Читать книгу The Summer Villa - Melissa Hill, Melissa Hill - Страница 21

Now

The drive back from the restaurant in Sorrento had been a silent one. Kim knew Antonio wanted her to confide more in him but she couldn’t.

She and Gabriel weren’t him and Emilia. There were some major differences in their relationship. Kim idolised the older woman, who might soon no longer even remember her.

Right from the start, Emilia had inspired and encouraged her. She had facilitated everything that Kim had achieved with The Sweet Life, had pushed her out of her comfort zone, and encouraged her to break away from the hold her parents had on her.

After all these years, Kim wished she could thank whatever god was smiling on her the day she’d met her and Antonio. His wife was someone Kim admired and adored, but definitely not one she could compare with.

Emilia was the best of women.

‘Are you going to be grumpy for the rest of the day? If so, I might as well fix us both a drink.’ Antonio’s voice again interrupted her musings.

They were back at the villa now, sitting at a patio table outside on the terrace, next to the adjoining lawn that was to be the centre’s yoga area.

‘I don’t think my being grumpy is the reason you want a drink,’ Kim drawled, briefly checking her phone.

‘Perhaps, but it is the reason I’m going to use.’

Still his words brought a smile to her face. The Italian knew the right things to say at just the right time. He had for as long as she’d known him.

Having checked her email, she scrolled idly through her social media, noting with some satisfaction that her latest post – a pretty and artistic shot she’d taken earlier of the villa’s lemon groves and the azure waters of the bay as a backdrop – had already racked up lots of activity.

She read a little way through some of the comments, before one in particular stopped her in her tracks.

The Sweet Life? That’s a joke, considering. Don’t you mean The FAKE Life?

Kim frowned.

Since the villa project had ramped up, lately she seemed to be getting some negative and downright nasty comments from people (although possibly even the same person using different identities, as online trolls often did).

Par for the course with social media, she knew, especially for an account with a following in the hundreds of thousands, and while Kim didn’t usually pay too much attention, she didn’t like the sound of this one.

The Fake Life …

It was unsettling, as it suggested something more sinister – personal, even – and because in truth, it tapped into Kim’s own deeply held insecurities.

‘Are you OK, bella?’ Antonio asked, frowning as he came back out with a decanter of rich amber that he’d stolen from the villa’s freshly stocked kitchen.

‘I’m … fine.’

He studied her face and then his brows furrowed slightly as he noticed her faraway expression. He set the whiskey down on the patio table.

‘OK, maybe this is something that should be spirit-free,’ he decided. He lowered himself onto the seat beside her, his knees pointed towards her. ‘Tell me what’s going on.’

Kim exhaled and looked out over the water. She wasn’t going to tell Antonio about the comments; not until she could get a proper handle on it all herself.

Not to mention that he didn’t really get social media, routinely joking that it was ‘not of his generation’.

‘You asked me earlier about Gabriel …’ she began, though the strain to get the words out was considerable.

Antonio didn’t interrupt. He sat quietly, his expression still, as he allowed her the time and comfort to say what she needed to.

‘When I met Gabe, I really thought I’d hit the jackpot, that everything I’d ever dreamed about was actually happening. A kind, accomplished, wonderful man wanted me by his side and it had nothing to do with my parents. It was a bit surreal. He was so good to me, genuinely kind and caring. He understood my passion for what you, Emilia, and I had started. Eventually, he became my best friend.’ Kim could feel sadness start to rise up as she spoke and her eyes began to sting.

‘You are speaking in the past tense, bella. Did that change? Did he stop being good to you?’ Antonio queried hesitantly, as he placed a comforting hand on top of hers.

‘No,’ Kim answered. ‘The very opposite, actually. Once we were married, he remained all those things and more. My biggest champion and supporter. I was so happy and felt I could take on the world with him at my side. We had everything, the rest of our lives to look forward to. Then I got pregnant.’

She noted how her words affected Antonio. He shifted slightly, a disapproving expression passing over his face. She knew his view on children. He adored them, believed them a gift from God, something to cherish. Kim didn’t get that line of thinking. Her parents obviously hadn’t, either.

‘When I found out I was going to have a baby, I was scared out of my wits. I didn’t know how to be a parent. I didn’t even know where to start. Having a child had never been a consideration for me. Everything with the business was going so well and I was happier than I’d ever been in my life. Then there was this baby in the mix and I was supposed to be over the moon about it. Everyone else was. Gabriel was beside himself with joy.’ She shook her head as her eyes glassed over at the memory.

‘Kim—’ Antonio began but she stopped him.

‘I know what you’re going to say, but please hear me out,’ she pleaded. ‘I didn’t really want the baby.’

The words were horrible to say out loud, but nonetheless true. Kim hadn’t wanted her own child. She felt terrible for it, but it didn’t change what was. She might not have wanted Lily, but not having her wasn’t an option either. Gabriel would never have forgiven her (nor could she have forgiven herself), and he assured her every day that she would be a great mother. Her fears would pass and she would see that she could do it.

But it hadn’t happened.

‘I carried Lily for all those months and every day I hoped to feel the excitement and happiness everyone said I would, but I didn’t. The closer I got to her birth, the more scared I became. When she finally arrived, it was almost a confirmation that I shouldn’t be a mother. She refused to nurse and cried whenever I picked her up. It was almost as if she didn’t want me either.’ Kim took a deep breath as emotion began to overwhelm her. ‘It’s like she knew.’

