Читать книгу Still The One - Michelle Major - Страница 9

Fifteen minutes later, Lainey pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. As a rule, Lainey avoided hospitals. She brought Pita in with her, needing the distraction and companionship the dog offered. After a quick lecture about the importance of therapy dogs in rehabbing patients and a crisp twenty slipped to the young girl at the desk, she and Pita walked down the narrow hall, the clip of the dog’s nails on the linoleum floor the only sound.

The entire building smelled of ammonia and something sweet—like those hard butterscotch candies she’d find buried in her Nana’s purse. Lainey climbed the steps to the third floor and stopped at Vera’s door. As if sensing something unusual, Pita tugged at her leash. “We’re both stuck here,” Lainey whispered.

Lainey heard her mother before she saw her. Vera’s breath came out in raspy puffs, not quite a snore but in a rhythm that announced sleep. Sunlight filtered through venetian blinds on the other side of the bed.

Lainey approached, her grip tightening on Pita’s leash until her nails dug half-moons along the inside of her palm. Vera lay on her back, the left side of her face drooped noticeably and one arm curled at an unnatural angle as it rested on the covers.

Her mother was a force of nature, a whirling dervish who accomplished more before noon than most people did in a week. She looked tiny and frail in the big bed, her skin as pale as the white hospital sheets.

“Oh, Mama.” She’d whispered the words but Vera’s eyes flew open.

“You came,” she began, her voice garbled. Only one side of her mouth moved, and it was an obvious struggle to form the words.

Lainey inched forward, wrapping her fingers around Vera’s tightly clenched hand. “I got here as soon as I could.” She kissed Vera’s sunken cheek, the skin paper-thin against her lips. “Don’t talk if it’s too hard.”

With her good hand, Vera tapped the leash looped across Lainey’s palm.

It took her a moment to realize what her mother meant. “I’ve got a dog. For the moment.”

As if on cue, Pita jumped onto the foot of the bed and carefully made her way to Vera’s side.

“Pita, off,” Lainey said in a harsh whisper.

The dog wasn’t huge—blue heeler mixed with more random breeds—but she was no lapdog. Instead of climbing down, she sniffed the covers then curled into a ball, resting her head against Vera’s hip.

“Pita, no.” But when Lainey pushed at the animal, her mother’s good hand swatted at Lainey then settled on Pita’s back. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. The dog sighed and snuggled closer.

Lainey shook her head. Vera’s way with animals was legendary. It’s what propelled her how-to book on training shelter dogs into a national bestseller. Even Oprah had called for help with a spaniel adopted from a puppy mill raid.

Rescuing and rehabilitating unwanted animals had become her mother’s great passion after Lainey’s father died. Lainey knew that would be the hardest part of the stroke, putting her work on hold until Vera regained her strength—if she ever did.

They sat in silence as Vera petted Pita. Her voice seemed stronger when she finally spoke, although her speech was still halted. “Good you’re here. Need you.”

Lainey squeezed her mother’s hand. “I’ll work on arrangements for your therapy, call the insurance—”

“Adoption fair …”

A trickle of dread rolled down Lainey’s spine at the mention of the marquee event the animal shelter hosted each year. “What?”

“So much to do.” Vera’s eyes fluttered shut and her breath came out in shallow gasps. “I can’t …”

Pita whined and Lainey sat up straight. “Mom, calm down. The adoption weekend will be fine. Julia can take over—”

“No.” Vera smacked her good hand on the mattress. “Can’t do it … baby … need you …”

Lainey reached for the nurse’s call button the same moment the door flew open and her sister ran to the far side of the bed. “What did you do?”

“Nothing.” Lainey backed up several steps. “She started talking about the adoption fair and went crazy.”

Vera prided herself on her “steel magnolia” persona. Her display of fierce emotion complicated things—made her mother seem human. Made Lainey feel responsible.

Julia ran a hand along Vera’s arm. “It’s okay, Mama. Relax now. I’ll explain to her.”

Vera’s gaze traveled between her two daughters, but Lainey couldn’t stop staring at Julia.

Her mouth went dry.

Julia shot her a tentative smile. “You made good time.”

