Читать книгу A Clandestine Corporate Affair - Michelle Celmer - Страница 10

Though Nathan hated that Ana’s words made so much sense, after several days of considering his son’s well-being, he knew she was right. Either he was in or he was out of Max’s life. There was no doing it halfway. But he had to consider how claiming his son could impact his career. He was sure that if the truth came out he could kiss his chances at the CEO spot goodbye. The board would see it as a direct and flagrant conflict of interest. Since they learned that the explosion at the refinery was the result of someone tampering with the equipment, people had been quick to point the finger at Birch Energy—even though as of yet they hadn’t been able to prove any sort of connection.

But even more important, how would his being in the kid’s life influence Max? Nathan had no idea what it took to be a father—at least, not a good one. The only thing he knew for sure was that he didn’t want to be anything like his own father: accepting nothing but perfection, verbally, and sometimes physically, lashing out if anyone dared fall short of his unrealistic expectations.

Nathan was too much like his old man, too filled with suppressed anger to ignore the possibility that he would be a terrible father. Yet he couldn’t just forget that there was a child out there whom he’d brought into this world, who shared half of his genetic code. He had to at least try. And if he couldn’t be there for Max, even though Ana said they didn’t need his money, Nathan would see that Max was taken care of financially for the rest of his life.

He called Ana Wednesday afternoon and asked if he could come by to talk.

“How about eight-thirty tonight? After Max goes to bed.”

“You still won’t let me see him?”

“Not until I’ve heard what you have to say.”

Fair enough. “I’ll see you at eight-thirty then.”

“See you then.”

He hung up just as Emilio, the company CFO, knocked on his office door.

Nathan gestured him in, thinking that this visit had something to do with the new marketing budget his department had submitted Monday morning. If Western Oil was going to rebuild their reputation with the public, it was going to cost them.

Instead, Emilio said, “Sorry to interrupt,” and handed him a small white envelope. “I just wanted to drop this off.”

“What is it?”

“An invitation.”

“For …?”

“My wedding.”

Nathan laughed, thinking that either he’d misheard or it had to be a joke. “Your what?”

A grin kicked up the corner of Emilio’s mouth. “You heard me.”

Nathan knew no one more vehemently against marriage than Emilio. What the hell had happened?

Curiosity getting the best of him, he tore the envelope open and pulled out the invitation, his mouth dropping open when he recognized the bride’s name. “This wouldn’t be the Isabelle Winthrop who was indicted for financial fraud?”

“Apparently you haven’t been watching the news. All charges against her were dropped last Friday.”

That explained it. He’d worked late Friday then went to the party Saturday, and since then pretty much all he’d thought about was Ana and his son. He couldn’t recall turning on the television or even picking up a newspaper. “And now you’re marrying her?”

“Yep.”

Nathan shook his head. “Didn’t her husband die just a few months ago?”

“It’s a long story,” Emilio said.

I’ll bet it is, he thought. One he was surprised he hadn’t heard about before now. But like himself, Emilio was a very private person. And Nathan couldn’t be happier that he’d found someone he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. “One I can’t wait to hear,” he said.

Emilio grinned. “By the way, I looked over your proposal. I’d like to set up a meeting with Adam to go over the numbers. Probably early next week.”

“Have your secretary call my secretary.”

Nathan spent the rest of the afternoon in meetings, during the last of which they ordered in dinner, which saved him the trouble of having to go out or pick up carryout to eat at home before he changed out of his suit and left for Ana’s place. He arrived at eight-thirty on the nose. Sometime since Saturday she had decorated the front of her condo for the coming holiday. Lighted balsam and fir swags framed the door and windows, and she’d hung a wreath decorated with Christmas bulbs and fresh holly on the front door. Nathan hadn’t hung a single decoration in his high-rise apartment downtown. He didn’t even own any. Why decorate for the holidays when he was never there? If he decorated anywhere, logically it should be his office, since that was where he spent the majority of his time.

Before he could knock on the door it swung open.

“Right on time,” Ana said. She was dressed in hot pink sweatpants and a matching hoodie over a faded T-shirt stained with something orange that may or may not have been mashed-up carrots. Her fiery red hair was pulled haphazardly back with a clip, and she didn’t have any makeup on. Yet she still managed to look sexy as hell.

