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Chapter 1

Not Me!

I pastor a big church. And just like any big church, we have thousands of people who’ve never considered the possibility that God can use them in significant and purposeful ways. My guess is that the average person who attends Hope represents the average church attendee in most of the average churches around the world.

We all have our reasons why we think our potential in God’s Kingdom is limited. Maybe we’re from a dysfunctional background and our family life was a disaster, so we naturally assume that God could never use us to make a difference in someone else’s life or in His Kingdom.

Maybe we’ve been involved in some spectacular sinning. Our mission statement at Hope is to “Love people where they are and encourage them to grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ.” It’s a mission statement that I’m especially proud of because as a church of “messed-up” people, we do a pretty good job of living our mission. Over the years, God has put us to the test by bringing some individuals to our church that could, even by our standards, be considered “All-Pro” sinners. Maybe you believe you fall into that category.

Maybe you’ve just begun a relationship with God and you’re taking baby steps in your spiritual journey—and “three steps forward and two steps back” describes your Christian walk. Or maybe you’re still stepping out of one mess only to step right into another. We’ve all been there. At such a beginning stage of your spiritual journey, you can’t even imagine how God could possibly use you. As a novice; there’s so much to learn. In fact, you may have recently found the maps in the back of the Bible and secretly hope that I’ll reference the “Book of Maps” because it’s the one book you can locate.

Maybe you’re at the other end of the spectrum—been around church for years. That’s my story. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t in church. I’m pretty sure that I was born in the choir loft. My church week consisted of Sunday School, Sunday morning service, Sunday afternoon choir practice, Sunday night service, Sunday night youth service after the Sunday night service, Wednesday night prayer meeting, and Thursday night visitation and soul-winning. On top of that, I was a bus captain! Those of you who lived through the Jack Hyles and Jerry Falwell era know what I’m talking about. The rest of you should pause and offer up a little prayer of thanksgiving to God that you were spared. But, again, maybe your story sounds like mine: You attended AWANA; you can name all the books of the Bible in perfect order; you’ve memorized a thousand Bible verses, all from the KJV; you’ve taken every class your church has to offer; you know your spiritual gifts, you’ve taken Strength-Finder (by the way, I have the gift of WOO—Winning Others Over—that will come into play later); you’ve memorized the “Romans Road” and are always prepared to share the hope that’s in you; and you’re a certified Stephen’s minister. No matter which topic your pastor addresses, it’s never deep enough for you— because you even know what really happened to the lost tribes of Israel. You’ve pretty much spent your life becoming a professional Christian. Yet as you look back over your journey, you find yourself wondering, “I have a lot of knowledge, but have I ever made a difference for God and His Kingdom?”

Or maybe you find yourself in a season of life where your total focus is on you, your education, your family, and your career. In other words, it’s all about you. And for that reason, you haven’t taken the time to explore the possibility of what God could do through you.

Regardless of where you are on your spiritual journey, have you ever slowed down long enough to ask, “God, what could you possibly use me to accomplish and how can I make an impact in someone’s life?”

The reason those questions are so important is that there is no greater joy in life than realizing that God has used you to impact His Kingdom by changing another’s spiritual destiny. Nothing else comes close.

Think about it, every incredible experience eventually loses its sizzle and becomes a memory. For example, I’ve had a great life and had a lot of wonderful experiences. I’ve had the pleasure of traveling to London, Paris, Rome, and Prague. I’ve fished for salmon in Alaska and for muskies on the French River in Canada. I had the opportunity to speak at a conference on Margarita Island off the coast of Venezuela (be honest, the name alone makes you want to visit there). I’ve partied with the pygmies in the Central African Republic rainforest. I’ve had the privilege of dedicating a worship center in Northern Uganda that our church built for an orphan village. In fact, as I’m writing this chapter, Laura and I are on a plane heading to Hawaii for my summer study break. My point is, I’ve had the opportunity to travel to some incredible places and meet some incredible people. Still, it pales when compared to the opportunity to be God’s servant.

Even fancy cars cannot compete with serving God. For example, when I was a twelve-year-old, dirt-poor kid growing up in Durham, North Carolina, I saw my first Corvette and thought, “One day, I’m going to own one of those.” But years later, when I finally got to the place in life where I could actually afford a Corvette, I learned an important lesson: By the time I could afford a Corvette, I was too old to get in and out of it! Plus, most church congregations aren’t overly excited about their pastor looking like the neighborhood drug dealer as he drives around the community in his flashy muscle car. And so, I decided to do what any respectable minister would do. Instead of getting a Corvette, I decided to get a Harley.

