Читать книгу Shirley Valentine Goes to Vegas - Michelle Betham - Страница 14

I clung onto Eddie’s waist, the wind blowing my hair back off my face, the roar of the Harley’s engine the only sound I could hear as we sped along the deserted road. On either side of us there was nothing but an expanse of deep, rust-coloured land, the dust and dirt interspersed with patches of green cacti and desert plants. It seemed to go on forever, the colour changing only when it seemed to merge with the pale-blue sky, making it feel as though we were riding on the same stretch of road, over and over. The view didn’t seem to change, bar the fleeting glimpse of a bigger cacti patch, or the odd cloud that had dared to show itself in that crystal-clear sky. It felt as though we were the only two people there. Nobody else could touch us, because nobody else existed.That’s how it felt.

Leaning forward, I rested my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes for the briefest of seconds, letting the sound of the bike wash over me. I’d ridden pillion on Finn’s Ducati a number of times back home, but it had never felt like this. This was something else completely. I felt as though, somewhere between me leaving the tattoo convention yesterday afternoon and meeting Eddie again in the elevator – I felt as though I’d somehow walked into a different world, crossed some kind of parallel timeline into another existence. And I was clinging onto that feeling like my life depended on it.

As Eddie pulled the bike up at the side of the road, I opened my eyes to see a small building a little way off in the distance.

‘The diner I was telling you about,’ Eddie said, killing the engine, pulling off his helmet and laying it down in front of him as he climbed off the bike.

I pulled off my own helmet, laying it down beside Eddie’s, but I stayed where I was for a few more seconds, looking out ahead of me. That building was like an oasis, stuck in the middle of nowhere, even though I knew we were really only a few miles out of Vegas.

‘This is so different to everything I’ve ever been used to,’ I whispered, my eyes still fixed straight ahead.

‘Different can be good sometimes.’

I turned to look at him, standing there all biker-hot and handsome. What I felt for this man was something I really couldn’t explain. I’d known him all of one day – not even that – yet the thought of leaving him behind was the most terrifying feeling. Which was why I’d made the decision to stay here in Vegas. With him. A stupid, crazy decision, but I knew I wasn’t going to change my mind now. I was living a fantasy, and I wasn’t going to walk away from that; from something not many people ever got the chance to do.

I climbed off the bike, leaning back against it, my eyes locked with Eddie’s as he came closer. ‘I have no idea how I’m gonna tell my brother I’m not coming home.’

‘Well, he’s probably gonna try and make you change your mind.’ He rested his hand against my cheek, his thumb stroking my skin in slow, gentle movements as his eyes sought to reassure me.

‘Probably,’ I whispered, my mouth almost touching his now, my lips physically aching to feel his against them. ‘But I’m a big girl now, Eddie. I can make my own decisions.’

I felt my whole body relax into him as he finally kissed me, every part of me falling against him, giving into him. He was that dream I’d never even realised I had. That person I’d been looking for, the one who could open up all those locked doors that were still firmly closed inside of me. I believed that. I truly believed that. With every touch of his lips on mine, his fingers on my skin.When he was inside me everything just felt right. How could I walk away from that?

‘You haven’t really said that much about your life in the UK,’ he said quietly, pulling back just a touch, his hand still resting against my cheek.

‘You haven’t said all that much about yours.’ I laid my hand gently over his. ‘Have you never felt like going home? Back to Scotland? Don’t you miss it?’

He shook his head, his eyes burning into mine with a strange kind of intensity. ‘America’s my home now. My life’s here, in Las Vegas. I don’t have any reason to go back to Scotland.’

‘There’s nobody waiting for you back there? No family?’

He smiled slightly, just a small smile, which I wasn’t entirely sure reached his eyes. ‘My family aren’t all that accepting of my lifestyle. We’ve never really been that close.’

‘And what is your lifestyle, exactly?’

His smile grew a little wider, his eyes suddenly lighting up, which only served to make my heart beat that little bit faster. ‘I’m a free spirit, Lana. The bike shop, and my stake in the garage my MC owns earns me enough to get by on. I live pretty simply. My home’s quite basic, you’ve seen that… When I’m not working I ride, because when I’m out here, on the open road, it’s the only time I think clearly. It really is the best kind of therapy.’ His eyes were staring into mine with that strange, yet beautiful, intensity again, something that caused a ripple of excitement to bubble up inside of me. ‘I’m an old-school biker, darlin’. I wear my colours with pride and loyalty is everything. But freedom – that’s the most important thing in the world for me.’

I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his. This tall, handsome man with the tattoos and the beard and a voice so low and sexy – he really was everything I’d ever dreamt of. I just hadn’t realised it, until now. And everything he’d just said there, it was everything I’d wanted to hear.

