Читать книгу Marriage For Baby - Melissa McClone, Melissa Mcclone - Страница 7

AN HOUR later, Kate struggled to keep her heavy eyelids open. A sleepless night and overloaded emotions had taken their toll on both her body and her brain, but she wasn’t about to give into the exhaustion plaguing her. Not here in Cassidy’s hospital room. What if the baby woke up, and Kate didn’t hear her?

Sure, nurses came in and out with regularity, but she didn’t want to let Susan down. Or, Kate realized, Jared.

All she needed was a second wind. Stretching her arms over her head, she wiggled her fingers. Caffeine would help, but she didn’t want to leave Cassidy alone in case she woke up.

The minutes ticked by. Kate felt her head fall forward. Dazed and disoriented, she straightened. The smell screamed hospital and Kate knew where she was, but she still took in the cream-colored walls, the overhead lighting, a bed couch and a crib surrounded by noisy machines.

Cassidy.

The baby lay sound asleep. So small. So fragile.

And Kate’s responsibility.

She sat with her back straight and the balls of her feet pressed against the wall. Comfortable, no. But napping while on duty wasn’t allowed.

Despite her brave words and determination, she was terrified of doing something wrong, of being unable to care for the baby the correct way. And the last thing Kate wanted was for Jared to find her asleep on the job. He held all the cards, or in this case, the baby. She wouldn’t give him any reason to doubt her childrearing abilities.

From across the room, Kate stared at the crib. The machines lit and beeped, but the baby hadn’t moved from her earlier position. Not since the nurse had been in here before. Cassidy hadn’t made a sound, either. Unease prickled the hair at the back of Kate’s neck.

Check her.

She imagined Susan’s voice saying the words, and a heaviness weighed down on Kate. She’d lived with fear and uncertainty her entire childhood, and she’d moved beyond the two since becoming an adult. She’d put the past behind her, set goals and achieved them. But now Kate felt as if she’d been tossed into a whirlpool of doubt and confusion. She hated feeling that way again, and the million what-ifs running through her mind paralyzed her.

Kate remembered Susan telling her about checking the baby during the middle of the night to make sure Cassidy was breathing. Kate knew Susan’s fears were irrational and told her to take advantage of the free time and sleep herself. Susan had smiled, but said nothing. Now Kate understood the new mother’s anxiety. And she didn’t like it one bit.

She shifted in her chair, uncomfortable with her new needy, uncertain self.

Where was Jared? Shouldn’t he be back by now?

Kate glanced at the clock.

Darn. He’d only been gone an hour and with the paperwork that needed to be submitted to the court he wouldn’t return anytime soon. She blew out a puff of air.

Jared.

Even if they disagreed most of the time, his presence here would comfort her, distract her. Especially if he gave her one of his dimpled smiles, the kind that spread all the way to his eyes. She hadn’t seen one of those…in months. Not that she’d seen him, either.

A light blinked. Kate scanned the bank of machines. Surely if something was wrong, a monitor would sound an alarm and alert the nurse who would come running. She took a slow, deep breath.

Was this how her life would be from now on? Worried something bad would happen? Worried she would somehow fail Cassidy? Worried she would let Susan down in the worst possible way? If only Jared…

Kate shuddered. She had to stop. Now.

She didn’t need Jared. She’d survived all but five years of her life without him. He’d proven he wouldn’t stick around forever, that if she didn’t do what he wanted he would leave. The realization provided resolve and courage, both of which she needed.

She could handle this. On her own. The way she’d always done.

All Kate needed to do was check the baby. She slipped off her shoes, walked softly to the crib and peered down. The rise and fall of Cassidy’s chest brought a rush of relief. The sight of the slumbering child with a peaceful expression on her face blanketed Kate with warmth. How could something so small make her feel so good? She fought the urge to caress the baby’s smooth cheek. The last thing she wanted to do was wake the sleeping infant.

Kate stood by the crib. Watching the machines, with all those blinks and blips, would keep her busy until Jared returned. And then it would be his turn.

But she realized with unexpected clarity, her turn wouldn’t be over. Not ever again. Her life would never be the same. Cassidy would always be a part of her life and link Kate to Jared. Even after the divorce…

The implications, both past and future, swirled through her mind. There would be no tidy goodbye. No tucking the memories away and forgetting about him. No moving on without Jared a part of her life. They would spend the next eighteen years making decisions about Cassidy, a child who would rely upon them for everything—nourishment, shelter, nurturing, advice and love.

The reality of what their new responsibility entailed hit Kate full force. She stood frozen, assailed by a multitude of doubt. She and Jared couldn’t agree on what television show to watch or what they wanted for dinner on the weekends they were home together, how could they agree on what to do with Cassidy? Until she became an adult?

Kate staggered back.

What on earth had Susan been thinking?

Raising a child was nothing like baby-sitting Jared’s nieces and nephews. Kate had no idea how to be a…mom. Motherhood had been this ideal, never anything real or attainable, just something she’d tucked away in the back of her mind when she realized her days as a wife were numbered. She didn’t have a clue about being a parent. The only thing she knew was what kind of mother she didn’t want to be.

