Читать книгу Back to Eden - Melinda Curtis - Страница 11

“THE DOCTOR SAYS you can go home tomorrow.” Cole stood in the doorway of Rachel’s hospital room looking tired. But at least he’d showered, shaved and changed into clean, comfortable clothes, while Rachel had been wrapped for days in the same paper-thin hospital gown, confined to a bed.

Rachel hadn’t seen Cole since she’d woken up in the hospital three days ago. During those days, she’d had to deal with bandages and bedpans, bossy nurses, X-rays and MRIs. She’d even had to listen to the doctor tell her they might have to drill a hole in her skull to relieve the pressure from the swelling around her wound.

It hadn’t come to that, thank God.

She was ready to go home, and a bit irritated that Cole had found out about her release before she had.

“I thought I’d make sure you got home all right,” Cole announced.

No! He’d see right off that Jenna was his. He’d try to take her niece away from her. The pain and discomfort Rachel had been through in the past few days was nothing in comparison to the threat of Cole taking Jenna away.

“That’s very kind of you, but I’ve made other plans.” Like pestering the nurse until she called the bus station for the time of the next bus to Wyoming.

Cole lifted one eyebrow before coming into the room and settling his large frame in the small plastic chair next to her bed. “I went home to Silver Bend with my crew in the van and came back in my own truck just to get you.” He’d always barged right into her life without asking or apologizing.

Frowning created a stab of pain in her head. “You didn’t have to do that.” He’d driven from Montana to Idaho and back just for her? The gesture pleased Rachel, and yet she didn’t want him to do that. How could she turn him down, now?

Easy. Because she had to.

“Cole, I—”

“I insist. I haven’t been back to Eden in years.” He was looking at his hands as if he were uncomfortable with the memory of his last visit to Eden. And why wouldn’t he be? That’s when he’d broken Missy’s heart.

And most likely his own, as well, Rachel realized, feeling an unwanted sympathy for him. On the day she’d died, Missy had left a note saying she was returning to Cole, and that she was leaving the kids in Rachel’s care. Then, on her way to reunite with her lost love, Missy’s truck had plunged into an icy river. And Cole had never even bothered to call. Many of Rachel’s illusions had been shattered that night.

“It hasn’t changed much,” Rachel admitted. “Though most of your old friends have moved away.” Thank God for that. If they’d stayed around, it wouldn’t only have been Missy’s husband, Lyle, who’d realized that Jenna wasn’t his child.

“Sounds like you’re trying to change my mind about going.” Cole gave her a probing glance. How quickly he’d turned from remorseful to suspicious.

Apprehension scurried around her belly. What did Cole have to be suspicious of except the secret Rachel had so ardently guarded all these years?

“Is there some reason you don’t want me to come back to Eden, Rach?”

“No. Not at all.” God, she sounded desperate. With effort she held his gaze. “I appreciate the offer. It’s just that you probably have a million things to do at home, what with fire season over and all.” She raised a hand weakly. “You go on. I’ll be fine on my own.”

“I do have a lot of loose ends to tie up.” His gaze was almost intolerable with its directness. Rachel resisted the urge to squirm. “Starting in Eden.”

Something chilled Rachel’s blood. She couldn’t speak. Her heart began to pound in her chest.

Cole pulled out a bent photograph from his pocket and stared down at it for several seconds of strained silence while Rachel agonized, feeling as if someone had strapped her down so that she couldn’t escape the truth.

“I was wondering…” He turned the photo around so that it was facing her. Matt’s cherubic cheeks and Jenna’s bright smile couldn’t keep Rachel’s skin from feeling clammy or slow the beat of her heart. “…Whose daughter is this?”

Cole’s hard gaze demanded she stop the lie. With silent intensity, he dared her to deny Jenna was his.

Her sister’s words came back to Rachel in a rush: “Don’t tell Cole about Jenna. It’s not as if he wants her. You know how he’s always searching for the next big thrill. Settling down is the last thing on his mind. It would just create one more disappointment for Jenna.”

Don’t tell Cole.

Easy enough to say when Cole wasn’t staring at you as if he already knew the truth. But Missy had been right in one respect. Jenna certainly didn’t need another disappointment. Cole was still a Hot Shot, involved in a profession requiring a nomadic life—the kind of life that tore families apart. His track record with Missy confirmed that.