After I took care of all of the preliminary issues like getting tattoos and going through the safety classes, I walked into Laura’s office and boldly proclaimed that I was getting a Harley Davidson motorcycle. But, there was one thing I hadn’t planned on. I hadn’t planned on Laura boldly proclaiming in return, “Motorcycles are too dangerous. With my luck, you’ll get into an accident and instead of it killing you, I’ll be stuck taking care of you for the rest of your life. There’s no way that’s ever going to happen!” (As you’ll learn in this book, Laura is a very pragmatic person.)

Well, I wasn’t ready to give up my motorcycle dream so easily. In fact, I thought, “No problem. I have the gift of WOO (I told you it would come into play). I’ll wear her down, and I’ll win her over.” I began to talk about motorcycles incessantly. I never went more than an hour without bringing up the topic. I pointed out every motorcycle I saw going down the road. I described in great detail the motorcycle I was going to buy. I would take Laura to showrooms so she could see the beautiful chrome and hear the loud pipes. I would try on leather chaps so she could see how sexy I looked in them. I was 100% confident that my incredible charm would change her mind, until she snapped.

“You will never, never, ever, ever, over my dead body, get a motorcycle!” she said in a tone totally unacceptable for someone who is in the esteemed role of a pastor’s wife.

And then she paused and said out of frustration, “You’ve always wanted a Corvette. Why don’t you get a Corvette?”

Well, hello! I’m all about mutual submission when it comes to marriage, especially when it benefits me. And if Laura insists I get a Corvette, then I must submit! So, I went right out and purchased my first Corvette. It was old—the seats were ripped, the glass top had a crack in it, and when I turned the headlights on, more often than not, only one of the lights would pop up; in fact, I nicknamed the car “Mr. Winky.” But even with all of its imperfections, I absolutely loved my Corvette. I would crawl into the driver’s seat, turn the key, the engine would come to life, and the exhaust would rumble. Exhilarating! But do you know what? Over time, it got less and less exhilarating, and it lost its sizzle and eventually, I got rid of it.

Let me give another example. Have you ever moved into what you considered to be your dream home? Remember counting down the days until it was ready for you to occupy? Laura and I went on this adventure. The day we moved in, we made everyone take their shoes off at the front door and no one was allowed to take food outside of the kitchen area; we didn’t want any spills. It was our goal to keep the house pristine and perfect.

However, that year there was a problem: It was our turn to host Laura’s side of the family for Thanksgiving. And when Laura’s family is together, chaos ensues—a small world war. It’s noisy, things get broken, food ends up in places that it should never be. To avoid the trauma, I suggested that we tell everyone we were going away for Thanksgiving and then hide in a room with the lights out, but Laura vetoed my idea, and I had to accept the reality that there was nothing I could do about it.

Thanksgiving Day finally arrived and everyone showed up. The noise quickly grew to a roar. There was food, laughter, football—it was another awesome holiday with family. Eventually, everyone drifted away until Laura and I were left alone in our dream house with only a few casualties and minimal damage.

I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point, between Thanksgiving and Christmas, our house quit being a dream, and it became a home. Nobody takes off their shoes and leaves them by the door when they visit. Nobody stays in the kitchen when they eat. When family comes over, I say, “The more, the merrier.” It’s just another house. And that’s the way it is with things of this world—the sizzle wears off.

People are different from things. When I think back over my life and the people that God has used me to impact in a spiritual way, I cannot talk about them without getting emotional. I feel how the Apostle Paul must have felt about Timothy.

I’ll never forget when I first met Pat. He was in a hospital after a crack cocaine overdose. His wife contacted me through a friend who attended our church. She asked if I would visit him, and I did. While kneeling alongside Pat on the cold, hard hospital floor, Pat invited Jesus into his life to be his Savior.

The problem was that he was still a crack addict, and as a result, I ended up spending a lot of time with Pat. While I was starting a church, I needed to make a living, so for a period of time, I helped Pat in his concrete business. It worked out well for me to be close to him and hold him accountable. There were a couple of times when Pat’s drug dealer called me and I had to go by the ATM and withdraw enough cash to pay off the debt he had run up and get him out of the crack house.

It’s now been over fifteen years since the night that I prayed with Pat on that hospital floor. Thanks to God’s grace and power, he’s been clean and sober for years, yet I still get chills every time I see him. The reason? Because when God uses you to impact someone’s life in a way that alters their eternal destiny, you never forget it. When God uses you to impact someone’s life to break the chains that shackled that person and they can now move forward in their new journey with Christ, it leaves an impression that cannot be compared to anything else. The excitement, the joy of those experiences never, ever goes away.

Some of you are thinking, “That’s what I want to experience; that’s how I want to live my life!” But it seems that when we begin to think that way, it’s only a matter of time before Satan, the great accuser, shows up in our lives and reminds us of all the reasons why that life will never become a reality. Well, I want to prove Satan wrong! I want you to experience that joy, and I want you to experience it often. And so, as we go on this journey together, I pray that you will grasp what God can do through you if you will allow him.