And what about Jared? He had no experience being a dad. Sure, he liked kids, but that was different from having one of your own. With his travel schedule and once they were divorced…

Staring at the baby, Kate leaned against a wall. She didn’t want to let her best friend down, but…

How in the world were she and Jared going to do this?

“How are you going to do this?” Not even a bad phone connection could mask the concern in Margery Reed’s voice.

Jared wanted to reassure his mother, but no words would come. Not when he was as unsure about this situation as the rest of his family—two of whom he could hear voicing their opinions in the background.

“Raising a child isn’t easy under the best of circumstances,” Margery continued.

She meant his marriage. Or rather, his soon-to-be lack of one. The divorce had not only caught Jared off guard, but the entire Reed clan who had encouraged him to accept the promotion and move to Seattle with the belief Kate would follow him. Jared had assumed the same, that he was more important than her career. He’d assumed wrong.

“Being a single parent is going to be hard on Kate.”

“Don’t worry, Mom.” Especially since he was the one who would end up with Cassidy, but he wasn’t about to drop that bombshell on them yet. “We’ll figure something out. Reeds always come out on top.”

“You sound like your father.”

“And Grandpa.” A flashing sign caught Jared’s attention. The Burger Barn. It was dinnertime. He doubted Kate had eaten. She needed to put some weight back on. He pulled into the parking lot and lined up behind a red pickup truck in the drive-thru line. “You remember what Grandpa said. Second place is for everyone else.”

Margery laughed. “You’ll be saying the same thing to Cassidy before you know it.”

An invisible weight pressed down on Jared. He had a good job and made recommendations to clients who would invest millions of dollars in companies based on his word, but that kind of responsibility was different than the parental kind. “Yeah. I guess I will.”

“Chin up, Jared,” Margery ordered. “You’ll be a great dad.”

Brady had written the same thing in his letter. Jared would do his best.

“I can’t wait to meet Cassidy, our newest granddaughter.”

He imagined her bragging to her friends about the newest addition to the family. If only it could have been under happier circumstances.

“Would you like us to come to Boise to help you?” his mom asked. “We could be there tomorrow. Tonight if you need us.”

Yes. Please. He’d like nothing better than to dump this mess in his mother’s experienced lap. But Jared swallowed the words before they were barely formed. He was in this on his own. Or rather, he was in this with Kate.

Once his family swarmed in on them, they would lose any chance of seeing if they could make this parenting thing work. He would lose any chance of showing Kate what she’d given up on. What they were both missing. What they could still have if only she wasn’t so damn stubborn.

Okay, maybe that was nothing more than a pipe dream, but he wasn’t ready to accept the failure of his marriage completely. Lawyers and divorce settlement aside.

Kate had never been comfortable accepting his parents’ well-intentioned advice and assistance. She reminded him of a stray cat they’d found living in their garage when he was a kid. The cat wanted to be petted, but would hiss and arch if it received too much attention.

Jared knew his parents acted out of love, but the Reeds were like the cavalry when they rode into town with a cloud of dust in their wake. It was better to stand back and get out of the way to keep from being trampled. Kate would feel pushed out more than she already did if his family were here. For once Jared was willing to concede that point.

Cassidy was his and Kate’s responsibility.

“Thanks, Mom, but let’s see how we do on our own first.”

“We? As in you and Kate?”

“The two of us were named guardians.”

“But the divorce—”

“Isn’t final yet,” he interrupted. “And Cassidy needs both of us.”

“Do you think…?” His mother’s words trailed off.

“What?”

“It’s none of my business.”

That had never stopped her before. “What do you want to know, Mom?”

“Do you think that now with Cassidy in the picture, Kate will change her mind about the divorce?”

“I hope so,” Jared admitted. “That would be the best thing for Cassidy.”

“Would it be the best thing for you?” Margery pressed.

“Yes.” Jared didn’t hesitate with his answer. He wanted to avoid divorce at all costs.

“You know we love Kate, but be careful,” his mother said. “We don’t want to see you hurt again.”

The red truck pulled forward. “I’ve got to go, Mom. I’ll call you later.”

“We’ll be here. Love you.”

Jared disconnected the call. He had no doubt his entire family would offer their advice and help. That was what the Reeds did.

You have your family to support you.

He remembered Brady’s letter. Jared did have his family’s support. And he might need it more than he ever had.

Time to stop wanting to get Kate back and do something about it. Jared would be taking a chance by putting their marriage—himself—on the line. Hell, she could say no and he would be worse off, but she could say yes and that was worth the risks. Because if she agreed…

Jared smiled. He would not only get his wife back. He would have the family he’d always dreamed about.

The smell of grease wafted in the sterile air of Cassidy’s hospital room. Kate’s stomach growled, and her mouth watered.

This wasn’t good. Tired, hungry and hallucinating about food. Maybe she could ask one of the nurses for some crackers.

“How is Cassidy?”

