Читать книгу It Started With... Collection - Miranda Lee - Страница 20

‘I THOUGHT you said you were never going to take me out to dinner,’ she said with curiosity—and something else—in her voice. Was it hope?

Rachel’s unexpectedly breaking down into tears after the episode on the desk had jolted Justin out of his selfish desires, and made him take a long, hard look at what he’d been doing. He wasn’t a complete fool, or a bastard, even if he’d been acting like one. It didn’t take him long to realise that a woman of Rachel’s standards and sensitivity couldn’t indulge her sexual self indefinitely without her emotions—and her conscience—eventually becoming involved. She claimed she was all right, and that she often cried after she came.

But she never had before.

She’d said through her sobs that she didn’t want him to stop, but to continue in the face of her distress was something he simply could not do. He hadn’t sunk that low.

So he’d comforted her as best he could, then announced that he was starving and couldn’t possibly go on till they’d eaten, adding that he didn’t want any of the take-away muck they sometimes had delivered to the office. He wanted a decent meal. And decent wine.

Despite a momentary look of surprise, she hadn’t made any protest, so he’d booked a table in a nearby restaurant whilst she’d made whatever repairs needed to be made after sex, and retrieved her panties from where she always put them in her top drawer. Fifteen minutes later, here they were, sitting opposite each other at a candlelit table, with Rachel finally giving voice to what was a very fair question over his changing the rules of their arrangement.

He stared across the table at her and thought how lovely she looked in the soft candlelight. The simple mauve dress she was wearing was very classy and elegant. There again, all the clothes she wore to work these days were classy and elegant.

‘So I did,’ he said quietly. ‘But things change, Rachel. I thought it was time we talked.’

Was that panic in her eyes? Or fear? Fear of what, for pity’s sake? Of his stopping the sex? Or changing the rules?

Maybe she hadn’t been lying to him when she said she was all right. Maybe she liked things the way they were. Maybe she’d become as addicted to his body as he was to hers.

Such thinking threw him. He didn’t want her feeling nothing but lust for him. He wanted… He wanted… What did he want, damn it?

He wants to call it quits, Rachel was thinking.

Oh, God, she couldn’t bear it if he did that. Which was perverse, considering. It should be her telling him that, yes, things had changed, and that she wanted out. Out of his office and out of his life.

But she stayed silent and waited for him to say what he had to say, nausea swirling in her stomach at the thought he might not want her any more.

‘We really can’t go on like this, Rachel,’ he said, and a great black pit opened up inside her.

‘Why’s that?’ she said, struggling to sound calm and reasonable whilst her world was disintegrating.

He sighed. ‘Look, it’s been fantastic. I grant you that. Every man’s fantasy come true. But I can see things are in danger of becoming…complicated.’

‘In what way? I’ve done everything you asked.’

He stared at her. ‘Yes, you certainly have. Just excuse me for a moment whilst I order the wine.’

She sat there numbly, with Justin and the wine waiter’s voices nothing but distant murmurs. Her mind was going round and round and so was her stomach. What was she going to do when he told her it was over? How would she survive?

‘Rachel…’

‘What?’ She blinked, then made an effort to gather herself.

‘The waiter’s gone.’

‘Oh. Yes. So he has.’

‘The thing is, Rachel, I don’t want to continue with what we’ve been doing.’

She nodded, her mouth as dry as a desert. ‘Yes, I rather gathered that.’ Her voice sounded dead. Hollow.

‘I want to try something a little more…normal.’

Her head snapped back, her eyes rounding.

‘I know I said I didn’t want a real relationship with you, and I meant it at the time. And, to a degree, that still holds true. Love and marriage are not on my agenda, so I won’t pretend I am offering you any hope of that. But I do want you in my life, Rachel, not just as my PA and not just for the sex. I want to go out with you and, yes, go home with you sometimes. My weekends are terribly lonely. Last weekend was…intolerable.’

‘Mine too,’ she agreed readily, her spirits lifting with what he was suggesting.

‘So I was thinking, if you’d like, that we could try that kind of a relationship.’

She struggled not to cry.

‘I…I’d like that very much,’ she managed, and found a smile from somewhere.

He smiled back. ‘I can’t promise not to ravage you occasionally in the office.’

‘I won’t mind.’

He laughed. ‘You’re not supposed to say that.’

‘What am I supposed to say?’

‘No might be a good start.’

‘You’re not much good with no.’

‘It’s not my favourite word, I confess. Not where you’re concerned. But it really isn’t right, you know, doing it on my desk. I’m finding it increasingly hard to concentrate on my work.’

‘Poor Justin,’ she said.

‘You don’t sound all that sympathetic.’

‘I’m not.’

‘Would you believe I’ve actually been feeling quite guilty?’

‘Not guilty enough to stop, though,’ she pointed out with a wry little smile.

He smiled back. ‘No. Not nearly that guilty.’

