Читать книгу Safe In The Surgeon's Arms - Molly Evans - Страница 10

CHASE RETURNED TO the ER, kept his pace slow, his thoughts on his work and tried to remain calm, despite the churning in his gut. But the second he saw Emily take a seat at the nurses’ station, his nerves shot into overdrive. What the hell was she doing here? In his ER? Not that it was really his ER, but it was his by default, since she’d left it to pursue a travel-nursing stint.

She’d packed up her apartment, stuffed everything in a storage unit and driven away, not caring that he’d suffered in a way she couldn’t imagine. Had she blamed him? He didn’t know because she’d never said, but he damned sure blamed himself for not protecting her and for not being what she’d needed. Whatever that was. Seeing her now brought up so many feelings he’d buried, having been unable to work through them at the time. He didn’t need this now. He didn’t need it ever.

She was the last thing he’d expected to see after coming in on the trauma chopper today. When she spoke, the tone of her voice, the soft, dewy vibrations cut him to the core, as if only yesterday she’d meant something to him. He hadn’t been expecting her and hadn’t prepared himself to see her there. Surely someone could have told him she was coming. He could have prepared, could have hardened his heart and his emotions against the first meeting, put up boundaries, not been broadsided, unprepared. He’d never imagined she’d come back here where it had all begun for them.

That was probably the biggest shock. She’d come back to where he was when there were other hospitals in the area. So why here? And why now? That was a puzzle he intended to solve and then get on with his life. There was an answer for everything, and he was going to find this one.

When she’d left for her travel assignment he hadn’t expected to ever see her again. Their breakup had been bitter, doubly so due to the assault and rape he hadn’t been able to protect her from. That was the sorest spot, which had never healed.

He blamed himself.

She’d been unprotected because of him and had nearly died as a result, sustaining permanent scars inside and out. He hadn’t known how to help her afterward, had been unable to help her, and when he’d been unable to face his own failure he’d backed away from her. He’d meant to give her some time and space, but not for all eternity. Her brother was a good friend, but Danny hadn’t mentioned she was coming back. Maybe Danny hadn’t wanted to upset him or had thought perhaps he’d moved on, and she no longer mattered to him.

He had moved on when she’d burned him back then. He’d been hurt and angry and hadn’t been able to cope with his failure and the loss of her. Guilt had nearly eaten him alive. He’d dated women left and right. Sometimes for fun, sometimes for sex and sometimes for spite. Some had been gorgeous, some had been entertaining and some for no reason at all, other than convenience.

Unfortunately, none of them had been Emily. No woman had ever measured up to what he and Emily had had before the event that had fractured their lives. Neither of them would be the same again. Obviously. The incident hadn’t just happened to her, it had nearly destroyed him, as well. It had taken him years to crawl back to where he felt human again and now, in an instant, everything had imploded.

The moment he’d heard her voice in the trauma room his soul had reacted with utter joy and then utter sorrow. Her voice and those big, expressive eyes of hers hadn’t changed and his body had reacted to her with vigor. Embarrassing in a room full of people in an emergency, but he’d never been able to control himself around her before, so why should it be different now?

He closed the door to the charting room with disgust and sat down at the computer terminal to write up his notes from the morning’s trauma. The coffee sat untouched beside him, and the words blurred together on the screen. Nothing made sense at the moment, and he pressed his fingertips to his eyes, wanting to rip out the image of her standing there with all that spiky hair, looking so different yet much the same and so very beautiful.

Why had Emily come back?

Seeing Chase right off the bat this morning had shaken her, torn up the defenses she’d worked so hard to build. She’d hidden it well, or so she thought, from the others, but now the shakes had set in. She hadn’t expected to see him first thing, first trauma of the day, but that was life.

What had she thought when she’d returned to this hospital? Had she just come here to test herself for some stupid reason? She had just thought she was going to waltz in there and never see him, never have him recognize her despite the changes to her hair, her body, her life? She snorted in self-disgust. Apparently, that was what she’d hoped, whether it had been conscious or unconscious in its creation. Reclaiming her life wasn’t going to be as easy as it sounded.