Motherhood looked damned good on her.

She stepped aside to let him in. “Excuse the mess, but I just got Max settled, and I haven’t had time to straighten up yet.”

She wasn’t kidding. It looked as if a bomb had gone off in the living room. He had no idea one kid could play with so many toys.

“It looks like there were a dozen kids here,” he said, shrugging out of his jacket and hanging it on the coat tree.

“Five, actually. It’s playdate day, and it was my week to host.”

“Playdate?”

“You know, a bunch of parents get together with their kids and let them play together. Although me and my next-door neighbor, Jenny, are the only actual parents. Two others are nannies, and one is a French au pair. Jenny and I are both pretty sure the au pair is sleeping with the baby’s father. And one of the nannies told us that the couple she works for is on the verge of divorce, and he sleeps in the spare bedroom now.”

He had no idea playdates could be so scandalous.

“Isn’t Max a little young to be playing with other kids?” he asked.

“It’s never too early to start socializing children.”

Proving that he knew absolutely nothing about parenting. “You don’t have a nanny?”

“I love being with Max, and I’m in a position where I don’t have to work now. I like being a stay-at-home mom. Not that it’s been easy, but well worth it.”

His mother had been too busy with her charities and her various groups to take much time for her sons.

Ana gestured into the living room. “Come on in and have a seat. Would you like something to drink?”

He could probably use one. Or five. But no amount of alcohol was going to make this easier. “No thanks.”

She waited until he sat on the couch, then took a seat on the edge of the chair. “So, you’ve made a decision?”

“I have.” He propped his elbows on his knees, rubbing his palms together. Ana watched him expectantly. He wasn’t sure how she was going to like this. She was probably expecting a definitive answer, but he wasn’t ready to give her that. Not yet. “I’d like to have a trial period.”

Her brows rose. “A trial period? This is not a gym membership we’re talking about, Nathan. He’s a baby. A human being.”

“Which is exactly why I think jumping into this would be a bad idea. I know nothing about being a parent. As you pointed out, I never planned to have a family. For all I know I might be a lousy father. I’d like the opportunity to try it out for a few weeks, spend some time with Max and see how he takes to me.”

“Max is nine months old. He loves everyone.”

“Okay then, I want to see how I take to him.”

“And if you don’t … take to him? What then?”

“I’ll honor your wishes and remove myself from Max’s life completely.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know …”

“I know you were hoping for a more definitive answer, but I honestly think this is the best way to do this. And it’s not a decision I came to lightly. I just …” He sighed, shook his head. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, Ana, and this is too important to screw up.”

“I’m assuming there’s also the question of how this will go over at work.”

“I won’t deny that was a factor in my decision. Our current CEO is leaving, and I’m one of the select few who are competing for the position. I don’t want to rock the boat.”

“So it is about work,” she said, not bothering to hide the bitterness in her voice.

“I have to consider everything,” he said. “But ultimately this is about what’s best for our son.”

To hear Nathan refer to Max as “our son” made Ana’s heart twist. For a long time he was just “her son.” She wasn’t sure if she was ready to give that up, to share him. But this wasn’t about what she wanted. The only thing that mattered was what was best for Max.

Her knee-jerk reaction was to say no way, either he was in or out; but in all fairness, she’d had almost nine months to get used to the idea of being a parent. He’d had a child thrust on him without warning, and now he was expected to make a decision that would impact his and their son’s life forever. And hers. Could she honestly blame him for erring on the side of caution? He had clearly given this a lot of thought and seemed to have Max’s best interest in mind. Wasn’t that what really mattered? Not to mention that Nathan had shown vulnerability, which she knew had to be tough for him. He was a successful and well-respected man. Admitting he might not be able to hack it as a father couldn’t have been easy for him. She commended him for his honesty.

“I guess a trial period would make sense,” she told him. “Supervised visits, of course.”

“Of course,” he agreed.