‘What about you?’ he asked, his thumb still stroking my cheek, his hand warm yet rough against my skin. I didn’t want him to take it away. I liked it, I liked him touching me.

‘What about me?’ But even after all of that I was still reluctant to open up to him. Maybe because opening up, talking about the past brought it all back to the forefront. And I didn’t want to look back. I wanted to move forward.

‘Last night, in the elevator – you told me you were divorced.’

I looked down, finally breaking that stare, because looking him in the eye and talking about Adam – that didn’t feel right. ‘I am. It’s just not something I really want to get into.’

‘Things didn’t work out, huh?’

I raised my gaze, my eyes meeting his again. ‘Yeah. Something like that. We were together a long time and… We grew apart, that’s all. It happens.’

‘Yeah,’ he sighed, finally pulling his hand away from my face. ‘A lot of shit happens.’

I frowned slightly as I watched his expression change, the look in his eyes something I couldn’t read. Sadness? I didn’t have time to really let it register as his face broke back into a slow smile. But what he’d said there…

‘You still think about him?’ Eddie asked, a question that surprised me, because it wasn’t something I’d expected him to ask.

‘Sometimes.’ I was being honest now.Because I did still think about Adam. He’d been a huge part of my life – he’d been my life. So of course I still thought about him. ‘I was with him for almost twenty years. And you can’t just forget all of that as though it never happened.’

‘No.’ Eddie’s expression changed again, the smile once more disappearing from his face, his eyes clouding over. ‘No, you can’t.’ But then, as quickly as if someone had just flicked a switch, the smile was back. The sadness in his eyes gone. ‘You said you worked in a tattoo studio…’ It was as if he’d sensed a change of subject was needed. He wasn’t wrong.

‘Yeah. Finn’s – my brother’s – tattoo studio. One of those major life changes, you know? I used to work in the theatre, now I’m training to become a tattoo artist.’

‘You’ve got some beautiful ink there yourself. Your brother do that?’

I nodded. ‘They’re all part of the new me.’

‘And what about the old one?’

My gaze dropped once more, focusing on my biker boots, the road, anything but him. ‘I’m moving on, Eddie.’

I felt him take my hand and I looked up at him, the feeling of his fingers sliding between mine was comforting. ‘Hey, I’m all about the here and now, baby. The past, it should stay where it belongs. You let it back in, it’s only gonna drag you down, believe me.’

‘How can you be so perfect?’ I smiled, my fingers lightly touching his slightly open mouth.

He laughed, that low-down dirty laugh that made my thighs ache for him. ‘I’m anything but perfect, darlin’.’

I cupped his face in my hands, kissing him slowly, enjoying the taste of him; that taste of beer and cigarettes, his mouth opening as his arms fell loosely around my waist. ‘Well, perfect can be boring,’ I whispered.

‘And boring is one thing I’m not, sweetheart.’

Oh, God, he was making me feel like that infatuated teenager I was trying not to be, but it was hard not to get caught up in the fantasy of this situation. Because the reality was still something I was struggling to get my head around.

‘So, you’ve definitely made your mind up, then?’ Eddie asked, letting his hands fall a little lower, his fingers sliding down the back of my jeans. ‘About staying here, in Vegas?’

It was still the craziest idea; the kind of thing that didn’t happen in real life, not to people like me, anyway. People like me didn’t just up and leave everything behind to stay with a person they’d only just met, in a strange country, just because the sex was great. No, the sex was mindblowing! But this was so much more than sex. I knew that. I could feel it.

‘Oh, I’m staying, biker boy. So you better get ready for a wild ride of your own.’

‘You’re joking, right?’ Finn folded his arms as he leant back against the wall, watching as I brushed mascara over my lashes. I hadn’t expected him to take the news well, and he wasn’t. He wasn’t really taking it at all.

‘Finn, I’m too bloody exhausted to joke about anything.’

‘So, let me get this straight. The reason why none of us have seen you since yesterday afternoon is because you’ve been spending all your time with a Scottish biker called Eddie who owns a motorcycle shop and lives here, in Vegas.’

‘That’s about the size of it, yes.’

‘And tonight, you’re going out with him again?’

‘You’ve been listening, then?’

‘Yeah, I have, and all of that – all of that is fine. It’s what I wanted you to do, start having some fun. Have as much of that as you can, kiddo. But… staying here, staying with him…? Staying in America? What the hell is that all about?’

I swung around on my stool. ‘I need distance, okay?’

Finn’s expression was, of course, confused. I couldn’t really expect him to feel any other way. ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’

‘He’s still there, Finn.’

‘Who is? Jesus, Lana, you’re not making any sense here.’