I know what some of you are thinking, “That sounds good. Sign me up . . . I’m all in . . . let’s do it! Not only is the flesh willing, the spirit is strong!” Then you recall your past, all of your failures and baggage, your screw-ups and mistakes. You look at others at church or in your small group and from your perspective, everybody else looks like they have it together. Everybody has it all...except you. And your very next thought is, “Yeah, maybe God can use them in a significant way to impact His Kingdom, but I don’t think that’s ever going to be a reality in my life.” I get that; I’m human, too. In fact, your pastor may not tell you this, so I will. Pastors are no different than you. We have a past. We’ve failed. We have baggage. We still screw-up. Often our faith is weak and we struggle with doubts about God’s ability to use us, too.

The reason we all think this way is because of the natural tendency to evaluate our potential by the world’s criteria. However, what we discover in the Bible is that the things that make a person useful in God’s Kingdom are completely different from the things that make a person useful on planet Earth. We find that what success looks like from God’s perspective is totally different than what success looks like from the world’s perspective.

You can see an example of this in one of my favorite stories from the Bible. If you’re familiar with the Old Testament, you know that when God established the Nation of Israel, He decided not to give Israel a human king. Instead, God would be their king. In other words, it was a theocracy, not a monarchy. By the way, that’s not a bad plan. I mean, don’t you think our nation would be better off if God was our King?

Anyway, even though God himself was the King of Israel, the people of Israel wanted to be like all the other nations. They wanted a king they could actually see and touch. They wanted him to have a throne, wear a robe, wear a crown. I’m sure they got tired of explaining to surrounding nations, “We have a king; you just can’t see him.”

But God speaks to His prophet, Samuel, and tells him, “Now listen to them; but warn them solemnly and let them know what the king who will reign over them will claim as his rights”(1 Samuel 8:9).

And so, in the next several verses Samuel tells the people what God said.

“This is what the king who will reign over you will claim as his rights: He will take your sons and make them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots. Some he will assign to be commanders of thousands and commanders of fifties, and others to plow his ground and reap his harvest, and still others to make weapons of war and equipment for his chariots. He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers. He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his attendants. He will take a tenth of your grain and of your vintage and give it to his officials and attendants. Your male and female servants and the best of your cattle and donkeys he will take for his own use. He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves. When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, but the Lord will not answer you in that day.” (1 Samuel 8:11-18)

But even with Samuel’s warning:

“…the people refused to listen to Samuel. “No!” they said. “We want a king over us. Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles.” When Samuel heard all that the people said, he repeated it before the Lord. The Lord answered, ‘Listen to them and give them a king.’” (1 Samuel 8:19-22)

So, the people of Israel began their search for a king, and they chose a man who was very impressive: Saul. If you want to go by externals, Saul was the guy, the obvious choice. According to 1 Samuel 9:2, he was tall, handsome, and probably dark. He appeared to have it together. My guess is that Saul was the kind of guy you would pick to marry your daughter if you are basing it on the things of this world.

Since he had all the markings of greatness, Saul was elected to be the first king of Israel. But by the time you get to 1 Samuel 16, God has absolutely had it with Saul, and it was because Saul made the classic leadership mistake. He thought that God had chosen him to be king because he looked like a king. He thought that God had chosen him to be the king because of his impressive pedigree. He thought that God had chosen him to be king because he had such incredible leadership skills, talents, and abilities. So naturally, when he became king, he relied on those things—looks, pedigree, leadership skills, talent, and ability—to get things done. And because he relied on his strengths instead of relying on God, he failed. Consequently, God decided that it was time for a new king in Israel and told Samuel to go down to the city of Bethlehem to the house of a man named Jesse.

When Samuel and his posse arrived, Samuel saw Eliab, Jesse’s oldest son, and thought, “Surely the Lord’s anointed stands here before the Lord.” He thought, “He’s tall, dark and handsome. He even looks like a king. This has got to be the guy.” In other words, Samuel was getting ready to make the same mistake the Nation of Israel made when they chose Saul to be king. He was basing the choice on the things that impress us.

But God says to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). In other words, the things that impress God are different than the things that impress us.

We have a really cool couple at Hope: Matt and Shannon. They’re the kind of couple that, like Saul, really stand out in a crowd. They’re both tall. They’re both young. They’re both attractive. They’re both in incredible physical shape. In other words, they’re both everything I’m not.