Cornered, Rachel announced in a weak voice, “She’s my daughter.”

Cole’s jaw dropped. But before he could say anything, the nurse came in to check the tubes and machines connected to Rachel and take her pulse. “You’re upsetting her.” She glared at Cole.

He glared right back. “She’s upsetting me.”

“If this continues, I’ll have to ask you to leave.” She made a note on a chart and then walked away on her squeaky shoes.

“I don’t remember you being such a liar.” Cole glared at Rachel. “The truth,” he demanded. He’d never talked to her with such disdain.

Of course, she’d never lied to him before. When they were kids, she’d worshipped the ground Cole walked on because he was brave and daring and handsome. Only later had she figured out he wasn’t all he seemed.

Rachel swallowed thickly, feeling vulnerable and alone. She’d always had her father and Missy to catch her when she stumbled. Her sockless feet stung with cold under the thin covers as she looked everywhere but at Cole. There was no one to ask for advice or to deflect Cole’s demand.

Don’t tell Cole.

The lie slithered through her thoughts, demanding more lies to keep it alive, souring her stomach until Rachel couldn’t turn away from the facts.

“Let me tell you a bit about the little girl in that picture,” she began, tugging at a snag in the blanket. “She’s been through a lot in her short life. First, she had a father who didn’t want her, or Missy for that matter. Then after Missy died, she only had Pop and me to rely on.” Rachel raised her eyes to his.

“What’s her name?” Cole’s question hung harshly between them.

“Jenna,” Rachel sighed. “What I’m trying to say is that Jenna needs stability. She doesn’t need someone like you coming into her life only to fall out of it because you’ve taken one risk too many or you want to be somewhere else.” Rachel fervently believed this was true. She’d given up her dream of leaving Eden when she’d become guardian of Matt and Jenna. She’d settled into a role she hadn’t asked for with no complaints.

Cole stared at her without speaking. Then he leaned forward and asked, “And you? Why are you so good for her when you’ve done exactly the same thing? Risking your life on some stunt.”

“That stunt saved the lives of a Hot Shot crew.” A crew she’d been certain had been Cole’s. That just went to show what a softhearted dolt Rachel was.

“You know as well as I do how lucky you are to be alive.” Cole leaned even closer. “Don’t talk to me about stability, either. I can’t imagine you make it home to cook dinner every night.”

“You don’t know a thing about me or what my life is like.” But part of her acknowledged the truth in his words. She wasn’t home eight months of the year.

“Let’s call a spade a spade, Rachel. You and I are a lot alike, only I don’t have a family waiting at home for me, wondering if I’m coming home safe.” Something had darkened his eyes, sending a tremor of fear into Rachel’s heart.

She had too much responsibility to shoulder fear, as well. Rachel shook her head slowly, making the room waver.

“You could just as easily have crashed on top of the crew after that crazy dive-bombing run you made,” Cole accused relentlessly.

“But I didn’t. I would have been fine if not for the smoke and that one huge, aberration of a tree.” Rachel reached blindly for the bed controls with one hand, having had enough of lying at a forty-five-degree angle while he towered over her. She needed to be fully upright for this fight.

“The incident commander is considering writing you up for a safety violation.”

Damn it. A violation like that and she’d have one hell of a time getting back into the air-tanker business.

The bed beneath Rachel’s head and back rose at an excruciatingly slow pace, but the dizziness was immediate. She clapped her right hand over her eyes and willed her stomach to settle. “That’s bullshit and you know it. I did what I had to do to save that crew. If anyone’s lost anything from the crash, it’s me…and Danny.” Rachel blinked back the tears. Stubborn old coot. She hadn’t even been able to say goodbye.

“The incident commander mentioned agencies investigating the accident, like the TSB, FAA and NIFC.” He pronounced the acronym for the National Interagency Fire Center as NIF-see. “But that’s not the point. The point is that this little girl is mine and no one saw any need to tell me.”

“Did you want her?” Ignoring her head, along with the stabs of pain in her ribs and her heart, Rachel snapped at him, hating that it had come to this—she and Cole pitted against each other. “You didn’t even love Missy enough to stay in Eden. What would you have done with a child? What would you do with one now?”