Which meant having to spend time with Nathan, which she was sure would be heart-wrenching for her. Just having him in her home, remembering all the times they had spent there together, made her feel hollowed out inside. Alone. Since they split, she hadn’t so much as looked at another man. Not that she’d had a whole lot of time for dating these days, but she had gone out with friends a few times, attended social functions with her father. Men had tried to strike up conversations, asked her to dance, but she just wasn’t interested.

If a year and a half apart hadn’t dissolved her feelings for Nathan, maybe she was destined to love him forever. Or maybe being around him again would make her realize that he wasn’t as wonderful as she used to think. The man was bound to have flaws. Little character traits that annoyed her. Maybe all this time she’d been building him up in her mind, making him into something he really wasn’t.

A renewed sense of hope filled her. Maybe this would turn out to be a good thing for her. But they had to be cautious.

“I also think it would be best if no one knew about this,” she said.

He looked relieved, probably because he was worried about his position at Western Oil. But there was more to it than that.

“I think that’s a good idea,” he said.

“We’ll have to be really careful. These things have a way of blowing up, and that could be devastating for Max.”

“He’s a baby. It’s not as if he can pick up a newspaper.”

“Not yet. But someday he will. If you decide, for whatever reason, that you can’t be a part of his life, I don’t want him to know about you. If your identity gets out now, you can bet he’ll hear about it eventually. Besides, my father adores Max, but if he were to learn that you’re the father, he would know that our affair was just another way of defying him. He would disown me and Max on principle.”

“Still trying to win his affection?”

“I don’t give a damn what he thinks about me, but Max has a future at Birch Energy, if he should so decide that’s what he wants to do. Right now it’s his legacy. It doesn’t seem fair to deny him that for my own selfish reasons.”

“Yet if I decide to be a part of his life you risk that very thing.”

“Because knowing his real father is too important. He needs a male influence in his life, and as it stands, my father is the best I can do. And who knows, maybe Max isn’t destined to fail him. With me, he never seemed to get over the fact that I wasn’t the son he’d always wanted.”

“So, is that really all I was to you?” he asked. “Just another way to defy your father?”

At first. Until he wasn’t anymore. Until she fell stupidly and hopelessly in love with him. But that would have to remain her little secret. Her pride depended on it. “Does that come as such a shock?”

“Not really, considering we both know it isn’t true.”

And what about him? Did he get off on making women fall for him, then breaking their hearts? Was it all just a game to him? And how was she supposed to react to his accusation? If she denied it, she would look as though she were hiding something. If she admitted the truth … well, that wasn’t even an option.

She refused to give him the satisfaction of any response.

“So, what days would be best for you to see Max?” she asked him. “His bedtime is eight, so if you want to do weeknights it will have to be before that. Sunday afternoons would work too.”

“Weekdays will be tough. I’ve been swamped at work. I’m lucky if I can get out by nine most nights.”

“No one said it was going to be easy. You have to make priorities.”

His look said he was poised to jump to the defensive, but instead he took a deep breath and said, “If I go into the office early tomorrow, I could be out of there by six-thirty. That would get me here a little before seven.”

“That’s a start,” she said.

“Tomorrow it is then.”

A long, uncomfortable silence followed, where neither seemed to know what to say next. Or maybe they had said all there was to say.

“Well, I guess since that’s settled …” He rose from the couch.

“It’s been a long day, and I don’t know about you, but I could go for a glass of wine.” She knew the second the words left her mouth it was a bad idea, but she just wasn’t ready for him to leave.

You can’t force him to love you, she reminded herself. And she wouldn’t want to. She wanted someone without the relationship hang-ups, who loved her unconditionally. If that kind of man even existed.

Nathan studied her, one brow slightly raised. “Are you asking me to stay?”

Yeah, bad idea. “You know what, forget it. I don’t think—”

“Red or white?”

His question stopped her. “Huh?”

“The wine. Do you have red or white?” The hint of a smile tugged at his lips. “Because I’m partial to red.”

She shouldn’t be doing this. She was still vulnerable. She was only setting herself up to be hurt. For all she knew he could be involved with someone else now. Maybe that was part of the reason for the trial period.

Character flaws, she reminded herself. She couldn’t find them if she didn’t spend at least a little time with the man.

Just this once, and after this, she would see him only if Max was there.

“Then you’re in luck,” she told him. “Because I have both.”