If she were being honest with herself, she wanted to see him, wanted to see if there was any spark left between them. She’d healed so many parts of her life, but this one had been the biggest wound to her heart and her soul and it had been left cracked, bleeding and raw. So she’d come home to make amends with Chase and get over him for good. One way or another, it had to be decided or she couldn’t get on with her life. She was stuck. Stuck on Chase.

Denial was a wonderful thing, which helped people cope with tragic situations. It also helped them be stupid a little too long sometimes. Like her. She’d needed it in the beginning, when things had been very bad. Over the years she’d thought she’d kicked her dependence on it, had been able to stand up on her own. She’d changed her life and had thought she’d changed who she was on the inside, too.

Chase had seen right through her little masquerade to the heart of her the second he’d leveled those surprised laser blue eyes of his on her. That had rattled her as nothing had in three years. Over that time she’d thought she’d forget about them, about him, and move on, the way she knew he’d done. She’d thought she’d been prepared to see him, to be coworkers again. But her plan had backfired the moment she’d seen him. Kapow!

The guilt and somehow the bitter relief of their breakup had hurt and rocked her world, but she’d been able to crawl out of the hole finally.

Nothing had rocked her world the way it had when his eyes had met hers this morning.

Nothing.

And now she had to reconsider this assignment, this idea of hers to return to her home and make a new life, to make a place for herself again. Her family was here. Her friends were here. And her memories were here. Maybe Liz was right. Maybe she needed to be assigned to a different unit so she didn’t have to work with Chase every day. Was the answer just to avoid him and enjoy the rest of her assignment? She could still catch up with friends, with family, visit old haunts like the James River, the Chesapeake Bay and enjoy socializing again. That sounded like a fine plan.

For someone else.

Although she’d left the area after her assault, she didn’t consider herself a coward to run away from things or run away from people. This return to her home was the last part of her healing, of coming full circle to where things had begun, and to come face-to-face with her fears, her anxiety, and spit in the eyes of the demons that had haunted her for three years.

It was time. She was ready. It was the last step to recovery. Today, she’d stepped into the pond, and she’d see if she could swim again.

A month ago, when she’d been talking to her nurse recruiter, the idea had sounded like the right idea at the time. Go home to the Tidewater area of eastern Virginia, reconnect with her roots, be near her family for the fall and spend the holidays together. Her parents had been thrilled, and it had all seemed a good idea. Her brother, Danny, a firefighter, seemed to think it was a good idea, too. Time to come home and reclaim her life. Full circle.

That was the trouble with brilliant ideas. They always seem good at the time you cooked them up, but then, when the bacon hit the pan, you needed to expect some sizzle and smoke.

There was definitely sizzle when it came to Chase Montgomery. Lots of sizzle. That hadn’t changed, but now she wasn’t certain she was prepared to face it, to face him knowing she had been responsible for their breakup.

“You ready?” Liz asked, interrupting her train of thought.

“Sure. What are we doing now?”

“Computer training. That’s probably new since you were here. Half the staff still don’t know how to use it. Training has been a real pain.”

“I’ve used a couple of different kinds of software, so maybe this one will be something I already know.”

“Wouldn’t that be great? Save us both some headaches.”

Emily reacquainted herself with the computer system, and how the charting requirements had changed since she’d previously worked there. Then the moment she’d dreaded happened.

She came face-to-face with Chase in the hallway by the staff lounge. Alone.

“Oh. Hi there.” Flustered, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Or she tried to. It was an old habit she hadn’t dropped when she’d cut her hair short. The last time she’d seen Chase her hair had been halfway down her back. Now it didn’t even cover her ears.

“Hi.” Chase looked as if he was surprised to see her as well. He cleared his throat, and his gaze skittered away from hers. “Uh … you cut your hair.”

“Yes. Yes, I did.” How awkward was this? Very!

“It looked better long.” He looked at her as if remembering or trying to remember how it had looked on her before.

“Yes, well. Suits my lifestyle now.” She tried to walk around him at the same time he tried to walk around her, and they ended up bouncing off each other.

“Sorry.”

“Sorry.” She stomped a foot. “This is so annoying.”

