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In an age when “Soccer Mom” and “Soccer Dad” are used as normal terms to describe parenting, our roles and relationships can be confusing. Parents are scheduling rather than parenting, channeling rather than nurturing, coaching rather than modeling. This may not be the parents’ choice, but in the driven world we have created, the demands to make a living are great.

Do not despair; there is a solution that is ancient in its lineage. As the Washington Post’s Abigail Trafford writes, the next two decades will become the transition from baby boomers to grand baby boomers. Good parenting means extending the safety net of support, love, learning and connection through the extended roles of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

As a child, I spent all of my “non-school” time living with my grandparents in a small town in Wisconsin. My father worked evenings and weekends, trying to get us out of the poverty that surrounded us. It was not a desertion of responsibility on his part but rather a sharing of it. Ultimately, I grew up an “only child” with six parents (my mom and dad, my father’s parents, my Uncle Clarence and Aunt Agatha) and with my cousins Elaine and Lois, who became my “sisters.”

I think of my childhood, and it is filled with memories of picking black-berries with Grandma and playing catch with Grandpa. I was never a visitor; I felt that their home was my home. This is also what we want for our grandchildren. Our home, our land, our love is theirs, and the wonderful thing is they are ready to give their love in return!

Today’s grandparents live longer, have the potential for better health and have more opportunities than ever before to share stories, read books, look at old photo albums, talk about the good old days and enjoy their grandchildren.

Talking, reading and reminiscing are all great, but the stories are wonderful for us because we lived them; the photographs have meaning because we experienced them. If you want to build memories rather than dwell on them, get out there, get going, take your grandchildren and experience the world again through their smiles, their curiosity, their wonder and their energy.

Many times you can include the parents in the activities you share with your grandchild. A multi-generational event can be truly wonderful, but choose a leader beforehand. Is the parent in charge of the activity or is it the grandparent? If there’s ever any doubt, step aside. A multi-generational squabble does nothing positive for the child and may be more damaging than good.

The intergenerational escape is a unique adventure. This is the time when we truly share. No one is ever more honest in their emotions than when they are smiling or laughing. No one is less guarded and more accepting of new knowledge than when they are engaged in new and positive experiences.

Grandparents are reflecting pools that have gathered the wisdom of their age and the knowledge specific to their own families. Children need the chance to delve into the pool for consolation and contemplation. It is not the role of the grandparent to solve the grandchild’s problems but rather to provide the means by which the child can solve his own questions of value, right and wrong. The grandparent is in the neutral role and needs to hold this position. We are advocates for the parents and for the children.

In a 1996 book, Contemporary Grandparenting, Arthur Kornhaber shows the evolution of the individual from his own childhood to grandparenting. The list is worth considering as we work to find the special activities that grandparents should share with their grandchildren:

 from receiving as a child to giving as an elder,

 from being nurtured as a child to nurturing the young,

 from learning to teaching,

 from listening to stories to telling them,

 from being directed to directing,

 from simply reacting to one’s environment to becoming able to influence the world and

 from identifying with others to becoming an object of identification for the young.

We are the elders; we are a starting point for more generations—how exciting and how challenging. Don’t dwell on it. Just be yourself. Be honest, be fun, and be open. Grandchildren are gifts from the future. The love they have for us, if we are willing to involve ourselves in their lives, is beyond description. Our greatest gift to them is our love and attention, and they are the greatest gift we could ever receive. Through them we can see the decades ahead. They connect us to their world, and we in turn owe them a connection to ours.