Читать книгу The Willow Pond - Mervyn Linford - Страница 9

Chapter 1. Loose ends - New Horizons.

It was one of those August days. One of those bygone, half-forgotten, ‘there were summers in those days,’ sort of days. At the back of the Rathbone Street Market, between the bombsites and the glassworks, the results of another, ‘war to end all wars,’ could be seen in the guise of prefabricated buildings. Those regimented lines of post-war asbestos, angled at the essence of utility. It was eggs on the pavement, frying, sort of weather. Pigeons in rickety lofts, crooned and bubbled in the heat. Chickens in the rat-infested yards, scratched at the tufted ground, hungry for the thinnest pickings. On that spit-roasted, dog dozy, fly buzzing doldrums of a day, my life was about to change forever. The powers that be, in deference to the principals of liberal minded beneficence, had offered the residents of this somewhat un-des residential quarter the option of a new start. Not just a new start, but a new start in a New Town. Like a rash of incurable philanthropy building-sites were breaking out all over the Home Counties and beyond. Basildon, as yet a figment of my ‘Swallows and Amazons,’ ‘Wind in the Willows,’ childlike imagination, was soon to become my formative landscape. But as yet it was London. A London of the trolley bus and the last trams, of horses and carts and the technological wonder of the first electric milk floats.

It was there on that hot August day early in the decade of hope and ration books that the removal van drew up outside. From that point onwards imagination and adventure were to be constantly allied. Young as I was I was fired with the pioneering spirit. For me at least the removal van could have been a part of any of the legendary wagon trains opening up the West. The porters in their aprons and cloth-caps could just as easily have been cowboys in chaps and leather waistcoats. “What d’you want shifted furst missus,” they harmonized, and slowly we decamped. Sticks of furniture, moth-eaten rugs and a 14-inch state of the art, black and white Fergusson television-set joined the trickle of possessions deemed indispensable to our new lives. I was impatient for the off. Not for me the interminable goodbyes to weepy neighbours. Not the kisses and the handshakes or the promises to keep in touch. A new life beckoned. There was territory to be claimed. Land to be staked. As a special treat I was allowed to travel in the back of the van. I stood up with my arms across the tailboard and waited for my past to recede.

At six years of age you may think that the past was in rather short supply; but past there was in plenty. I was born in Hampshire, but that as well as just about everything else that had happened in my life thus far was due entirely to the war. According to family tradition I could have been born in any number of places. I was an integral part of a pregnancy at various locations throughout London. Was on the verge of birth in Folkstone and finally came up, or down, for air in Westover Road, Fleet, near Aldershot. My memories of Hampshire stretch little further than the umbilical cord itself. I remember a bridge, a river, what I’ve subsequently found out to be watercress and inconceivably to me a vision of goldfish. This set of somewhat disjointed psychological memorabilia have since been explained to me in terms of separate events in a logical sequence of time, but for me they’re inextricably linked and form part of my unique mythic development. To put it another way, I’d like to be able to claim rustic origin - to explain my life as it now is as the inevitable consequence of my earliest experiences. Unfortunately, truth is, that apart from those few rather vague bucolic reminiscences, my real foundations are those of the city. The Thames is in my blood. Every slick polluted corpuscle slopping against the grey wharves of my brain. My mind is bricked-in and stacked-up layer upon layer into the grim smoke-confusing skies of E16. Pie and mash was my gestation and sarsaparilla the baptism.