“You’re pregnant.” Lainey’s voice came out a frog’s croak.

Julia pressed a hand to the mound under her floral sundress. “About seven months now.”

“Baby,” Vera repeated. “Need you, Lainey.”

It was too much. The last time Lainey had been in this hospital, she’d been the pregnant one. Only one floor up was the room where she’d lost her baby. Ethan’s baby. Where complications from the miscarriage had changed her life forever. Lainey forced her gaze back to her mother. “What is it you want, Mom?”

Vera looked at Julia, who nodded and turned to Lainey. “Most of the plans for ‘Paws for the Cause’ are in place. Loose ends need to be tied up, sponsor and press stuff, getting the site ready. I can help, but I’m having issues with preterm labor. If I don’t take it easy I’ll be on bed rest.”

Lainey’s mind raced as she tried to absorb Julia’s exact meaning. “Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant? Did you think I wouldn’t come?”

Julia shook her head. “It wasn’t like that. When I called about Mom it had been ages since we’d spoken.”

“Ten years.” Not long enough to make this reunion any easier.

“Right. So it didn’t seem like the best time to fill you in on my life, you know?”

Lainey did know, but that didn’t lessen her shock. “The shelter event is when?” she asked, trying to focus on the topic at hand.

“September 15.”

“That’s over a month from now.” She paced the room. “I can’t stay for six weeks. I have an assignment at the end of the month.” The thought of being in one place—in this place—for the entire summer had her stomach clenching.

“I need you,” Vera repeated. “We all need you.”

Lainey focused her attention on Pita, still resting next to her mother. The dog met her gaze and cocked its head as if to say, “If you bolt, I’m coming, too.”

Julia leaned forward across the bed. “Are you okay?”

Lainey was many things, but “okay” didn’t top the list. “You were trying for a baby? Mom never said …”

“I wasn’t.” A tiny crease marred Julia’s smooth brow. “Not exactly. I’m kind of putting the cart before the horse, but Jeff and I will get married as soon as his work settles down.”

She’d never met Julia’s anthropology professor boyfriend, but the reports Vera had insisted on giving her over the past three years hadn’t been positive. She knew it wasn’t right to pick a fight just so she could channel her mixed-up emotions, but it didn’t stop her. “Too busy for a wedding,” she answered slowly. “Sure, I get it.”

Julia’s shoulders stiffened, but to Lainey’s shock she didn’t come out swinging. “The baby is a surprise, but a welcome one. It just sort of … happened.”

Right. Just happened. Since childhood, everything in life had come easy for her sister—friends, grades, their parents’ approval. Ethan Daniels falling in love with Julia as Lainey, nursing a wicked crush on him, watched from the shadows. Why should a baby be different?

“I can’t blow off my assignment …” she began.

Vera shook her head, the movement jerky. “You stay here. This is for Dad, his memory. Need you, Melanie.”

Lainey stared at her mother, wondering how she knew the exact thing to say to cut into Lainey’s well-guarded heart. A million excuses ran through her mind. A thousand rationales why she should walk out and not look back.

She knew what it meant to take this on but understood the shame of leaving even better. The last time she’d left Brevia had been her wedding day. When she couldn’t bear the thought of marrying a man she knew didn’t love her. Of never being able to have the family she’d craved since childhood. Yes, Lainey had run away once. Made a career of circling the globe in search of the perfect photo, the constant travel required of her job helping her to pretend her life had purpose.

Her mother met her gaze. The silence stretched so long Julia finally broke it. “If you can’t get the time off, I’m sure I’ll be able to—”

“I’ll stay.”

Lainey wondered what this decision would cost her emotionally. How long it would take her to get her life back on track. But she couldn’t say no to Vera. Lainey’s relationship with Ethan had torn her family apart, and this might be her only chance to mend fences. She had no choice but to try.

A lopsided smile stretched across her mother’s face. She reached out and placed her hand on top of Lainey’s. Here comes the emotion, the gratitude. She would stay, but she wouldn’t let herself get emotionally involved. This was a final payment for past mistakes, she told herself. Nothing more. Lainey ratcheted up her mental defenses at the same time the little girl inside her waited anxiously.

