’

Should I go? The only person I could have discussed it with was my younger son. The child had long forgotten his father’s friends, so what could he say? I had to make my own decisions about everything. Even so, I showed him the letter. He thought it wouldn’t do any harm. He told me to be careful not to say too much and to be aware of the surroundings. He was trying to join the Young Communist League, so as an ordinary person who had made mistakes I would do well to follow his advice.

I made my way to the Peace Restaurant at Dongan Market. I spied a tall thin man at the door. It was Old Nie. I hurried across and we smiled at one another.

‘Did you guess?’ he asked.

‘Who else could it have been?’

‘Let’s go in and sit down.’

‘Such a luxurious place? Why don’t we go for a walk instead. I’ve never been in such a place.’

‘Why not go in and have a look?’

I followed him in, looking timidly from side to side. Noticing, he joked, ‘It’s rather like when we were doing underground work in Shanghai. But now we’re afraid of our own people.’

We both smiled bitterly.

We found a compartment and sat down.

‘What do you want?’ he asked.

‘Just a coffee.’

He also ordered a coffee, together with a plate of Western cakes.

‘The reason I asked you to come was because you have an old friend who has gone to great lengths to discover your whereabouts.’

‘Who?’ I was surprised anyone would dare make inquiries about us.

‘Xiong Zimin. I went to see him when he was attending the Third National People’s Congress. He asked me if there was any news about Zhang Guangren^* or Zhang’s family. I just shook my head. Then he said, “How could that be? Surely they can’t have locked up his wife and children? What crime have they committed?” All I could say was that his wife had been freed, we had seen her. Then, he told me to find you no matter what, and to tell you to go and see him.’

‘Where do I go?’

‘Write to the National People’s Congress and ask them. I’m worried he might have gone away now the Congress is over. But he left a message telling me to find out about Old Hu and request a meeting. He was furious. He said when we went to prison for the revolution, we were at least allowed to visit prisoners and send them things.’

The conversation upset me. It implied I was to blame for not rushing about on F’s behalf. But how was he to know that when I had asked to see F or tried to send him things, the Ministry of Public Security had flatly refused to stretch the rules.

I told Old Nie all this. I also told him about my long-standing secret guess that F was perhaps no longer of this world … At this point, I broke into tears.

‘That’s hardly likely, you needn’t worry. I’ve heard he’s been to hospital. We thought they would release him, but they didn’t. Nothing is going to happen, they won’t do anything. Take things philosophically, don’t be pessimistic, things can’t get worse. The best thing is to ask again to be allowed to see him, to write to him, and to send him things.’

To contain my emotion, I raised the coffee cup to my lips.

The previous winter, the children and I had gone to see Dagger Society at the Tianqiao Theatre. I had spotted Old Nie and his wife. He had just been transferred back to Beijing from the Great Northern Wilderness, where he had undergone reform through labour. He had not yet had his rightist hat removed. He was embarrassed and didn’t dare approach us. He just shot us a distant smile, and then dashed off into the auditorium. During the intermission, Big Sister Ying sought us out for a chat. It turned out his daughter had insisted he come to see her perform, it was his first outing. She asked about us, and I answered in as few words as possible. After the performance, I saw them again at the exit and Big Sister Ying again fought her way through the crowd and said she would come to see us in a few days’ time. Third Sister (their relative) saw me but gave no greeting. In the past, she had always been warm, and had sympathised with F. But her troubled life over several years had left her cold and haggard. I could understand, so I fought my way to the front and left ahead of them.

This meeting was different. Sitting opposite me was a dignified senior cadre, neatly and fastidiously dressed, untrammelled by convention, a suitable guest at such a top-grade establishment.

‘I suppose you often come here,’ I said. ‘Have you got your old job back?’

‘I don’t care whether I get it back or not, I wouldn’t go anyway, all I do is collect my salary each month.’

‘That’s good, you can do creative work at home.’

‘I no longer write, I just read. Recently I read Zhuangzi. It was interesting, I understood things I’d never understood before.’

I didn’t dare reply, I had never understood Zhuangzi.

While drinking my coffee, I looked around. The restaurant filled up. The staff escorted guests to prepared tables. They must have been regulars. I glanced at the menu. Western food was at least three yuan per person and other dishes were two to three yuan. Ice cream was one or two yuan. A meal would have cost at least 10 to 20 yuan. This was an eye-opener. There were still rich people in Beijing.

Seeing how surprised I was, Old Nie said coldly, ‘They’re spending remittances from abroad. They get a discount.’

‘Really? We had better go, then, and let them spend their remittances.’

