Читать книгу Dear Woman - Michael E. Reid - Страница 28

To the women who grew up with one: To say that there isn’t some sort of supernatural connection that happens between a father and his daughter throughout the process of raising her is difficult to do. A good dad makes moms jealous, boyfriends nervous, and the world just a little bit easier to handle. There are so many women who will testify that their father was the first man they ever fell in love with. There are women who will swear that the love, attention, support and encouragement they received from Dad, and sometimes even the lack of it, were probably the single most important aspects of their growth.

A woman who has that type of connection with her father no doubt has and/or will have an easier transition into becoming a woman. To those women, I want you to take a moment to realize how fortunate you are. If he’s around, shoot him a text, tell him, “Thank you.” Everybody likes to feel appreciated, even Dad. From the hugs and kisses to the walks and talks, from the screaming and yelling to the embarrassing phone calls and strict rules, everything was done for a reason. No matter what, he was always that lap to sit on, a shoulder to cry on, and that extra twenty bucks when you needed it. Cherish those memories.

Appreciate the good times as well as the tough ones. Having a dad is a beautiful thing, even when some of the decisions he makes or some of his actions as your dad aren’t so beautiful. Understand that as with life, there is no handbook that comes with fatherhood. There is no bonus you get in your paycheck every week or discount card you receive in the mail for raising a child. The only real incentive you get is maybe a cool card and a free meal on Father’s Day or a couple extra gifts with your name under the Christmas tree, and that maybe twenty-five years from now, your daughter might call you to say, “Thank you.” He may fall short, but those are just the places where you can stand tall. He may not say he’s proud of you, so be proud of yourself. Be grateful for it all, because the only bad father is the one who doesn’t try.

To the women who had to grow up without one: I know what it’s like to feel empty—to feel like there is a void in your life, like something is missing. I also know that there aren’t too many words I can say that can replace not having a father. My only advice is, “You can’t miss what wasn’t there.” I need you to understand that being a father is just a choice, a choice that you make to be man enough to take care of your responsibilities. This is a decision that every man must make on his own. They’ll either do it or they won’t. The problem with choices is sometimes people don’t always make the right ones. But that isn’t your fault. Some dads go above and beyond, some do the best that they can, and some don’t do much at all. It’s unfortunate, but there isn’t a law to make men be fathers, no matter how badly some young women need one.

I know it’s tough. Sometimes you don’t think about it. Sometimes you think about it until it hurts. Those are feelings that you’re allowed to feel, so by all means, cry if you want to cry, or get angry for a second and throw a temper tantrum. That is totally fine. Anything after that, and you’ve given the thought too much attention. In some cases, you’ve just given thirty seconds more to your situation than your father ever will. That is too much time to waste on someone who doesn’t matter. No, it’s not wrong to say they don’t matter, and they don’t matter now because you didn’t matter then. Just don’t sit there and act like the universe had it out for you or the “Dad Fairy” didn’t decide to leave a father under a pillow. It didn’t go down like that.

As much as being a father is an honor and a privilege, as much as it’s probably the one thing where as a man, all we have to do is try in order to be loved and appreciated, it’s also an option, one that some men just aren’t ready for.

This is not your battle to fight. You must continue to be the woman you were destined to be in spite of all the hurdles life throws in your way, including this one. The most important thing is to remember that what doesn’t break you makes you stronger. This will be just another test that you turn into a testament of how you made it regardless. It will show you a woman can be a woman without a man’s help. Use the pain for a purpose. If the time ever comes when you two meet again, have as much forgiveness in your heart as you do pain. Understand that while he might have been able to be in your life sooner, if he had been, you wouldn’t be the woman you are today.