“Get coffee,” her mother said. “You look tired. Lots of work now.”

Lainey shook her head. So much for the tender reunion.

Wasn’t that typical and one heck of a welcome home.

Lainey climbed the back porch steps of her mother’s house later that night. Pita sniffed the rosebushes that ran the length of the house.

“You can’t imagine how much I don’t want to be here.”

The dog nudged her nose into Lainey’s knee.

“Please don’t pee in Vera’s garden. She’ll kill us both.”

She paused at the top, running one hand over the whitewashed post. How many times had she come tearing out of the house for the woods around back, hand sliding along the railing so she didn’t lose her balance?

Too many to count. She’d felt at peace exploring the thick underbrush of the forest—as much of a loner then as she was now. Things were easier that way, not so much mess.

The sky took on a pinkish cast at twilight. A brief summer storm had blown in a few hours earlier, tempering the blazing heat but sending the humidity so high she could practically see the cloud of thick air that surrounded her.

As a photojournalist, she’d traveled all over the world, from Antarctica to some of the thickest jungles of the Amazon. Nothing overwhelmed her senses like a summer night in North Carolina.

Shaking off nostalgia, she reached for the door. Through the four-pane window she saw a man seated at the old trestle table, his large hands cradling the rounded belly of the woman in front of him: Julia.

Her heart thundered in her chest as memories and long-buried pain rushed in.

Ethan had no way of knowing Lainey had been in love with him since she was barely more than a girl. He’d started dating Julia in high school and they’d been Brevia’s perfect couple. Everyone had been shocked when Julia left for New York during Ethan’s first year of med school, taking her big dreams and his heart with her.

Devastated, he’d turned to Lainey, who was at the same university campus, as a friend. Very quickly it led to more, and Lainey couldn’t resist—being in Ethan’s arms made her feel like all her dreams were coming true.

She’d thought it was safe because her sister had ended things and moved on with her life. Only when Lainey had become pregnant a few months later and Julia returned to rekindle her relationship with Ethan did Lainey see how stupid and selfish she’d been. It didn’t matter that Julia and Ethan had been broken up or that Lainey had secretly loved him for years. She should never have given in to her heart.

All hell had broken loose in their family as Ethan chose his duty to Lainey over his history with her sister. Ultimately, Lainey’s love story was still doomed.

Julia had left town again after finding out Lainey was pregnant with Ethan’s baby. She had no idea what Lainey had lost or the emotional and physical pain she’d suffered.

Lainey thought she’d gotten over the sorrow, but the image in front of her was exactly what she’d imagined for herself. To watch the moment unfold between Julia and Ethan was simply too much. She threw open the door.

Pita scampered over to Ethan, resting her head against his thigh. Lainey narrowed her eyes at the unfaithful mutt.

“Sorry to interrupt …”

“You didn’t.” Julia moved to the far end of the kitchen. “The baby’s active. I wanted Ethan—someone—to feel how hard he kicks.” She stepped closer. “You want to try?”

Lainey backed against the doorframe like Julia had pulled a knife on her. “No!” Her hands shook and she crossed her arms over her chest. “Not now. It’s been a long day.”

“Sure, I understand.” Julia looked confused but busied herself with arranging a bowl of apples on the center island. “How was Mom when you left?”

“Sleeping.”

“She’s happy you’re here.” Julia laughed without humor. “She hated the idea that I’d try to run the adoption fair and screw it up.”

Before Lainey could answer, Ethan’s chair scraped on the wood floor. “Do you have bags in the car? I’ll bring them in.”

“It’s unlocked.”

As he stepped past her out the back door, she came farther into the kitchen, walking back in time. The walls were painted the same warm yellow she remembered, and a short valance with bright red cherries hung from the bank of windows framing the breakfast nook.

She faced Julia across the large island. “What are you two doing here?” she whispered, glancing over her shoulder.

“I picked up groceries.” Julia held up an apple. “Vera’s command. Keep you well fed and you’ll have more energy to do her bidding.” She arched one brow. “Ethan was in the driveway when I got here. Maybe he was waiting for you.”

“Doubtful. He ripped my head off this morning at Carl’s.”

