Читать книгу Sarah And The Secret Sheikh - Michelle Douglas - Страница 10
ОглавлениеTHE SHOCK OF brandy hitting the back of his throat had Majed jolting back to himself. It was only then he realised Sarah had pushed him into a chair, had poured him a snifter of brandy and was urging him to drink it.
He did what she demanded because he was at a loss to know what else to do. She was having his child!
‘I know it’s a shock.’ Sarah moved to the chair opposite. ‘And I didn’t mean to blurt it out quite so baldly.’
But he’d ordered her to.
Heat scored through him, followed by a wave of ice. He stared at her. Was she okay? It didn’t matter what kind of shock he might be experiencing, it had to be far worse for her. Physically he was exactly the same as he’d been before she’d told him the news. But, regardless of what decision she made, Sarah would never be the same again. He had to focus on what she needed from him—and do his best to provide it.
She was pregnant with his child!
He opened his mouth but before he could speak she said, ‘I understand your reservations concerning the baby’s paternity.’
She thought his silence indicated that he didn’t believe her?
She’d lied about instigating the break-up with Superior Sebastian.
She wouldn’t lie about something as big as this.
‘Sarah—’
‘Please, just let me explain. It’s taken me this long to screw up my courage and now that I’ve started I’d... I’d rather just keep going.’
He gave a terse nod, hating the thought that she’d been afraid to tell him her news.
‘So, the thing is...’ She drew a loop of circles in the condensation of her glass. ‘Sebastian had mumps when he was fifteen, which means the likelihood of him being able to father children is pretty slim. But, besides that—’
She broke off to stare at her hands. He reached out and wrapped one of his hands around both of hers. She had such small hands, and every protective instinct he had surged to the fore. ‘Don’t be frightened of me, Sarah. I’m not angry. Just stunned.’ He made his voice as gentle as he could. ‘I want to help in any way I can.’
Her lips trembled. ‘That’s lovely of you.’
‘You’ve had a lot to bear on your own. I want you to know you’re not alone now.’ She was having his child! He forced himself to swallow. ‘What were you saying about Sebastian?’
‘Oh.’ Her lips twisted. ‘Before we broke up...for the two months before we broke up... Sebastian and I...’
‘Yes?’
She disengaged her hand from his to rub her nape. ‘We hadn’t been intimate.’
He’d always known the man had rocks in his head. This simply confirmed it.
‘I don’t doubt your word.’
The little moue she made informed him she didn’t entirely believe him. ‘We’ll have a paternity test done to put your mind at rest. If I decide to keep the baby.’
If. His heart clenched at the word, though he wasn’t sure why. A child was the last thing he’d expected at this point in his life. It should be the last thing he wanted.
But the ultimate decision rested with Sarah. It was her body and he’d support her whatever she decided to do.
‘Are you and the baby healthy?’
‘The doctor says so.’
‘You’ve been to see a doctor? That’s good.’
She frowned. ‘You’re taking this very calmly.’
Inside he was a mass of conflicting emotions but he refused to reveal them. ‘We’re in this together. I want you to know you’re not alone. Between us we’ll sort it out.’
Her mouth opened but no words emerged.
‘Have you eaten this evening?’
She wrinkled her nose. ‘I haven’t had much of an appetite.’
He rose and took her hand. ‘Come, I’ll make you an omelette.’
He switched off the lights to the bar and led her upstairs to the flat above.
‘You can cook?’ she asked when he’d seated her at the breakfast bar of his open-plan kitchen-dining-living room.
‘I make omelettes that are out of this world.’
She glanced around and he wondered what she made of his bachelor pad. ‘An omelette sounds kinda nice.’
It wasn’t until Majed pulled the eggs from the fridge that he remembered pregnant women were supposed to avoid certain foods. What about eggs? He swung back. ‘Will you excuse me for a moment?’
He sped into the bathroom and pulled his phone from his pocket to open his web browser. He typed in his query and then read down the list of foods that pregnant women shouldn’t eat. Right—the eggs shouldn’t be runny. Okay, he’d cook the omelette a little longer than usual... Actually, he might cook it a lot longer than usual, just to be on the safe side. Hard cheeses like cheddar were fine too. Right. He snapped his phone shut. He’d keep it simple with a plain cheese omelette. Well cooked.
* * *
Sarah tried to find some trace of Majed in his flat—in his furniture and in the décor—but... Well, it was all very comfortable and commendably tidy, but something was missing, though she couldn’t put her finger on what it was.
‘What do you think of the place?’