The sound of Jared’s softly spoken question brought a smile to Kate’s face. She turned, and tingles shot through her at the sight of him. Okay, maybe seeing the bag of takeout and the drink holder with two large cups in his hands caused the tingling.

Whatever his other faults, Jared made sure she ate.

“She’s doing well,” Kate said. “She was awake for a little bit.”

“Shouldn’t we whisper so we don’t wake her up?” he asked.

“The nurse said noise wouldn’t bother her. If we’re too quiet the baby will need total silence to sleep. The nurse recommended keeping music on in the house once we get home.”

Wherever home might be. Portland, Kate hoped, until the divorce was final.

“That makes sense.” Jared placed the bag on a table. “I brought double cheeseburgers, mustard and pickles only on yours, fries and onion rings.”

Her empty stomach cheered. “My favorites.”

A beat passed. “I remember.”

And so did Kate. Grabbing lunch at a local burger joint and heading to the park for an impromptu picnic lunch on the rare occasion when they both happened to be in town on the same day, and it wasn’t raining. She remembered eating and lounging on a blanket until the ringing of their cell phones told them it was time to return to work.

“Thanks.” She offered him a smile. “I needed this.”

But mere words didn’t seem enough. Kate might not need Jared to be here, but she was happy he was here. She would have to do something nice for him.

“Thank you for staying with Cassidy,” Jared said.

He handed her food and a drink. Kate wanted to gobble her dinner down, but she wasn’t about to let hunger replace good manners. She would wait until Jared was ready.

He stood by the crib. “Go ahead and eat.”

“I can wait.” Kate sipped her soda instead. The jolt from the sugar and caffeine was exactly what she needed.

Jared’s watchful gaze, however, made her uncomfortable.

“What?” she asked.

He glanced back to the crib. “Let’s eat before the baby wakes up.”

She wasn’t going to disagree.

Jared pulled his dinner from the bag, unwrapped his cheeseburger and took a bite. He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I don’t know about you, but I was starving.”

Kate picked up a fry. “This hits the spot. I owe you.”

“It’s on me.”

She hadn’t meant owing him financially, but she understood his response. They had kept their own bank accounts after they married. Every month they would each deposit an equal amount into a joint household account to cover the mortgage payment and utility bills. The method worked well and made splitting the assets for the divorce settlement easy. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

They finished eating in comfortable silence, a difference from the negative undercurrents they usually encountered when they were together.

Kate finished her soda and wiped her hands. “The nurse said the doctor might release Cassidy in two days, three at the most. Did you and Don finish going through the paperwork?”

“Completed and filed.” Jared said to her relief. “Don hopes the court will appoint me personal guardian tomorrow so we can start the guardianship proceedings.”

“And then the real fun begins.”

“I’ve been thinking about this whole guardianship issue,” Jared said.

“Me, too.” Kate leaned back in the chair. “It isn’t going to be easy. We don’t know anything about babies.”

“You’re right, and this is going to be hard on Cassidy. She doesn’t know what’s going on or where her parents went so we need to make sure she’s the priority.”

“I agree,” Kate said. “We need to think about Cassidy and the effect on her with every decision we make.”

Suddenly the situation didn’t seem so overwhelming to Kate. She wasn’t alone. She and Jared were discussing matters logically, rationally, without disagreeing. A positive sign. She only hoped their getting along continued in the future.

Jared’s easy smile sent Kate’s heart beating faster. “Sounds like a good plan.”

No doubt he felt the same way about their conversation and getting along. That bolstered her spirits and gave her the courage to ask what had been on her mind all afternoon. “Once Cassidy is released from the hospital, could I please take her back to Portland with me? At least until the divorce is final.”

“Another good idea.” He glanced at the crib, then back at Kate. “My family can watch Cassidy when you are at work. Unless you had thought of other arrangements?”

Child care. Kate hadn’t thought about that, but a nanny or day care didn’t make sense when the Reed clan was right there. And Susan wanted Cassidy to be part of a large family.

“I hadn’t thought of any child care arrangements,” Kate admitted. “Do you think your family will mind?”

He laughed. “They’ll be fighting over her.”

“That will be good for both Cassidy and me.” And Susan. That was what she wanted. She must be smiling up in Heaven.

Except, Kate wondered, would she see the recrimination in Jared’s family’s eyes? Sure, they still invited her to dinner and gatherings, but she knew they weren’t happy about the situation between her and Jared.

“I could come down and help out on weekends,” he added.

“That would be great.”

“Yeah, great.”

His gaze locked with hers. The temperature in the room increased. She needed another soda or a glass of water or a…kiss. Kate looked down.

No, this couldn’t be happening. Her reaction was simply due to the situation. The grief following the death of Susan and Brady. The emotion of inheriting Cassidy.

Kate wouldn’t let herself think otherwise. “What about after the divorce?”

“I’ve been thinking about that,” he said. “The best thing for Cassidy would be if she had a mother and a father who were married.”

“I know that’s what Susan and Brady would have preferred.” Kate would give Jared that. “But in our case a traditional family is not possible.”