Julia’s big eyes widened farther. “You’d seen him before you got to the hospital? That was quick, even for you.”

Ouch. The comment stung although she understood the insinuation behind it. Julia had only been gone a couple of months before Lainey and Ethan had begun their brief relationship. But when you’d loved someone forever the way Lainey had loved Ethan, timing didn’t matter the same way.

At least it hadn’t to her. Now she knew better.

“I never wanted to come back.”

Julia put away a gallon of milk and moved a box of Cheerios to the back of the counter. “We’re adults now. We can make it work.”

Unconvinced, Lainey nodded, willing the words to be true. “Did Mom command you to say that?”

Julia sighed. “Maybe.”

Ethan’s heavy footfalls sounded on the porch. “Where do you want these?” he asked as he came through the back door carrying two large suitcases.

“In my old room. First one on the left.”

“I know which room is yours,” he mumbled under his breath.

Right.

She watched him maneuver the luggage through the doorway and down the narrow hall that led to the stairs. Muscles bunched under his T-shirt as he hefted the larger bag over the table in the entry.

Julia studied her with an unreadable expression.

“What?”

Julia raised her hands, palms facing forward. “Nothing at all, Lain-Brain,” she said.

“Don’t call me that. It was awful when I was ten. Now it’s downright rude.”

Julia walked around the side of the island. “I’ll see you at the hospital in the morning. Visiting hours start at eight.”

“You can’t leave,” Lainey whispered. “Shouldn’t you and Ethan walk out together?”

Julia shook her head. “I don’t think so. He wasn’t lurking around the garage for me.”

“Do not go …”

Julia’s pace didn’t slow. “The question is does the nickname still fit?” she called over her shoulder.

“Julia!”

“Is there anything else I can bring in?”

She whirled at the sound of Ethan’s voice. He filled the doorway between the hall and the kitchen, a lock of hair falling across his dark eyes.

Once upon a time, she’d spent hours gazing at him, memorizing every bit of his face. Now she only wanted to forget. She tried to muster the anger she’d felt that morning but couldn’t find the energy for it.

“I don’t think so.” She wrapped her arms tighter around herself. “Just so you know, I got dog food.”

“I left a couple bags in the garage, too.”

“Excuse me?”

He stepped toward her then stopped and ran one hand through his hair, the same unconscious gesture he’d had since high school. “It’s important to Vera that you came. Buying a bag of kibble is easier than giving you grief about what you feed your dog.”

She could deal with anger from him, but not kindness. Kindness might melt her frozen heart, and Lainey couldn’t risk the heartbreak again. “Like I told you, she’s not exactly my dog.”

When he didn’t respond, she walked to the counter to continue unloading groceries. “So if you know of anyone who needs a new pet …”

“How long are you staying?”

Her hands stilled on a bag of mini-carrots. “Mom wants me to run the entire adoption fair.”

He nodded. “I figured as much. That weekend means the world to her.”

Lainey laughed. “Then it’s hard to believe she’d trust it with me. We’ll see. I’ve got a couple assignments I need to reschedule. A summer in Brevia wasn’t part of the plan.”

He rocked back on his heels. “I saw your feature in Outside Magazine on the volcanoes. And the pictures of Everest from National Geographic. Amazing.”

Never in a million years could Lainey have imagined this conversation. The life of a nomadic photographer was so different than the future she’d planned it was almost comical. But she knew Vera paraded the magazines with her pictorials by anyone who crossed her path.

Even though she shot for a number of national publications, every picture was personal. She put a piece of her soul into each photo and it made her uncomfortable knowing Ethan had seen them. Even stranger that he actually remembered her spreads.

She couldn’t put into words the way traveling had saved her, allowed her to escape from her mind and the constant pain of losing her baby and the man she’d loved. She hadn’t been able to talk about the tragedy ten years ago, and she certainly wouldn’t now. Instead she told him, “I’m lucky to have the job I do.”

He watched her for several seconds like he’d forgotten what she’d just said. “That’s cool,” he answered finally.

What were they talking about? Her work. Right.

“Cool,” she repeated. “That’s me.”

Not quite.