No. I wasn’t. Because all of this had come from nowhere. I hadn’t even been aware it was what I’d been feeling until I’d said the words. ‘Adam.’

‘Adam? Why the hell is Adam on your mind all of a sudden?’

I looked down at my hands, which I’d balled up into fists without even realising, my nails digging into my palms. So why wasn’t I feeling any pain? ‘He’s not on my mind “all of a sudden”, Finn. He’s always been there. And what with the divorce and everything…’

Finn came over to me, crouching down in front of me, taking one of my hands and unfurling my fingers. ‘Why didn’t you talk to me, hmm? I thought you and Adam…’

‘We are. We’re over. Of course we are. But it doesn’t mean I can just push him to the back of my mind and forget about everything, just like that. We were together almost twenty years.’

‘But you weren’t happy, Lana.’

‘I wasn’t happy, not all the time. But he wasn’t a bad person, Finn. He just wasn’t the right person. For me. And I just wish I’d faced up to that sooner.’

‘Okay. But, that’s why you left him, isn’t it? Because he wasn’t the right person for you? You finally found the strength to make that decision, to move on. And that takes guts, kiddo.’

I pulled my hand away from his and turned to look back in the mirror, saying nothing.

Finn sat down on the arm of the couch. ‘I’m more confused than ever now. Lana, I… Are you telling me that you’re gonna up and leave the new life you’ve made for yourself back home and… You’re actually gonna stay with this guy? Just like that? Because you do realise how crazy that sounds, don’t you? And you’re gonna do that because, what? You think you need distance between you and your ex-husband? The same ex-husband you haven’t seen for months? And it doesn’t seem to have bothered you being in the same postcode as him since the split. The risk of you running into him, of seeing him, I wasn’t aware it was a problem.’

‘It isn’t.’

‘Then all of this is crazy.’

‘You’re making it sound crazy, Finn.’

‘No. It is crazy, Lana. It’s off-the-page crazy. It’s ridiculous. You’ve known this guy for all of a day, had one night out with him, fucked him a few times, and in your eyes that constitutes a good enough reason to ride off into the sunset on some ridiculous notion that you could actually have a life with this man?’

I swung round again, surprised by how calm I actually felt, considering everything Finn was saying made more sense than anything I was doing right now. ‘Nobody’s talking about making a life with anyone, Finn. This isn’t some kind of fairytale happy-ever-after. I’m not that naïve?’ Or was I?

He just raised an eyebrow, but thankfully kept his mouth shut.

‘It’s just… This past year, it’s been exhausting. And strange. And amazing, and…and I’m still trying to get my head around it all. And you… you are my rock, Finn. I am so glad I found you again, had the chance to get close to you again and you’re not just my brother, okay? You’re my best friend –you know? The one I will always turn to because you are so important to me now. I love you so much, I really do…’

‘And I love you too, beautiful. You walked back into my life as this woman who wanted to change her entire world, and you’d started to do that in a matter of days, Lana. Because you are stronger than you think you are. Than you ever thought you were. But this… this is just crazy. And as somebody who loves you, I’m not sure I can stand by and watch you make a mistake like this.’

I shook my head, getting up and walking over to him. ‘You can’t stop me.’

He stood up, too, his hands in his pockets, his eyes staring deep into mine. ‘I can try. Look, I know I pushed you into going out with the guy but, Jesus, Lana, I only meant for a drink. I didn’t expect this shit to happen.’

‘Neither did I, Finn. But, you know, sometimes things happen for a reason. Sometimes a chance will appear that you never dreamt would or could happen, and you’ve just got to grab that chance before it disappears forever. Sometimes, you have to rely on fate, whether you believe in it or not.’

He raised that eyebrow again. ‘You’re believing in fate all of a sudden? You? Miss cynical?’

‘I didn’t say I believed in it. I’m just taking a risk, okay? Isn’t that what you told me I should be doing?’

‘I’m absolutely positive I never mentioned running off with a Scottish biker. That wasn’t exactly the kind of risk I meant.’

‘I know,’ I sighed, sitting down on the couch, pushing both hands through my hair. ‘I know that isn’t what you meant, but… Something happened here, Finn. Something clicked inside of me. Something I can’t explain.’

‘Are you sure you haven’t just been blinded by too much sex? I mean, I know you haven’t had any for Christ knows how long…’

I threw him a look as he sat down next to me. ‘I don’t know, okay? And you’re right. This is crazy. It’s ridiculous, and unreal, and incredibly selfish of me but…’ I looked down at my clasped hands. ‘Maybe I’m having some kind of middle-age meltdown. But Eddie he’s… he’s just as crazy as I am, Finn. And maybe crazy is just what I need right now.’

