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Ecclesiastes. 4:8-12

Biblical Images of Marriage Partnership

The character of the American frontier demanded a rugged individualism capable of overcoming whatever obstacle or difficulty appeared. With few others to rely on, and major centers of population hundreds of miles away, the frontier family had to make do with whatever was at hand to solve their problems.

My grandfather enthralled me with tales of his frontier parents. My great-grandfather William Clark scouted for the army with Kit Carson and other rugged frontiersmen. Deep in the wilderness by himself, he had to outlast a fierce blizzard. With a cold wind blowing the deepening drifts around him, he forced his horse to lie down on the ground. Using the horse as a windbreak, he wrapped his blanket over them both and nestled in next to the horse for warmth to endure the storm.

Hungry on one of many long trips, he first went to a riverbank and built a huge bonfire with a ring of large stones surrounding it. Then he dug a pit. Leaving the riverbank and the blazing fire, he went to find game. Shooting a deer, he brought it back to the riverbank. By then the fire had simmered down to coals and hot rocks. After skinning and preparing the deer meat, he wrapped the cuts of venison in mud. Then he placed the mud patties in the pit surrounding them with the coals and hot rocks, and filled the pit up with dirt. He left for several hours as the meat roasted in this natural Dutch oven. Coming back he dug up the meat, knocked off the dried mud, and had a delicious venison feast.

Meanwhile, back at the homestead, my great-grandmother was with her young boys. The homestead consisted of a sod roof and three sides dug out of an embankment in the Oklahoma hills. Buffalo skins hung on the front side to act as door and fourth wall. With her husband out scouting, she had to fend for herself, even when her family was threatened. A stranger intending harm barged in through the entrance of buffalo hides. With frontier resolve, she reached for a shotgun and dispatched the attacker. What else could she do to protect her family?

This rugged individualism was necessary on the frontier. Its legacy can be found in our modern American drive to succeed and be the best. Reared on stories of heroes and heroines like Davy Crockett, Daniel Boone, Abraham Lincoln, Henry Ford, Amelia Earhart, and Franklin D. Roosevelt, American children were taught to be strong, not cry, and become number one. How they succeeded seemed to take a back seat to just succeeding. Get tough, get going, and, if need be, rise to the top on sheer will power.

But something happened on the way to the top. It was not such a meaningful experience. For those who made it, the success seemed empty. Individualism meant lonely, empty people still aching for more, even in executive offices and mansions on hillsides. The wise writer of Ecclesiastes documented this problem thousands of years ago, yet it still applies to many ‘successful’ people today. Eccl 4:8 (NIV) “There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. “For whom am I toiling,” he asked, “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment? This too is meaningless—a miserable business!”

There is much more to life than financial success. God did not create us to be isolated from others behind wrought iron gates and security devices. Much of my ministry has been spent among those who are rich in the eyes of the world, but poor in the eyes of God; relationship poor, spiritually impoverished, unable to relate to others, and lacking a knowledge of the grace of God. I have seen many with mansions, fancy cars, and the toys of success, but their children did not know them, their marriages were shambles, and they could not stand their neighbors. “This too is meaningless—a miserable business!“ An extreme example of this drive to succeed in the race to the top of the financial pyramid was Howard Hughes. Howard Hughes was the world’s richest man, yet in paranoid seclusion he lived and died isolated from everyone. He represents loneliness and deprivation from true enjoyment of those who rely only on themselves.

We have forgotten how God planned for us to live. We are social animals of the highest order. Take that not as a critique or a compliment, just a statement of fact. Made not to live alone, God created us to live in communities of support and encouragement. Listen to the continued wisdom of the author of Ecclesiastes, the book of wisdom,

Eccl 4:9-12 (NIV) “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Two are better than one

The author of these verses conveys his message through images; symbols of life perfect for our visual age and our modern media minds. First, we hear of the image of work. Two work better than one. They double their effort and at least double the achievement. Working as partners, they encourage each other. They blend their talents to multiply the results. Spelling each other when each needs relief, they are more efficient. Watching out for problems, they keep each other from work-slowing mistakes. Motivating each other, they produce more than two working alone.