She glanced around from the window that overlooked the busy inner-city Melbourne street to find Majed surveying her from the doorway. And just like that her heart started to jackhammer. ‘It’s nice.’ She ignored his raised eyebrow to add, ‘I’ve always been curious to see up here.’
He stared at her for a bit longer. ‘The bathroom is just down the hall on the left.’ He pointed back behind him. ‘And the bedroom is at the end of the hall. Feel free to take a look.’
‘Oh, no, I’m all good.’ She couldn’t invade his privacy that much.
She slid onto her stool again when he started clattering pots and pans and whisking eggs. She knew they were skirting around the main topic of conversation but...dear Lord...the shock on his face when he’d finally realised what she’d been trying to tell him. It made her stomach churn just remembering it. She wanted to give him a chance to get a little more used to the idea before they launched into a discussion about what they would do.
Frankly, she had no idea what that might be.
He moved with easy grace in his compact kitchen and it was no hardship to watch him rather than make small talk...or think. He started to slide her omelette onto a plate, and then jerked, as if he’d burned himself. His gaze speared hers before he seemed to recall himself and finished serving her food.
She stared at the plate he pushed in front of her and had to fight a frown. This did not look like an out-of-this-world omelette—it looked flat and rubbery. And brown. Her stomach gave a sick little squeeze but she gamely forked in a mouthful. He had gone to all the trouble of making it for her.
His hands went to his hips as he watched her eat. It only made her stomach churn harder. She set her fork down. ‘What?’
‘Did you lose your job because you’re pregnant? They cannot fire you for being pregnant.’
She picked up her fork again. ‘True. But apparently they can fire me for calling the manager a weasel of a bully who’s nothing more than a boil on the backside of the universe that’s in dire need of lancing.’
He choked. ‘You didn’t?’
‘I did. And I can’t begin to tell you how utterly satisfying it was.’ But now she had no job. And she had a baby on the way. Could her timing have been any worse? Talk about irresponsible!
She blew out a breath. She was such a screw-up.
Just ask Sebastian.
Just ask her mother!
‘Eat your omelette,’ Majed ordered.
She didn’t know if it was her self-recriminations, or if the eggs hadn’t agreed with her, but she only just made it to the bathroom before losing the contents of her stomach. Majed held her hair back from her face while she was sick. He pressed a cool, damp cloth to her forehead, and through it all she wished she felt well enough to feel even a modicum of embarrassment.
Eventually she closed the lid of the toilet and sat on top of it. The concern in Majed’s face caught at her. She tried to find a smile. ‘Did you know that morning sickness is a misnomer? Apparently it can happen at any time of the day.’
‘It’s...wrong!’
‘It’s certainly unpleasant.’ But her legs finally felt steady enough to hold her so she rose and rinsed out her mouth. ‘Majed, I know we have a lot to talk about, but I’m feeling beat and—’
The rest of her words stuttered to a halt when he lifted her off her feet and into his arms. ‘You need to rest, habibi. It’s been a difficult day for you. Sharing with me your news has been nerve-racking, yes? We have time yet to talk and make decisions.’ As he spoke, he carried her down the short hallway to his bedroom. Very gently, he lowered her to the bed. She had an impression of vast luxury and comfort and had to bite her lip to prevent a sigh of pure bliss escaping as softness enveloped her.
‘I shouldn’t—’
‘Of course you should.’ He pulled off her shoes.
‘Maybe just a little rest,’ she murmured as he pulled the covers over her.
‘Rest for as long as you like,’ he murmured back.
‘Majed?’
‘Yes.’
‘What did that word mean—“habibi”?’
‘It’s a term of endearment...like “sweetheart”.’
A sigh fluttered out of her. She suspected it would be rather lovely to be his sweetheart for real.
* * *
Sarah woke as the first fingers of dawn filtered through the curtains of Majed’s bedroom windows. She lay still and listened intently but couldn’t sense any signs of movement throughout the rest of the flat. Very quietly, she pushed back the bedclothes and tiptoed into the living room to find Majed sprawled across the sofa that barely contained his bulk, fast asleep.
Most people when they slept looked unguarded, younger...vulnerable. Not Majed. If anything he looked slightly forbidding and stern. It suddenly struck her that the easy-going façade he assumed every day at the bar might be exactly that—a front.
Or maybe your news has given him unpleasant dreams.
She scratched her hands through her hair. How long had he sat up last night, churning over her news? She’d had a few extra days to get used to the idea. Yesterday evening her sleepless nights had finally caught up with her. She felt rested and well now, though, and she didn’t have the heart to wake him.