“What is? Running into your old lover or being told you look better with long hair?” Chase took a step back and paused, interested in hearing the answer. He crossed his arms and waited for her, knowing he wasn’t going to like any reason she had. Why should he? She was the one interrupting the status quo of his life. That didn’t come without risk or consequences. Did she think he was just going to accept her unexpected presence with open arms and forget how she’d destroyed his life? She was the one who’d walked away, not him. If he admitted his part, that he’d let her go, that he hadn’t chased her down and made her stay, he’d have to look too closely at things best left in the past. At least, that was what he felt right now.

“Well, both, but mostly running into you when I hadn’t expected it.” Okay. There it was, out in the air between them. The honesty he could appreciate.

“Imagine my surprise when I saw you in the trauma room.” He raised his brows and looked down at her. In the past he’d considered her height cute. She was short, but she’d hit him at just the right place when they’d been wrapped up in each other. He blew out a breath at the unexpected memory.

“There was no way to avoid it.”

“Seriously? I had no advanced warning. You could have called me.” Dammit. Someone should have called him and let him know she was coming.

“And what? Warned you I was going to be working in the ER and might run into you? For all I knew, you weren’t even here, or were married with six kids.” Big. Fat. Lie. She still had friends in the hospital, and they’d let her know he was still there. Still single. Still hot. Very hot.

“I see.” He stiffened, and his eyes went icy. “Danny could have told me.”

“Why? We’re old news, right? Now we’re just two professionals working together, and the rest doesn’t matter, does it?” What mattered was that her heart was palpitating, her breath was tight in her throat, and her legs didn’t want to move. Old news. Right. Denial was her BFF.

“Yes. Well. I can be professional, and I’m certain you will be, too.” The ice hadn’t left his veins, but at least he was being civil. That was more than she should expect from him. And there was nothing he could do about her presence. She was a good nurse, so he’d have to keep his personal reasons to himself. They had no bearing here.

“Of course. I expected nothing less. I’m sorry. I should have gotten word to you.”

“Yes, you should have. It would have been simple courtesy.”

At least she’d apologized and some of his irritation dissolved. Maybe he could overlook it, maybe not, but it was a situation he was going to have to deal with.

“Again. Sorry.” She glanced away. “I was going to grab some coffee then head back out there.”

“Pot’s on the right. Creamer and sugar in cupboard above.” Dammit. Why had he said that? He didn’t care how she took her coffee any longer. Why had he told her that when he hadn’t meant to?

“You remember how I take my coffee?” Surprise showed in her eyes. Blinking those big blue eyes of hers, she held his gaze for the first time since he’d seen her again. What was she looking for? Hell, what was he looking for? The past revealed in each other’s eyes? Hardly.

“I never forgot.” He paused for another second and took a long slow look over her. “Anything.” With that declaration he pushed away before he said something truly stupid and headed into the main part of the ER. How in the world was he going to get through three months with her underfoot, under his skin? Had he just lied to her and himself by telling her he could be a professional? The way he felt now was nothing close to it. What he felt was … ripped open. Raw in a way he hadn’t allowed himself to feel in the years since she’d broken him and left town.

He was a physician, an ER doctor and an emergency surgeon, and proud of what he’d accomplished in his career. He was a professional, and he saved the lives of trauma victims every day. That was why he was here in this hospital. But if he were being honest with himself, so was Emily. She was a damned good trauma nurse with excellent skills. The hospital had had a turnover of staff in the last few months, and they needed quality staff, hence the number of travel nurses presently in the hospital. Experience didn’t come easily or without cost. He knew that, and he was forced to admit she’d worked damned hard for hers.

She also had the unfortunate, firsthand experience of being on the receiving end of a terrible trauma, which made her uniquely qualified to be doing the kind of work she did.

Not wanting to travel down that bumpy road again right now, he moved forward, moved toward the next patient, the next chart, the next issue in front of him, despite his memories wanting to drag him back into the past.

The day progressed more slowly in the afternoon. Staff came to him with more mundane issues that kept him busy, but he still felt as if he were walking through water up to his chest. Slowly, trudging along. The oppression of the past weighed heavily on his mind and his spirit.

“Dr. Montgomery? Chase?” The words eventually penetrated his brain that someone was calling to him.

“Yes?” He frowned as Liz and Emily stood beside him.

“I was going to introduce you to our new travel nurse, but I think you’ve met before, right?”

“Correct.” That was the simplest, most unemotional way to present it. Dry.

