Читать книгу The Hummingbird Effect - Mitzi MacBain - Страница 3

My name is Mitzi MacBain. I was diagnosed with Adult ADHD-Hyperactive/Impulsive Type at age 49. My interpretation of this diagnosis is that I have a neurobiological disorder of the brain quantified by chemical imbalances of lower than normal levels of dopamine and serotonin.

Dopamine/Serotonin Deficiency has played havoc in all areas of my life, especially for the past 30 years. It was evident in my childhood, but unfortunately severe childhood abuse trumped ADHD symptoms so even though it was present it was overshadowed.

Since going on stimulant medication (Ritalin) 8 months ago (I have now been off all meds for 2.5 months), I have noticed these improvements in my life:

Gourmet Sleep - Prior to my diagnosis/medication, my sleep was CRAP. I took melatonin nightly for over 20 years! I had trouble falling asleep, waking every night after 3 to 4 hours sleep, struggling to get back to sleep and waking up in the morning bone-dead tired! Now for the past 6 months, I fall asleep quickly, sleep a solid 6-8 hours on a regular basis and wake up groggy. I have not taken melatonin since my second week on medication. Absolutely thought I would go to my deathbed never knowing great sleep in this lifetime. I basically napped until I was 49.

Regular Diet - Before my diet was 75% sugar/carbs. I craved carbs all the time! Normally in the morning before my feet hit my L.L.Bean Wicked Good slippers, I would think “What sweet dessert do I have to eat with my decaf?” The second thought as I was putting my feet in my slippers was “When can I take a nap today?” It was a vicious cycle that never stopped from the time I woke in the morning until I went to bed at night. I was always thinking about food. Now after medication, supplements, amino acids, exercise, and wanting healthy food, I don’t have sugar cravings. I still eat sugar but it is now less than 10% of my diet. In fact the difference between NEEDING sugar and WANTING sugar is night and day. Always needing sugar and carbs was like being a Lion - ferocious and consuming immediate large quantities. Wanting sugar like I do now is like a Kitty Cat - soft, gentle with a lot of thought about just what I want and always smaller quantities. There really is no comparison between a Lion and a Domestic House Cat. At this point in my life, you couldn’t PAY me to eat can frosting out of the jar. Yet in the past that was my go-to weapon against fatigue when I was so tired I just couldn’t move.

Calm/Centered - Before I was rooted in fear/anxiety. I can’t believe how much fear and anxiety I carried around. It was at the core of my being. It affected all my decisions and my relationships. I walked around with blinders, shoulders a little slumped, head down a bit, never wanting to be seen. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. I almost felt hostile towards people at times, even people I knew, because of my high anxiety. I always felt like I was in the middle of my life with it swirling around me and I had no control. Now that I have normalized dopamine/serotonin levels, I feel a calmness at my core that I have never experienced. I feel open, my shoulders are more relaxed, I even walk straighter. I feel like I have the right to be here and claim my space in this world. I feel solid and grounded in my body like I have never felt before. I feel like my life is now in front of me and I have peripheral vision with a giant pause button. I no longer lash out at people because my reaction level has gone from a 10 to a 2. Ironically with a 2 it is possible to sit back and just examine a situation without immediately responding. Because of that, I no longer give my power away to anyone. I think being an adult is not how old you are but how you handle the world around you.

Unconditional Love - You know it is funny. I thought I loved myself before, but now with normal dopamine/serotonin levels, I can see I clearly didn’t. I also didn’t have a role model to go by growing up to show unconditional love. I read this great article that talked about having enough dopamine is important to forge lasting love bonds to people, places, work, hobbies, etc. I finally love myself the way I have always wanted someone else to love me and it feels great. Discipline is no longer a 4 letter word :)

Now that I no longer switch seats on the Dopamine/Serotonin See Saw, I really enjoy my life. I finally understand how “normies” get up everyday and take great care of themselves. They have normal levels of dopamine/serotonin to assist them. It’s like they get into their cars everyday and have a full tank of gas. They never have to worry about that aspect of their life and can just jump in and get going with their day. People with very low levels of dopamine/serotonin get into their cars every day with ⅛ of a tank of gas. So every single time they are in their cars, they have to make sure to put gas in their tanks or they won’t get very far. I think the feeling of daily fullness versus the feeling of daily emptiness is a great correlation to this disorder.

Another way I see it is thinking of someone with Type I Diabetes. For them daily insulin injections is life or death not unlike being held up at gunpoint.

As someone who has personally struggled with Dopamine/Serotonin Deficiency, I see it like a robber coming to your home every single day of your life and asking for a quarter. Now a quarter might not seem like much money, but if you think about day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year, it adds up. This disorder left me feeling empty, alone, scared, helpless, hopeless and powerless. I consider it a slow form of madness. This is my story.

Mitzi MacBain