Finn sighed, throwing himself back against the couch cushions. ‘Lana, babe, you know nothing about this guy.’

‘And he knows nothing about me. But don’t you think that’s what makes it so much more exciting?’

He just looked at me, but didn’t offer up any kind of answer.

‘I’m almost forty years old, Finn. And I have spent most of my life in a box I thought I was never going to be able to escape from…’

For the next twenty minutes I found myself pouring my heart out about my marriage break- up. And I had no idea why these floodgates had chosen to open now; why I was suddenly telling Finn all these things I’d kept from him before. I just knew that I needed to get it out. All of it. In order for me to really be able to walk away from the past. Keeping it bottled up inside had only held me back, I knew that now. ‘If there’s something else out there you want, something that might just make you happy; something you know you can have if you just have the balls to go out there and grab it, then… then nobody should feel guilty about doing that. Nobody. And you helped me see that, Finn. You gave me the confidence I needed to go out there and be this person I so badly wanted to be; needed to be. The person I should have become a long time ago.’

‘So it’s my fault you’re eloping with Scotty, then?’

‘Finn…’

‘And what about your apprenticeship at Black Ink?’

‘Look, Finn, I’m not saying this is forever, okay? It might not even be something that lasts more than a few weeks but I… It’s something I need to do. And I can’t really explain it, or give you a reason that would make any kind of sense, I just… I need to do this. I kind of want to see where it takes me. And, it’ll give me the time I quite obviously need to get my head around those things I’m still finding hard to let go of. You’ll still train me, won’t you? If I come back home?’

‘If?’

‘Will you?’ I fixed him with a look and he sighed.

‘You know I will.’

I leant over and kissed his cheek, ruffling his dark hair.

‘You’re fucking nuts, do you know that? Certifiably crazy.’

I stood up and walked over to the full-length mirror by the bed, cocking my head as I stared at my reflection. ‘Yeah. I know I am.’ I swung around, smiling as I looked at him. ‘Like I said, you made me this way, remember?’

He sighed again as he hauled himself up off the couch. ‘I created a frigging monster, that’s what I did.’ He walked over to me, pulling me into his arms, his expression suddenly turning serious. ‘Don’t do it, Lana. Please. Think about this, okay? Think about what’s happening here. What you’re planning to do, it’s not the most sensible idea you’ve ever had.’

‘I’m done with sensible, Finn.’ I snuggled in against him, holding him tight. ‘I’ve been sensible for almost forty years, and I think that’s long enough. Now I want to do crazy and stupid and all those things I never had the chance to do before.’

‘But this isn’t just…’ He let go of me, pushing both hands through his hair as he let out another heavy sigh. ‘It doesn’t matter what I say, does it? You’re actually gonna do this.’

‘Yeah. I’m gonna do this.’

‘Then know that I think it’s a bad idea.’

‘I need you to be with me on this one, Finn. Please.’

He shook his head, and I felt tears start to prick the backs of my eyes. ‘I can’t, Lana. I can’t support you on this because I think you’re making a mistake.’

‘Finn, please…’

‘Go out with him tonight, and you will be that amazing person I know you are, okay? You do that, you go out there and have some fun, spend the night with him, have as much sex as you want, wear the bastard out for all I care. But in the morning, I want you to tell me you’re coming home with the rest of us.’

‘I can’t promise you that.’

‘Think about this, Lana, please. What you talked about just now, everything you said about finding something that makes you happy, about starting a new life, you’re doing just fine on that score, kiddo. You really are. You don’t need to stay here to prove anything to yourself…’

‘That isn’t why I’m doing it, Finn. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone… Jesus… I just want to… I just want to be with him… There’s something about him that makes me feel – I don’t know. He makes me feel alive. He makes me feel like somebody I never knew I could be. It’s like he’s awakened something inside me that’s been lying there, dormant, for all those years.’

‘Just come home, Lana. Come home and let’s get back to normal. Let’s carry on doing what we were doing because we were having a blast, kiddo. I thought you liked our life.’

‘I love our life, I really do, I just… I need that space, that time to really push Adam to the back of my mind…’

‘I don’t think this is all to do with Adam. Not really.’

I stared at him, right into his eyes. ‘I’m staying, Finn.’

He let out another heavy, frustrated sigh. ‘I can’t believe you’re doing this… You know I’m always gonna be there for you, don’t you? Always. And when this crazy, stupid, rash act you’re about to undertake falls down around you – when it all turns to shit and you realise what a huge mistake it really was, I’ll still be there, ready to pick up the pieces. I’ll still be there. But I can’t pretend this is a good idea, Lana. Because I think it’s wrong.’