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Listening and Leadership

Jim is a smart, successful leader and a likeable coworker. Six months ago, he took on a job with greater responsibility in a new division. To his surprise, he’s having difficulty leading his new group. He is unable to pinpoint the reason for the friction between himself and several of his direct reports, and he’s frustrated that his new group hasn’t jelled. He calls one of his direct reports in to address the issue. Here’s how it goes:

Jim: Mary, we need to talk. There’s obviously some friction between us, and it’s having a bad effect on the whole group. What’s the problem?

Mary (caught off guard and not knowing where to start): Well, I would say that one problem is that we don’t have enough flexibility— (Jim’s cell phone rings; he answers it and swivels his chair, looking out the window while he talks.)

Jim (ending the call and turning back to Mary): Okay, you were saying…?

Mary: …that we don’t have enough flexibility—

Jim: Not enough flexibility? No, that’s not it. We have that floating holiday, and you can take your lunch hour anytime between 12:00 and 1:30. How much more flexibility do you want?

Mary: It’s just that it would help a lot if I could take a shorter lunch and leave a few minutes earlier in the afternoon. If I don’t get to my son’s daycare by 6:00, they charge me a dollar a minute—

Jim: Now, Mary, you know you can’t expect special favors just because you have a child. That wouldn’t be fair to everyone else.

Mary (voice trembling, but trying to maintain composure): I see…

Jim (standing abruptly and motioning Mary toward the door): Yes! Well! Thank you! I’m glad we had this talk! And remember that my door is always open. Thanks!

Fortunately, most real leaders do better than Jim. But like him, many take for granted their ability to listen to others. They are often surprised to find out that their peers, direct reports, or bosses think they don’t listen well and are impatient, judgmental, arrogant, or unaware.

Assessments of thousands of leaders in CCL’s database indicate that many leaders have development needs that directly relate to their listening skills:

• dealing with people’s feelings

• accepting criticism well

• trying to understand what other people think before making judgments about them

• encouraging direct reports to share

• using feedback to make necessary changes in their behavior

• being open to the input of others

• putting themselves in another person’s shoes and imagining that person’s point of view

The ability to listen effectively is an essential component of leadership, and most leaders know they need to be good listeners to be effective. Although they may have the best intentions, they don’t know specifically what to do or to avoid doing to become better listeners. By learning the skills and behaviors of active listening, you can become a more effective listener and leader. You can use active listening with direct reports, peers, customers, bosses, stakeholders, and others to

• hear accurately

• understand

• draw out ideas and information

• empathize

• gather information

• show respect

• build self-esteem

• find answers

• show appreciation

• buy time

• connect

• question assumptions and ideas

• weigh options

• change perspectives

• soothe or heal

• set the stage for something else

• build relationships

To begin, assess your listening skills with the worksheet on the following pages.

Assess Your Listening Skills

Do you have a listening problem? To assess how well you listen to others, rate yourself on the following behaviors. Use a five-point scale:

When I listen to others:

1. ___ I sit behind my desk, accept phone calls, shuffle papers, or otherwise communicate by my activities or gestures that I am not fully attentive.

2. ___ I have a hard time concentrating on what is being said.

3. ___ I am annoyed when someone slows me down.

4. ___ I think about what I want to say next rather than about what the other person is saying.

5. ___ I don’t like it when someone questions my ideas or actions.

6. ___ I interrupt or show signs of impatience as I wait for the other person to finish talking.

7. ___ I give advice too soon; I suggest courses of action or solutions to problems before the other person has fully explained his or her perspective.

8. ___ I tell people not to feel the way they do.

9. ___ I sense that people seem upset after talking to me.

10. ___ I tend to talk significantly more than the other person talks.

11. ___ I make it a point to fill any silences.

12. ___ I am uncomfortable or at a loss when the other person expresses emotions.

13. ___ I have a hard time understanding what people are trying to say.

14. ___ I avoid asking any questions that would encourage the other person to talk more.

15. ___ I ask questions for which I already have the answers.

16. ___ I expect yes or no answers.

17. ___ I frequently lose track of where the conversation is going.

18. ___ I have a hard time remembering what has been said when a conversation is over.

19. ___ I frequently discover that things the other person and I have agreed upon during a conversation don’t get done.

20. ___ I avoid having things repeated by the other person or myself.

21. ___ I keep my thoughts to myself.

22. ___ I keep my feelings to myself.

23. ___ I avoid sharing personal experiences.

24. ___ I try hard not to let the other person know how his or her behavior during the conversation affects me.

We’ll revisit this assessment further along in this book.