Before Cole could answer, the nurse came squeaking into the room. “That’s enough. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Fine,” he growled. “I’ll be back tomorrow to pick her up when she’s released.”

Rachel’s head throbbed and her body was covered in a cold sweat. Ignoring Cole’s continued insistence that he was taking her back to Eden, Rachel drove her point home. “It’s fine to be offended because you didn’t know about Jenna, but remember this—Missy sacrificed everything because she loved you enough to make sure you lived the life you wanted, which didn’t include her or the baby. Are you willing to make as big a sacrifice for a little girl who doesn’t even know you exist?”

“JACKSON?” Having punched a number in his cell phone without much thought, Cole struggled to hold it together, hoping that the roar of his truck’s air conditioner would cover the sound of his ragged breathing. On shaky legs, he’d somehow made it to the hospital parking lot after Rachel had confirmed that Cole was indeed a father.

“Chainsaw?” Jackson paused to tell his wife, “It’s Cole. I’ll be a minute.” A door opened and closed. “What’s up? Did you make it back to Missoula okay?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“How is she?”

“She looks like hell.” Her head was swollen. Her complexion was pale despite her tan, and the smooth skin over her face was marred with tiny cuts.

And she’d lied to him.

Jackson replied with something totally appropriate that Cole instantly forgot.

Instead, he blurted, “The kid is mine. The girl in the picture. She’s my daughter. Mine and Missy’s.” Their child existed, yet Missy was no more. Cole put his head on the steering wheel. “What in the hell do I do now?”

A few days ago he’d been envious of what Jackson, Logan and Spider had—loving wives. But kids…kids needed attention, closets full of stuff…and millions of other things of which Cole was blissfully ignorant. He’d wanted a wife, someone to spoil him with long, slow, passionate kisses and home-cooked meals. What did he get? A kid.

And what was he going to do about his mom? By some cruel twist of fate, Jenna looked incredibly like his sister, Sally, and Cole knew meeting her would send his mother over the edge, because she’d never really recovered from Sally’s death at age ten. Maybe it would have been easier on his mother if Jenna had been a boy. But she wasn’t. All in all, Cole was starting to think he was better off not knowing he had a kid. Could he just not tell his parents?

He swore. Wasn’t that just what Rachel had said?

“You’ll be a good dad. Don’t worry about it.”

A dad? Is that what he wanted? The title implied involvement—nearly impossible from another state—and demanded he come clean with his parents. And that was something he wasn’t sure he could do.

“Who has custody?”

Cole’s careening thoughts screeched to a halt on Jackson’s question. “Rachel seems to,” Cole answered woodenly. At least with Rachel Cole knew his daughter was in good hands, especially if he could convince her to give up firefighting.

“That’s good. You’ve always gotten along with her.”

“Sure. A decade ago we were friends.” That was before he realized everything about his time in Eden was a lie. “Why did she do this to me?” Cole wasn’t sure if he meant Missy keeping Jenna a secret or Rachel telling him about Jenna.

“Why don’t you ask Rachel?”

“I will. Tomorrow.” And all during the drive back to Eden. Like it or not, Rachel was getting a ride home from Cole. Cole hoped that was enough time to get to know more about his daughter and what he should do, and crack the mystery that had been Missy. Somehow, Cole knew that if he didn’t understand Missy better, his heart would never let her go. And the only person with answers was Rachel.

“ARE WE CLOSE?” Matt asked, walking with wobbly steps as he tried to balance the plastic-wrapped flowers Pop had purchased in the gift shop with one chubby hand. His other hand held Pop’s.

Jenna wasn’t sure what to be more worried about—her grandfather falling down and hurting himself or Matt tripping and crushing the flowers. She pressed the bunch of flowers back against Matt’s chest before looking at the numbers on the wall. “The lady said 112. This is 104.”

Jenna didn’t like hospitals. Bad things happened there. She walked next to Pop and Matt with her head down, concentrating on pulling the small wheeled suitcase. Trying to be quiet. Only, it was hard to be quiet in cowboy boots. She wished they could walk faster, but Pop had been wobbly on his feet since his eyes had gotten worse.

“Is this it?” Matt peeked into the next room. He’d just started kindergarten and wasn’t good with numbers yet.

Jenna shook her head. “No, 106.”

Matt ran to the next doorway, almost tripping over his own feet. “Is this it?”