At this moment, she was unbelievably not cool. She felt off balance, not sure how to navigate this new water when she’d vowed to keep an ocean between her and the man standing across the room.

“You’ve taken Dad’s practice to the next level,” she said, groping for a topic that wasn’t so personal to her. As soon as the words were out, she realized her father’s legacy made it worse.

“I’m still grateful for the opportunity your father gave me,” Ethan answered, his voice so solemn it made her throat ache. “His reputation is the backbone of the clinic.”

This wasn’t right either. His words were too serious in the quiet intimacy of the kitchen. Lainey didn’t do intimacy anymore. If the past had taught her one thing, it was not to let emotional connections influence her life. That only ended in pain for everyone involved.

She cocked her head to one side, hoping to lighten the mood. “When did you become such a Boy Scout? What happened to badass Ethan Daniels?”

His back stiffened, his molten eyes going icy. “In case you’ve forgotten, me being a badass tore your family apart. I changed a lot after you left. I changed fast.”

“I haven’t forgotten anything,” she whispered. “What happened wasn’t your fault.” She didn’t realize how much she needed to say those words until they were out.

She’d come to see her miscarriage and the complications that resulted in her infertility as a sign that she was never meant to be a mother. A punishment for reaching for something she couldn’t have. The blame sat squarely on her shoulders. She suddenly needed Ethan to understand that. “I was the one—”

“Don’t go there.” His hand chopped through the air. “I didn’t come here to rehash ancient history.”

“So why are you here?”

The ten-million-dollar question, Ethan thought. He’d been surprised to run into her, but what shocked him more was how quickly his initial anger had disappeared. Because Lainey looked as miserable as he’d felt for so long, and despite how she’d hurt him, he didn’t think she deserved that.

He forced himself to remember how she’d run off when he’d put himself on the line for her. He’d had way too much experience with being deserted by the women he loved and had learned the hard way that he couldn’t rely on anyone else. He needed to keep his distance from her.

“I’m here for Vera.” Best to leave the past where it belonged. For everyone involved.

“Okay.” She gave him a tentative smile. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end.

He forced himself to look away, glancing out the window where night had fallen in earnest. The kitchen glowed in comparison, creating a strange yet familiar sense of closeness between them.

Ethan cleared his throat. “I care …” he began but lost his train of thought for a moment as he watched her chest rise when she sucked in a deep breath.

“About?” she prompted, her green eyes turning dark.

“I care … about your mom,” he finished, keeping emotion out of his voice. “We’ve worked together for a long time. She and your dad were more a family to me than my own crazy father. Vera has always supported me. We’re friends, and I hate to see her in the hospital. It’s not right.”

Lainey jerked her head in agreement but didn’t speak so he continued. “I’ll do whatever I can to help her. The clinic has a big stake in the adoption fair.”

He paused, wondering if his convoluted thoughts made more sense spoken out loud. “This will be easier if things aren’t messed up between us. The way I see it, stuff happened. We were kids. It doesn’t matter now.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she repeated, as if absorbing each word.

He nodded. “Water under the bridge.”

“Yesterday’s news,” she countered.

He thought about that one for a moment. The glint in her eye told him he was on shaky ground. “Or maybe not.”

She pushed herself away from the counter. “You should go now, Ethan.”

He took a step closer. “If you need me to …”

“I don’t,” she said, almost yelling as she backed into the kitchen sink. She closed her eyes for a moment. When she spoke again, her voice was calm, her gaze emotionless. “I don’t need anything from you.”

Her words poured over his head like a bucket of cold water. He turned away. “I guess some things never change,” he called over his shoulder, “because the way I remember it, you never did.”

He slammed the door behind him and stalked down the stairs, pausing at the bottom when he heard something clatter against the kitchen wall.

He wanted to charge back up the steps but knew whatever had smashed into the wall had clearly been meant for his head.

She didn’t need him, he repeated. How long would it take before he’d finally be clear on that? Ten years ago, he’d offered her everything he had: his heart, his name, the rest of his life. She’d thrown it all back in his face, walked away without even a goodbye.

He headed across the driveway to his truck. Vera told him the universe makes you repeat your mistakes until you get them right. If that was the case, this summer was bound to be the biggest lesson of his life.