He paid the bill and asked the waitress to wrap some cakes for me to take back for the three children. I was embarrassed – it had cost him five yuan, and now I was supposed to take the cakes home. And the three children were actually one 16-year-old boy.

Xiaoshan had arrived home before me and was waiting anxiously. I told him what had happened. He thought I should write to Xiong Zimin as soon as possible. If someone was concerned about us, we should say thank you.

I posted the letter. For a long time there was no reply. I thought he had probably returned to Wuhan. I didn’t have his Wuhan address, and waiting patiently was no option. So I decided to act on his advice and write a second time to the Ministry of Public Security.

Hu Feng had got to know Xiong Zimin in 1927, during the Great Revolution. After the defeat of the revolution, Xiong and Li Da and others ran a bookshop in Shanghai that published Hu Feng’s first translation, of a Soviet science-fiction novel called Foreign Devil, about an imperialist agent in the Soviet Union after the October Revolution. The bookshop was closed down because it published progressive literature. Afterwards, he returned to Wuhan and did some trading. After the start of the war against Japan, the Eighth Route Army set up an office in Wuhan, where he did some jobs, given his past links and the fact that he was a local man. When Dong’s wife arrived in Wuhan, she lived in Xiong’s house. Hu Feng met Dong there. Xiong was happy to distribute Hu Feng’s journal July, which played a role in the war. The office helped raise money for the journal and supported its publication. Hu Feng knew Xiong had no money and couldn’t even pay his contributors. He himself didn’t take a cent for his work. Hu Feng and Xiong remained friends until 1954. When Xiong came to Beijing with his wife on holiday, he came specially to see us. He was not a literary person, but he had a strong sense of justice. He urged Hu Feng to talk less, write less, and find a simple job. But Hu Feng didn’t know how to play it safe and always ended up saying what he thought, so he became the victim of an unprecedented onslaught.

I knew Xiong was on the National People’s Congress, but I didn’t dare bother him. I was feeling gloomy. I didn’t believe there was anyone in the world good enough not to fear getting into trouble. I thought it was normal for people to avoid me. Now Xiong Zimin had got someone to seek me out, I was happy and astonished.

In my letter to the Ministry I explained that Hu Feng’s old friend Xiong Zimin was a delegate on the National People’s Congress and had criticised me for not asking where Hu Feng was being held, since that was both allowed by law and a matter of basic humanity.

To my surprise, there was a response. I received a letter saying I could send some things for Hu Feng, but it repeated the previous message, that he needed nothing.

I prepared some foodstuffs. I thought, who knows where he’s being held? Perhaps somewhere outside Beijing. So I bought him some tins of anchovies, red-cooked beef, peaches, pineapple, chocolate biscuits and a pound of toffee. For a normal person that doesn’t sound much, but for someone who had been locked up for ten years it would be a feast. (Later, he told me he couldn’t even bear to throw away the toffee wrappers or the tin labels. He gazed at them every day, as if looking again at the outside world.)

I went to the Ministry of Public Security at the appointed time and place. I asked the police guard the way and had to walk for a while before I saw the waiting room. The attendant made a phone call, and asked me to be seated. He probably thought I had come to deliver a report or receive a briefing.

Apart from a man called Shi, my permanent contact, an even more senior cadre appeared, also very courteous. He looked at the things I’d brought and said:

‘We can get them to him quickly.’ He also said, ‘Actually, there’s nothing he needs. You should trust the Party. We’re all committed to reforming him.’

I wasn’t prepared to abandon the chance to see Hu Feng, so I asked again. I even said some old friends thought he was no longer alive.

This time, the reply was not completely dismissive: ‘I’ll tell senior levels. We’ll study the situation and let you know.’

On that note of hope, and of joy at the thought that he would receive the food, I left.

A month later, I received Xiong Zimin’s reply. The People’s National Congress had forwarded my letter, but he was convalescing somewhere else, hence the delay. He expressed his deep concern for the family and urged me to request a meeting with F.

I did so, and I also said the People’s Congress delegate Xiong Zimin had blamed me for not daring to show my concern for Hu Feng. You haven’t let me see him for ten years, how can I answer old friends’ letters, how can I behave as an upright person …

I don’t know if it was because of a change in the situation or because I mentioned the People’s Congress, but a week later Shi and the old cadre visited me to say permission had been granted. Naturally, they urged me to help him by mentioning things that would assist his ideological reform. The Party wanted me to play a positive role.

They gave me the address and a request form for a visit. The old cadre gave me directions on how to get there, where to change buses, and so on. I was grateful, for I’d never been in the remote suburbs. Without his help, I don’t know how I would have got there.

* Hu Feng is Zhang Guangren’s pen name.