“No.” Sometimes Matt was annoying. Jenna bit her lip to keep from yelling at him.

Pop’s gnarled hand rested on her shoulder with a gentle squeeze. “I’m real proud of you. We couldn’t have made this trip without you, Jenna.”

“I got us lost,” Jenna mumbled, burning with embarrassment.

“Yes,” Pop chuckled. “But then you found us again.”

Matt was running ahead, dragging the flowers on the gray floor as he stuck his head in room after room, calling out, “Is this it, Jenna?”

“Matt, stop,” Jenna hissed, seeing the nurse at the desk ahead of them frown, then stand up. “Wait for us.”

“Can I help you?” The nurse didn’t smile. Jenna could tell by her frown she didn’t really want to help them. The last time Jenna had been in a hospital was when Matt was born. Her mom had been crying. The nurse had pushed her out of the room and warned her to stay put or else.

Matt had stopped in the middle of the hallway, moving the bunch of flowers up and down and around as if he held a toy airplane. Jenna shushed him before he started making engine noises. Any minute now the nurse was going to kick them out.

Pop squeezed Jenna’s shoulder again. “We’re here to see my daughter, Rachel Quinlan. She’s in room 112.”

Jenna held her breath. That nurse was going to open her mouth and…

“Ahh, I was worried you wouldn’t get here in time.” The nurse came around the desk to them.

“In time?” Pop said, frowning in the nurse’s direction.

Jenna knew it. Aunt Rachel was dying.

“THERE SHE IS! Mommy!” Matt ran on stubby legs across the gray linoleum to Rachel’s bed, flinging his arms and a bouquet of flowers over her waist before resting his head on the mattress.

He didn’t land on her with much force, but Rachel’s muscles contracted around her bruised ribs, momentarily sending waves of pain through her chest.

When Rachel could breathe again, she ran a hand over Matt’s dark, silky hair and smiled as best she could through sudden tears at the sight of her father hobbling through the door with one hand on Jenna’s shoulder. She was glad to see them, yet she worried that if Cole came before they left he’d say something Jenna wasn’t ready to hear.

“There’s my girl,” Pop said, without looking at her directly. Since macular degeneration had decreased the clarity in the middle of Pop’s vision, he’d taken to looking at things sideways. “We’re here to take you home.”

“And bring you clean clothes,” Matt added, plucking at her hospital gown. “Looks like someone stole yours.”

“This is what you wear in a hospital. How was your trip?” Rachel lowered her voice to a whisper meant only for Matt. “Did you have any accidents?” He was having a bit of trouble remembering to go to the bathroom in school.

“Nope.” The little guy gave her a thumbs-up sign.

Jenna’s face was pale. She looked thinner than normal and remained rooted in the doorway, gripping the suitcase handle. Unlike Matt, who had the appetite of a teenager, Jenna didn’t think much about food.

Rachel wanted to gather them all close, but knew if she sat up too fast, she’d keel over, scaring the daylights out of them all. She settled for reaching out to Pop. “How did you get here?”

Her dad wasn’t allowed to drive long distances or at night, but he’d figured out how to get their family to Montana from Wyoming. Rachel wished they hadn’t surprised her. She would have preferred to get some of the tubes out of her arms so that she didn’t look like such an invalid.

“We took the bus,” Pop said in a gruff voice, taking Rachel’s hand and holding on tight, his bony fingers still strong despite his age and failing health. “Couldn’t stomach you being here alone. We hoped to be here yesterday.”

With an impish smile, Matt said, “It took Pop forever to find the bus place. Then Jenna read the thing wrong, and we ended up on the wrong bus.” He rolled his eyes.

Ignoring Matt, Jenna moved forward with slow steps, asking in a strained voice, “What happened to your head?”

“I’ve got a big bruise.” With effort, Rachel held her smile in place. She knew she looked scary. She could barely stand to look at herself in the mirror.

“I’ve never had a bruise like that.” Matt peered at her hair.

Rachel prayed he never would.

“It looks like you’re wearing a beanie on your head.” Blue eyes wide, Jenna made a circular motion with her hand around her crown. “Are you going to be like that forever?”

The noise Rachel hoped was a laugh sounded more like a donkey braying. “Of course not.” She wasn’t particularly vain, but she’d asked two nurses and the doctor the same thing.