“Okay. One less thing on the checklist to do.” She gave an awkward smile. “I see. Sorry to bug you.”

“No problem.” Keeping all expression and emotion from his face was getting harder to do, and he felt himself gritting his teeth. Thankfully he had a good dental plan, because he would probably be doing that for the next three months.

“Actually, I had a question for Dr. Montgomery about a new patient.” Emily spoke to Liz, but looked at Chase. Professional. Cool. Fine.

“Sure. What’s up?” He could do it, too. Really. He leaned back in the desk chair and raised his hands over his head, waiting for her to speak.

“I’ll catch you later,” Liz said, and moved away.

Emily filled him in on the background of the patient in question. “This is a twenty-five-year-old male who is accustomed to being in the outdoors, hunting, fishing and camping. He’s complaining of joint pain, fatigue, and general malaise. I’m going to put in a lab request for the usual workup, but I was wondering if we should test for Lyme disease as well.”

Chase frowned as he thought about the details of the case and processed the facts. Concise, important symptoms, and a little detective work to boot. Smart, beautiful and still sexy as hell. Dammit. “Is he running a fever?”

“On and off for a few weeks, since his last camping trip in western Maryland.” She didn’t face him but stood beside him, facing the computer. “He also noticed a classic bull’s-eye rash on his leg and got worried when it didn’t resolve right away.”

“That’s ground zero for Lyme exposure.” He nodded. “Go ahead and add the panel, but explain to him it’s a two-part test and it will be a week before we get results.”

“I will. Thank you, Doctor.” She nodded, keeping her eyes downcast as she walked away.

So it was going to be the cool doctor-nurse relationship between them. He could do that, too. He watched as she walked away. Her body had changed since back then. There was something different about the way she walked, more confident, more sure of herself, and her posture was definitely more upright. She actually appeared to be a little taller than her five-foot-five, petite frame, which had fit him perfectly. Now he’d have to reconsider that. Not that there was going to be an opportunity for her to fit to his body anymore. Ever.

An hour later she approached again. He was still in the same position at the computer console, having gotten no further in his documentation. “Can you see this patient now? The possible Lyme guy?”

“Sure. Are labs back?”

“Yes. Chest X-ray, too.”

“Let me have a look at them first.” He clicked a few times, certain he was following the right pathway to the test results, but there was no X-ray. “It’s not here. Are you sure you ordered the right tests on this patient?” Irritation crept into his voice, despite his desire to not react to her at all. “Being timely is important around here, Emily. We don’t sit around—”

“Yes. I’m sure. I printed them up if you’d like to look at them the old-fashioned way.” She gave a tight smile. “Might be easier for you.”

“No.” Focusing on the screen, he gave an irritated sigh, then clicked and clicked again, with no better results. “Dammit.”

With a sigh, Emily leaned over his shoulder and took the mouse from his right hand. “Let me see. Oh, you’ve got the wrong patient up, that’s all.” She masterfully clicked here and there and in seconds had the proper patient with the labs and X-ray reports side by side on the screen. “There you go. Easy.”

He cast a baleful eye at her and really wanted to feel irritated, but the fact was he hated this computer system and had refused to spend the time to learn it properly. As soon as he did that, it would be changed to something else, so why bother?

“Show-off.” The second he turned to glare at her he knew it was a mistake, making him grit his teeth again. The fragrance he’d never been able to get out of his mind filled his senses and images of her in his arms hit him like a ton of bricks. The memories came over him hard and fast. The body wash she loved to use in the shower, her long hair slicked back from her pretty face, the water sluicing down her body, over the curves of her breasts and hips. Jeez, his thoughts were inappropriate. So much for being a professional.

His gaze dropped to her mouth, as lush and full as he remembered it. The smile on her face froze as she met his gaze full on. Her pupils dilated, and he knew she was thinking the same thing. Would there be anything, any spark between them again? Could there be? Then she straightened and took a step back.

“Yes. Well. There they are, Doctor. I’ve used this system a few times at other hospitals. Pretty simple once you get to know it.” She dropped her gaze and blew out a quick breath.

“I see.” Clearly, she was not unaffected by his presence and not as cool as she pretended to be. But that was not his problem.

Nothing Emily Hoover did was his problem. Ever again.