A shiver shook through her. When she got right down to it, how well did she know Majed? Barely at all. She had no idea if he wanted a child. She gripped her hands together. For all she knew, he might welcome a child with unbridled enthusiasm. Or the idea of fatherhood might be a total anathema to him. Surely one should know these things about a man before becoming pregnant by him?
Your mother didn’t.
Perhaps not, but she didn’t intend to take her parents as role models. They’d spent her entire childhood using her as a pawn in their war to score points off each other. That was the only thing she was certain of—that she wouldn’t do that to any child of hers. If she had this baby she’d do her best to ensure its childhood was happy and carefree—not a battleground.
If.
Slipping onto a chair at the dining table, she lifted her feet to the seat and hugged her knees. She and Majed had to decide what to do about this baby and she had no idea where to start.
A pen and notepad rested in the middle of the table. She pulled them towards her with the thought of writing a list of pros and cons. She’d start with the cons, because there were so many: the pregnancy was unplanned, she was unemployed, so how would she support not just herself but a baby as well? Her mother would have a fit and there’d be no end to the recriminations. Her father would take the opposite stance and think an unplanned pregnancy was an inspired idea. She was only twenty-six—there was plenty of time yet before she needed to start thinking about having children. She was a total screw-up and surely a child deserved better than that for a parent?
There’d be more cons—lots more—but the length of the list had started to dishearten her. She needed something in the pros column to balance it out...just a little bit.
She stared at the page and bit her lip. There had to be one reason to keep this baby. A solid logical reason that made perfect sense. Her throat ached. The page in front of her blurred. She reached out and wrote a single sentence:
I love this baby already.
She stared at the words she’d just written and blinked hard. She did love this baby, but was it enough? A child deserved a better home than Sarah could give it. But, no matter how much she might wish to, she couldn’t draw a line through that single entry on her ‘pros’ list.
Perhaps she should try a different tack and list all of the options available to her instead. Biting back a sigh, she turned the page...only to find that Majed had made a list of his own. Her heart started to pound. Would it be an invasion of privacy to read his list?
Invasion or not, she had no hope of stopping herself.
At the top of the page in bald, ugly print he’d written a single word: abortion.
She couldn’t stop herself from flinching, even though it had been the first option that had occurred to her too. Even though it was an option she was still considering.
Beneath that he’d written: adoption. She swallowed. Did she have the strength for that? If she loved this baby then wouldn’t she want the very best for it? Wouldn’t she fight to give it the very best, regardless of the cost to her personally?
She froze when she realised that was exactly what she’d do. She loved this baby. All she had to work out now was what would be in the baby’s best interests.
She pulled Majed’s list back towards her. Two hard, dark lines separated those first two items from the rest of his list. Pulling in a breath, she read on...
* * *
Majed watched Sarah’s eyes widen as she read down the list he’d made. He knew when she’d reached the end of the list because it wasn’t possible for her eyes to go any wider.
She glanced across at him and saw him watching her. Something arced in the air between them before she gave him a brave little smile that cracked open something in his chest and started up an ache that he feared would never go away.
He couldn’t afford to fall in love with this woman. He couldn’t afford to fall in love with anyone. Love clouded one’s judgement. And when one’s judgement was clouded it put the people one cared about at risk.
He couldn’t fall in love with Sarah, but he could look after her.
‘Good morning,’ she whispered.
Her voice emerged on a rasp, as if her throat was dry, and he threw off his blanket, rose and strode to the kitchen. ‘Let me get you something hot to drink. You should’ve helped yourself.’
‘I didn’t want to disturb you.’
He came back with glasses of apple juice and steaming mugs of herbal tea. His body cried out for strong black coffee but, if Sarah was avoiding caffeine the way most pregnant women he knew did, then it would be cruel to drink it in front of her.
He nodded at his list. ‘I tried to cover every possible option I could think of. Are there any you’ve thought of that I’ve missed?’
She shook her head and sipped her tea. He watched carefully for any signs of nausea but she merely closed her eyes and inhaled the steam as if welcoming the warmth into her body. Her clothes looked rumpled from having been slept in, and she had bed hair, but beneath all of that a vitality and vibrancy that had been lacking yesterday had started to emerge.
‘You’ve thought of things that hadn’t occurred to me.’ She pointed to the very last item on the list. ‘That’s a bit over the top, don’t you think?’
He shrugged but his gut tightened. ‘My purpose was to list every option I could think of, without making value judgements.’