My recollections take me by the hand and I find myself in my grandmother’s house at Leicester Avenue. I was there for a street party. Festival of Britain or Empire day, I couldn’t tell you. All I know is that it was a party, that I was being dressed up as Little Boy Blue in reams of crepe paper, and that I didn’t like it. Mind you, at least I won a prize. It could have been worse, my brother was entered as a Red Indian and it took a week to scrub him free of boot-polish. As is the case with most people of note, I had an Irish grandmother. It seems almost obligatory. There’s something deeply unsettling about a purely Anglo-Saxon heritage - a truly atavistic sense of tribal guilt. Claims of Celtic ancestry abound; we seem to need them somehow. Rumour has it that Katy Kerns, nee Barnet, wasn’t really Irish at all, but that her mother was. Kinsale and Cork are somewhere there in the background, with my lapsed catholicism to the fore. Whatever the reality, priests are more familiar to me than vicars and words like shenanigan come easily to the lips. In my own way I idolized that woman - that grey-haired diminutive goddess with a red-faced devilish temperament. What she lacked in physical stature she more than made up for by an abundance of spirit. Always dressed for work, her day-clothes protected by a floral pinafore with a large pouch in the front of it, she sat there in her chair by the pot-black stove for all the world like some sort of monarch of misrule; legs dangling like a naughty child. Her pinafore was better than a Jamboree-Bag. A lucky dip of the first order. “You in me pinny agin boy, what yer afta?” she’d say. Well, there were things in there to activate the sparkle in the eyes of innocence. The commonplace took on an inordinate mystery: plasters and boiled-sweets, sticky with their different reasons, pennies and bits of string, a bottle-opener for her Guiness. I especially remember the packets of Woodbines with their orange and green art-nouveau design, resonant of exotic places, like an archetypal jungle of the mind, sibilant with coiling snakes and raucous with macaws and parakeets.

My grandfather was a different proposition altogether. He lived deep in the mists of Apocrypha. Did he play for Aston Villa in the days when footballers turned up for the match in top hats and tails? Was he really once a professional boxer? I know he fought in the First World War but where he fought I couldn’t tell you. I think he worked for the local council, and yet spent most of the Depression unemployed. Taciturn would be an understatement. He sat in the chair opposite my grandmother, mostly obscured by the Daily Herald. Plumes of smoke billowed out from behind the headlines and the sport’s page. An occasional hand thrust out a spill into the stove, and then drew back a flickering flame into his private world of newsprint and Nutbrown. “Don’t listen to im,” my grandmother used to say. Which was ironic to say the least. At Christmas though there was a metamorphosis. In the topsy-turvy world of Saturnalian Cockneydom, silence was broken. He would dress up as a woman displaying all the garishness of a pantomime-dame. He would mince about the house singing and dancing as terrified children scattered in his wake. At tree-picking time he was transformed again into a somewhat taller, thinner than usual Father Christmas. I don’t think that I was ever really fooled, but it didn’t matter, the willing suspension of disbelief came easily in those days.

Uncles and aunts were legion. My mother had six sisters and two brothers. The house seemed always to be full. At Christmas dinner there were two sittings, one for the children and then another for the adults. Poor as they were the season of peace and goodwill was celebrated in a manner fit for royalty. They saved all year for this annual blow out and no expense was spared. The kitchen was a veritable slaughterhouse. Ovens were spitting and sizzling with their loads of turkey, goose, rabbit, pork and chicken. The pantry was hung with all kinds of cooked meats, which were gamey enough to have been the envy of any country mansion. Barrels of beer were set up on trestles in the backyard and wooden crates with their quart-bottled cargoes of stout and brown-ale were stacked to the ceiling on the back porch. We children weren’t forgotten either. There were those drinks that memories are made of: ginger-beer, cream-soda, dandelion and burdock, and of course the ever popular Tizer, fizzing up your nose and making your eyes water. In that Aladdin’s-Cave of a front room, decked out for the festivities, we feasted like we’d never done before. There were crackers and party hats, screams of laughter, sleeves dipped in gravy and jelly and cream on the tips of indelicate noses. Nobody cared, nothing mattered; we were free, licence had been given. Great wedges of Christmas pudding buckled the table. There was treasure in every piece. Silver-joeys, wrapped in greaseproof paper, had been carefully inserted so as nobody went without. It was a three-day party. ‘Knees-up-muvver-Brown’, Jimmy Shand, granny on the piano thumping away with one hand and picking out a tune with the other. Uncles and aunts were tipsy and giggling. Caterwauling through the old songs, sharp and flat and discordant; setting the teeth on edge. Adults never went to bed. They stayed up for three nights. Sleeping in chairs, playing cards, drinking themselves sober. Beds were reserved for the children - three at one end and three at the other. Too excited to sleep, rooms were awash with whispers. Moonlight filtered through chinks in the curtains. It was a silent-movie world of silhouettes and shimmering silver. Stories of ghosts and rattling skeletons, goose-pimpled the flesh and lifted the hairs on the back of the neck. But sleep would come at last, as inevitable as the end of Christmas itself. Light was engulfed. Laughter extinguished.