“What’s the word on the Privateer?” Pop asked. “Can we salvage it?”

Hating to disappoint him, Rachel avoided his gaze. “There’s nothing left to salvage.”

“Did you wreck your plane?” Matt stuck out his lower lip. “Couldn’t you save her?”

“You did save the most important thing on board,” Pop said, squeezing Rachel’s hand. A veteran of many wars and a few crashes, her dad was probably fully aware of what she was going through—the doubts, the fear, the guilt over Danny’s death, the anger that she hadn’t been good enough to avert disaster.

And she still had Missy’s secrets to worry about.

“We’ll find an even better plane. I’ll call a couple of people when we get home.” Pop’s smile and words were meant to reassure.

But Rachel’s throat closed. She’d come close to cutting her life short, to letting them all down. How was she going to find the will to get in the air again?

Jenna stood at the foot of the bed, arms wrapped tightly around her torso. Missy’s daughter understood how close she’d come to losing Rachel. She was an old soul who’d seen too much sorrow for a ten-year-old.

Rachel flicked a finger over Matt’s nose, which elicited another smile from him. “I’m afraid we’ve lost her, Matt, but you’ve still got me.”

Oblivious to the emotions of those around him, Matt bounced against the mattress a couple of times. “I hope we get a really fast plane next time, because Pop says I can start flying when I’m ten.” His dark eyes sparkled with excitement.

Next time. Would there be a next plane? A next flight? There had to be. Flying was the only way Rachel knew to pay the bills and keep her family together. Flying was the only place where Rachel felt free.

If only Rachel’s heart didn’t pound a fearful beat at the thought of taking to the air.

“I NEED TO GIVE YOU instructions before you all leave.”

Lost in thoughts of Missy and what might have been if he’d just stayed in Eden or if someone had told him the truth earlier, Cole almost didn’t stop at the nurse’s station. “Instructions?”

“Yes.” The nurse eyed him as one would a misbehaving child. “Until the swelling in Miss Quinlan’s head goes down, she’ll be very unsteady on her feet. Don’t let her walk on her own.”

He was to be Rachel’s nursemaid? Rachel wasn’t going to be too happy about that. If only he could reclaim the easy relationship they’d had when they were younger. Then she’d let him help her. And maybe he could get her talking about Missy, which would help him understand what had happened. He knew that was the only way he’d be able to let go. It might also give him the answer as to what to do about Jenna and his parents.

Given the tragedy of his sister’s death and how that had sent his mother into a tailspin that she had yet to fully come out of… Well, showing up on his parents’ doorstep with someone who looked so much like Sally wasn’t an idea he’d even remotely consider. Custody, which he hadn’t even thought about until Jackson had brought it up, was not something Cole was looking for. So what did he want from this?

He wanted Missy. He wanted to go back to Eden, to a time when Missy had loved him and he’d felt as if he’d belonged to someone, to a family.

Too late. He’d blown his chance.

The nurse tapped the tip of a pen on the counter to reclaim his attention. “No unassisted walking. Not even to the bathroom. Every time her head rises above her feet, she’ll feel as if she’s just gotten off a roller coaster. That means even sitting can be a problem.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’ll have a hand on her every time she so much as sits up.” Since Rachel needed such delicate care, she wouldn’t be able to send him away the moment they arrived back in Eden. In light of that, playing nursemaid was bearable.

“Be careful of her ribs when you help her up and down. Bruised ribs are no fun.”

Nodding, Cole rubbed his chest. He’d cracked a couple of ribs his first year as a Hot Shot when a tree he’d been trying to take down had nearly crushed him. He’d learned a lot about falling trees since then, and adopted a more conservative approach to life.

The nurse interrupted his meandering thoughts. “If you can’t wake her up, take her directly to the emergency room.”

That got his attention. Cole had never been around anyone recovering from a concussion before. He’d noticed Rachel’s head was swollen, but hadn’t realized the consequences of the injury lasted so long.

Poor thing.

Poor lying thing. He had to remember that she’d kept so much a secret from him all this time. Missy had been gone five years. Five years! The realization that he’d never see Missy again still turned his stomach, and yet, the fact that Missy had had so little faith in his love stung. Rachel hadn’t been the only lying Quinlan.