I needed to put up a fence to keep my new puppy in one part of my yard, away from plants and wood furniture she loved to chew and destroy. I had never put up a fence before. I bought the fence parts and began to work. At best I figured it would take me three long days to put up the fence, if I did not make too many mistakes. A good friend volunteered to help me. He had some experience building fences. We set to work in the morning and finished that night. He saved me from a lot of wasted time and mistakes. Others have commented on what an attractive fence we made. Two are better than one for they have a good return for their work.

If one falls down, his friend can help him up

In the next verse the author, probably wise King Solomon, draws a picture of someone falling down. He wrenched his ankle and lies hurting on the ground. Good news! He has a friend with him. She helps him up, tends to his scrapes, binds up his ankle, and delivers him to a hospital. What if he had been alone with no one there to help him up again?

On a trip to Arizona, I walked a seldom-used trail high in the Santa Rita Mountains. Needing a time of quiet reflection and prayer, I sought solitude along this path. Earlier that day, as I rested by a bubbling brook on a warm, flat boulder, a bear ambled down to the stream without noticing me. I remained quiet and watched. He padded down the path while I continued up the mountain. Shortly I was 1000 feet higher along a narrow ridge. Huffing and puffing with the ascent and altitude, my legs grew increasingly tired. I miss-stepped and the edge of the ridge gave way beneath me. Crashing down on my side, I barely managed to keep from falling over the drop to my left. In some pain, I slowly rose again to my feet. Thankful that no bone had broken, and that I had not dropped some fifty feet or more down the mountainside, I felt alone and foolish. Was this wise to be alone miles from anyone else? What if I had fallen over the edge or broken a leg or both? I wished for a friend to be there with me. Indeed, “pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up.”

If two lie down together, they will keep warm

Two are warmer under one blanket, even if, like my great-grandfather, you share your blanket with a horse. Many husbands and wives like this image of two getting close together and warming each other up on cold nights. In emergency situations shared body warmth can save lives. Hypothermia is the lowering of body temperature due to exposure to cold. A person who falls in cold, mountain water, even on a warm day, can quickly suffer from hypothermia and die. One of the best remedies for this serious situation when out in the wilderness away from medical care, involves using the body heat of another to warm up the sufferer. Taking off the victim’s wet clothing and placing him or her in a sleeping bag or wrap of blankets is not enough. Their body cannot generate enough heat to warm themselves again. Another person must get into the sleeping bag or blankets with the sufferer to generate the heat to warm him or her back to normal body temperature.

There are many cold nights, and not all are dark, winter nights. Cold nights come when a loved one has died, when a job is lost, when a trusted one betrays us, when a child is hurting, or when many more trials and troubles come our way. How can one keep warm on such cold nights? Spouses and friends are necessary help. They warm us back to life. Not just our personal family, but also a family in Christ, a church family, can help warm us up and bring us back to life. What a joy it is to be part of a loving, caring group of people committed to each other, especially during dark nights of the soul.

Two can defend themselves

“Watch your backside!” yells one blocking linesman to the quarterback just before he is blind-sided and sacked. As in football, so in daily life we experience attacks and temptations that catch us off guard. People we thought we could trust let us down. Places we thought were strong crumble. Life is filled with unwelcome surprises. One cannot see behind oneself. One has a limited perspective. But two can watch out for each other in defense. They can stand back to back and see 360 degrees. Together they stand better prepared to ward off attack.

Partners often have different viewpoints that they express to each other. Some think differing viewpoints are a negative in a relationship, but they wrongly equate the benefits of diversity with a lack of unity. Two do not have to agree on all things to have a unity of purpose. They do need to be for each other. Their differing insights benefit their relationship, not hinder it, when they use them to pursue wisdom together.

The wonderful example of our eyes illustrates the necessity of two perspectives united to give depth of view. The view of one eye unites in the mind with the view of the other eye to gauge how distant an object is from the body. Two eyes provide three-dimensional viewing. Try walking around with one eye covered and notice the difference. Two viewpoints add depth to our decisions, our marriages, and our lives when they work together.

Two are better than one in picking each other up, keeping warm, working effectively and warding off attacks. You may notice that this passage from Ecclesiastes says nothing specifically about two in marriage. These illustrations of two being better than one are often lived out in different types of relationships. Soldiers in early times would stand together against attack. Travelers would huddle together under a common blanket. We still gather together under common blankets at cold football games. Partnerships for mutual benefit in commercial ventures work well when two have complimentary talents to offer each other for the same purpose.