My first school was St Teresa’s Roman Catholic Primary School in Canning-Town. My memories of it are somewhat shadowy. That first morning, hand in hand with my mother, walking beneath the trees at the edge of the Hermit Road Recreation Ground still fills my mind with terror. There it was that another small birth took place. Had I been dangled by the feet and slapped bodily into the shock of existence, my screams and tears could not have been more authentic. There it was that the seeds of recalcitrance were sown. Being dragged away by a nun off into the unknown, never again - as I thought at the time - to see my kith and kin, was a jolt to the system that I’ve never fully recovered from. There it was that my first groping intellectualisms grasped at the meanings of distrust. My propensity towards the solitary life had its roots - in what I saw then - as that early betrayal. Much of my earliest school experience was clouded by that event. The rest is rather vague. Beanbags are a more prominent feature than I think they should be, though the symbolism eludes me. School dinners made their queasy mark: fish in white sauce, cabbage, boiled beyond the bounds of credibility and reeking of some antediluvian drainage duct, and of course, tapioca, that slippery excuse for frog’s-spawn, forced down the throats of the innocent in the name of: “You’re lucky you’re not starving and living in Africa."

After measles and sundry other infantile infections I settled into a somewhat uneasy truce with my warders and my surroundings. Strangely, when I think of present day realities, I was allowed to make my own way to and from school. It was then that my imagination began to expand in ways not conceived of by your average dour educationalist. The Church of the Holy Trinity, or as we knew it, Trinity Church - a black towering edifice that somehow managed to survive the worst excesses of The Blitz - was encompassed by houses in various states of bomb-damaged dereliction. One of those houses - a large three-storied dwelling - stood on its own amongst the piles of rubble. Some of its walls were missing. It could be peered into as you might look into an open doll’s-house. In one room a bent and buckled bedstead was perched precariously on the edge of oblivion. In another, where the blast echoing cupboard doors hung broken and askew, striations of incoming light filtered through the loose and missing slates to animate a dance of glittering dust. There, it was rumoured, a doctor had committed suicide; hung himself at the top of the stairs in a fit of morbid depression. That was our house of do-and-dare and there it was that we tested ourselves. Discovered the limits of our bravery. The staircase was built into a brick extension on the outside of the house. A series of steps and level planes zig-zagged their way up to the topmost landing. There, there swung a noose. Whether it was a memento mori from the rumoured suicide or just put there for a jape by one of the local wags, nobody knew. Suffice it to say that for us children it was real enough. Only once did I make the nerve-racking ascent. I can still smell the brick-dust and the damp. Can hear the creaking of the stairs and the beating of my tiny heart, trapped like a mouse behind the wainscot. When I got to the top - more breathless with anxiety than exertion - I saw the noose highlighted in the shadows by the slant of incoming sunlight. My fear was almost palpable. I was close to paralysis. Then someone behind me screamed and a flock of escaping pigeons exploded on thunderous wings. Never was an exit more undignified. Discretion being the better part of a rout, the residue of whatever bravery I had, remains there in that house; a ghost in search of another ghost; that haunts me still.