The nurse shifted into his line of vision. “When she gets home, she’ll need constant assistance and lots of sleep. Dressing will be a challenge, and things requiring a good bit of standing, like cooking, are out for at least a few weeks.”

As it became clear just what an invalid Rachel was, Cole felt a bit overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all. Wasn’t the nurse going to write any of this down?

“Nod if you understand,” the nurse said with a steely gaze.

Cole nodded slowly.

“It seems as if I can trust you, although after that episode yesterday, I’m not so sure.” She looked him up and down. “You won’t upset her, will you?”

Cole scratched the back of his neck. “You’ve seen what kind of patient she is. She doesn’t like sitting still or taking orders. Do you honestly think anyone caring for her won’t upset her?”

The nurse grinned. “All right, you’ll do. Let’s go get our patient.” She pushed the wheelchair briskly down the hall to Rachel’s room.

Cole hesitated. The time had come to face Rachel after the bluntness of her parting words. What would he have done if Missy had called him up and told him she was pregnant all those years ago?

Cole frowned. The past eleven years would have been different if he’d known about Jenna. A part of him felt guilty to have had such a good life, free of the responsibility and financial burden a child brought. Cole didn’t want to acknowledge that Rachel and Missy might have been right. He’d been itching to do things, to go out and tackle the world. A child, hell, even a wife, would have fenced him in.

He’d like to think he would have found a way to make things work with Missy, to create a home for her and the baby, to make peace with his mother, but the truth was Cole would have resented going back to Eden and taking up some mundane job at a gas station or grocery store. And Missy had made it clear she wasn’t leaving Eden. Cole lived for the outdoors and had come to love the risk and adrenaline rush of being a Hot Shot. If he’d known about Jenna their relationship would have been doomed.

“THIS IS ALL UNNECESSARY,” Rachel said as she eyed the wheelchair her nurse pushed into the room. She wasn’t that helpless.

Cole appeared in the doorway, glancing from Rachel to the wheelchair. Rachel tugged self-consciously at the wrinkled T-shirt her family had brought her and wondered if she could get rid of Cole before the others got back from the cafeteria. “I can walk out of here on my own.”

“Uh-huh.” Ignoring her protests, the nurse swung Rachel’s booted feet slowly around until they hung off the side of the bed.

Rachel stared at the dark splotches on her boots and tried to swallow back the fear the bloodstains awakened. Fear of flying. Fear of dying. Fear of failure. Inexplicably, Rachel’s gaze was drawn to Cole’s in the hope that he would dispel her anxiety the way he’d done when they were younger.

But Cole wore the same disapproving frown as her nurse. That made Rachel wish things were different between them, wish that she could smile at Cole and he’d grin back, as if they shared a private joke the punch line of which only they knew. But she was on her own. The only one who was going to handle the burdens Rachel carried was Rachel.

Disappointed, Rachel looked away. “Just call me a cab, and I’ll get myself to the bus station.” She would not allow herself to be hurt further by Cole, or let him hurt Jenna.

“Sure, sure. I’d do that. But it’s hospital policy that we give you a ride out of here.” The nurse gave Cole a significant look and nodded toward the end of the bed.

Cole moved closer. Clearly he was going to help the nurse move Rachel into the wheelchair. Rachel frowned until her head throbbed in protest. She winced and cleared her expression.

“I don’t like being babied,” Rachel announced, squinting intently at the floor because judging the distance to it was somehow difficult. Doubt surfaced. Maybe she really did need help.

“I don’t baby my patients,” the nurse answered stiffly, flipping the wheelchair footrests to either side, then locking the wheels in place. She returned to Rachel’s side, near enough to catch her if she fell, and then pushed the button to lower Rachel’s bed.

It was now or never.

Wrapping one hand around her rib cage Rachel slid slowly off the bed, hoping to land on her feet. It didn’t work out like that. Even though Cole and the nurse grabbed for Rachel’s arms, she still ended up on the floor.

“Could you not have waited two seconds more?” Cole asked.

“I wanted to see if I could do it.” Rachel struggled to breathe as the world came back into focus. Unfortunately, clear vision made it possible to see that Jenna had arrived.

“Are you all right?” the girl asked, looking as if she was about to cry. Between Rachel’s appearance and nonexistent balance, her niece had every right to be shaken. It would have been better if Pop had kept her little family at home.