One weekend before a service, I was hanging out in the atrium when I spotted them. I walked over, struck up a conversation, and discovered why they stuck out so much: They were both models! Matt had been one of the lead male models for Abercrombie and Fitch and Shannon had starred in the first season of America’s Next Top Model, which led to a modeling career. I told them that I would love to hear their story. That evening, Shannon sent me an email which illustrated the kind of person for whom God is looking. Shannon wrote:

Ever since I was a little girl I had always dreamed of becoming a supermodel. The Lord totally blew my mind when He brought this desire to life. My passion for modeling was intense, but my love for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ consumed me like a raging fire. I had settled in my heart when I was a young girl that I would obey, follow, and serve Him at ALL costs. I had ‘non-negotiables’ in modeling. Things I would not do, no matter how much money or fame I would get from doing them. One of the things I decided was that I would save myself for marriage and my husband. The Lord tested me several times to see if my desire to please Him was greater than my desire to please the world. The Lord brought me face-to-face with lots of money, fame, notoriety, status, but by His amazing grace I did not cave. I knew those things wouldn’t satisfy the deep longing in my soul that was made for Him. I knew that He had opened the door in the first place, so I needed to remain faithful to Him. It wasn’t always easy, but it was worth it. There is nothing worth selling your soul for.

I trusted God with my life. I knew He was real. I knew His power. I knew He could do more than I could ever imagine, if I would trust Him. It wasn’t easy trusting Him to bring my husband into my life because it seemed like He was taking forever! I chatted with God a few times about how long He seemed to be taking. I imagined Him smiling back while saying, ‘If you saw what I had in store, you would see it will be worth the wait.’ Little did I know the Lord would be sending me a man who also modeled and had the biggest campaign to date for Abercrombie and Fitch. He was featured in all kinds of magazines and had worked on shoots with supermodels including Adriana Lima and Elle McPherson. But do you know what stands out about him more than all that: It’s his character; it’s his humble heart; it’s his desire to please Jesus. My focus on his looks faded and his heart captivated me to the core. He gave up thousands of dollars because his desire to please the Lord was greater. And if I wasn’t blown away already by the Lord, I was about to be. Come to find out, Matthew had saved himself for marriage too! Here you have a male model that has girls just throwing themselves at him all the time, but he is choosing to wait. I could never put into words how much that meant to me. All of those prayers, lonely nights, agonizing days, were swallowed up with joy. We were able to give each other something on our wedding night that we chose to give no one else. I had always imagined that the Lord wrapped me like a beautiful package. Where the bow was perfectly placed, it hadn’t been tossed around, and the edges not torn. I wanted to be that perfect package for my spouse.

The Lord had His watchful eye on us both. He had His guiding hand on our lives. Not because we are something ‘special,’ but because we CHOSE to keep Him first no matter what the cost. Serving the Lord will always cost you something, but it is always worth it.

I love that story, but it’s more than a great story. It’s a reminder that the things that impress God are different from the things that impress mankind. It’s a reminder that God looks into the heart and at the character of two young people who decide to put principle above money and worldly success. Why is that so important? Because what often causes us to question whether or not God can use us is that we tend to evaluate ourselves by a standard that God never established. God has a totally different standard. In other words, if you’re thinking that you are going to do great things for God because you have the talent, the resume, the degree, the pedigree, and the looks, you’re wrong. On the other hand, you may be thinking, “I don’t have many gifts or talents. I can’t sing or teach. I don’t have a degree. I’m not all that impressive physically. I have a dysfunctional family background. There’s no way that God could ever use me to do great things.” But God has an entirely different criterion. Remember, the Lord does not look at the things that people look at.

Let’s pick up the story in 1 Samuel 16.

“Then Jesse called Abinadab and had him pass in front of Samuel. But Samuel said, ‘The Lord has not chosen this one either.’ Jesse then had Shammah pass by, but Samuel said, ‘Nor has the Lord chosen this one.’ Jesse had seven of his sons pass before Samuel, but Samuel said to him, ‘The Lord has not chosen these.’ So, he asked Jesse, ‘Are these all the sons you have?’” (1 Samuel 16:8-11)

And Jesse remembers, “Oh yeah, that’s right; I do have one son who is tending the sheep.” And I think implied in that answer is, “But I’m sure it’s not him; he’s just a snot-nosed kid. Perhaps we should have the other seven parade by one more time because maybe you missed something?” But Samuel replies, “Go get him!” So, Jesse sent for him and had him brought in. He was glowing with health, had a fine appearance and handsome features. Then the Lord said, “Rise and anoint him; this is the one” (1 Samuel 16:12).

By the way, Jesse and Samuel are like many of us. They assumed that the future King of Israel had to look a certain way and act a certain way. He had to be a people person. He had to have an impressive resume. He had to have a great education. But God says, “That’s not what I’m looking for. That’s not what determines a person’s usefulness to me. Sure, those other young men are handsome and talented, but they’re not right for the job.”

This brings up the question, “Why weren’t they the right ones?” Well, if we continue to read the story, we discover that God was looking for someone with a specific kind of heart. In other words, even though David was handsome and gifted and talented, that wasn’t the criteria that impressed God. God was looking for a person with the right kind of heart.