From the back of the removal van London started to contract. My frame of reference had begun to alter. Perspectives were shifting. What was once in the foreground of my life had now moved from the middle-distance to become nothing more than a diminishing speck on the receding horizon. Between my future and me lay the industrial wasteland of the city’s outskirts. Terraces of Victorian and Edwardian houses were being replaced by tracts of derelict land, factory chimneys and slag heaps. A concrete bridge carried us over a tidal creek, where wooden wharves, derricks, and a tumbledown paintworks clung to the edges of the polluted waterway. Precarious stacks of rusty oil-drums towered over waste-lots. In all directions everything seemed to be in a state of ruin or decay. Industrial buildings of every conceivable shape and size were to be seen in various stages of dilapidation. Asbestos, tin and corrugated iron; these were the things of Empire. The materials, ‘the sun never set on.’ Here and there, the half-hearted attempts at cultivation - the dig-for-victory plots of hungry Londoners - had reverted to scrub and brambles. Occasionally, where the more persistent amongst them had stuck to the task, oases of prelapsarian greenery repaid their efforts with a meagre crop of homegrown vegetables. Eventually, beyond the motor-works, the rows of Lombardy-poplars and the brick-built, sports-fielded suburbs, we found ourselves on the edge of the Essex marshes. Romance had entered into my life. By no stretch of the imagination could that country have been called beautiful in any conventional sense of the word. But for me the wide marshland fields, counterpointed by elms and crisscrossed by dykes and ditches flashing in the sunlight, were the start of a love affair that enthralls me still. Sheep were still an integral part of the marshland economy in those days and for me, a child of the city, they were the first and enduring symbols of my changing fortune.

By the time we were approaching our destination it was early afternoon. Whether or not summers were hotter in those days, I wouldn’t like to say, but hot it certainly was. An outcrop of low hills skirted the Thames marshes. Tortuous creeks curved and coiled through the sweeping delta. Their silver scales glinting in the hazy heat. We passed an inn called The Barge. It stood at the top of Wharf Lane. An elm-lined shadowy descent to the level crossing on The London Tilbury and Southend Railway, and beyond that to a timber-yard and Vange Wharf itself. Unbeknown to me at the time, tens years hence would see some of my earliest work experience gained in that very timber-yard. But for now it was a by-road to the sea Somewhere to launch my imaginary ships, to set sail for adventure with the sun’s radiant doubloon hanging in the rigging. About half a mile further on we went under a railway bridge and then turned left into Sandon Road. This was one of the few metalled roads in the area. It was bordered on both sides by a rare assortment of single-storey dwellings. Some were solid enough, brick-built with tiled roofs and having the luxury of flagstone paths and patios. Most however, were not so well constructed. Wood, tin, asbestos and corrugated iron were as much in evidence there as they were on the journey through the outskirts of London. There was a difference though. Here there was a pride in the materials. These shacks - originally summer homes only, but now occupied all year because of their proximity to a bombed-out city - were really well looked after. Paint and pebble-dash, orchard trees, shrubs and cottage flowers had marked each of those unassuming houses with the stamp of individuality. There was something about them of the home and castle mentality so much associated with the English mind.

Where the old metalled surface ended, a newer, wider, concrete road began. On one side of the road ran the Fenchurch-Street railway line and on the other there was a hawthorn thicket and a stand of two large elms. As yet there were no pavements. We passed a few more bungalows set back in their own fields and orchards, and then drew up outside our new home. The area that I was moving into was officially known as Barstable, but to most of the residents and me it was to become known as the Luncies Road Estate, a name derived from one of the larger local farms. At that time - other than in the eyes of planners - Basildon as we know it today, scarcely existed. Apart from Barstable the only other estate - a mile or two across the fields to the northwest - was called Whitmore Way. The change could not have been more complete. As modern as our new homes were, three-bedrooms, two inside toilets, one upstairs and one down - luxury indeed! - we were nevertheless islanded on all sides by much older and more bucolic patterns of existence. From west, through north to east, we were surrounded by a patchwork of farms, smallholdings, unmade-roads, woodlands and thorn thickets. To the south the ancient flood plains of the Thames stretched out from Fobbing to Benfleet and beyond. All this - appropriately enough for the Essex creeks and marshes - was to be my oyster. Whether the pearls thus formed are to be considered as those of wisdom, is not for me to say. But pearls they were, cultured or otherwise.