The point is that two are better than one. We were not created to live for ourselves or by ourselves. One is meaningless, even with all the material treasures we could hoard. We were created to enjoy companionship. And if two are better than one, why not three, or four, or more?

A cord of three strands

The author of Ecclesiastes recognizes this in his final illustration, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” This cord is obviously familiar to us as a rope braided together from three separate strands of fibers. We do not need an engineer to tell us that a braided cord of three strands is far stronger than single strands of rope, or even two strands wound together. I have asked many times in sermons and wedding messages for an engineer to tell me how many times stronger a three-fold, braided cord is than three single unbraided strands. No one has yet taken me up on my challenge. I can only guess that it is at least 3 or 4 times stronger. This is true because of the effect of the braiding. The strength of a rope is determined by the friction between the separate strands. The greater the number of strands results in a greater friction that produces greater strength. The braiding binds three cords together in a way that multiplies the strength of each separate strand.

It is impossible to create a braided rope with only two strands. When two strands are woven together, they quickly unravel. I have two daughters, so I have experience in braiding hair from when they were young. The tight weave of three strands is a must for a braid that will last a busy day. Herein lies a mystery. The weave makes it difficult to tell how many braids are intertwined. What looks like two strands is really three. The third strand of hair keeps the other two strands tightly woven. The three strands also create a beautiful design of order and harmony.

In the case of a rope, the braid provides a greater amount of strength and more benefits. A firefighter explained to me that the braided rope’s strength also has some give. When used as a safety rope when someone falls, the rope arrests the fall, stretches, and then bounces back to ease the jolt of coming to the end of the rope. A wrangler shared with me another strength of a braided rope. If one frayed strand breaks, there is still enough tension from the braiding so that the other two strands hold the rope tightly until the broken strand can be repaired. An electrician described what happens when you do not braid three or more cords together while lifting a weight. The shortest cord takes the greatest amount of stress from the weight and is subject to breaking first. Braided ropes compensate for shortness and weakness among the various cords intertwined while contributing flex, beauty, order and back-up strength.

In many situations two are not enough. Three are better, particularly when it comes to enduring difficult situations. The divorce rate alarms us today. Over one out of four new marriages end in divorce. One out of two of all marriage ends in divorce as the patterns of failure create continued problems for the remarried. What happens to a man and a woman who joyously proclaim their love “till death do us part”? Troubles happen: illness, grief, loss of jobs, financial stress, inability to learn how to communicate, unresolved behavioral or childhood problems, etc. Two have a limited strength to endure difficulty. For others, love seems to dry up as boredom sets in. The reasons for divorce are as many as the couples involved. Two in marriage are not enough.

A strong, braiding third cord is needed. Who is this third cord? It is not a child. Children are often present in failing marriages. Anyone with children knows that a child is a gift and a source of greater stress at the same time. Who is the third cord? Another male or female? No, that has often been tried and found disastrous. The Bible has a clear answer. The third cord to be braided into marriage between husband and wife is God.

Through the chapters of this book, let us look through the pages of the Bible to discover how God intended marriage partnership to be wrapped with His inexhaustible supply of love, strength, patience, mercy, and wit. We move from this ideal expressed in Ecclesiastes to its application in the first marriage found in the Bible in Genesis chapters one and two. When the braided cord is unraveled in Genesis chapter three, God does not give up on husband and wife. An unlikely pair in the Old Testament, Ruth and Boaz, gives us a glimpse of the possibilities for marriage. In the New Testament, we discover that God provides the Savior for people and for marriage. Jesus Christ reforms the marriage braid, so that marriage becomes the New Testament image for the deeper relationship of Christ and His bride, the Church. In the last chapter of this book, we catch a glimpse of the future of marriage in God’s eternal kingdom. Through it all, we discover the grace of God available in Jesus Christ upon which we can base a healthy relationship of marriage.

Questions for reflection and insight:

1 Who are two of your heroes or heroines? Why do you look up to them?

2 Rugged individualism is a way of American life. How has looking out for yourself helped you and how has it hurt you?

3 Which of the images of “two are better than one” appeals to you most? Why?

4 Who are you thankful for because he/she has been one who has helped you get a better return, helped you up, defended you, and kept you warm?

5 How will you better your marriage this week by practicing at least one of these images of partnership?

6 How has the “third cord” of God helped your marriage?