‘It is all right. Let it out.’ Antonio spoke gently, like a father to his child.

‘She had colic. She’d cry and cry but nothing I did helped. Only Gabriel could get her to stop. He’d hold her in a special way and she’d just go quiet and fall asleep. It never worked for me, no matter how many times I tried. Eventually, I stopped trying and just left him to it.’

‘You let him take over caring for her because you felt you couldn’t, and he would be better?’

Kim nodded solemnly.

‘Babies sometimes reject breastfeeding. It is nothing strange and it certainly isn’t personal,’ Antonio assured her.

‘It felt like it.’

‘I can’t imagine. I can, however, imagine a colicky child. I had one myself. Nothing worked. Nothing Emilia or I did worked, but we got past that. It wasn’t us, it wasn’t the baby. It was just a simple condition that Giuseppe got over, and I am sure Lily got over, too.’

‘After a while,’ Kim said with a sniffle.

‘Did you try with her after that?’ he asked gently.

‘Not really,’ she replied with a shake of her head. ‘Things started getting even better with work, the collaboration offers were flying in, and Gabriel seemed happy to do it all, so I let him. I let him be mother and father to her. She doesn’t need me, even now.’

The soothing strokes on her back stopped as firm hands gripped her shoulders and Antonio turned her to face him. ‘Now that is nonsense. I have never heard a more foolish remark. Your daughter needs you, Kim. Your husband needs you. You can’t just run away again and turn to work to escape what doesn’t go according to plan in your life.’

‘But …’

He raised a finger to silence her. ‘No. Maybe I can understand that you didn’t have an example to follow, and you felt lost and incapable because of it, but the Kim I know is not a quitter. Six years ago she did whatever she could to free herself of her parents’ hold and established a thriving business all on her own.’

‘Not exactly. I had a lot of help,’ she interjected.

‘I did very little,’ Antonio responded. ‘And Emilia simply opened your eyes to the potential of what you already had inside you. Yes, she might have got you some introductions in the beginning, but it was you who had your wonderful ideas and brought them to life in the first place. We had no part in that.’

‘I wouldn’t say that …’

‘I would. I would also say that you can’t let your fears keep you from your happiness. Follow your own advice: take a chance. If you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.’

‘Well, something like that,’ Kim replied with a smile, as he lobbed one of her very own quotes at her.

‘You get my meaning,’ he continued. ‘You need to be that person now. It can’t only be for some time but all of the time, or else you will never have the happiness you want to help others achieve. You’ll forever be the person who came here to Italy as a runaway. Yes, the business is a great success and will continue to be so, but it will be hollow. I assure you. Don’t fall into the trap of letting work achievements distract you from the truth. It’s just somewhere to bury your head in the sand and hide from what frightens or challenges you.’

‘But I truly don’t know how to be the mother Lily needs. I’m not sure I even know how to be the wife Gabe needs. I’m never there.’

‘Hush,’ Antonio silenced her. ‘Have you not been listening to a word I said? You can do this, Kim. But first you must be honest, not only with Gabriel, but yourself. Maybe start by admitting to him how you feel. I’m sure he’ll understand.’

Panic stabbed her heart the moment the words left her mentor’s lips. ‘I can’t tell Gabriel what I just told you – about Lily. He’d hate me. I hate me.’

Antonio scoffed. ‘Gabriel loves you. Very much. He won’t leave you, if that’s what’s bothering you. He’s one of the most honest and honourable men that I have ever known. He is also no fool. I expect he knows a lot about what you’ve been keeping hidden from him, and is waiting for you to come to him when you’re ready.’

‘Do you think?’ Kim replied as a small glimmer of hope ignited in her chest. The fear of Gabriel leaving was one she hadn’t had the courage to admit, but Antonio, as ever, had got to the bottom of her fears anyway.

‘I think you won’t know for sure until you talk to your husband. I can say all the right things in this situation, but it isn’t my assurance you need.’

‘You’re so perceptive it’s annoying,’ Kim said with a smile as she rubbed the errant tears from her cheeks. Despite her efforts, they’d defied her.

‘When Gabriel arrives, do you have plans to talk to him about this?’

‘Not particularly,’ she admitted. ‘There’s so much else going on right now …’

‘I think it would be the perfect opportunity for you to talk. The publicity is in place and the renovations are complete – all’s that left now is the party to celebrate Villa Dolce Vita’s introduction to the world. Everything is ready, Kim. And I can keep any last-minute things covered while you have some important time together with your family.’

Everything he was saying sounded good, but there was still so much for her to consider before her husband and daughter joined her here.

What if Antonio was right? But what if he was wrong? Gabriel was the best thing she’d ever had in her life and Kim was terrified of losing him.

Then Antonio patted his knees and sighed. ‘I’d better go. I have another meeting before I fly back to Milan this evening. We will talk again?’

‘Sure. Please give Emilia my best. And tell her I can’t wait to see her at the party.’

She stood and walked Antonio out as far as the door of the courtyard. He hugged her one last time before heading back to his car.

‘As you Americans say, you got this. And of course, honesty has always been your finest trait.’

Kim looked up at the glorious blue sky and closed her eyes.

If only he knew.