The tailboard of the removal van was lowered and out I leapt like a diminutive lion into my new domain. There, in the heat - the freshly smelt, sea-breezed and country heat - my wide-eyed, tree climbing self, was about to be born. There, through a pride of days. Through a sun-scratch, grass in the teeth twiddle of a rock-hard, clay-chasmed, August, life was to begin in earnest. Neighbourliness began at once. East End hospitality had been transposed. The next-door house in our particular terrace was already occupied. No sooner had the removal van drawn up, than we were invited in for tea and the welcoming committee. For my part I was given the option of either joining them or making my first tentative explorations of the area. Having at that age something of an aversion to tea and adult company, I chose the latter. Opposite our house there was a large field. A field burnt straw-coloured by the long, dry summer. Scattered pell-mell across it were sundry clumps of hawthorn and bramble and at the edge nearest our house there was a small depression. Rumour had it that this was a bomb-crater, the result of an enemy bomber dropping the last of its load while being chased by RAF fighters after a raid on London. If that’s true, then it lends credence to the maxim that if you look hard enough you can find some good in just about anything. Bone-dry in summer, this somewhat unremarkable concavity would fill to the brim in winter and spring and become my own private pond, replete with newts and tadpoles. Fate was definitely on my side. Apart from the pond, at no more than stepping distance from the end of our terrace a large billowy oak marked the spot where a cross-country footpath straddled the road. I say footpath but that would be to underestimate both its lineage and its mystery. Locals called it the alley, the back-path, and most deliciously to me, the bridle path. What connotations. What glorious visions of highwaymen and musketeers, of moonlit, midnight dashes, of steamy-nostrilled, foam-flanked, owl hooting escapades. Absolutely nothing before or since has made as much of an impression on my mind as that sinuous thoroughfare through the wilderness. On that first day I dared not venture very far. My erstwhile lion-hearted self was back with the hanged man. The noose at the top of the stairs in faroff London swung here as well, in the guise of a child’s swing dangling from a bough of the billowy oak.

Back at the house things were being put in order. The removal had been achieved, albeit mostly in the form of yet to be unpacked wooden-crates and cardboard-boxes. You may at this point be wondering, why thus far, I’ve said so little about my father and mother. To say nothing of my brother who’s five years older than myself. The truth is that I don’t think any of us given the option would have chosen each other as soul mates. We were as different as dreams and daylight. All three of them had what I considered to be strong, logical personalities. Being the youngest member of the tribe I felt that my place in the pecking order left a lot to be desired. No doubt they would have a very different view of the situation. But as a unique human being in my own right, what else can I do but assess it from the admitted bias of my prepubescent vantage? My parents were good - if somewhat strict - dutiful, God-fearing on the one hand, and fearing nothing on the other, sort of folk. My brother, by virtue of the five- year’s difference in our ages, seemed more an adjunct of parental control than someone to share my new-found excitements. All in all they appeared to my underdeveloped and highly suspicious - not to say superstitious - mind, like rational demons haunting the periphery of an otherwise totally irrational, spontaneous and idyllic existence. No doubt all three of them will be mentioned again periodically: my mother as the major influence in the development of my neurotic personality, my father as the personification of fear itself, and my brother as the role-model for fishing and affairs of the heart. But for now I must slip back into solipsistic mode and interpret the universe from the only place I can know for certain. My own demented mind!

Having been allotted a bedroom I was anxious to discover the view from the window. The garden - still more reminiscent of a builder’s-yard than anything approaching the council-house equivalent of suburbia - stopped at the edge of a small field. On the other side of the field were two more rows of terraced houses. In front of one of those was a group of hawthorn bushes. In front of the other stood a tall solitary oak, home to the massed accumulated tangle of a magpie’s nest. To the left - no more than fifty foot-itching yards away, was the soon to be explored, all-enticing bridle path. By the side of the path was one of the plotlander’s shacks. A ramshackle building, cobbled together with wood and tin. In its garden there were apple, plum and pear trees. Old rickety sheds, stacks of kindling and a well, stood witness to the rigours of self-sufficiency. In that shack there lived a hymn singing, hard working, old time evangelist known locally by the acronym ELIM - Lil. Being accustomed to rats - due to my Canning-Town upbringing - I was neither surprised nor mortified to see them there in abundance. The place was alive with them. Not just at ground level either. More than once I saw them in broad daylight sauntering along the veranda roof, as bold as you like. How they got up and down from there I never found out, all I knew was that rats in the plotlands were as common as sparrows. Many a time on looking into a well you’d see the bobbing, bloated carcass of a drowned one. “Don’t forget to boil the water before drinking it,” was one of the more sensible local maxims. Personally, I’ve never been afraid of rats. I’m not saying that I’d like to fill my trousers up with their wriggling, whiskered weight. It’s just for all the undoubted problems they cause, I still have a sort of sneaking regard for them. Their survivability is stupendous. Mankind and rats go together. Wherever humans are, rodents are there to take advantage of anything we care to give them, wittingly or otherwise. I find it strange - diseases aside - that tame, white rats of the children’s book variety can be thought of as cute; while their duskier cousins elicit screams of terror, traps, poison and armed-to-the-teeth rustic vigilante groups. Still, it’s easy for me to say, I’ve never kept chickens!