He’d spent a lot of time in the West. Four years in the UK at Oxford University with trips to the USA in the summer breaks. For the last four years, he’d worked in Australia. But he’d grown up in Keddah Jaleel—a world of ancient tradition, arranged marriages and duty. He knew exactly what his family would expect of him in this situation.
He had no intention of forcing those expectations onto Sarah but...
‘I want you to know that whichever one of those options you settle on, whichever you deem is in your and the baby’s best interests, I’ll support you one-hundred percent.’ He didn’t want her to doubt that for a moment.
She set her mug down, a deep furrow marring her brow.
‘What?’
‘Your happiness is just as important as mine.’
He didn’t deserve happiness. He didn’t say that out loud, though. It was a sentiment that would horrify her. He nodded at the list. ‘None of those options make me unhappy.’
Her raised eyebrow told him she didn’t believe him. She pointed towards the top of the list. ‘This line here is rather dark. It looks angry. Does that mean you hate the idea of abortion and adoption?’
He tried to keep his face unreadable. ‘I’ve no ethical objection to either. It’s just...’ He reached out and wrapped her hand in his. ‘It’s just, I don’t dare care for the life growing inside you if those are the routes you’re considering.’
She stared at him with such intensity his mouth went dry. The pulse at the base of her throat pounded and he could feel an answering throb start up at the centre of him.
‘You care about this baby?’
The question was raw, Sarah’s voice full of heartbreak and hope, and he didn’t know which one would win out.
He nodded. There wasn’t a single doubt in his mind that if Sarah had this child—if—he would love it with everything that was inside him.
Then tell her that. You need to give her more.
But he didn’t want to pressure her one way or the other.
She winced. ‘Majed?’
He realised he was all but crushing her hand. He loosened his grip immediately and massaged her hand gently before releasing it. ‘Last night I found myself getting excited about the prospect of a baby.’ A grandchild for his parents—what a gift! ‘I know this is completely unexpected. Not in a million years would I have thought... I mean, we were careful.’
‘We were. This is so...unplanned.’
‘But it doesn’t follow that it’s not a blessing.’
She went still and he chose his next words with care. ‘I had to rein in my excitement last night because you deciding not to go ahead with the pregnancy is a valid choice, and an understandable one.’
She sat back and massaged her temples. The conflict he saw mirrored in her face tore at him. Without a word, she reached out and turned over the first page of the notepad. She’d written a list of pros and cons. Only one item was listed under the ‘pros’ heading. He read it and something fierce gripped his gut. He didn’t bother reading her long list of cons. He seized her hand again. ‘If you love this baby, Sarah, then you must keep it.’
Her gaze dropped from his. Her hand trembled. She pulled it free and reached for her tea. ‘This baby deserves more than I can give it.’
‘We’re in this together. I’ll help you financially. Between us—’ He broke off, his heart thundering in his chest. ‘You won’t deny me access to the child...will you?’
Her mug clattered back to the table. ‘Of course not. I wouldn’t dream of it—not if you want to be a part of the baby’s life.’
‘I want that very much.’ He wanted them to be very clear on that point.
‘But, Majed, I’m not talking about the financial arrangements here. I have—’ she rolled her eyes ‘—marketable skills. I don’t doubt my ability to get another job.’
It would be so much harder with a baby, though. And they both knew it.
It took a beat longer for what she wasn’t saying to hit him. He wanted to take her hand again, to offer her silent support, but she had both hands wrapped tightly around her mug. His heart continued to pound. ‘Then tell me what you’re really afraid of.’
She lifted her gaze and the shadows in her eyes made his stomach clench. ‘I think we need to be completely honest with each other from this point forward, if we’re going to have a baby together. Don’t you?’
There was so much she didn’t know about him. And she’d need to know. He resisted the urge to lower his forehead to the table. ‘I agree.’
‘I need to be honest with you, even if it means you come to despise me.’
For good or ill, his opinion mattered to her. It was why she’d let him think she’d broken up with Superior Sebastian rather than the other way round. He couldn’t let her down now. Gently, he reached out to brush the backs of his fingers across her cheek. ‘I could never despise you. The idea is unthinkable.’
She took his hand and squeezed it before releasing it with a smile. ‘That was the right thing to say.’
Everything inside him sharpened. He sat back with folded arms, his hand still warm from where he’d touched her. ‘Now, if I can only get you to believe it. Come, tell me what you’re afraid of.’
