Читать книгу Survival Manual for Elders: Encouraging Elders' Resiliency Potential - Melanie J.D. Adair - Страница 4

The starting point is to recognize that valuing elders is worth the effort. Life, itself, has meaning and value and elders have a special role in its purpose. Sacred texts point to the elders in our society as the keepers of wisdom. They have more life experience than the rest of us and have learned many things along the way. They are making a difference and making a special contribution to society in some way. You may just have to look more closely, and with a slightly different perspective, to discover what that is.

Karen contributed by being a “prayer warrior” who diligently prayed for her family and friends every day. Paul contributed by being an encourager. He himself could no longer take the annual fall hunting trips or spring golf outings with his son; however, by supporting and encouraging his son, Paul was still able to give his son the sense of being capable of doing whatever he set his mind on accomplishing. This has helped his son be successful in life in many different ways.

Mary had serious trouble communicating after her stroke. It taught her grandson, Nathan, patience and how powerful non-verbal communication can be, simply by being with her. The list of ways people can continue to contribute, even after they’ve lost physical abilities, goes on and on.

Whether we realize it or not, elders are our teachers. They do not have to be standing in front of a classroom or writing best-selling books to teach us. They teach us with their daily lives, with their courage, and with their perseverance. They even teach us when we see them handling something in ways that cause them pain, and we vow to never handle things that way if we were to find ourselves in similar circumstances. Lou became highly debilitated during her advanced age and bemoaned the fact that she could do very little. Her daughter, after seeing what Lou had struggled with, vowed to join a gym and to maximize her physical ability as long as possible. Ted felt terrible that his dad had limited options for help and where he could live as he reached the age of 90. Because of his dad’s experience, Ted faithfully set aside money just for his personal care in old age, should he need it.

Elders are not only our teachers, they are still learning as well. Even people with significant cognitive impairment are continuing to grow and learn. As foundationally spiritual beings, we continue to have the potential to grow spiritually every day we are on earth.

One of the most amazing examples of growth comes from Kathryn who was 103 years old. An Assisted Living resident, Kathryn often had trouble sleeping at night. Janelle was one of the caregivers that often worked with Kathryn in the middle of the night. Janelle would bring Kathryn cocoa and gently rub her back. She and Kathryn got to be very good friends. During their time together Kathryn became a mentor to Janelle and helped her figure out what to do in order to help her son, who at the time was failing in school. They laughed and talked and often prayed together.

A few weeks before her death, Kathryn confided to others what the relationship with Janelle had meant to her. Janelle was a black woman and Kathryn confided that she had lived her entire 103 years believing she hated black people – until she became friends with Janelle. Kathryn said, “I have been prejudiced my whole life about black people and now I know how wrong I was. I have prayed and asked God to forgive me. As soon as I did, I felt lighter than I have in years. My spirit soared in ways I didn’t know were possible. My relationship with Janelle has truly changed my life.”

Kathryn’s family had no idea of the spiritual growth she was experiencing, or the way that Kathryn’s wisdom had been able to help Janelle. At Kathryn’s funeral, the family bemoaned the fact that Kathryn had had to live to such an old age and had become so frail – nothing like her former self. Like so many people, her family had not realized that, even at an advanced age, a person is still capable of the type of remarkable personal and spiritual growth and ongoing contribution that Kathryn had enjoyed in the last year of her life.

That kind of growth is not uncommon as people review their lives and the choices they have made and try to make sense of all of it. This is one of the opportunities of later life! Just because a person is frail or having cognitive difficulty, does not mean that important and valuable things are not happening in their lives.

The elders in our society have been our parents, teachers, soldiers, nurses, shopkeepers, hair stylists, pastors, executives, and leaders to name but a few! The value of their collective wisdom is astonishing! They have used their lives to serve us and make our lives better. While they may not have always been perfect, as none of us have, they have stayed the course, doing the best they can, helping us, and growing us either directly or indirectly in the process.

Elders deserve to be treated with respect and dignity – to be treated the way we would want to be treated if we were in their place. They have a right to be encouraged and supported in ways that allow them to FULLY live out their lives, making the most of every year, every moment that they have on earth. Regardless of their physical or cognitive infirmity, elders are continuing to both contribute wisdom in some form and to grow spiritually every day they are privileged to live.

When we work to target the Resiliency Potential in elders, we affirm that their life has meaning and purpose and work to preserve that. At the same time, as we adopt the Resiliency Potential within ourselves, we begin to see the value in finding new solutions to challenges elders are facing, and to be positive possibility thinkers, ourselves.