Dawn broke to a new day and a new life. Breakfast was a meal to be endured. I wasn’t interested in cornflakes, toast and jam, tea or anything else for that matter. All I wanted was to be free of familial restraints and to reconnoitre the soon to be legendary bridle path. I made my first major sortie down the alley from the side of the road opposite to our house. On entering the cavernous shade, with hawthorn and dog-rose bushes on one side and fully-grown privet hedges on the other, I was immediately assailed by the smell of the place. Smells and the bridle path went together. Not bad smells either. Whatever the season of the year the air was redolent with some commensurate perfume: sometimes musky, sometimes dank, sweet and fermenting in late summer or early autumn, tangy in mist and fog, or acrid with bonfire smoke. And how to explain the subtle aroma of frost or the rising volatile essence from a mulch of decaying leaves is beyond the skills of this particular writer. On that day however it was musky - hot and musky. Crickets and grasshoppers augmented the heat with their rasping insect equivalent of love-songs. Monotonous through five well rounded syllables the ringdoves tuned-in their recorders. Flies with bottle green and metallic-blue bodies droned through the slanting shafts of sunlight and a common-lizard skittered across the path. What the path itself was made of I’m not certain. It was as hard as concrete but darker in colour and more gravelly in texture. It had been laid in a continuous length but by now - due to wear and tear and the vagaries of climate - it was beginning to crack and break up. There was hardly a level plane of any consequence. Dislodging slabs were arranged at various angles of opposition to each other. To run along this path - or worse still, to cycle at full speed - was to take one’s life in one’s hands, especially as a deep ditch ran along its entire course. It was a bone-breaker in summer and as unfathomable as Davy Jones’ locker after the rains of autumn. As I ventured a little further into the alley I came across a wooden-gate set well into the privet, privet that had grown over as well as around it. Through this sombre archway I could see a small, squat, single-storied house. It was simply a tiny rectangle, pebble-dashed on the outside and roofed in slate. At its front three steps led up to a veranda. On that veranda there were a set of cane chairs, a small table, and a four-feet high wooden balustrade topped by thin horizontal planking. On this were rested flowerpots of various shapes, sizes and colours: earthenware and china, glazed or unglazed, glass and porcelain, patterned or otherwise. From these flourished a display of geraniums that would have lifted the heart of the organizer of the Chelsea Flower Show itself. The subtle and contrasting shades of pink and red were highlighted by the enlightened placement of white-blooming varieties. Was I dreaming? Was this where I had come to Live? I couldn’t believe my luck. It was better than a dream. As long as I could stay awake it would be there. None of that, “if only I could remember it,” or “if I could just pick it up where I left off.” This was for real, and it was mine, all mine! There too was where I encountered my first real plotland orchard. It was a veritable Eden of trees, grass, daisies and dandelions. There would I bite the fruit, yet retain my innocence a little longer. Magic names and scents and flavours hung from that Merlin’s Cave of an orchard. Great pendulous William’s pears, gleaming like yellow lanterns, Victoria plums - as big as a child’s fist - tempting the tongue with their sweet-sharp juices, and apples of every kind bearing names that are memories only: James Grieves, Codlings, Pippins, Bramleys, Worcesters and Blenheims. There too the greengage and the half-forgotten bullace, rounded their succulent flesh, as the cherry-ripe dangle of mimic earrings were sucked to the core of their nectared bones, and then spat from the sweetened lips of my sated childhood.