The arrival of the wine gave Rachel a few moments to hug her happiness to herself. Justin might not be offering her the world, but being his special lady friend was a big improvement on the role of secret sex slave.

‘This is the best wine,’ she said after the waiter left and she took a sip.

‘Hunter Valley whites are second to none,’ Justin replied, sipping also.

‘Can…can I tell Isabel about us?’ Rachel asked tentatively. ‘She’ll be home from her honeymoon tomorrow.’

‘If you want to. But I’d rather you didn’t mention what we’ve been up to these past two weeks.’

‘Heavens, I wasn’t going to tell her about that!’ she exclaimed.

Rachel doubted Isabel would be shocked as such. But she would be furious. With Justin, for treating her best friend in such a fashion. At least now Rachel would be able to say that she was Justin’s proper girlfriend. They might even be able to go out with Rafe and Isabel sometimes as a foursome.

Justin’s head tipped to one side as he searched her face. ‘You have enjoyed what we’ve been doing, haven’t you, Rachel?’

‘How can you ask that?’ she exclaimed, blushing now. ‘You know I have.’

‘And your tears tonight… Did you tell me the truth about them?’

She swallowed, then looked him straight in the face. ‘Why would I lie?’

‘I was worried you might think you’re in love with me.’

‘Not at all,’ she said without batting an eyelid. And it wasn’t really a lie, because she was sure she was in love with him. ‘I…I confess I was bit upset because you hadn’t kissed me first. You just…you know…’

He grimaced. ‘You’re right. It was unforgivable of me. But I refuse to take all the blame. That perfume you’re wearing today should be banned. I just couldn’t wait.’

Rachel made a mental note to buy a king-sized bottle of that one. If she couldn’t have Justin’s love, she could at least ensure his ongoing lust.

‘So when are we going on our first date?’ she asked eagerly.

‘We’re on it now.’

‘Oh. Yes. So we are. And where to after dinner?’

‘I thought I’d take you home to my place for the night.’

Now Rachel was seriously surprised. When he’d said he would like to come home with her sometimes she’d thought he was still keeping his own place out of bounds.

‘If you like, that is,’ he added.

‘I’d like it very much.’

‘I lease a furnished apartment at Kirribilli,’ he went on. ‘No point in buying a place when I plan on setting up my future business out of the city. I’d like to buy some building with a couple of floors and then I can live above the office. I resent the time I waste travelling to and from work. Not that Kirribilli is all that far from here. Just over the bridge. But you know what I mean. Parking in the CBD is appalling and public transport is the pits.’

‘I know just what you mean. I don’t mind my train trip too much when I get a seat. But that’s not always the case. So what’s it like, your place in Kirribilli?’

‘Very modern. Very stylish. But a bit on the soulless side. Could do with a spot of colour. Everything’s in neutral shades.’

‘Sounds like the place I live in. It’s all cream and cold. I much prefer warm colours and a cosy, almost cluttered feel to a room. That’s why I’d like my own place, eventually, no matter how small. Then I could decorate it exactly as I want, with lots of interesting pictures on the walls, and knick-knacks galore.’

‘Sounds like Mum’s place. Truly, there’s hardly a spare space on the walls, or on any of the furniture. She’s a collectorholic. You’ll have to come over and see her collection of teapots one day. They fill up two china cabinets all by themselves.’

Rachel blinked her surprise. ‘You mean you’re going to tell Alice about us?’

‘Is there any reason you want to keep our friendship a secret?’

‘No. I guess not. But you know mothers. She might start thinking we’ll get married one day.’

‘I can’t worry about what she might think,’ he said a bit sharply. ‘She should know me well enough to know that is never going to happen. Now, why don’t you think about what you’re going to order for dinner? The waiter’s on his way over.’ And he picked up his menu.

Rachel was happy to do likewise, aware that her face had to be registering some dismay over his curt remark that he would never marry her. As much as Rachel tried telling herself that she was pleased with the kind of relationship Justin was offering her, deep down in her heart she knew it was a second-rate substitute for marriage and a family.

Isabel would think her a fool for accepting such a go-nowhere affair. What on earth are you doing, Rach, she’d say, wasting more of your life on another man who’s never going to marry you or give you children? You’re thirty-one years old, for pity’s sake. Soon you’ll be thirty-two. Grow up and give him the flick. And get yourself another job whilst you’re at it.

Easier said than done.

Love made one foolish. And eternally hopeful.

Even whilst cold, hard logic reasoned she was wasting her time, Rachel kept telling herself that maybe, one day, Justin would get over his ex-wife and fall in love with her. Maybe, if she was always there for him, he’d wake up one morning and see what was right under his nose. A woman who loved him. A woman who would never leave him. A woman who’d give him a good life. And children, if he liked.

He would make a wonderful father, she believed. And she…she would dearly love the chance to be a wonderful mother.

‘So what do you want?’ he asked, glancing up from the menu.

You, she thought with a painful twist of her heart. Just you.