She swallowed and her throat bobbed. ‘Majed, there’s a hole inside me—as if there’s something essential that I’m missing. And I try to fill it up with things—like my relationship with Sebastian, a relationship I knew wasn’t good for me—in an effort to distract myself from that sense of lacking something. It’s why I bounce from job to job. Once I start to feel settled in a job, the emptiness starts gnawing away at me. And...and I have to create upheaval to keep it at bay.’
He stared at her. ‘Is that why you invited me back to your apartment that night?’
‘No, that was something I wanted to do. I was feeling jubilant and happy and it felt right.’ She met his gaze. ‘The night I spent with you, I wasn’t thinking about filling up any kind of shortfall or lack inside me. I wasn’t trying to distract myself. I’m not sure I was thinking at all. I acted on impulse, yes, but on instinct too.’ Her frown deepened. ‘I felt as if I was living—as if I were properly alive. It was...exhilarating.’
It merely meant she hadn’t had time to become bored with him yet. ‘And you’re afraid that a baby won’t be a big enough distraction? You think you’ll find yourself becoming bored with the baby, the way you do with your jobs?’
Shocked eyes met his. ‘That’s not what I mean at all. No. I’m afraid that I’ll make the baby the very centre of my life—that I’ll use it to fill all those empty places inside me. That’d be wrong. It wouldn’t be fair to put that kind of pressure on a child. I have a feeling it would be shockingly unfair.’
Her honesty stunned him.
The care she was already taking for her child humbled him.
He had empty places inside him too, but he knew exactly what had caused them—the guilt and responsibility he bore over his brother’s death. How did he mean to protect a child from those?
‘You sense it in me too, don’t you?’
‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘You don’t appear to me as if some essential part of you is missing. You don’t strike me as lonely, or even as if you’re afraid of loneliness.’ She had a wide network of friends. He’d seen her with them in the bar. From the outside, Sarah’s life seemed full. ‘Before Sebastian, you were nearly a year without a boyfriend, yes? You don’t strike me as a person who needs to constantly be in a romantic relationship to feel whole.’
‘The emptiness has nothing to do with romance or loneliness. If it did, I’d be able to fill it.’
‘What does it have to do with, then?’
She shrugged but her gaze slid away. Instinct told him not to push. ‘Sarah, you don’t strike me as someone who is lacking. You strike me as someone who is searching.’
She swung back to gaze at him. ‘Searching for what?’
‘I expect you’re the only person who can answer that.’ Though he’d do anything he could to help her find the answer.
She scrubbed her hands down her face. ‘I don’t want my...lack...to hurt the baby.’
‘If we’re both aware of it as a potential problem then we can remain on our guards against it—cut it off at the pass, so to speak.’
She bit her lip but it didn’t hide the hope that flared briefly in her eyes. ‘You make it sound easy.’
‘I don’t think it’ll be easy. I think raising a child must be the most challenging thing a person can ever do in this life. I think it must also be one of the most rewarding.’
She sagged back in her chair. ‘You make me believe that I could do it.’
She could do it! And how much he wanted to do it too—with her—should scare him. Instead, it elated him.
She pointed at his list. ‘Which of these options is the most attractive to you?’
His heart thundered so loud it was all he could do to hear his thoughts over it.
She tapped a finger to the notepad. ‘Do you have a...for the lack of a better term...favourite here?’
‘Yes.’ She’d just been completely honest with him. She deserved the same in return.
‘Okay,’ she whispered. ‘Hit me with it.’
‘You want the truth? Right now?’
She moistened her lips. ‘What are you afraid of?’
‘Terrifying you.’
After a beat, she started to laugh. ‘Being pregnant terrifies me. Wondering whether I’ll be a good mother or not terrifies me. But, Majed, you don’t terrify me.’
Without another word, he pointed to the last item on the list. ‘This is my preference.’
Her quick intake of breath told him she hadn’t expected that.
‘You want us to marry?’ she whispered. ‘You want to marry me and take me and the baby to live in Keddah Jaleel with you?’
‘Yes.’ The word croaked out of him. ‘Have I terrified you?’
‘Umm...no.’
He didn’t believe her. But nevertheless it was time to tell her the truth. ‘Sarah, there’s something you need to know about me. My father is the ruling Sheikh of Keddah Jaleel...and I’m his heir.’
Her face remained blank for a disconcertingly long time before she straightened. ‘You...you mean that you’re...like a king?’
‘My father is the king.’
‘But you’ll be king one day?’
Acid burned the back of his throat. ‘Yes.’ Maybe.
‘And if we marry, and our child is a boy, he’ll one day be king too?’
He had to force his answer out. ‘Yes.’
She folded her arms tightly in front of her. ‘Okay, you can now colour me terrified.’
